Some People Can Be So Judgmental...

[Blackcat31]

Careful. I'm taking numbers.

Hold on a sec,.....I gotta get my popcorn

[cheerfuldom]

I think some people mistake being judgmental or mean as not agreeing with them. Or they are too close to the issue to see that people really are trying to help. One time I posted and I felt a little attacked and just dropped the topic. then a few months later, I ran into the thread, re-read and could easily see that the posts were not bad intending at all. I guess I was just being oversensitive in the heat of the moment. that happens sometimes too.

[GotKids]

Years ago in CA a few providers I knew would do "daycare" for each others kids. They would swap kids during business hours so their child and themselves could get a break. It is easy to forget that even though a childcare provider works at home it is still work and balancing that with full time Mommy can wear you out.

The swap provided the time the parents needed away from their children so when they returned they could be mommy to them and their teacher. It also helped them them adjust to for school without mom solving all their problems or them having rules and privileges that no one else had.

Every situation is different and to expect what works for one family to be the end all answer for everyone is very narrow minding. I say if putting your child in daycare is what you feel is right then how can a group of strangers know more more about your family and their needs than you do?

[countrymom]

well, I put my dd in daycare long ago so she can play with other kids, and when I had my ydd I put her in the gym daycare because she was so clingy I couldn't fix the problem.

as for rude members, I'm going to read your thread but I already know which ones they are, ignore them.

[Ariana]

Yeah I do agree with the others! It's the internet so don't take things too personally. We all judge others and people who say they don't are probably liars....or I'm judging them as liars :P

You gotta take the good with the bad and people are going to give their "real" opinions on an anonymous forum so you have to prepare for it!!

[dEHmom]

Ok, I can't stand it anymore! For just a few short months now, I have been a member of this forum. In this time, I have noticed that there are some very critical people on here.

I don't understand why a mother is criticized because she would prefer to work outside the home rather than stay home with her children. If she wants to work, more power to her. If mothers didn't work, we all would be out of business. As long as she is putting careful thought into who she leaves her kids with, then there is nothing wrong and it doesn't mean that she doesn't care about her children.

Recently I posted about putting my toddler in daycare and some of the comments I received were very offensive. I was told that I need to get my priorities straight, that I am saying that he needs a break but I'm the one that needs the break. Where is the rule that says if you are a sahm that you must never let your child out of site because if you do, you are a bad mother?

If I do feel that I want/need a break, I am entitled to one. Mothers are on call 24/7. I do think that our children need a break from their parents. They are around us all the time and I think as they grow older, they can tire of us. I may be the only one that feels this way and I am perfectly ok with that.

My children are apart of my life, they are not my life. They come into my life so that I can train them up and release out into the world as assets. I have more than one purpose in life. Being a mother does not mean that my life must stop because I have children. I am extremely grateful for them and I count it a blessing to have them as there are many people in the world that would love to have a child but can't. It is just sad that mothers put other mothers down because they want to work or put their children in daycare.

I have much more to say but I will keep it to myself. I don't want to be labeled any further...

I agree with what you are saying. I have always said the same things, and I battle with some family members and my DH because they figure we get to stay home, and can sit down all day if we want, and don't understand that we are on call 24/7.

I just started a new family. The mom phoned me and said her dad passed away in the summer, and he used to take her 2 girls 2 or 3 days a week, and she hasn't had a break from them since. So she decided to put them in daycare.

At first I thought, Wow, you sound like a great mom, but then I find out more info. The parents are self employed, work from home, and she needs to get the paperwork (book keeping), errands, etc done. Plus she schedules dr. appts on those days the kids are away as well. But honestly, it wouldn't matter to me if she was using this time to have an affair with the milk man.


Anyways, she emailed last night asking if it would be ok to drop off 15 mins early and I emailed back saying no problem for today, but not normally (because I have to drive kids to school and don't have proper seats, but today I don' thave to.). I asked her if she was happy with things so far, any q's or concerns? and she emailed back saying she's so happy and glad to hear (she read the email to her husband and they looked at each other like what are we doing wrong?) because they feel like their kids are holy terrors at home. So I know she was close to a burnout.


Sorry that was so long. I just wanted to share, that it doesn't matter what the reasons are for putting a child in daycare. No matter what you need a break from your kids, so you can enjoy the time you do have with them. Even as a SAHM doing daycare, your attention isn't 100% on your own kid. Plus they have distractions with friends, crafts, and other fun times. I am lucky because we have such a large family, someones usually taking my kids for a sleepover on the weekends. Not every weekend, don't get me wrong, but about once a month.

Also, sometimes peoples comments come off with the wrong tone on here. Often that is a problem with the written word verses the spoken word.

AND....you should check out the thread about the forum cycle because we were in it this past week

[hoopinglady]

Every situation is different and to expect what works for one family to be the end all answer for everyone is very narrow minding. I say if putting your child in daycare is what you feel is right then how can a group of strangers know more more about your family and their needs than you do?

This.

It would have never occurred to me to put my own children in daycare. It did make me say "hmm, that's strange". It would not occur to me, either, to judge or insult your decision.

That, however, is the very nature of places like this. If you are really looking for opinions then you should keep an open mind and take it all in...with a grain of salt if needed.

Otherwise, just let it go. If you are secure in your decision, it shouldn't matter what others say and if you get defensive over judgmental comments, maybe you should give your decision some more thought? Maybe you're having doubts?

I was glad that is was posted, actually. It was interesting to me from both sides.

Either way, good luck.

[Unregistered]

Ok, I can't stand it anymore! For just a few short months now, I have been a member of this forum. In this time, I have noticed that there are some very critical people on here.

I don't understand why a mother is criticized because she would prefer to work outside the home rather than stay home with her children. If she wants to work, more power to her. If mothers didn't work, we all would be out of business. As long as she is putting careful thought into who she leaves her kids with, then there is nothing wrong and it doesn't mean that she doesn't care about her children.

Recently I posted about putting my toddler in daycare and some of the comments I received were very offensive. I was told that I need to get my priorities straight, that I am saying that he needs a break but I'm the one that needs the break. Where is the rule that says if you are a sahm that you must never let your child out of site because if you do, you are a bad mother?

If I do feel that I want/need a break, I am entitled to one. Mothers are on call 24/7. I do think that our children need a break from their parents. They are around us all the time and I think as they grow older, they can tire of us. I may be the only one that feels this way and I am perfectly ok with that.

My children are apart of my life, they are not my life. They come into my life so that I can train them up and release out into the world as assets. I have more than one purpose in life. Being a mother does not mean that my life must stop because I have children. I am extremely grateful for them and I count it a blessing to have them as there are many people in the world that would love to have a child but can't. It is just sad that mothers put other mothers down because they want to work or put their children in daycare.

I have much more to say but I will keep it to myself. I don't want to be labeled any further...

I wanted to put in my 2 cents here. I use to be a member on here and I closed my account out. I felt the same way you do.

I do come on and read post from time to time and even post some. But when I read post like your ASKING "if any providers ever put their own chldren in daycare while having their own daycare",?

You did not ask for someone to slam you, put you down. That person should have never posted such a RUDE posting.

You were asking "IF ANY OTHER PROVIDER"??

I think if more posters would "READ" what the posters are asking. So if your were NOT a provider that had placed your child in child care while running a home daycare.....then why answer with a VERY RUDE POST?

I am a provider for MANY MANY years, but I can not answer your question as i never done that, so i won't post.

But i wanted to give you some BIG BIG hugs and to tell you I was really sorry to see such a "RUDE posting".

Here are more BIG HUGGGGGGGSSSSS

[SandeeAR]

I too rarely post anymore. Because the sad thing is, some of the "rude and judegemental" posted, don't realize THEY are the "rude and judgemental" posters.

I have a tough skin. I just don't have the time in my life to waste on getting upset by other peoples junk.

Now I just read to learn new information. If I have a question about something, I ususally PM a couple of the ones that I value their opinions.

[Crystal]

I think some people mistake being judgmental or mean as not agreeing with them. Or they are too close to the issue to see that people really are trying to help. One time I posted and I felt a little attacked and just dropped the topic. then a few months later, I ran into the thread, re-read and could easily see that the posts were not bad intending at all. I guess I was just being oversensitive in the heat of the moment. that happens sometimes too.

I think the Op's (very valid) point is that these particular remarks were uncalled for. She didn't ask if members agree or disagree with her. She didn't ask for members personal opinions....she asked about their EXPERIENCES. Had she started the thread asking for people's opinions, then they'd have the right to post their opinion. What the OP did though was ask if anyone has any experience with putting their own child in day care for a few hours a day and how that worked out for them. Then she gets remarks about not having her priorities straight, balh, blah, blah.

THOSE are the types of comments that should be kept to themselves......she didn't ask what do you think about me as a parent if I do this, she asked has anyone done this and what was your experience with it.

This happens regularly here.....whatever happened to "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" ? :confused:

[melissa ann]

When my dd was 4 I enrolled her in preschool. It was the best thing for her. Even though I do preschool. She made lots of friends her own age and became more independant. She's now in 1st grade. I love my daughter, but I can honestly tell you that I"m glad she's in school all day. The kids I have are 4and under and she gets frustrated with them. Which is understandable.

My son is now in preschool and he is doing great. He is/was really clingly to me. Even if he went to his g-ma's,within the hour he would want to come home. He's still the first one to want to come home. But he is not quite so shy as before preschool. I'm glad to have been able to be with my kids when they were younger, but as they get older, they need some time away from mom/dad.

[2ndFamilyDC]

Other forums I have been on have judgemental people on them too, can't get away from them.

Sorry some on here made you feel that way. I am not here to judge anyone, I am on here to learn from others, gain new insight and some new ideas.

I learned quick that at times I need to keep my opinions to myself on here.

[jen]

My DD did not go to preschool or to another provider...she cried for about 2 weeks at the beginning of Kindergarden and the same deal in 1st grade. She cried when the session changed at gymnastics...even though the coach and most of the kids were the same. Going to a friends house? NO way.

She is in 3rd grade now and she is fabulous...competes in gymnastics, LOVES school, sleeps over at friends houses...super social and outgoing....

In hindsight, I should of had her go do something away from me so that the transition would be easier. I felt that academically I was doing a better job than preschool would have, but I didn't take the separation issues in to consideration.

Do what works for you and your child.

[Michael]

I wanted to put in my 2 cents here. I use to be a member on here and I closed my account out. I felt the same way you do.

Here are more BIG HUGGGGGGGSSSSS

Is that you Beth?

[Michael]

Other forums I have been on have judgemental people on them too, can't get away from them.

Sorry some on here made you feel that way. I am not here to judge anyone, I am on here to learn from others, gain new insight and some new ideas.

I learned quick that at times I need to keep my opinions to myself on here.

I find when I post something in a contested thread I pretty much say what I want to say and move on. I guess I just get it off my chest and move onto other things/posts.

For the most part, I enjoy putting time in here. I have a lot of other things to do but for the most part this is a great forum IMHO.