He Or She? Question For My Christian Friends

[sharlan]

last year there was a girl on the soccer team that I coached and she was 4. Well her mom told me that they call her "bunny" even thou she does have a name. I flatly refused to call this girl "bunny" I'm sorry, but thats a private nickname, not a name that I want to be shouting out on the soccer field. The worst part was that she didn't even know her name, I didn't care, she had a name and I used it.

What right did you have to do that? The parents have the right to decide what their child is called, not other people. I'm not sure why you would find "Bunny" an offensive nick name.

Here, when the girls play softball, the coaches are not allowed to call them by their names on the field. The girls choose a nick name and that is what is on the team banner.

[Countrygal]

How long has this been going on? My kids all went through a "stage" where they wanted to be the opposite of what they were. I just kept telling them that God made them perfect just the way they are. I'd explain that sometimes it's fun to "pretend", but that they needed to know that God doesn't make any mistakes and that they are lovely , in this case, girls. I would also maybe, if you have time, try to do some "girly" things with her. Most kids this age love to paint their fingernails, or have their hair done up, or help cook(of course, my boys love cooking, too!), but just some one-on-one time being a girl.

I guess I would lean toward that somehow she wants to be someone else, probably because she feels who she is is inferior. Just a long shot, but that would be my guess.

It could just be a 4yo phase of learning more about her body and sex.

Bottom line, I'd do like I said above - but I'm surely no expert.

[familyschoolcare]

I would not call the child a he or a boy at all.

I think that children have a hard enougph time figuring out there gender role in life.

[SilverSabre25]

Religion aside, ask the parents how they want to handle it. Either they are on board with raising their child with the gender identity the child chooses, or they are not. They need to make a choice, and they need to stick with it, and yo need to follow that choice.

[MissAnn]

I might be flamed for this one.....and I am a Christian.

I have a nephew who is now 19 years old. When he was born had both male and female parts. A decision had to be made....they went with male. He has taken hormones since puberty so that he will appear to be male. He is not fertile.

In utero hormones change the sex parts into male or female. I may not be saying this totally correct....it's been a long time. You get either ovaries or testicles.....a clitoris or a penis. Apparently something went awry. He has a micro penis they could not find in the beginning (bigger now with hormones). He also had what appeared to be ovaries.

Also...I know some people are born in the "wrong" bodies. Their body may be anatomically male but they know they are female. People who are this way have known from a very young age that they are in the "wrong" body. Many commit suicide or go through deep depressions.

I would go along with what the parents say but also encourage counseling. I would not be judgmental.

Good luck....confusing and difficult position to be in.

[familyschoolcare]

I would not call the child a he or a boy at all.

I think that children have a hard enougph time figuring out there gender role in life.

[Live and Learn]

I might be flamed for this one.....and I am a Christian.

I have a nephew who is now 19 years old. When he was born had both male and female parts. A decision had to be made....they went with male. He has taken hormones since puberty so that he will appear to be male. He is not fertile.

In utero hormones change the sex parts into male or female. I may not be saying this totally correct....it's been a long time. You get either ovaries or testicles.....a clitoris or a penis. Apparently something went awry. He has a micro penis they could not find in the beginning (bigger now with hormones). He also had what appeared to be ovaries.

Also...I know some people are born in the "wrong" bodies. Their body may be anatomically male but they know they are female. People who are this way have known from a very young age that they are in the "wrong" body. Many commit suicide or go through deep depressions.

I would go along with what the parents say but also encourage counseling. I would not be judgmental.

Good luck....confusing and difficult position to be in.

Thank you for your thoughtful post and for sharing your own personal experiences. I doubt many of us on the boards have been touched by this issue as closely as you have.

I would just like to add that some parents are just plain wack-a-doodles and I would not refer to her as a him without a doctor's note.

[Willow]

Matthew 7:1
“Judge not, that you be not judged.

John 8:7
And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.”

Romans 14:1-4
As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand.

Romans 2:11
For God shows no partiality.

Luke 6:42
How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother's eye.






This if for no one but God Himself to judge.


If you cannot be accepting and compassionate towards this child, offering her what she needs to feel right and happy with herself, then I would not contract for care with the family.


This is hardly some form of evil. Likely just a phase. If it's not I would refuse to have any hand in making things worse by trying to force another human being to be something they don't feel they are.

[Willow]

We can be depressed, bi-polar, OCD, etc etc. I don't think God is the one who made us that way, our brains are messed up so isn't it possible that yes, in our development the gender/brain assignment didn't turn out right?

Somehow we've become a society that takes pity on mothers suffering from postpartum depression who have delusions of killing their children, and we set up government/tax payer funded group homes in support of schizophrenic men who become paranoid the world is out to get them, but we think a child confused about their gender is the devil incarnate who's notions need to be excused as ridiculous and then repressed to the gills.


As if a child should know better than a grown man or woman and deserves no support or respect for how they experience things in their own heads.....

[makap]

If a 4 year old girl wears only boys clothes and insist's on being called "he" would you do it?

I am not comfortable at all doing it and the mother is kinda back and forth about it.

Please don't flame me about what is pc.... I really am looking for a Christian perspective.

I may get flamed for this.... but oh well!

If God gave you a penis, you are a BOY. If God gave you a vagina you are a girl! PERIOD!!! & I will raise you as such. (as determined by my God)

Society has gotten so messed up!

This is my Christian opinion!

[daycare]

I may get flamed for this.... but oh well!

If God gave you a penis, you are a BOY. If God gave you a vagina you are a girl! PERIOD!!! & I will raise you as such. (as determined by my God)

Society has gotten so messed up!

This is my Christian opinion!

I agree with this 100% god made you who you are...I don't care if you are gay or straight, but if he made you male, be that....

Back to what I have read and others are saying, I would make this a non-issue at daycare and would let the parents deal with it.

[MissAnn]

I may get flamed for this.... but oh well!

If God gave you a penis, you are a BOY. If God gave you a vagina you are a girl! PERIOD & I will raise you as such.

Society has gotten so messed up!

This is my Christian opinion!

And if God gave you both male and female parts....then what are you? I'm sorry but sometimes it's not black and white.

[daycare]

And if God gave you both male and female parts....then what are you? I'm sorry but sometimes it's not black and white.

then you are what you decide to be....and honestly how often does that occur??????


Of course there is an exception to every rule right? But in the end a decision is made by the childs parent while growing up and then when the child becomes and adult will decide for themselves what they want to be.....

[MissAnn]

then you are what you decide to be....and honestly how often does that occur??????


Of course there is an exception to every rule right? But in the end a decision is made by the childs parent while growing up and then when the child becomes and adult will decide for themselves what they want to be.....

I believe you just contradicted yourself. See....it really is a confusing issue and not black and white.

[makap]

And if God gave you both male and female parts....then what are you? I'm sorry but sometimes it's not black and white.

The child that the OP was asking about was NOT born with both "parts". and this is is what I was replying to. Yes it is not always black and white but the question that the OP has is................... If a 4 year old girl wears only boys clothes and insist's on being called "he" would you do it?

I would not! If she has a vagina she is a girl.............SORRY! GOD MADE YOU A GIRL!

You may dress as a boy, you may play with trucks, you may play with GI Joes and Power Rangers, I will buy you power tools as you get older, I will allow you to work on the truck with daddy etc, etc, etc......BUT God made you a girl & you are a GIRL and I will raise you as a girl because you have a vagina.

If I had my own child who was born with both male and female parts then depending on the extent of what they were given, I may have a different opinion.

Right now my opinion is this!!! Based on what our dear Lord gave you when you were born is how I am going to determine how I dress you.

Some parents these days are just really messed up and THEY are the ones who push/decide who/what their children are or how they should behave.

God help us all because this world is totally messed up![/B]