11.5 Hours A Day In Daycare?

[Meyou]

I think that every families situation is different. Today with jobs, people work different shifts, crazy hours as in start and stop times, etc. What 1 person may call normal, may not be normal at all for another person and their job. Sometimes a person gets a job, and the hours are changed on them. They have no choice but to work the hours they are told. Life isn't always full of choices. Sometimes we as parents are pushed into a situation that we don't like, but we must work to support our family and that means doing and accomodating whatever the boss says.

If you have never worked a 12 hour shift, whether it be in as a nurse or in a factory, it is not easy. My husband lost his job, got a job working M-F 8 hour shifts, got laid off for a month, then when called back got put on 12 hour shifts, 6 PM to 6 AM. That lasted for about 2 weeks. It was horrible for him. It was NOT his choice. Even though he only worked 3 days one week and 4 days the next, when ever he had a day off, he was struggling with his sleep, trying to catch up on his sleep, trying to get his body back on a system, then it was work day again. It is not easy working 12 hour shifts, especially when you are working a physically exhausing job.

Because a parent has a job that is 12 hour shifts, does not mean they love their child any less. While I agree that 12 hours is a long day in daycare for a child, it surely doesn't mean a parent is unconcerned for their child. Not everyone is in a position to drop a job because of the work hours.

I don't think anyone is disputing the difficulties of a 12 hour day. However, you BOTH weren't working 12 hour days so your children wouldn't have been in care for 12 hours a day.

My ex sister in law is a nurse and works two 7am to 7pm shifts then two 7pm to 7am shifts then off for 5 days. For the day shifts my BIL dropped off and picked up around his 8 hr shift. For the two days after the two nights he would drop my niece off, my sis in law would sleep until 3-4pm and then come get her to spend a few hours with her before she went back to work. SIL was always exhausted...its' a stressful work schedule but she loves the 5 days off with my niece so they work around her schedule so my neice doesn't have to go to daycare for 12 hours a day.

[mac60]

Still, if one parent works 12 hour shifts, and the other parents works an 8 hour shift with a 1 hour lunch and 30 min to 1 hour commute each way, then, we are still looking at an easy 10 1/2 + hour day at daycare. My whole point was, what is "normal" for one family could not be "normal" for another, and people shouldn't be judged a bad parent because of that.

[Meyou]

I would never call someone a bad parent for working fulltime. But I do feel sorry for their children. They need Mama and Daddy time much more than time with me. In most cases (there are always exceptions) it should be possible for parents to stagger shifts so that the kids get more time with mom and dad and less with the provider.

Heck, I worked two jobs and went to university when my oldest was little and I still saw her more than some of my parents see their own children with two working parents in the household.

[QualiTcare]

i don't see how it's even possible for a kid who's in daycare until 530 or 6 to be in bed by 8:00 after you factor in commute, dinner, bath, and then a little play time, tv time, winding down - whatever you want to call it.

I think it's VERY common. I think one indicator that this is happening is when parents start asking for a short nap or no nap for the child.

If you have a parent that keeps the kid up until ten or eleven every night and when they return to day care for their eleven hour day they go straight back to bed to finish their nights sleep and then have a long three/four hour nap... then YES it could be done.

I also do NOT see parent who put their kid to bed getting them up at five a.m. when they aren't leaveing for work two hours later. I honestly think you were very very very much the exception to the rule.

That's going to put that parent into a six/seven hour night sleep and no time at home when they don't have their kids up. I don't think this is common at all. I think kids who are on eleven hour days at day care go home, have supper, have baths, have some TV time, and go to bed around eight or nine. I think that would be best case normal scenario.

Worst case scenario is travel home, bath, quickie supper, TV and to bed at seven ... seven thirty. This IS possible ... especially for the kids who are not having nap during the day or a short... very early awake time in the afternoon nap.

I don't mind twelve hour days for kids who have parents that work twelve hour days three days a week. I've done that in my many years of caring for kids and I love that. The kid gets the full time hours in here... and they get four days off a week with their parent. That extra two working days off with the parent makes ALL the difference in awake face time with their kid.

i know that it DOES happen, but i think providers are under the impression that it's the norm (and maybe it IS) but that screws parents who are the exception - and so is life, i guess. i worked with a girl at the very daycare my children attended who had 2 year old twins who she said she put to bed at 730-8pm. we didn't even get off work til 6pm and i asked her, HOW?! there was actually another lady who i worked with that said the same thing...and i just couldn't understand it.

i HAD to wake up at 5 and get the kids up bc by the time i got ready, got them ready, and made it to the daycare it was 630 at the earliest, 7 at the latest and i had a 45 minute commute after that which spared 15 minutes for me to be in class by 8 (which of course i had to park, walk, etc. or god forbid stop and get gas while my kids were in daycare <gasp>). is getting gas considering taking advantage since you're not at work? just wondering. that's not directed at you, nannyde - just a general question.

i actually DID ask about how long nap time lasted, especially after learning that kids who went to the same daycare and were on the same nap schedule were going to bed by 8pm when mine were staying up til 10-11pm. i didn't mind spending time with them, but i was worried if they were getting enough sleep at night since they woke up at 5. if a child goes to sleep at 11 and wakes up at 5 that's only six hours, but if they were sleeping for three...or four or more at daycare (if they took 2 naps)...then it would make sense. i loved spending time with them, but of course i couldn't do homework until after they were in bed so an 11pm bedtime for them (due to a super long nap at daycare) usually meant a 2pm bedtime for ME only to turn around and wake up at 5am again!

anyhow, (not directed at you, nannyde) it is entirely understandable that a child could have an 11-12 hour day at daycare even in a 2 parent home. when i was waking up at 5am all that time, my husband was leaving the house at 5am to start work at 6am. therefore, i had to drop off at daycare. then, i would get off at 6 (when i worked at the daycare) and 530 when i didn't work at the daycare (and that was only cus my boss let me leave early since daycare closed at 6) - and he didn't get home until 7, 8, or sometimes 9pm depending on what time it got dark out - time change and all.

point being - don't assume that just because there are 2 parents in a home that they aren't sacrificing enough or don't care or aren't spending any awake time with their child(ren). like i said, we own our home and our cars and we both still have to work to keep above water - not to have fancy cars or vacations (which we're not taking this year). if both parents are working full time or if one parent is working and the other is working and going to school - there's nothing strange about an 11-12 hour day. my kids aren't in daycare anymore, but starting next week i'm going to have to get a neighbor to put my kids on the bus because i won't get home from work until 830am, my husband has to be AT work by 7am, and my children's bus comes AT 7am. again - two parent home, no fancy cars, a house that's paid for, and we STILL have a need for childcare even if it is only for 30 minutes. i would dare say most daycare parents don't own their cars and homes free and clear so it just doesn't seem strange to me at all.

[boysx5]

I'm open from 6:30 to 6 however I don't have any child for that long but I do have some that are in care for 10 hours and I think thats a long day for children

[morgan24]

I do agree that 11 or 12 hours is a very long day in care for children. I will have to say where I'm at the economy has forced people to work longer hours, forcing their children to be in care longer. I'm lucky and have not had to take children who need more than 9 hours a day.

This is my personal opionion and I don't mean any disrespect to anyone, but I don't really care what the at home schedules of the children I take care of are. I don't care how many hours parents are with their children. I focus on what goes on when they are in my care and do the best for them when they are with me. I control the things that I can and don't worry about the things that I can't control.

[Blackcat31]

I have one child who is in care for more than 10 hours per day for 5 day each week. His parents are both educated professional and work everyday. Dad drops off in the mornings (6:45) so mom can have some "free time" to herself before she goes to work at 9:00 and mom picks up at 5:30 because dad goes home at 4 so he can some "free time" to himself.

I guess they figure it is shared parenting since each of them has to do a pick-up or drop-off. The child is a pretty good kid and I have had them since the child was 6 months old and is now 4. I feel bad because most of the bad behaviors the child has stem from his lack of parnet time impo, but what do ya do?

[DBug]

I do agree that 11 or 12 hours is a very long day in care for children. I will have to say where I'm at the economy has forced people to work longer hours, forcing their children to be in care longer. I'm lucky and have not had to take children who need more than 9 hours a day.

This is my personal opionion and I don't mean any disrespect to anyone, but I don't really care what the at home schedules of the children I take care of are. I don't care how many hours parents are with their children. I focus on what goes on when they are in my care and do the best for them when they are with me. I control the things that I can and don't worry about the things that I can't control.

I TOTALLY agree! Honestly, in many cultures through history, parents have had to entrust their children to another caregiver for long days and as long as everyone involved is acting in the best interest of the child, we've done just fine. Telling a parent they should spend more time with their child, while continuing to charge them for it is silly. If we really feel that strongly about it, we should all have graduated rates, like Nannyde does.

IMO, it's not my business what parents are doing or how long they're away while their child is in care. Yes, I sometimes end up with one child for the last two hours of the day, but really, I'm getting paid for a full 12 hours for all 5 of them, so I'm actually getting two hours at the end of the day to slack off a bit with only one to watch.

I act in the best interests of my own children in the choices I make, but it's like the whole bathing with your kids thing -- people have VERY different opinions on what's right and what's wrong. I don't think it's our place to judge parenting skills based on our opinions. The most we can do is choose to raise our own kids to the best of our abilities and knowledge, and support others when they try to do the same.

For those that take issue with dc kids' long hours -- I would encourage you to put your money where your mouth is, and offer to NOT charge your parents for the next day they have off, so that they can keep their little one home and spend time with him or her.

[nannyde]

I TOTALLY agree! Honestly, in many cultures through history, parents have had to entrust their children to another caregiver for long days and as long as everyone involved is acting in the best interest of the child, we've done just fine.

What culture would be comparable to ours? What culture has money exchanged, laws in place to govern the care, consequences both legally and financially should harm come the child's way.... taxes on the income... unanounced inspections, fire codes, finacial subsidies direclty related to care from government, the childrens parents don't know each other... what one family makes in their living doesn't affect the livlihood of any of the other children in the group.... etc etc etc.

[daycare]

I was talking to one of my good friends who is Chinese and grew up in china. He said to me I am very sadden by American ways when it comes to child care. I asked him to explain.

He said that in china that both of his parents worked very long hours, but he was always taken care of by a family member. In fact, he said that he does not recall anyone that he knows ever not being raised by their grandma/pa or an aunt. He was not even sure if he could recall a DC in the area where he grew up.

He said it is the way of life over there. That when you have children, your parents are to help you raise them. He said of course it's different here, because is China most families all live together for their entire life. Let’s not even start on the politics…. He then told me that he went to school for about 9-10 hours per day and then came home to his parents who ate dinner with them, homework and then off to bed. He does not recall a ton of face time with them, but he was given most of support and guidance from his grandma and grandpa.

He told me that he will never have a child here in America if he could not have someone in his family (which he doesn't) or the wife's family help in raising the child. He just could not believe that DC offers care for children so many hours away from parents, at such a young age. He said why would I have a child so that a stranger could raise them, which are not fair to the child.

Apples and oranges, maybe, but I have to agree with him. I just don’t understand why a family would choose to work long hours so that they can have their house paid for, their cars pair for and etc, yet let a perfect stranger raise their child. I get that everyone has different goals in life and the path that one chooses in life is not wrong because it is not the norm, or is not what I would choose.

In the end, no matter what we do, we have to have a path in life and we have to travel down it the way we set fit. While some may feel it is necessary to be there for their child for the first 5 or so years of their life and help build a strong relationship with a strong foundation of who they are as a person, others may feel it is not necessary. In the end what matters is not how we raised them, is that we raise a good citizen and leader in the process of it all.

[DBug]

What culture would be comparable to ours? What culture has money exchanged, laws in place to govern the care, consequences both legally and financially should harm come the child's way.... taxes on the income... unanounced inspections, fire codes, finacial subsidies direclty related to care from government, the childrens parents don't know each other... what one family makes in their living doesn't affect the livlihood of any of the other children in the group.... etc etc etc.

I agree our system is unique in that daycare is big business, instead of relatives or close friends taking care of the kids, but what difference does it make in the actual care?

FTR, for my own kids, I feel it's incredibly important to spend as much time with them, whether it's quality time or not. I would never leave my kids in someone else's care for 60 hours a week. BUT, I don't think I should be pushing my opinion on anyone else (unless they ask ), in either my personal or professional life.

[Crystal]

He then told me that he went to school for about 9-10 hours per day and then came home to his parents who ate dinner with them, homework and then off to bed. He does not recall a ton of face time with them, but he was given most of support and guidance from his grandma and grandpa.

I just don’t understand why a family would choose to work long hours so that they can have their house paid for, their cars pair for and etc, yet let a perfect stranger raise their child. I get that everyone has different goals in life and the path that one chooses in life is not wrong because it is not the norm, or is not what I would choose.




1st part:
So he's saddened by Child Care in America....but THIS is absolutely no different than what we have here....except that it was "school" and then a very limited amount of time with parents. Not sure how that is any different?

2nd part: WHY do you assume that all parents who work long hours do it for a house/car/luxury of some sort? What about the single Mom who works two jobs to pay RENT and rides the bus, which adds to commute time? Not every, or even most, parents who work long hours do it for extravagances, they do it to meet basic needs.

[Blackcat31]

I agree our system is unique in that daycare is big business, instead of relatives or close friends taking care of the kids, but what difference does it make in the actual care?

FTR, for my own kids, I feel it's incredibly important to spend as much time with them, whether it's quality time or not. I would never leave my kids in someone else's care for 60 hours a week. BUT, I don't think I should be pushing my opinion on anyone else (unless they ask ), in either my personal or professional life.

I see both ends of this argument clearly. I have a child in care who is here for 10+ hours per day every day and gets very little face time with parents. I often see the dcm and dcd up town on weekends and they say they needed a break so they got a babysitter...:confused:?!?! The child is a great kid here and I have no issues with the child whatsoever (I often wish the child could have more quality time with the parents and feel they are truely missing out )

.....and then I have the child who comes to care part time ONLY when mom cannot arrange her schedule or the dad's to be available for the child. This mom spends soooo much time interacting and playing with her child that he cannot funtion while he is here without me having to constantly interact with him. He has no self-help skills and thinks everything should involve an adult. This child drives me crazy with the constant need for one on one attention that I often find myself a bit relieved on the days he is not scheduled.

So which is better? The long days with little parent time or the short days with so much parent time that it makes the time here tough?

[nikia]

I did not read all of the posts so forgive me if I repeat something that has been said.

I am not understanding why someone who has to work longer hours is a bad parent???? If that is the biggest problem some of you have with your parents be thankful for that. I have parents that are drunks and do drugs, parents that have had their children taken away from them because of their lifestyles. To me that is a bad parent, not someone who works longer hours to provide the best life for their child. Yes the best life includes spending time with their children, but also food, shelter, clothes, college the list goes on and on. Children are expensive and not everyones circumstances are the same, not everyone has family living around them to help out with their kids, not everyone has a spouse to drop off at different times.

If the parents are working for those 11 to 12 hours and not doing personal errands I think its a big difference. I do not agree with one parent I have who gets off at 2:20 everyday but doesnt pick up til 5:30, IMO that is sad because she isnt doing once in awhile it is everyday that she misses 3 hours with her child, but I wouldnt say she shouldnt have become a parent I would say she is young and doesnt understand what she is missing by doing that, I know she loves her child and she is a good mom.

I am finishing my nursing degree and will have to work 12 hour shifts and not see my kids as much on those days but that sure as hell doesnt make me less of a mother as some of you are saying and it sure as hell doesnt mean I shouldnt have had my children which has also been said here. I have dreams of my own and now that my children are getting a bit older its time for me to go after my dreams too and show them that you can have it all and just because I have those dreams does not mean that I should have never had my children. I will make the most of my time with them and deprive myself of sleep and other things just to make sure that I am around them, which could be very well what some of the parents do that work 12 hours there ARE exceptions to every rule. If you lump all parents who work long hours all together in the "bad" parent, you could be doing yourself a dis-service by missing out on some great people and their kids.

People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

[daycare]

He then told me that he went to school for about 9-10 hours per day and then came home to his parents who ate dinner with them, homework and then off to bed. He does not recall a ton of face time with them, but he was given most of support and guidance from his grandma and grandpa.

I just don’t understand why a family would choose to work long hours so that they can have their house paid for, their cars pair for and etc, yet let a perfect stranger raise their child. I get that everyone has different goals in life and the path that one chooses in life is not wrong because it is not the norm, or is not what I would choose.




1st part:
So he's saddened by Child Care in America....but THIS is absolutely no different than what we have here....except that it was "school" and then a very limited amount of time with parents. Not sure how that is any different?

2nd part: WHY do you assume that all parents who work long hours do it for a house/car/luxury of some sort? What about the single Mom who works two jobs to pay RENT and rides the bus, which adds to commute time? Not every, or even most, parents who work long hours do it for extravagances, they do it to meet basic needs.

can I ask you a question? Have you ever been a single parent?