When You Don't Tell The DCP But The Child Does

[Unregistered]

To tell or not to tell...

I tell the parents when I believe that it's needed. If it involves violent behavior I will not only tell the parents, I will give them a play by play of the incident and I don't wait for pick up time to do it. That's the type of behavior that has to be addressed right away. I also talk to parents if the child is continually crossing the line. I used to tell parents all the time because I hoped that the parents would work with me and help to correct the poor behavior, but in most cases the parents were not concerned. In all honesty, I have to admit that the way that the kids behave is not my concern because it didn't happen at my house. Maybe that's what some parents think, too.

[daycare]

REALLY??? I am really shocked at some of the responses.... I have kids that don't listen constantly throughout the day.

[jojosmommy]

I just have to say I would be "telling on" one dck in particular every night for longer than he even attended daycare. I have one who is constantly testing the limits and does as he pleases at home. The few times I have had a constant issue with him and have brought it up to parents their ideas of how to deal with it were ridiculous. I would rather be firm, consistent and expect kids to mind then go tattling every night. In this case I doubt the mother would support me anyway so I would rather not tell them my tactics for them to scrutinize anyhow.

[Mom_of_two]

I would not have told about that, either.
With most parents I let them know that I Expect toddlers to need behavioral guidance multiple times a day with regards to such things (they are mostly well behaved, listen to me) because it is normal at 2-3 etc. But with 'bigger' stuff I let them know- if there is biting, aggressive hitting, etc etc, if a child does not seem him or herself I tell the parent.

I would actually love to tell them more, if a parent would be interested in hearing all of the little details. If a parent were to request more info on a regular basis I would gladly oblige. I have three DCK's, so would be easier for me than some of you with more.

[familyschoolcare]

the response we where taught by the principal when I worked in Elementary school was "I did not tell you that because I/we dealt with it in house and therefore by the end of the day when we saw you it was not a big deal it was dealt with and we had moved on."

Which was always the truth as I never had a parent ask me about something I thought I still needed to deal with.

[cheerfuldom]

I don't tell about each tantrum or misbehaving only because I have taken care of it and there is nothing the parent can do about something small that happened several hours earlier. If I tell the parents too much, they get overwhelmed and feel that I am complaining about their child. I think less is more. However, if there are ongoing issues with not listening and misbehaving, then yes, that does need to be addressed with the parents. My general thought is to only tell the parents things about which they can actually have some control over or make some changes to it OR things that I just simply cannot handle. If this situation happened to me then I would just have told the mom what the consequence was and let her know that it was a minor issue that had already been resolved.

[Christian Mother]

He was not kicking them hurting them, he was just doing the swing your legs to kick the chairs they were sitting in and at times would make contact with the child's legs. No one was hurt. It was more disruptive than anything...

and yes it is a very grey area...

I think when being approached with this kind of questions directed at as...it is best to make the answers very short and to the point. Be very direct and light...Light being the key. You know, I removed him bc he was swinging his legs and trying to kick the other kids. I quickly made the decision to remove him from the situation and then we discussed how we sit at the table correctly. Simple and easy as that. Let her know it would be the same in any kind of situation when a time out is enforced. You don't tell the parent of all the time outs or the talking too's involved with all the children other than ones that really need a mom and dad's help on. Let them know if this was a occurrence that has been going on for a awhile then yes I would be having to address it with you right away. But in this instance I was able to deal with it right away. And it really was fine.

[nannyde]

REALLY??? I am really shocked at some of the responses.... I have kids that don't listen constantly throughout the day.

My Ratting Out The Kids Policy:

If your child has any behavior issues here you will be the first to know. We keep the parents informed of any behaviors that are requiring repeated corrections. (In other words... we rat them out ) Please keep us posted of any behavior issues you are having at home ESPECIALLY any kind of physical or violent acting out. We will be happy to help with advise or work on the issues here.

So I tell the parents when their kid is a newborn that I will tell them if they misbehave.

I expect the kids to mind me. I have a pretty tight correction method that stops behavior at the "root" of the behavior. I get it stopped before it gets into something serious.

I use time out about once every 18 months to two years. I have kids in my house that are four/five and have never been on time out. I don't have any kids who have had to be on time out twice.

Nan don't play. I'm strict and I tell the parents if I'm having any problems with them. If I call them about behavior they KNOW I'm not playin. They know me well enough to know that if the kid skids past my root correction and is doing something that is BREAKING THE LAW... that they will be told the truth.

If anything happens that requires a kid over two to be separated from the other kids I would tell the parents. In order for my system to work they have to be with the other kids. A separation is serious.

Of course I'm not telling them every time they do something like touch the baby equipment... try to get up from the table before they are allowed to... cutting in line... or something like that. If they do a minor infraction we just correct and move on. If they continue to do it after we know they know what we want then YES I tell the parents.

The kids have to learn what you want first. I don't rat them out for the "pre-behavior" stuff. I just rat them out if their behavior gets to a full behavior that is against my rules.

A kid not minding me would not fly here. It's dangerous and it's bad for the other kids and my staff assistant. They have to mind the adult. That's a given in my world.

[nannyde]

I have kids that don't listen constantly throughout the day.

That would be a living hell to me. I couldn't even do day care if I had that.

[Cat Herder]

REALLY??? I am really shocked at some of the responses.... I have kids that don't listen constantly throughout the day.

Really...

I just don't have that, here.

Granted, my kids are all 6 months-2 years and have all been here since birth.

The worst thing that happened here today was "The great shoe swap of 2011"...::::

Two pairs of identical new shoes, who's are who's??? IDK!!

[nannyde]

Really...

I just don't have that, here.

Granted, my kids are all 6 months-2 years and have all been here since birth.

The worst thing that happened here today was "The great shoe swap of 2011"...::::

Two pairs of identical new shoes, who's are who's??? IDK!!

::::::::::::::::::::

All of mine are in identical shoes every day. They get to argue about size

I have the twelves....

No you have the tens...

They are twelve...

No see that's a ten... (shows the number ten on the tag)

That's not a twelve that's a ten.

I don't want that to be a ten. Twelves my favorite.

And on and on and on and on and on

Oh the drama

[Hunni Bee]

I have a high energy, high noise, very verbal bunch, and there's quite a few of them. Therefore, I never have a time when I have 100% compliance and listening. That's not a huge problem to me, but I do expect basic rules and instructions to be followed (walk in the building, stay with the group, hands to yourself, etc.) So Im correcting all day...so much that if I correct a child, and you ask me what I just said, I couldn't tell you. So there's no way I could relay everything that happened to every kid...even every time they were corrected or got a consequence. If its really unusual or ridiculous behavior, I call the parent on the spot or text them and ask them to call me when they can.

I do "removals" often...it isn't so much a punishment time-out as it is a few seconds to a few minutes to go and collect yourself....meaning you must be collected before you can return ...it ranges from "go sit at the table" to "go use the restroom" to "go look out the window", depending on how much collection I think you need. Then you start over with a clean slate. Kids go "collect" themselves all day, so it isn't a situation I feel I needs to be reported to a parent, unless it was excessive or out of the ordinary.

And Nan, now that I have mixed age group for the summer...I realized that it makes SO much more sense than a class where the kids are all within a few months of each other and at the same developmental level. I don't know who came up with that for daycare...that works better in school. I have to do so much less correcting because my older ones help my younger/less mature ones behave, play apprioprately, etc. When we go out, I always team a little up with one of my 5-year-olds. We have a lot better time.

[PitterPatter]

SO I try to keep what happens here at DC to myself, unless it was something that harmed a child in anyway. LIke a child fell, or a child hurt another child. Or if it is something that I feels warrants the parents to know how their child is behaving while here.

If I had to report every little thing that went wrong with each and every child I would be sitting behind the computer typing up reports a mile long.

So DCM asked me why I didnt tell her that her child had to sit at a different table than the rest of the kids yesterday, her child told her.

I told her that I could not inform her of every happening here and that I only tried to inform the parents of issues that I feel need their attention.

She was not happy about the answer and asked her what would you like me to do....Of course no response..

How do you handle these types of situations when you chose not to tell the parents, but the kids are old enough to tell their parents???

BTW the reason the child had to sit at a different table was becuase he was kicking the other kids legs under the table during eating time and would not stop when asked.

I also believe it is best to inform the parents if their child is acting in a violent way or causing harm of course. BUT I had a recent client I finally let go after more than a year, who got mad everytime I had a report, which was almost everyday! I finally stopped reporting to avoid HER attitude and she would just reward the child with trips to the playground after anyway. Even when he kid has left marks on another child from kicking or throwing a tow or hitting with a toy etc she would sigh and say what did he do now and roll her eyes then sigh again and tell her kid not to do that and off to the playground they went. THOSE kind I often walk on eggshells and keep it to myself beause she doesnt care and nothing will be corrected anyway.

BTW she has been calling me all week trying to get me to take DCB back because no one will watch him. Hmm imagine that!

[nannyde]

I also believe it is best to inform the parents if their child is acting in a violent way or causing harm of course. BUT I had a recent client I finally let go after more than a year, who got mad everytime I had a report, which was almost everyday! I finally stopped reporting to avoid HER attitude and she would just reward the child with trips to the playground after anyway. Even when he kid has left marks on another child from kicking or throwing a tow or hitting with a toy etc she would sigh and say what did he do now and roll her eyes then sigh again and tell her kid not to do that and off to the playground they went. THOSE kind I often walk on eggshells and keep it to myself beause she doesnt care and nothing will be corrected anyway.

BTW she has been calling me all week trying to get me to take DCB back because no one will watch him. Hmm imagine that!

You gave the Mom an invaluable life lesson... probably the best gift she has every gotten....... and she doesn't even know it.

Everywhere she goes society needs to say "not at my house". If you have a kid that is unlivable and violent that kid HAS to stay with YOU.

He wouldn't have made it a day in my house. Hurt one of my babies and you have to go. I protect my young.

[sharlan]

I also believe it is best to inform the parents if their child is acting in a violent way or causing harm of course. BUT I had a recent client I finally let go after more than a year, who got mad everytime I had a report, which was almost everyday! I finally stopped reporting to avoid HER attitude and she would just reward the child with trips to the playground after anyway. Even when he kid has left marks on another child from kicking or throwing a tow or hitting with a toy etc she would sigh and say what did he do now and roll her eyes then sigh again and tell her kid not to do that and off to the playground they went. THOSE kind I often walk on eggshells and keep it to myself beause she doesnt care and nothing will be corrected anyway.

BTW she has been calling me all week trying to get me to take DCB back because no one will watch him. Hmm imagine that!

Stand firm. She will get the message.