Some People Can Be So Judgmental...

[learn-n-grow]

Ok, I can't stand it anymore! For just a few short months now, I have been a member of this forum. In this time, I have noticed that there are some very critical people on here.

I don't understand why a mother is criticized because she would prefer to work outside the home rather than stay home with her children. If she wants to work, more power to her. If mothers didn't work, we all would be out of business. As long as she is putting careful thought into who she leaves her kids with, then there is nothing wrong and it doesn't mean that she doesn't care about her children.

Recently I posted about putting my toddler in daycare and some of the comments I received were very offensive. I was told that I need to get my priorities straight, that I am saying that he needs a break but I'm the one that needs the break. Where is the rule that says if you are a sahm that you must never let your child out of site because if you do, you are a bad mother?

If I do feel that I want/need a break, I am entitled to one. Mothers are on call 24/7. I do think that our children need a break from their parents. They are around us all the time and I think as they grow older, they can tire of us. I may be the only one that feels this way and I am perfectly ok with that.

My children are apart of my life, they are not my life. They come into my life so that I can train them up and release out into the world as assets. I have more than one purpose in life. Being a mother does not mean that my life must stop because I have children. I am extremely grateful for them and I count it a blessing to have them as there are many people in the world that would love to have a child but can't. It is just sad that mothers put other mothers down because they want to work or put their children in daycare.

I have much more to say but I will keep it to myself. I don't want to be labeled any further...

[Michael]

I won't label you. I'll agree with you.
Anyone want to take me on??

BTW, here is another thread regarding "rude forum members". It comes with the territory. https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23173

[Heidi]

Ok, I can't stand it anymore! For just a few short months now, I have been a member of this forum. In this time, I have noticed that there are some very critical people on here.

I don't understand why a mother is criticized because she would prefer to work outside the home rather than stay home with her children. If she wants to work, more power to her. If mothers didn't work, we all would be out of business. As long as she is putting careful thought into who she leaves her kids with, then there is nothing wrong and it doesn't mean that she doesn't care about her children.

Recently I posted about putting my toddler in daycare and some of the comments I received were very offensive. I was told that I need to get my priorities straight, that I am saying that he needs a break but I'm the one that needs the break. Where is the rule that says if you are a sahm that you must never let your child out of site because if you do, you are a bad mother?

If I do feel that I want/need a break, I am entitled to one. Mothers are on call 24/7. I do think that our children need a break from their parents. They are around us all the time and I think as they grow older, they can tire of us. I may be the only one that feels this way and I am perfectly ok with that.

My children are apart of my life, they are not my life. They come into my life so that I can train them up and release out into the world as assets. I have more than one purpose in life. Being a mother does not mean that my life must stop because I have children. I am extremely grateful for them and I count it a blessing to have them as there are many people in the world that would love to have a child but can't. It is just sad that mothers put other mothers down because they want to work or put their children in daycare.

I have much more to say but I will keep it to myself. I don't want to be labeled any further...

I'm sorry, I don't know the circumstances, I am still fairly new here. I clearly don't know the whole story.

As for a SAHM taking her child to daycare a few days a week, that is certainly your right. Everyone needs a break now and then. It may be hard to find someone willing to take a child for those hours, because most of us have limited spaces, and prefer to fill them with full time children. It is also very hard for (especially younger) children to get into the routine of group care when they aren't there consistently.

That said, if you find a good match, you can afford it, and you and your child are both happy with your choice, then enjoy it !

[Zoe]

I'm sorry that you felt judged on this forum. I wanted to say that I agree with you in needing a break sometimes. We're all human! I'm not the kind of mother who is all sunshine and roses with my children 24/7. In fact I'm so glad that my DD is at kindergarten right now. We were really butting heads this summer.

Before I started daycare I was a sahm for a while. My DD's doctor actually encouraged what she called "mental health" time and said that these kind of breaks made me a better mother. Do what is right for you.

[mismatchedsocks]

I actually have 3 sahm or sahd who bring their child here, one is fulltime two are part time opposite of each other. They are very flexible and follow the rules, so I dont "care" what they do when their children are here unless i cannot get ahold of them if i need to.

I also dont mind if parents run errands after work, as long as they are here on time, and do not lie to me. If I call your work and you have taken a sick day..I will be mad.( because i would have to gues where to reach you ) If you are a sahm and i cannot find you because you went for a train ride to chicago for the day with no one to get child, without telling me, I will be mad. Otherwise, tell me a number I can reach you the FIRST time, and pick up on time and we will be a ok!

I havent been around long, but just read the posts that pertain to me, or i feel i can add something to, but everyone has their opinions, and i hope that in the future they can respect yours and vice versa!

[Heidi]

I'm sorry, I don't know the circumstances, I am still fairly new here. I clearly don't know the whole story.

As for a SAHM taking her child to daycare a few days a week, that is certainly your right. Everyone needs a break now and then. It may be hard to find someone willing to take a child for those hours, because most of us have limited spaces, and prefer to fill them with full time children. It is also very hard for (especially younger) children to get into the routine of group care when they aren't there consistently.

That said, if you find a good match, you can afford it, and you and your child are both happy with your choice, then enjoy it !

Sorry, I just realized that you're a dcp too, so some of what I said was "well duh!".

My children went to other day cares or preschool part time when they were little. My sister and best friend both daycares, so that was easy, but my son also went to a Montessori for a while.

[learn-n-grow]

I'm sorry that you felt judged on this forum. I wanted to say that I agree with you in needing a break sometimes. We're all human! I'm not the kind of mother who is all sunshine and roses with my children 24/7. In fact I'm so glad that my DD is at kindergarten right now. We were really butting heads this summer.

Before I started daycare I was a sahm for a while. My DD's doctor actually encouraged what she called "mental health" time and said that these kind of breaks made me a better mother. Do what is right for you.

It's not about me needing a break because as I said, the hubby steps in. I am thinking solely for my son. I want him to be independent and have a change of scenery. He's been acting out and he gets tons of attention from both of us so I'm just trying to figure out how to fix the problem. Daycare may be the fix and it may not be, who knows. I may not even do it, it was just a thought...

[Lucy]

One thing to think about is that 3 important things are missing in forums like this -- tone of voice, facial expression, and body language. Those things are EXTREMELY important when it comes to getting a message across the way you really mean it, and for it not to sound argumentative.

That being said, I only saw 2 people who disagreed with you, but many who were on your side in one way or another. (Even though they said they wouldn't put their child in Daycare, they would put them in pre-school, so I considered those "on your side".)

Try this.... re-read that 1st message that you thought was judgmental, and read it as if it was from your best friend, mom, sister, etc. Read it as if it's from someone who is just throwing thoughts out there, but is not trying to put you down. Read it with a GOOD tone of voice, a smile, and an extended hand of helpfulness. You may get a whole different meaning from it. Just sayin...

To sum up, please don't write off this great forum because of just 1 or 2 people. Just ignore them if they made you feel judged, and move on to the next person. But also give them the benefit of the doubt that they may have said it with good intentions, not bad.

[learn-n-grow]

I won't label you. I'll agree with you.
Anyone want to take me on??

BTW, here is another thread regarding "rude forum members". It comes with the territory. https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23173

Thanks for that!

[Zoe]

Where is the rule that says if you are a sahm that you must never let your child out of site because if you do, you are a bad mother?

If I do feel that I want/need a break, I am entitled to one. Mothers are on call 24/7. I do think that our children need a break from their parents. They are around us all the time and I think as they grow older, they can tire of us. I may be the only one that feels this way and I am perfectly ok with that.

It's not about me needing a break because as I said, the hubby steps in. I am thinking solely for my son. I want him to be independent and have a change of scenery. He's been acting out and he gets tons of attention from both of us so I'm just trying to figure out how to fix the problem. Daycare may be the fix and it may not be, who knows. I may not even do it, it was just a thought...

I apologize for misunderstanding. I just took what you wrote in the OP and thought that's what it was about.

[nannyde]

hmmmmmmm

I just scanned the post and see a ton of support and "I did that too" posts. Two people disagree.

We all have different minds.

If you put it on here you are going to get one extreme to the other in responses. We had a post where two kids were lost in a park under a providers care and even SHE got support to not tell the parents and the little kids were partially at fault.

If THAT can happen then having a couple of people disagree with you putting your kid in day care is surely going to happen.

I get disagreed with continually here. It's just part of being on a day care board. Shake it off and do what is right for YOU and your kid.

BTW my kid went to Head Start when he was three and it was HEAVEN.

[Cat Herder]

I just read your whole thread and to me it looked like you got mostly positive responses.

Did you want everyone to agree with you?



Edit: Ugh...I did not see your post, Nan.

Get out of my head...::

My DD got on the school bus at 4 for preschool until I felt comfortable enough with my homeschooling to go solo.

[Lucy]

Edit: Ugh...I did not see your post, Nan.

Or mine that said it first.

[Christian Mother]

Don't feel judged by your the posts u write. Sometimes things get a crossed wrong. You have to weigh it from every angle.

Every mother/father should have some "me" time. And there are so many ways to be able to go about getting that time. I just now saw that your little guy is having problems. Mine did also...I thought I was the worst parent and couldn't handle my son...I ck'd with his school on maybe how I can better parent only to find out he has ADHD. I need to learn how to work with him not to mention getting him help. I think it's a wonderful ideal to have him in daycare or preschool...sometimes children just need more activities and learning. Not that we can't give those but my son is a gifted child who is about to start excellerated classes in school..he just needed more then what I knew to give him. Entrusting your child into another providers home knowing that he/she will be happy there and learning, loving etc. It gives you a peace of mind, gives your child friends, and the provider excitement and income. Win win for everyone. Please don't be turned off by this sight. You have to take the good with the bad. That is just the way it goes with these sights. Shrug it off girlie. Thank you for venting though...that is why we are here...well also for many other things. But you'll find a lot of people here to comfort you.

[Cat Herder]

Or mine that said it first.

You are correct!!! Ugh...my computer loads so ridiculously slow...

The only post I saw was Michaels when I started typing.

Vista... what can you do :confused: