He Or She? Question For My Christian Friends

[Michelle]

If a 4 year old girl wears only boys clothes and insist's on being called "he" would you do it?

I am not comfortable at all doing it and the mother is kinda back and forth about it.

Please don't flame me about what is pc.... I really am looking for a Christian perspective.

[Country Kids]

I would say she as she was born a girl, is a girl, has the body parts of a girl. She is a girl no matter how you dice it.

I wouldn't even start the other as it will just confuse the children you watch and make them possibly wonder why she wants to be he. You may also have other parents upset if their girls want to start being called he's. The boys also will be confused as they know they are boys and will want to know why a girl is a boy.

To young to start all this!

[kathiemarie]

Could you just call her/him by name? This is a hard one.

[Michelle]

Could you just call her/him by name? This is a hard one.

yes, but from what I understand...(I haven't started care yet)the child gets really upset if someone slips and says "she"
I am not going to walk on egg shells for a 4 year old or for anyone and I agree, she was born a she has the girl parts and God did not make any mistakes.

[countrymom]

who's teaching this child and buying this child clothes. Once you find the root of the problem then you can go from there. I would ask her why she thinks she is a boy. Also, I would call her by her name. I'm wondering if she thinks that if she does boy things then she is a boy. Maybe like a tomboy.

[countrymom]

last year there was a girl on the soccer team that I coached and she was 4. Well her mom told me that they call her "bunny" even thou she does have a name. I flatly refused to call this girl "bunny" I'm sorry, but thats a private nickname, not a name that I want to be shouting out on the soccer field. The worst part was that she didn't even know her name, I didn't care, she had a name and I used it.

[daycare]

I am not coming from a religious standpoint on this, but I would not entertain this at all. If the child gets upset because something is not being done their way, well then too bad. When this child moves on in life, they will not get to decide if their teacher will call them he or she and I don't think it's right that a parent should ask you to entertain it either.


If the child throws a fit about it, let them. While I want to validate each and every persons feelings, I would not start off a relationship with a four year old child telling me you will do this or that because I will get upset at you if you don't.

Gosh, I sound harsh...

or you can go with the new uni-sex term ZEE...its not he or she..

[youretooloud]

I would respect the child's choices at this age. BUT, I would tell her that I will not try to remember to say "he". I will say "she", and she will just have to learn to ignore it.

I wouldn't mind at all if she wore boy's clothes. I wouldn't mind at all that she wishes she were a boy, or identifies with boys more than girls.

(I had a child who looked like a boy, but was actually a girl, so I don't assume anything anymore...she just looked like a boy who was not "gifted" if you know what I mean, but when they wanted to find her undescended testicles, it turned out she had ovaries, not testicles)

I respect gender issues, and try to be as sensitive as possible. But, I will not call girl a boy, or a boy a girl. It's too hard to remember, and it's too hard for the other kids to remember. I WOULD try to use the child's name as often as possible though.

[Kaddidle Care]

If a 4 year old girl wears only boys clothes and insist's on being called "he" would you do it?

I am not comfortable at all doing it and the mother is kinda back and forth about it.
Please don't flame me about what is pc.... I really am looking for a Christian perspective.

Let the mother deal with it.

[EchoMom]

yes, but from what I understand...(I haven't started care yet)the child gets really upset if someone slips and says "she"
I am not going to walk on egg shells for a 4 year old or for anyone and I agree, she was born a she has the girl parts and God did not make any mistakes.

I agree God does not make any mistakes, but because of our fallen state there are mistakes all over. Our bodies are broken and damaged and are not what God intended and not how they will remain in heaven. God is grieved as well by our fallen state and this is why He's made his plan to redeem and make everything right again under His leadership once again.

So, as a Christian, I am not totally sure that I can say that being transgendered isn't a real thing. It truly can be a problem of the brain and not the body parts and I believe that is possible. I don't know what God has to say about transgender. I am conservative though and don't believe that we are supposed to act on homosexuality, (agreed, please don't blast me about this being PC or not). We can be depressed, bi-polar, OCD, etc etc. I don't think God is the one who made us that way, our brains are messed up so isn't it possible that yes, in our development the gender/brain assignment didn't turn out right?

However, when it comes to this kid, I agree it is WAY too young to be encouraging the child in that direction. I think it's totally unfair when a more feminine boy gets pegged as "gay" when really maybe he's just more sensitive. Or liking fashion doesnt' have to equate to sexual desire toward the same sex, but that's pretty much how our culture links it and puts people in a box.

The point is, this child COULD feel like they are a boy in a girls body, but it's too soon to know and definitely shouldn't be encouraged. It could just be a phase. Also, no 4 year old, no matter what their demand, should get to call the shots. Your house, you're the adult, and they have to be respectful. I woiuld not call one of my kids a gorilla either if they insisted, and I sure wouldn't call them Honey Boo Boo! :P

[youretooloud]

I agree God does not make any mistakes, but because of our fallen state there are mistakes all over. Our bodies are broken and damaged and are not what God intended and not how they will remain in heaven. God is grieved as well by our fallen state and this is why He's made his plan to redeem and make everything right again under His leadership once again.

So, as a Christian, I am not totally sure that I can say that being transgendered isn't a real thing. It truly can be a problem of the brain and not the body parts and I believe that is possible. I don't know what God has to say about transgender. I am conservative though and don't believe that we are supposed to act on homosexuality, (agreed, please don't blast me about this being PC or not). We can be depressed, bi-polar, OCD, etc etc. I don't think God is the one who made us that way, our brains are messed up so isn't it possible that yes, in our development the gender/brain assignment didn't turn out right?

However, when it comes to this kid, I agree it is WAY too young to be encouraging the child in that direction. I think it's totally unfair when a more feminine boy gets pegged as "gay" when really maybe he's just more sensitive. Or liking fashion doesnt' have to equate to sexual desire toward the same sex, but that's pretty much how our culture links it and puts people in a box.

The point is, this child COULD feel like they are a boy in a girls body, but it's too soon to know and definitely shouldn't be encouraged. It could just be a phase. Also, no 4 year old, no matter what their demand, should get to call the shots. Your house, you're the adult, and they have to be respectful. I woiuld not call one of my kids a gorilla either if they insisted, and I sure wouldn't call them Honey Boo Boo! :P

Very beautifully said. Thank you for such a lovely and thoughtful post.

[youretooloud]

And.. true story about me.

I thought I was a boy for YEARS. I still remember being positive I was a boy.

I think it was because I was a very skinny kid with a big round snoopy belly and a HUGE outie belly button. So, I thought I was a boy. The outie belly button was the only thing I could see.

I wore my brother's old clothes. I played with my brother's toys, and I LOVED PF flyers boy's shoes.

But, I also adored dolls and stuffed toys and my pretend broom and dust pan. I didn't really have any actual boy tendencies, just an older brother, parents with no money to buy me new clothes, and no girl neighbors.

[sharlan]

I would allow her clothing to be between her and her mom. As for referring to her as a "she", I would just call her by name and not make an issue of it.
It's up to her and her family to decide her sexuality and really isn't anyone else's business. There is no way that I would even discuss it with the child.


My best friend through grade school and high school was "different". She only wore boys clothes. It was really hard in grade school when we were only allowed to wear dresses, no pants or shorts. She always wore pants under her dresses. This was from 1st grade on.

Her name was Rona, but went by Ronnie when she was old enough to have a say.

She was always "different" than all the other girls. She never developed like the rest of us. By jr hi, people meeting her didn't know she was a girl. In hi school, the teachers allowed her to dress seperately from the rest of the pe class. (Remember dressing and showering in pe.)

By the end of hi school, she was openly gay. The last I heard from her was about 30 years ago, she had had a sex change, was now legally male, and was happily married.

I never felt that it was my right to judge her choices in life.

[Hunni Bee]

From my personal, Christian viewpoint, I wouldn't participate in this.

Clothes are clothes, I wear men's clothing sometimes and I wore boys clothes very often as a child, because I was my moms first girl and she didn't know how to dress me . So I wouldn't care about that.

But, the whole referring to her as he or him wouldn't fly with me. God made.her a girl and she's a girl. At four, you dont start changing your gender, I'm sorry. She still has her whole life to decide that. I know the mom doesn't want her to be upset, but as with other issues we discuss on here, its called parenting.

Now as a provider, and of course this s NOT something you would want to decline a family over, I probably could make this work....Id just think of the child as a boy from day one. Of course you'd be always either consoling this child because one of the dcks called her a girl or trying to make sure they never found out she's a girl.

Boy, that's a doozy.

[Blackcat31]

I don't think this is an issue of a child getting his or her way or being controlling. I think there are many cases of people who were born female but always felt in their heart of hearts that they were male and vice versa.

However with that being said, I would talk with the parents and decide from THEIR standpoint what you should do. If they want their female born child raised as a male, then you have to respect that (if you do enroll this child).

If they are adamantly against the child being referred to as a male then THEY need to discuss this with their child and explain that Miss Michelle is going to call her a she/her when talking to and about her.

This is their issue/choice and shouldn't be left to you to decide or to figure out.