Parents That Want Nothing to Do with Parenting

[Unregistered]

Hello All! Been taking care of kiddos for many years. In March I took on a new baby. A sweet easy going little girl. Her parents are the most interesting yet. They are older first time parents (mom 42, dad 43) Baby is here 5 full days a week. She stays until 4:45 daily when mom picks up because dad will be done working and drive right by anytime before and never picks her up. (They live down the street). I am talking hours early he gets home, I have been outside many times with kiddos and he just goes on by. She comes on their days off. Dad is on vacation this week and guess what? Baby is here. Every day. I know from talking to mom that they tried to conceive for years. They are blessed to have her in my opinion. But..... they seem to act like integrating baby into their lives is too much for them. It pisses me off. Why have a child if you don't want to spend time with it? What was their point? Just to see if they could or not? Anybody else have these parents?

[Cat Herder]

I think we all do.

There is a societal concept of "getting their moneys worth" (and paying the least possible) and a current social acceptance of leaving kids in daycare 50 hours a week, or more. Even the parents who don't work and the ones who receive subsidy to cover the costs for them.

The QRIS advertising even makes new parents feel like their child will be behind if they don't .

When you add that to the newish idea that you can't be a "good" parent unless you have "plenty of me time", most parents really only do bedtime and occasional weekends anymore (over 50% in every other weekend custody and grandparent weekend care situations).

We really have to expect that kids will attend every minute we are open and adjust our schedules to that.

[Cat Herder]

This is a interesting old thread on this topic. https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=37348

It is always fun to read how our views have changed over time as our life teaches us new things.

[Ariana]

Todays society values women for working not raising children but there is also great pressure for women to have kids, so women are waiting longer and longer to have kids and then when they fulfill that goal they are already dedicated to their careers. Our society makes it very difficult for women to be good moms so they farm that job out to us. Some women step up and can do it all (like we do!) but most women get the message that its ok to have your kid at daycare all the time. Parents are not parenting anymore. Its tablet and tv time at home all the time, then drop off at daycare.

Yesterday at the mall I saw an obese 3-4 yr old sitting in a stroller glued to his tablet. You can tell that this kid is a huge nuisance to his parents and not being taught any social skills like how to behave in a mall.

[amberrose3dg]

Todays society values women for working not raising children but there is also great pressure for women to have kids, so women are waiting longer and longer to have kids and then when they fulfill that goal they are already dedicated to their careers. Our society makes it very difficult for women to be good moms so they farm that job out to us. Some women step up and can do it all (like we do!) but most women get the message that its ok to have your kid at daycare all the time. Parents are not parenting anymore. Its tablet and tv time at home all the time, then drop off at daycare.

Yesterday at the mall I saw an obese 3-4 yr old sitting in a stroller glued to his tablet. You can tell that this kid is a huge nuisance to his parents and not being taught any social skills like how to behave in a mall.

Man could I write a novel on this subject.
I agree with all that has been said so far.
I have children in my care that parents on average have not 1 but 2 days off every week. Their child is with me open to close every day. They never keep their child home.
Just last night I had an interview for school age children parents have back up but insist they need daycare that basically never closes even for snow days. Needless to say I do not feel they be a good fit.
Parents want to pay as little as possible, get best care as possible, leave their children for long as possible(open to close). They want someone else to raise them. I sometimes too wonder why so many people have children that they dont spend time with. When your kid is at daycare on his birthday and you are off that speaks volumes. I'm sad to see how children are growing up now a days. I'm with kids 24/7 and guess what I still take my kids everywhere on vacation etc... you think us childcare providers Be the ones needing a break!

[lovemykidstoo]

I totally understand when a parent has a day off or gets out early once in awhile leaving the child here, but out of 9 families, I swear 5 of them never ever get a day off and I know that they do. The child is here every single day, all day. I have parents that consistently come in regular clothes and they either had the entire day off or got off at 2:00 and pick up at 5:15 and this is every time they come. Then the one dad that lives down the road that takes a 2 hour nap after work and comes after 5 to pick up. Our son was in daycare until almost 3 years old and yup, sometimes I had a day off and took him, but picked up before lunch or as soon as he got up from nap on rare occasions, but 95% of the time I just had him with me and loved it. Maybe I had a doctors appt, dentist appt etc and that's why I took him for a few hours.

[Blackcat31]

I will never understand why child care providers (in general) are so judgmental towards clients that use their services.

Isn't that the point of having a business?
...clients that provide an income?

[lovemykidstoo]

I will never understand why child care providers (in general) are so judgmental towards clients that use their services.

Isn't that the point of having a business?
...clients that provide an income?

It really isn't about me. I'm here 10 hours a day regardless. I feel bad for the children. I can most definitely see a huge difference in the kids that the parents do alot with them. Take them to the zoo, picnics, parks, beaches, etc and the parents that don't. Maybe some of the discipline problems that I have are because some kids are starving for their parents attention. That is what I have an issue with. It's not about me getting a break by someone picking up early or whatever. Like I said, I'm here anyway. When I have a child here 50 hours a week, it makes me feel bad when I know mom and dad are sitting at home or out doing something fun with an older sibling, but that's just me.

I wanted to add that one of my saddest moments is every Friday when the siblings are the last to leave at 5:15 and the other 4 kids have already gone home and I know that mom got out at 2:15/2:30. That makes me sad for them because they get excited when each car pulls in.

[Ariana]

I will never understand why child care providers (in general) are so judgmental towards clients that use their services.

Isn't that the point of having a business?
...clients that provide an income?

I think it is because we see the value in a good parent/child relationship and kids who miss their parents a great deal. At least this is where I am coming from. I provide childcare but I don’t want to work 12 hour days and I don’t think it is necessary in most cases, however the providers who provide care for 12 hours a day for minimum fees are my direct competition. Its sad. Kinda like getting your money from a gambling addict, sure its money but sometimes you feel bad for the person. They seem to value the money spent above their kids.

I don’t think anyone is talking about a day here or there off without the kids and I think it is just a general assessment of parents today.

[Baby Beluga]

Me time...it is so important. But so is family time. I often find that parents who need a lot of me time, choose to be hands off parents and choosing to keep their children in care beyond what is needed are doing so because they are searching for something within themselves that they can't find. Low self esteem, laziness, depression, etc. IMO, it's all part of a greater issue.

[Blackcat31]

I'm well aware of the topic or subject and my comments aren't directed at anyone in particular......although I knew the 'in my defense' posts would follow.

It's just a bit "funny" and somewhat hypocritical for child care providers to complain/vent about this.
Mostly because we do not know everyone's situation nor their journey's.

We "think" we do, but we really don't..... and as humans we apply our "rules" and our ideals to what we think is or isn't good parenting.

Statements such as "I see how it effects DCK" etc but again, we only know part of the story.

We know only what we see/hear and of course, assume.

I also "get" that sometimes providers are just venting.

Doesn't change the fact that I, personally feel providers are super judgmental about everything.

Clients use too much daycare....ie; bad parents, don't care about their kids, lazy etc...

Clients that don't want to pay full time or only use a partial week or want time off without being charged; don't understand how important consistency is, don't respect their provider or his/her attempt to operate a business....

It's a double edged sword and no matter how you look at it, parents just can't win. They're judged no matter what they do.

Take my opinion for what's it worth.....my opinion.

[daycarediva]

I think we all do.

There is a societal concept of "getting their moneys worth" (and paying the least possible) and a current social acceptance of leaving kids in daycare 50 hours a week, or more. Even the parents who don't work and the ones who receive subsidy to cover the costs for them.

The QRIS advertising even makes new parents feel like their child will be behind if they don't .

When you add that to the newish idea that you can't be a "good" parent unless you have "plenty of me time", most parents really only do bedtime and occasional weekends anymore (over 50% in every other weekend custody and grandparent weekend care situations).

We really have to expect that kids will attend every minute we are open and adjust our schedules to that.

It really isn't about me. I'm here 10 hours a day regardless. I feel bad for the children. I can most definitely see a huge difference in the kids that the parents do alot with them. Take them to the zoo, picnics, parks, beaches, etc and the parents that don't. Maybe some of the discipline problems that I have are because some kids are starving for their parents attention. That is what I have an issue with. It's not about me getting a break by someone picking up early or whatever. Like I said, I'm here anyway. When I have a child here 50 hours a week, it makes me feel bad when I know mom and dad are sitting at home or out doing something fun with an older sibling, but that's just me.

I wanted to add that one of my saddest moments is every Friday when the siblings are the last to leave at 5:15 and the other 4 kids have already gone home and I know that mom got out at 2:15/2:30. That makes me sad for them because they get excited when each car pulls in.

Yes, and about 75% of my parents are separated/divorced, so they see even less of each parent. When I break down the numbers for one child...

7:30-5 M-F, 7:30 bedtime. 1/2 hour commute home.

2 hours of awake time at night, including dinner/bath/bed, and she ALWAYS "gets to watch a show" if she is good. She is with Mom Tue/Thurs and every other weekend (and once a month or so visits grandparents so Mom can go out) so a TOTAL of 4 hours of actual awake time M-F with Mom.

4 HOURS!? I spend more time with her in one MORNING than she gets with her parent.

Mom does not work FT.

Priorities? What's socially acceptable? I'm not sure but man it makes my heart hurt for her.

Parenting. It's a verb.

[Country Kids]

I'm well aware of the topic or subject and my comments aren't directed at anyone in particular......although I knew the 'in my defense' posts would follow.

It's just a bit "funny" and somewhat hypocritical for child care providers to complain/vent about this.
Mostly because we do not know everyone's situation nor their journey's.

We "think" we do, but we really don't..... and as humans we apply our "rules" and our ideals to what we think is or isn't good parenting.

Statements such as "I see how it effects DCK" etc but again, we only know part of the story.

We know only what we see/hear and of course, assume.

I also "get" that sometimes providers are just venting.

Doesn't change the fact that I, personally feel providers are super judgmental about everything.

Clients use too much daycare....ie; bad parents, don't care about their kids, lazy etc...

Clients that don't want to pay full time or only use a partial week or want time off without being charged; don't understand how important consistency is, don't respect their provider or his/her attempt to operate a business....

It's a double edged sword and no matter how you look at it, parents just can't win. They're judged no matter what they do.

Take my opinion for what's it worth.....my opinion.

It is not just childcare providers-teachers can give you an earful also.

Parents that can never get there child to school on time

Parents that can't even get there children to school (big problem here)

Parents that don't ever contact the teacher, come to conferences, respond to letters, emails, etc. and they are the ones that need to.

The parents that usually inquire about their child, show up to conferences, try to find out if their child needs anything are the parents that really don't need to as there are no issues with their child.

And the list goes on and on and on

I'm sure pediatricians have earfuls also.

Any business will have some issues with their clients no matter what it is.

Wal-Mart has an entire FB page with stories on their customers.

If we had perfect parents there would be no reason for a forum I'm sure. Most of the post are questions, complaints or trying to figure something out. With state regulations coming down more on us, more QRIS regulations, and more and more and more, I can't imagine not having the forum. When we were just able to have our in home business with out so much extra worry, it was much easier to do.

So I guess we ask ourselves is there a need for the forum or should we just post positive stories with no questions, complaints, etc. If you look the venting sections have PAGES of vents so that should tell you we are needing a place to go.

[Annalee]

It is not just childcare providers-teachers can give you an earful also.

Parents that can never get there child to school on time

Parents that can't even get there children to school (big problem here)

Parents that don't ever contact the teacher, come to conferences, respond to letters, emails, etc. and they are the ones that need to.

The parents that usually inquire about their child, show up to conferences, try to find out if their child needs anything are the parents that really don't need to as there are no issues with their child.

And the list goes on and on and on

I'm sure pediatricians have earfuls also.

Any business will have some issues with their clients no matter what it is.

Wal-Mart has an entire FB page with stories on their customers.

If we had perfect parents there would be no reason for a forum I'm sure. Most of the post are questions, complaints or trying to figure something out. With state regulations coming down more on us, more QRIS regulations, and more and more and more, I can't imagine not having the forum. When we were just able to have our in home business with out so much extra worry, it was much easier to do.

So I guess we ask ourselves is there a need for the forum or should we just post positive stories with no questions, complaints, etc. If you look the venting sections have PAGES of vents so that should tell you we are needing a place to go.

VENTING is THERAPY and keeps us all SANE!!!!!!happyface

[amberrose3dg]

VENTING is THERAPY and keeps us all SANE!!!!!!happyface

All of this!
I try not to judge anyone we all have it hard. We never know what someone is going through. With that said I cant help but feel bad for the kids that parents are steps away from neglect. They do just enough to keep the authorities off their door. I do not do open to close to encourage parents to spend time with their kids.
I have seen kids that come every day for a year while dad looks for work. He then brags about hunting or fishing etc.. I just dont understand why not 1 day in a year you keep your kid home to spend time with them. They are also at care from your drop off time to pick up and never pick up early either. I think they are missing out on some important time they will never get back. You will get plenty of me time when they grown and gone. Build those memories now or you never will.