He Or She? Question For My Christian Friends

[countrymom]

I wonder if she is regressing from having a twin. Maybe she wants to be different and the parents treat her like her twin.

[Michelle]

Maybe that's why she's doing it? Maybe she doesn't *want* that kind of attention? Whether it's a mere annoyance to her for everyone to ooooh and aawweeee over her (social anxiety? maybe she has a hard time with the attention?) or a flat out rejection of femininity because she wants to differentiate herself from her twin....as soon as you said twin I went aaaaahhhh, ok, there could be something with that for sure. If so it's obviously working for her.


Further and less likely but I wanted to mention it now that you took her on and obviously are set to look out for her - I took a training once for my foster care license that discussed things like gender dysphoria (intentional rather than the result of confusion) in regards to a child being abused. A female child perpetuating male behaviors/stereotypes in an attempt to ward off unwanted advances from those interested in "pretty little girls."

Extremely unpleasant to contemplate but it does happen. I had one in my care once. She had to be taught that brushing the knots out of her hair, wearing something other than a mans size XL shirt and smelling like something other than her pee or poop wasn't an invitation for her to get hurt.


I'm sure after awhile you'll sort out whether the issue is a benign or more serious one.

In the meantime if you were interested I don't think it would hurt to help her find some ways to boost her confidence and help her feel more like an individual. Sort out what her strengths are, help her find her niche....is it painting, drawing, building, imaginative play, being your helper, singing or dancing...once you sort it out play it up. If it's just a phase it'll pass a lot faster if she sees she can get attention for behaving in other ways. If it's not it'll at least help build your bond which could be important to helping her overcome whatever is the real root cause of what's going on.

I think you got it exactly... as far as wanting to be different than her twin. Even her mom said that she thinks this is what is happening.
She is definitely talked over by her sister and just "exists" I am trying to bring her out.
This morning I asked each of them what their favorite ride at Disneyland is and The girly twin talked on and on and then the other one opened her mouth to talk and then her sister said. he likes the buzz light year ride.Then she wouldn't let her talk at all.
So, i am definitely going to work on this.
Having her be my helper etc. is excellent advice.

[SunshineMama]

I have read through a few of the other responses and wanted to offer my opinion as well.

As a Christian, I do believe that God made everyone the way that was supposed to be. That includes body, AND mind. We do not know why people are born the way that they are born, but it is not our job to judge them.

If you are uncomfortable calling an anatomically correct female a "he," then just use the child's name. You do not know if the child is going through a stage or if their brain is physiologically wired to feel male. There are many LGBT individuals who have always known they were different since childhood. How sad would it be if this child were to feel mistreated because of how they were born.

As Chrisstians, it isn't our job to judge or condone. It is our job to provide the best loving care possible to these children who rely on us. Call the child by their name and leave it at that. Ultimately, it is up to the child's family how they want to proceed. Just make sure that each and every child always feels welcomed and loved and special

[Michelle]

Maybe that's why she's doing it? Maybe she doesn't *want* that kind of attention? Whether it's a mere annoyance to her for everyone to ooooh and aawweeee over her (social anxiety? maybe she has a hard time with the attention?) or a flat out rejection of femininity because she wants to differentiate herself from her twin....as soon as you said twin I went aaaaahhhh, ok, there could be something with that for sure. If so it's obviously working for her.


Further and less likely but I wanted to mention it now that you took her on and obviously are set to look out for her - I took a training once for my foster care license that discussed things like gender dysphoria (intentional rather than the result of confusion) in regards to a child being abused. A female child perpetuating male behaviors/stereotypes in an attempt to ward off unwanted advances from those interested in "pretty little girls."

Extremely unpleasant to contemplate but it does happen. I had one in my care once. She had to be taught that brushing the knots out of her hair, wearing something other than a mans size XL shirt and smelling like something other than her pee or poop wasn't an invitation for her to get hurt.


I'm sure after awhile you'll sort out whether the issue is a benign or more serious one.

In the meantime if you were interested I don't think it would hurt to help her find some ways to boost her confidence and help her feel more like an individual. Sort out what her strengths are, help her find her niche....is it painting, drawing, building, imaginative play, being your helper, singing or dancing...once you sort it out play it up. If it's just a phase it'll pass a lot faster if she sees she can get attention for behaving in other ways. If it's not it'll at least help build your bond which could be important to helping her overcome whatever is the real root cause of what's going on.

wow! that is so sad about the abuse and that poor child.
I have heard that some women that are victims of rape or molestation gain a lot of weight to avoid being hurt again. Most of the time subconsciously.

[countrymom]

I think you got it exactly... as far as wanting to be different than her twin. Even her mom said that she thinks this is what is happening.
She is definitely talked over by her sister and just "exists" I am trying to bring her out.
This morning I asked each of them what their favorite ride at Disneyland is and The girly twin talked on and on and then the other one opened her mouth to talk and then her sister said. he likes the buzz light year ride.Then she wouldn't let her talk at all.
So, i am definitely going to work on this.
Having her be my helper etc. is excellent advice.

this may sound stupid, but do you think the girly twin is brain washing the other twin, like telling her that she is a boy, and stuff.

[Michelle]

this may sound stupid, but do you think the girly twin is brain washing the other twin, like telling her that she is a boy, and stuff.

I don't know ... today is the first day, but I will definitely be watching out for that! Both girls are beautiful and have a wonderful personality. I am trying to bring out the best in both of them.
Good observation!

[Michelle]

That IS sad. I thought ECE teachers (especially HS) aren't suppose to "assign" labels like that to a child. Just because they are BOTH beautiful, shouldn't mean only one of them gets attention for it. They should be saying how wonderful it is that BOTH children are there!

I would probably mention that to the kids' mom as that is kind of rude in general. Acknowledge BOTH children and not with labels that are physical. I mean we surely wouldn't say "Oh look the ugly kid is here!" ....which is what the other child probably heard in unspoken words.

I know, I was very shocked!
Someone with just a high school psychology class knows not to do that!
I will definitely talk to the mom if I see this again.

[familyschoolcare]

Maybe God knew (ok his always does) what he was doing when he brought thise grils to you. I think the whole s/he thing with the one child is a complex issue and there is almost no way to know what the issue realy is. I will keep this in my prayers. regurdless to what the "issue" is a confiendnce boast could not hurt.

[itlw8]

My Christion perspective ??? Christ said to accept everyone. Did he not accept thee thief and the prostitute. Where does it say to exclude people anywhere in the bible.

So To me this has Nothing to do with being a Christion... I refer to all children by their name The one they go by even if it is Bunny. or sissy


MY Mom is known by Johnny somehow I never thought as it being a guys name.

Now I doubt I would call her a boy but I would not make a big deal about it either.

[Blackcat31]

MY Mom is known by Johnny somehow I never thought as it being a guys name.

Now I doubt I would call her a boy but I would not make a big deal about it either.

My DD's name is Ryan. Yep...spelled just like a boy but she is far from it.

Now days...names are so odd and unsual that I think anything goes. My brother's name is Cody but we always called him "Beezer"...he still goes by that name and he is in his mid 30ies.

[MissAnn]

I think you got it exactly... as far as wanting to be different than her twin. Even her mom said that she thinks this is what is happening.
She is definitely talked over by her sister and just "exists" I am trying to bring her out.
This morning I asked each of them what their favorite ride at Disneyland is and The girly twin talked on and on and then the other one opened her mouth to talk and then her sister said. he likes the buzz light year ride.Then she wouldn't let her talk at all.
So, i am definitely going to work on this.
Having her be my helper etc. is excellent advice.

I have a twin sister. I also have 5 other sisters and two brothers. I have heard it said before that kids will take on a role that is not yet taken in a family. For instance...since my twin got all A's.....I took on a different role and got OK grades but certainly not all A's. She was studios and quiet while I am more social and loud mouthed :-( Not sure if this could play a part in it or not...but if her twin is ultra girly.....she might have subconciously felt she could not compete and took on an opposite role. Not that I know what I'm talking about...just rambling.....

[daycare]

I have a twin sister. I also have 5 other sisters and two brothers. I have heard it said before that kids will take on a role that is not yet taken in a family. For instance...since my twin got all A's.....I took on a different role and got OK grades but certainly not all A's. She was studios and quiet while I am more social and loud mouthed :-( Not sure if this could play a part in it or not...but if her twin is ultra girly.....she might have subconciously felt she could not compete and took on an opposite role. Not that I know what I'm talking about...just rambling.....

I hear all kinds of stuff...I have MANY members in my family and its on both sides..my mom and my dad.

The only thing that I have found to be common is that out of all 9 gay members of my family, all of them but two are the last born child.

My sister is (however once married to a man) and she is older
and my dads younger brother is, but not the youngest of his siblings. the rest are last born children in the family