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  • Difficulty During Nap Time

    Hi,

    My son (4.5y) goes to a daycare center for ages 0-12. The center has nap time from 12-2pm. He started off napping pretty much every day (at age 3) and continuously gravitated to napping less and less. Now I feel lucky if he naps 1 day a week.

    His teacher says that they don't expect everyone to nap, but they expect everyone to have a rest period where they lay on their mat. I am in constant communication with his teacher since he's has some days of disturbing others during nap time.

    His teacher has told him that he doesn't have to sleep but he has to be quiet and still. I told her that the trick we use with him at home is "pretend you're asleep" and that I would prefer her to tell him that, especially if he is being a distraction, she can take away his privilege to quietly rest and he will now need to be still/eyes closed. I prefer that he sleeps, but I know you can't force someone to sleep if they are not tired. She has been using this "trick" the past week and it seems to have made an impact on his behavior during nap time (no reports of him being a disturbance), but he is still not sleeping. She tells me he will lay there for over an hour with his eyes shut and he's just not falling asleep.

    He has a consequence if he does not fall asleep during nap time (no leap frog game). It's a big deal to him right now because his cousin just passed the game to him and he has only got to play with it one day so far.

    I just want to get some input from people who are more experienced with kids/napping/sleeping. He has incredible difficulty falling asleep at night, too. I talk to his pediatrician about it and he is absolutely not concerned at all (although I'm considering a second opinion). I don't know if it's bad parenting on my part or if he's just a totally bad sleeper. I thought it was normal up until he was around 2 and his sleeping habits have not gotten any better.

    I just feel bad that he is laying there for 2 hours, he says that he can "play with his hands" but he is not given a book or coloring page or anything to do while the other kids nap. Is that normal? At what point do you just decide a kid has outgrown napping and give him something else to do--at least for the second hour of nap time? :confused:

  • #2
    Sounds like he has outgrown nap time. If he is tired, he would fall asleep, especially after being given over an hour to facilitate it. I would say that, since he may not need a nap, he has outgrown the program.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by mommyneedsadayoff View Post
      Sounds like he has outgrown nap time. If he is tired, he would fall asleep, especially after being given over an hour to facilitate it. I would say that, since he may not need a nap, he has outgrown the program.
      So what would I do with him? They have me under the impression all daycares are required by licensing to have this rest period. Is that not true? I am in Utah. I have planned on keeping him at this center though their SA program until he ages out at age 12.

      I can not enroll him in kindergarten because he is not 5.

      I am trying to work with the daycare to help them as much as I can, but so often I am getting the report "he was so good except for at nap time". I wanted to make sure I've done everything I can before inquiring about an alternative to nap time with the director. I would REALLY him rather get the sleep, I don't feel he gets adequate sleep without nap time, but since he's not sleeping I don't know what is best for him.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by happymom View Post
        So what would I do with him? They have me under the impression all daycares are required by licensing to have this rest period. Is that not true? I am in Utah. I have planned on keeping him at this center though their SA program until he ages out at age 12.

        I can not enroll him in kindergarten because he is not 5.

        I am trying to work with the daycare to help them as much as I can, but so often I am getting the report "he was so good except for at nap time". I wanted to make sure I've done everything I can before inquiring about an alternative to nap time with the director. I would REALLY him rather get the sleep, I don't feel he gets adequate sleep without nap time, but since he's not sleeping I don't know what is best for him.
        hmm, well, I am not sure. It sounds like your options may be limited, so I would peak with the daycare and see if you have any options first. Would he be allowed to do quiet activities/read/paint/ect, if he does not fall asleep within a certain time period. If they say no, then I would start looking for other care. Of course, a nanny can cost so much more, so if that is not an option and if there are no other programs you can try, I am not sure I have the answer for you. I wish I could be more help, but my only real advice is to find a program that fits you, so it may take some research, but I hope you can find something that works! Best wishes!

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        • #5
          Thank you. I also have a baby (which closes the pay gap for a nanny a bit), but I prefer group care for a lot of reasons.

          I'll talk to them about other options, he still has 1 full year before kindergarten and that's a lot of mat time if he's not napping. Poor guy!

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          • #6
            Do they really say "good except for nap time"?

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
              Do they really say "good except for nap time"?
              Pretty much, yes. Sometimes it says that on his written report as well.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by happymom View Post
                So what would I do with him? They have me under the impression all daycares are required by licensing to have this rest period. Is that not true? I am in Utah. I have planned on keeping him at this center though their SA program until he ages out at age 12.

                I can not enroll him in kindergarten because he is not 5.

                I am trying to work with the daycare to help them as much as I can, but so often I am getting the report "he was so good except for at nap time". I wanted to make sure I've done everything I can before inquiring about an alternative to nap time with the director. I would REALLY him rather get the sleep, I don't feel he gets adequate sleep without nap time, but since he's not sleeping I don't know what is best for him.
                Grrrr! Of course he is "so good except for nap time" as CLEARLY nap time is not provided in a developmentally appropriate way and to be honest I don't agree with their methods....the way I read the regulations for Utah it says:

                R381--100-19 CHILD DISCIPLINE

                Child discipline shall not include any of the following:
                (e) forcing or with holding food, rest and/or toilet use.


                Requiring them to lie perfectly still for 2 hours is ridiculous and in my honest opinion "forcing" rest. He is NOT capable (developmentally and humanly)of lying still for 2 hours and "pretending to be asleep".

                I think they need to really re-think their nap/rest routines as their rules are rather inappropriate for the age group in which he is in.

                Is he still with the older group or the younger group?

                Either way, their requirement is not okay. I know they can say that the center might not be a good fit for him then and I know you aren't wanting to change but I do think a good heart to heart with the Director might be in order.

                Even if you switched programs, what this one has going on is not appropriate for the age group.

                I require ALL children I have in care (0-6 yrs old) to participate in rest time. For those that do not sleep, I play audio books so they have something to do.

                I am 15X your son's age and I don't think I am capable of lying perfectly still for two hours. :confused:

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Blackcat31 View Post

                  Is he still with the older group or the younger group?

                  Either way, their requirement is not okay. I know they can say that the center might not be a good fit for him then and I know you aren't wanting to change but I do think a good heart to heart with the Director might be in order.

                  Even if you switched programs, what this one has going on is not appropriate for the age group.

                  I require ALL children I have in care (0-6 yrs old) to participate in rest time. For those that do not sleep, I play audio books so they have something to do.

                  I am 15X your son's age and I don't think I am capable of lying perfectly still for two hours. :confused:
                  He moves to the older group starting Monday, but nothing changes in regards to nap time.

                  I am going to talk to the director about accommodations, but I wanted to see, first, if I could get him back in a napping routine.

                  Over the long weekend I WAS able to get him to nap. I REALLY do think he should have a nap, so I want to exhaust all my options in regards to turning him in to a napper again rather than get him on a no-nap plan with the daycare.

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                  • #10
                    This is the same place that was already not developmentally appropriate in expectations when doing activities right?.. Wasn't it already discussed here? I wouldn't want my kids in a place where they are called good or bad and the teachers make them do things they can't and then it's a problem. Am I mixing this up with another poster? I remember suggesting you look at one new place, just one, and see what might be different.

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                    • #11
                      Laying quietly at nap time should count as a nap. Whether he sleeps or not isn't really any of their business if he's not disturbing others...He is, in fact, resting as requested.

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                      • #12
                        I understand your dilemma. But he is getting to old for a nap especially if he is not taking one at this age. I don't have any advice as I believe it's perfectly normal for this to happen around this age. I'm confused as to why they don't have an alternative for him during this rest period other than lay there quietly for 2 hours. That doesn't seem appropriate.

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                        • #13
                          I'm wondering what they do with their 60-90 min nappers? They can't be claiming that every single child naps for 2 hours???? There is no way. I have a non-napper. He lays quietly until the first child wakes naturally. Then they are up to play quietly together. That's about an hour usually. I put him down LAST to reduce the amount of time he has to lay down....and he's at the age where he does still need the rest time. Otherwise I'd probably only make him lay down for about 30 min (long enough for me to have a little break) before letting him up.

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                          • #14
                            From what I understand talking with his teacher (this is his new teacher, by the way, a different teacher than he was with when he had problems) the kids lay quietly until the fall asleep.

                            Some kids fall asleep immediately, for some kids it takes them 30 minutes (therefore they get a 90 minute nap), and the ones that take an hour to fall asleep get a 60 minute nap. All of the kids are woke up at 2pm regardless of what time they fell asleep. When my son sleeps he has NEVER woken up prior to the 2pm wake up time.

                            I do not believe they have a lot of kids waking up before the 2pm mark. Once my son fell asleep at 1:55 only to be aroused at 2:00 and he was GRUMPY about that.

                            Laying quietly IS an option for him, but there have been a handful of times where he is not laying quietly. He wakes up his friends who he notices have fallen asleep by tapping them or calling their names. I understand that HE may have developmentally outgrown nap time, but he can not take that away from his peers. To me that is unacceptable.

                            I still have not inquired with his teacher about finding an alternative quiet activity for him. I wasn't sure if it was an appropriate request or if there is something else I can do to help him sleep. I really want him to have a nap, he could really use the sleep.

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                            • #15
                              Happymom, what is his bedtime? What is his wake time?

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