Parents That Want Nothing to Do with Parenting

[Annalee]

All of this!
I try not to judge anyone we all have it hard. We never know what someone is going through. With that said I cant help but feel bad for the kids that parents are steps away from neglect. They do just enough to keep the authorities off their door. I do not do open to close to encourage parents to spend time with their kids.
I have seen kids that come every day for a year while dad looks for work. He then brags about hunting or fishing etc.. I just dont understand why not 1 day in a year you keep your kid home to spend time with them. They are also at care from your drop off time to pick up and never pick up early either. I think they are missing out on some important time they will never get back. You will get plenty of me time when they grown and gone. Build those memories now or you never will.

At the end of the day, parents see their side-providers see their's.....and we all go to bed to rise again and repeat as always!

[Blackcat31]

All of this!
I try not to judge anyone we all have it hard. We never know what someone is going through. With that said I cant help but feel bad for the kids that parents are steps away from neglect. They do just enough to keep the authorities off their door. I do not do open to close to encourage parents to spend time with their kids.
I have seen kids that come every day for a year while dad looks for work. He then brags about hunting or fishing etc.. I just dont understand why not 1 day in a year you keep your kid home to spend time with them. They are also at care from your drop off time to pick up and never pick up early either. I think they are missing out on some important time they will never get back. You will get plenty of me time when they grown and gone. Build those memories now or you never will.

That's 100% different than a parent that sends their child to care everyday when the provider thinks the parent should be spending time with their child instead of being at the gym.

BIG difference between neglectful parents and those that choose to utilize their time with or without their child in a way that isn't conducive to what the provider thinks they should/shouldn't be doing.

[amberrose3dg]

At the end of the day, parents see their side-providers see their's.....and we all go to bed to rise again and repeat as always!

Yes and parents will always think theirs is harder and we think we have it harder. Such a vicious circle. I'll just say as a parent and provider daycare is harder for me. My days off I love. I get to spend some one on one time with my kiddos.i get maybe one weekend a year where my kids visit their grand parents.

[Blackcat31]

So I guess we ask ourselves is there a need for the forum or should we just post positive stories with no questions, complaints, etc. If you look the venting sections have PAGES of vents so that should tell you we are needing a place to go.

Who said people can't vent?

Venting is different than judging.

[amberrose3dg]

That's 100% different than a parent that sends their child to care everyday when the provider thinks the parent should be spending time with their child instead of being at the gym.

BIG difference between neglectful parents and those that choose to utilize their time with or without their child in a way that isn't conducive to what the provider thinks they should/shouldn't be doing.

Yes and you can always tell which parents that pertains to.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I'm well aware of the topic or subject and my comments aren't directed at anyone in particular......although I knew the 'in my defense' posts would follow.

It's just a bit "funny" and somewhat hypocritical for child care providers to complain/vent about this.
Mostly because we do not know everyone's situation nor their journey's.

We "think" we do, but we really don't..... and as humans we apply our "rules" and our ideals to what we think is or isn't good parenting.

Statements such as "I see how it effects DCK" etc but again, we only know part of the story.

We know only what we see/hear and of course, assume.

I also "get" that sometimes providers are just venting.

Doesn't change the fact that I, personally feel providers are super judgmental about everything.

Clients use too much daycare....ie; bad parents, don't care about their kids, lazy etc...

Clients that don't want to pay full time or only use a partial week or want time off without being charged; don't understand how important consistency is, don't respect their provider or his/her attempt to operate a business....

It's a double edged sword and no matter how you look at it, parents just can't win. They're judged no matter what they do.

Take my opinion for what's it worth.....my opinion.

I don't think any of it is unique to daycare. My BIL is a mechanic and definitely judges his clients for the wear and tear on their vehicles. He tries to educate first, but when they ignore, make excuses or are just plain lazy, he doesn't feel bad for the big bill they end up getting to pay. He does feel bad for those who are trying and just can't quite afford it. He usually does it for free, but he loves to work on cars, lawnmowers, ect, so he has a passion for it. I think that matters.

I serve tables at night in a nice steakhouse and I do judge some people based on their dinner etiquette. We have had toddlers running through the restaurant, children who have barfed and the parents left it, stolen property, drunk people doing all sorts of stuff, ect. And we also have parents who have their children order and use their manners. Guests who will pay for another person's meal for no reason. Guests who come back just to see you because they love the service and just want a nice hot meal. And I take money from all of them! The dentist takes the money from the guy who never cares for his teeth, just as much from the guy who takes immaculate care for their teeth.

Translate that to daycare, and we try to educate and make parents aware of the future repercussion of their lack of action, but in many cases it is futile, because it is not a NOW problem. They will deal with it later on because they have too many other problems to deal with right now. Unfortunately, when it comes to kids, going backwards is rarely possible. My mom always taught me that the first few years are the most important , so it is always hard for me to understand parents who try to skip those years and fast forward to the older kid who they can be "friends" with. I imagine doctors must feel the same too. They try to warn about future repercussions of lack of medical attention and are ignored. I think many providers just feel ignored. Ignored by parents, ignored by the state licensing, ignored by society. The need to vent is almost visceral. Most businesses need a lot of money to open and get set up. You can literally start daycare in less than 24 hours in many states. I think that many providers have no idea what they are getting into.

I totally see where you are coming from and, imo, it is complicated and hypocritical on ALL sides. Whether the state, the parent, the provider...the best interest of the child is usually last on the list. I am just tired of the provider having to take the blame for it and being the only one expected to make changes to benefit the child. Look at the hot car debate. State is very hesitant to press charges and set an example, parent is martyred for their tragic loss, daycare is questioned as to why they never called to inform the parent they have their own child.:confused:

I don't know, but times are changing when it comes to parenting and daycare and I don't think it is for the better.

[Unregistered]

I have a parent of a 3 yr old boy. Mom is first one here to drop off. Last one to pick up. Mom only works part time. Child spends alot of time with step-grandparent in what many would call an unsafe environment. Eats nothing but fast food and junk. He is always tired and never on a schedule. He can get aggressive and has spent a large amount of his time with me in time out. The other kids seem to have a love hate relationship with him. Mostly because his temperament is so unpredictable. This boy has a father and although he does spend time with him, it's usually doing things like fishing until 2am or playing video games with friends online until the wee hours of the morning. When mom comes to pick up, she's usually in a hurry and is sort of detached from her son. He tries to tell her things he did during the day but she usually just tells him to stop talking and get his shoes on so they can go. She says "hurry up" to him alot. When she drops off, she is almost always on her phone and just walks DCB inside, signs him in and leaves without saying much more than a quick bye. DCB attends 5 days a week from open to close. The remaining time away from care is usually spent on the go or with random friends or family members.

[Annalee]

From another viewpoint, providers can fix some of these pet peeves we have. Case in point, one reason I started closing with the school closings is because I seemed to always have that few kids that had siblings at home with their parents on these days....so now I enjoy these days with my own kids and get the day off. The older I get the more I try to allow time for me and my family. I can't control other families but can control my own. There will never be a cut/dry way that will be agreed upon by all but providers can only do what works for them as can the parents. I don't feel parents are intentionally bad, they just don't view it like providers do.??

[Unregistered]

Who said people can't vent?

Venting is different than judging.

You ok Black cat? You seem triggered by this topic. Anyways explain how venting is different from judging.

[Cat Herder]

U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics : For release 10:00 a.m. (EDT) Thursday, June 28, 2018

"Care of Household Children for the period 2013-17
• Adults living in households with children under age 6 spent an average of 2.1 hours per day
providing primary childcare to household children. Adults living in households where the
youngest child was between the ages of 6 and 17 spent less than half as much time providing
primary childcare to household children—50 minutes per day. Primary childcare is childcare
that is done as a main activity, such as providing physical care or reading to children. (See
table 9.)
• On an average day, among adults living in households with children under age 6, women spent
1.1 hours providing physical care (such as bathing or feeding a child) to household children; by
contrast, men spent 26 minutes providing physical care. (See table 9.)
• Adults living in households with at least one child under age 6 spent an average of 5.4 hours per
day providing secondary childcare—that is, they had at least one child in their care while doing
activities other than primary childcare. Secondary childcare provided by adults living in
households with children under age 6 was most commonly provided while doing leisure
activities (2.0 hours) or household activities (1.4 hours). (See table 10.)
• Adults living in households with children under age 6 spent more time providing primary
childcare on an average weekday (2.2 hours) than on an average weekend day (2.0 hours).
However, they spent less time providing secondary childcare on weekdays than on weekend
days—4.5 hours, compared with 7.5 hours. (See tables 9 and 10.) " - https://www.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/atus.pdf

[Blackcat31]

From another viewpoint, providers can fix some of these pet peeves we have. Case in point, one reason I started closing with the school closings is because I seemed to always have that few kids that had siblings at home with their parents on these days....so now I enjoy these days with my own kids and get the day off. The older I get the more I try to allow time for me and my family. I can't control other families but can control my own. There will never be a cut/dry way that will be agreed upon by all but providers can only do what works for them as can the parents. I don't feel parents are intentionally bad, they just don't view it like providers do.??

THIS!

This is exactly my point when I "vent" about providers complaining about how parents parent.

You can't control others but you CAN control what you choose to be a part of and what you don't.

That really is the solution.

[Unregistered]

I have a parent of a 3 yr old boy. Mom is first one here to drop off. Last one to pick up. Mom only works part time. Child spends alot of time with step-grandparent in what many would call an unsafe environment. Eats nothing but fast food and junk. He is always tired and never on a schedule. He can get aggressive and has spent a large amount of his time with me in time out. The other kids seem to have a love hate relationship with him. Mostly because his temperament is so unpredictable. This boy has a father and although he does spend time with him, it's usually doing things like fishing until 2am or playing video games with friends online until the wee hours of the morning. When mom comes to pick up, she's usually in a hurry and is sort of detached from her son. He tries to tell her things he did during the day but she usually just tells him to stop talking and get his shoes on so they can go. She says "hurry up" to him alot. When she drops off, she is almost always on her phone and just walks DCB inside, signs him in and leaves without saying much more than a quick bye. DCB attends 5 days a week from open to close. The remaining time away from care is usually spent on the go or with random friends or family members.

This hurts my heart. A good example of a human that gave birth and is not a mother.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I just want to add that for me, daycare WAS unique in how much I took it so personally. As a server, I may judge, but I really don't care. I am an equal opportunity tip taker!:: Everyone gets the same service and I make great money, but it is an experience that lasts less than hour in most cases.

As for daycare, I stopped regular daycare due to family stuff, but I do drop in care (a lot of my server friends have young kids). I help parents when they work and I am way more selective on kids. I like that I can control who I work with and I take raising kids very personal, so it is a really awesome experience when you have a great family who really cares. I also like that I can detach and take no kids when I am feeling disenchanted with parents. So while I don't think venting or judgement is unique to daycare, maybe the reason for those sentiments is coming from a different, more personal, place. I give myself timeouts from it all, so I'm not sure what the answer is, but I just think it is tough to see so many kids struggling and so many adults just wandering around worried about themselves.

[Blackcat31]

You ok Black cat? You seem triggered by this topic. Anyways explain how venting is different from judging.

Perfectly fine.

Not sure why a topic that I feel strongly about equates to me not being okay but I'm just fine. Thanks for asking.

Vent: give free expression to (a strong emotion).

Judging: form an opinion or conclusion about.

Venting to me is letting off steam about YOU/YOUR situation (not someone else's) How you feel.

Judging to me is holding someone else to YOUR parameters. Expecting someone else to behave/react in the same way you would.

I see the two as completely different.

[lovemykidstoo]

I just want to add that for me, daycare WAS unique in how much I took it so personally. As a server, I may judge, but I really don't care. I am an equal opportunity tip taker!:: Everyone gets the same service and I make great money, but it is an experience that lasts less than hour in most cases.

As for daycare, I stopped regular daycare due to family stuff, but I do drop in care (a lot of my server friends have young kids). I help parents when they work and I am way more selective on kids. I like that I can control who I work with and I take raising kids very personal, so it is a really awesome experience when you have a great family who really cares. I also like that I can detach and take no kids when I am feeling disenchanted with parents. So while I don't think venting or judgement is unique to daycare, maybe the reason for those sentiments is coming from a different, more personal, place. I give myself timeouts from it all, so I'm not sure what the answer is, but I just think it is tough to see so many kids struggling and so many adults just wandering around worried about themselves.

This nailed it for me. I don't know how to adequately explain my thoughts I guess. I don't really think I'm being hypocritical (BC I'm not picking on you, I swear ) For example, I honestly feel terrible for a few of my kids that don't get that time with mom and dad when an older sibling does and it's constantly. I look on some of my parents fb pages and it's constant pics of older sibling doing stuff with them and none with the one I have. Some will even say that they can't take younger one with them because he/she acts up so bad. I want to say so bad that he/she is looking for attention. It makes no difference to me personally if they come or not, pick up early or not because it doesn't make my day shorter at all. It's not about me. I honestly feel empathy for the child, so that's why I don't feel like I'm judging in that particular way I guess. When I see the faces on the brother and sister on Fridays when kid after kid gets picked up and they get so excited and then disappointed when it's not their mom and she picks up almost 3 hours after she's done working and they're the last ones here? That makes me sad for them.