New DCM Just Shows Up Early at My Door

[NightOwl]

When did she arrive Tasha? What happened? I'm dying to know.

[Tasha]

She arrived at 5:30 on the dot. I'm sorry, I've had to spend the last few minutes after she left collecting myself because my heart is racing so fast.
She comes rushing in and before I even say anything, she blurts out, ''I've got to change my hours. This isn't working.'' I said, you're right. You owe me $39. I cannot believe you did this again today, and I cannot believe you did not even call. She asks if I am really going to charge her for that because it's clear she's rushing from work and can't make it by 5 every day! So she says that she is going to just change her hours to 6 pm! I tell her I have no intention of working until 6 each night and that she cannot just unilaterally decide what her hours are going to be, and just decide that it is A-OK for her to show up 30 minutes late (even though obviously it's not a financial hardship). I had put her DD on the couch and turned on the Disney Channel while she waited and DCM had the nerve to side-eye the TV! She handed me two $20s and said that she is going to go home and talk to her husband and try and figure out her hours. I told her that was fine because I just wanted her gone. There is nobody else here and I didn't want to term that loon with just us in the house. She seemed very hurried but she certainly wasn't upset like I was. And she never apologized.
And now I have got to calm down.

[childcaremom]

Big breath. :hug:

It clearly is not a good fit. She needs a daycare that is open longer than you are willing to be. And that is exactly the reason I would give her when/if you term. There is nothing wrong with her needing longer care, you just aren't the provider that is able to do that for her.

Thank goodness for trial periods!

[daycare]

years ago I had a family that signed with me because i was almost $120 cheaper than the center they were using. I THOUGHT I made it very clear to her that I would only be woking on contracted hours that we agreed to when they enrolled. Hints why we are that much cheaper.

Well day 1 she was 30 min late, I let it slide (mistake) day 2 she was 20 min late, $20. Every day it was something else either early or late and by the end of the week she had paid me more in late fees that she would have paid the center. She didn't make it to week 2.

I would leave things for now since you are so worked up, but I would type up an email on Sunday and tell her that either after much thought you realized you guys are not the right fit or you will give her another chance, but she will not be late or early one more time. If she is, you will term on the spot.

[Tasha]

years ago I had a family that signed with me because i was almost $120 cheaper than the center they were using. I THOUGHT I made it very clear to her that I would only be woking on contracted hours that we agreed to when they enrolled. Hints why we are that much cheaper.

Well day 1 she was 30 min late, I let it slide (mistake) day 2 she was 20 min late, $20. Every day it was something else either early or late and by the end of the week she had paid me more in late fees that she would have paid the center. She didn't make it to week 2.
I would leave things for now since you are so worked up, but I would type up an email on Sunday and tell her that either after much thought you realized you guys are not the right fit or you will give her another chance, but she will not be late or early one more time. If she is, you will term on the spot.

I am very embarrassed because I did start to get really worked up while she was here. So when I said I needed her to leave, I meant it. I could feel my voice begin to tighten, and I started to get shrill. I just became so exasperated because it was like we were talking past each other. She is just clueless, and I think she is very used to getting her own way.

[daycare]

I am very embarrassed because I did start to get really worked up while she was here. So when I said I needed her to leave, I meant it. I could feel my voice begin to tighten, and I started to get shrill. I just became so exasperated because it was like we were talking past each other. She is just clueless, and I think she is very used to getting her own way.

Aaahh don't fret about how you feel you're only human and if I were you I would probably be livid too.

Hopefully you will work this out by either terming or kickin her little butt in gear.

[Ariana]

I am very embarrassed because I did start to get really worked up while she was here. So when I said I needed her to leave, I meant it. I could feel my voice begin to tighten, and I started to get shrill. I just became so exasperated because it was like we were talking past each other. She is just clueless, and I think she is very used to getting her own way.

She is just used to being a bully. Big corporate women are like this, they are very masculine in their demeanor.

I always get embarrassed too because I usually turn red when I get angry. Not fun! It does get easier though. Whenever I confront a parent I am always very aware of my thoughts. Thoughts like "how dare she" or "oh no I am turning red" make everything way worse. YOU are in control here. She is not.

Are you open to having her pay each time she is late? Or are you open to charging her a premium daily rate whether she is late or not? Do you want to "work with her" in a way that also works for you? Maybe you can come up with a solution that works for both of you. Right now you are feeling like she doesn't respect you. Take that emotion out of it and what are you left with? This is YOUR business and you don't want to term so come up with a plan and present it to her. Don't wait for her to come to you with a plan.

I have had to renegotiate contracts a few weeks in many times to terms that work for both me and the parent.

[TheGlitterFactory]

I'm mostly a lurker here, but I have been following this thread since your first post and check back for updates. I have dealt with this type of mother before, because I was this mother a few years ago. I never thought anything was my fault -- being late or forgetting a doctor's appointment was always someone else's fault: work, traffic, brain farts, husband, etc. And I expected everyone to be understanding of my forgetfulness and lateness. Because I only truly cared about getting my way and not owing my sh*t. And the best part, if someone else was late or forgetful, I had zero understanding or sympathy (like when she gave you an attitude for having to wait when she showed up 1.5 hrs early).

I used to think "why is my daycare provider making such a big deal about 15 minutes?" "What's her problem?" And yes, I would have used my kids watching Disney to somehow justify my behavior: "Yes, I was early, then late and late again, but OMG can you believe the kids were watching television?" Because I honestly did not care about anyone else, but myself. This is hard to type, honestly. I was a self-consumed and self-centered nightmare. Thankfully, I realized what a total a**h*e I was being to everyone and decided to change. I think it was easier for me; because I was not that type of person my whole life, so I began to see a person I did not recognize or like.

I am typing all of this, because I see so much of old self in this woman. I am sure you already know this, but she is not going to change. She needs someone who never bends and never gives in. However, I cannot imagine that being a lot of fun for you and just not worth it. She will have some "thing" every other day. I just wanted to tell you that I think you are doing a good thing for her by sticking to your policies and terminating her. Hopefully, she will "get it" eventually

[Tasha]

I'm mostly a lurker here, but I have been following this thread since your first post and check back for updates. I have dealt with this type of mother before, because I was this mother a few years ago. I never thought anything was my fault -- being late or forgetting a doctor's appointment was always someone else's fault: work, traffic, brain farts, husband, etc. And I expected everyone to be understanding of my forgetfulness and lateness. Because I only truly cared about getting my way and not owing my sh*t. And the best part, if someone else was late or forgetful, I had zero understanding or sympathy (like when she gave you an attitude for having to wait when she showed up 1.5 hrs early).
I am typing all of this, because I see so much of old self in this woman. I am sure you already know this, but she is not going to change. She needs someone who never bends and never gives in. However, I cannot imagine that being a lot of fun for you and just not worth it. She will have some "thing" every other day. I just wanted to tell you that I think you are doing a good thing for her by sticking to your policies and terminating her. Hopefully, she will "get it" eventually

Wow, Ms. Glitter. Thank you for sharing this. I hate to say it, but you do describe her to a T. I completely agree that she is very, very high-maintenance, there will always be something that will drive me nuts, she will always want ''special,'' and that I am not the right provider for her.

[Tasha]

Aaahh don't fret about how you feel you're only human and if I were you I would probably be livid too.

Hopefully you will work this out by either terming or kickin her little butt in gear.

Thank you, Daycare. Everybody warned me to have my ducks in a row and have her termination papers ready for her this afternoon. I should have listened and now I am kicking myself.

[TheGlitterFactory]

Wow, Ms. Glitter. Thank you for sharing this. I hate to say it, but you do describe her to a T. I completely agree that she is very, very high-maintenance, there will always be something that will drive me nuts, she will always want ''special,'' and that I am not the right provider for her.

High-maintenance -- perfect description .

[MunchkinWrangler]

I would tell her that it just isn't a good fit. Plus, this is making you angry and that is a bad way to start a new relationship with a client. I don't blame you at all, I would be pretty ticked and wouldn't have been able to hold back when she showed up late without a phone call, I would have termed on the spot...don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya. I think you know what you have to do at this point for your sanity, this DCM clearly doesn't care and is going to try to walk all over you. Save yourself the strain and just term.

[NightOwl]

I once heard someone ask a psychiatrist to help them understand why they are always late. The psychiatrist said he could explain it but she wouldn't like the answer. She wanted to hear it anyway.

He said you're always late because you're selfish. Primping is more important, stopping by the store is more important, working a few minutes late is more important to you than anyone else's time. You think that what you need to do is more important than what anyone else needs to do. You think your time is more valuable. IT'S NOT. She had no reply.

This woman does not value you or your time. Cut her loose.

[Josiegirl]

After reading Glitter's input, I'm wondering if you were to sit this woman down, and have an honest open discussion with her so she could understand your side of it; do you think anything would change. Try to approach with a calm attitude, making her see the situation from your viewpoint. Maybe you could be the voice of reason for the selfish dcm who only sees her own importance.
I'm not sure *I* could or would do it but it's just a thought and another way to approach this, especially if terming isn't the best thing for you.
Glitter took a good look inside and saw how her attitude affected others and just possibly this dcm might too.
Kudos to you Glitter for being upfront, honest and making positive changes. That's not an easy thing to do.

[Blackcat31]

I dont think its right to make this mom out to be so "evil" !

Some people are just like that and it doesnt make her better or worse than the rest of us since we all have our issues and less than perfect qualities.

The issue I see is that Tasha and her program are simply not the right fit for her.

Tasha is like a pair of size 6 shoes and the mom needs a size 8. NOTHING wrong with a size 6 or a size 8 they just arent interchangeable.

The mom comes across as disrespectful (and she is) but from everything Tasha has posted it seems its not a personal action... Just how this mom is I guess.

I wouldn't give 3 seconds of my time trying to change her (shrinks get paid the big bucks and take years to successfully change people :.... I would just let her go.

Tasha's program isn't the right fit.