He Or She? Question For My Christian Friends

[MissAnn]

If a 4 year old girl wears only boys clothes and insist's on being called "he" would you do it?

I am not comfortable at all doing it and the mother is kinda back and forth about it.

Please don't flame me about what is pc.... I really am looking for a Christian perspective.

I can't imagine. I know this must be so hard on the parents. Of course the mom is back and forth....I would be too. I would be in much prayer for direction, that is for sure. I guess I would be as gender neutral as possible. I would develope a new language that doesn't use he or she. I would mess up a million times too. You and the mom can learn together how to deal with this situation. Maybe this is a phase....or maybe it's not. I would really encourage counseling and I would be very non judgemental (as it sounds like you already are).

It doesn't matter what our opinions are....what matters is the child. Please keep us informed....we can all learn from this.

[daycare]

my sister is one of these parents...She lives in Eugene Or, which is a much different place than I live. From what I grab from it, it is a very free loving place that loves and accepts all without judgement. Wish I could say that was how the whole world was, but its not. I live in CA, hollyweird, the land of the fruits and nuts... Some of the most judgmental people I have ever met.

Her son has long breads, loves to paint his nails, loves frilly things and so on. My sister says that he gets to make all of his own decisions and letting him do so makes him a strong leader. Which I do agree with, but not completely


But when my sister came here to CA, every where we went people stopped and gave funny looks. It didn't bother me, but I felt bad for my nephew.

My sister also home schools him, because kids make fun of him. Basically, all f the kids tease and make fun of him

Yes I agree that he should be comfortable with who he is, but as parents we are supposed to give guidance to our children, because their minds are not mature enough to make good decisions yet.

[MissAnn]

The child that the OP was asking about was NOT born with both "parts". and this is is what I was replying to. Yes it is not always black and white but the question that the OP has is................... If a 4 year old girl wears only boys clothes and insist's on being called "he" would you do it?

I would not! If she has a vagina she is a girl.............SORRY! GOD MADE YOU A GIRL!

You may dress as a boy, you may play with trucks, you may play with GI Joes and Power Rangers, I will buy you power tools as you get older, I will allow you to work on the truck with daddy etc, etc, etc......BUT God made you a girl & you are a GIRL and I will raise you as a girl because you have a vagina.

If I had my own child who was born with both male and female parts then depending on the extent of what they were given, I may have a different opinion.

Right now my opinion is this!!! Based on what our dear Lord gave you when you were born is how I am going to determine how I dress you.

Some parents these days are just really messed up and THEY are the ones who push/decide who/what their children are or how they should behave.

God help us all because this world is totally messed up![/B]

Sorry Daycare......I do believe I got you and Achelia mixed up on the quoting. Disregard my previous message about contradicting yourself. I should pay better attention!!!!!

[daycare]

Sorry Daycare......I do believe I got you and Achelia mixed up on the quoting. Disregard my previous message about contradicting yourself. I should pay better attention!!!!!

its all good...... its just a friendly debate where in the end we all can agree to disagree.........

[MsMe]

Theee are cases of adults who are transgender knowing they felt they were the opposite sex from ages as young as four. If the parents are ok with it (even part way) I would gladly except her into my progam. Chances are high it is just a phase and if so than mo harm done. If it isnt and she continues on with a transgender life the effects of people trying to force her to be a girl during her childhood could be very damaging.

[youretooloud]

trying to force her to be a girl during her childhood could be very damaging.

I agree with that, but, I don't think teachers should all have to call her "he", "him", "his", because I don't think that's forcing a gender on her.

I would be very upset if anyone told my child "That's for girls" or "That's for boys" or "You are a girl, you can't have this".

A girl goes into a girls bathroom, or locker room until she has made an actual change in her body as an adult. A boy goes into a boy's bathroom.

Lands End used to sell gender neutral clothes when my kids were little. My youngest would only wear those to school. She looked incredibly adorable in that. But, in the summer, she wore a girl's bathing suit. I draw the line in some places. She's an adult now, no gender issues, likes only boys, but prefers modest clothing. Not the same things I would wear, not the things her sister wears, but on her it looks great.

[Heidi]

I can't imagine. I know this must be so hard on the parents. Of course the mom is back and forth....I would be too. I would be in much prayer for direction, that is for sure. I guess I would be as gender neutral as possible. I would develope a new language that doesn't use he or she. I would mess up a million times too. You and the mom can learn together how to deal with this situation. Maybe this is a phase....or maybe it's not. I would really encourage counseling and I would be very non judgemental (as it sounds like you already are).

It doesn't matter what our opinions are....what matters is the child. Please keep us informed....we can all learn from this.

[Annalee]

If a 4 year old girl wears only boys clothes and insist's on being called "he" would you do it?

I am not comfortable at all doing it and the mother is kinda back and forth about it.

Please don't flame me about what is pc.... I really am looking for a Christian perspective.

I have mixed emotions on this issue. A few years ago, I also had a four yr old boy in my care whom the parents insisted on calling by a girl's name. They would say his first name but placed the girls name with it. I felt the parent's had the problem, not the child. It concerned me that the parents, more or less, brainwashed the child which I considered to be unhealthy. While I do have my own religious preferences, that was not my main concern at this time. It was the child! The little boy's ability to be a boy was hindered due to his parents treating him like a girl from birth. If I had it to do over, I would have had a conference with the parents and possibly professional counseling. Hindsight is 20/20, but I still think about that child! His path was chosen for him. I don't feel he had the chance to be a "boy". They wanted a girl, I assume, so they made one! Sad....

[laundrymom]

I'd call her by her name, or sweets, kiddo, little monkey, any other name I call my daykids. Good luck, I think the honest answer is, there is no one answer. Each day , each moment, is a decision you must make. Do it with your heart and you'll be fine, so will little sweetie.

[ritah]

My 2 cents...

My primary concern would be for the other children in my care. If this was the only child I took care of, I would be fine with calling them whatever the parents decided was appropriate. If not, I would have to say no. It would be extremely confusing for the other children and open the door for questions and conversations that are best handled by each child's parents based on their own belief systems and parenting choices.

[daycare]

My 2 cents...

My primary concern would be for the other children in my care. If this was the only child I took care of, I would be fine with calling them whatever the parents decided was appropriate. If not, I would have to say no. It would be extremely confusing for the other children and open the door for questions and conversations that are best handled by each child's parents based on their own belief systems and parenting choices.

very good point and very true...... I know that I could not cater to this if it had to be an issue at daycare.

[JenNJ]

I haven't read the other responses, but here is my take.

1) You need to have a sit down with the parents. They need to go to family therapy and the child needs to go alone to someone who specializes in this sort of situation. You need to tell them this. Let a professional guide the parents and you to the best situation for the child.

2) After they have done that, sit down again and go over what the professional feels is best for the child. Decide if you can handle this situation or not. If not, cut ties with the family so they can get their child into a place where she will be accepted for who she is on the inside and out.

3) Your religion plays no part in what to do here. You can do as the parents decide or not care for her. You are not her parent and do not get to make that choice.

Good luck with your decision.

[Unregistered]

I haven't read the other responses, but here is my take.

1) You need to have a sit down with the parents. They need to go to family therapy and the child needs to go alone to someone who specializes in this sort of situation. You need to tell them this. Let a professional guide the parents and you to the best situation for the child.

2) After they have done that, sit down again and go over what the professional feels is best for the child. Decide if you can handle this situation or not. If not, cut ties with the family so they can get their child into a place where she will be accepted for who she is on the inside and out.

3) Your religion plays no part in what to do here. You can do as the parents decide or not care for her. You are not her parent and do not get to make that choice.

Good luck with your decision.

Exactly.

You need to talk to the parents about what they think is right for their child. If you are not comfortable with their parenting then terminate but this isn't your choice and your opinion doesn't matter.

[spud912]

My dck's are so mixed up anyway. I call everyone someone else's name (even boy and girl names get mixed up). Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind ::.

OP - I would refer to her whichever way I felt was most appropriate and let the parents decide what to call her. If she threw a fit about what someone called her while in daycare (as long as it was appropriate and not demeaning), then I would react the same way I always do when a child overreacts or throws a fit. I would tell her "Stop being silly and settle down. There is nothing wrong with what little Johnny called you." Then I would ignore any further whining/temper tantrums.

[magsgma]

This is in reply to the OP and the question as whether I would call a girl a HE. I would not contribute to gender confusion. And I would not conform to the world's new age verbage and a made up word... I Am a Christian however this is biology plain and simple... I would NOT refer to her as he and would not encourage anyone else to either If I were to enroll the child I would not worry about what clothes the child wore, Unless I already had a dress code in place. If a child wanted to wear a Princess dress or a Batman costume - as long as they can use the bathroom without too much help. I do not allow overalls for this reason (unless they can fasten by themselves) and I ask that infants do not wear sleepers with too many snaps or buttons. This is a request that I make, it is in my policies That is my opinion on the clothing... . As for her choices of what she wore or chose to play this is where I would respect her choices but for her request for me (basically) to lie and refer to her as he when she was born a female, that is where I would made the adult decision to state the facts... She does not get the choice to be called what she isn't. I would not call a child a dog when they are born a human. This is no different. She IS what she IS a female.