Parent Visiting Day Care Every Day for an Extended Time

[Play Care]

In the op it says the restraining order no longer includes the child but because of the current order with the spouse, visitation outside of day care isn't happening.

Again, I'm not comfortable with the situation but the providers hands may legally be tied. Unless there is a current order of protection in file that includes the child, she probably can't deny access to a parent.

[spedmommy4]

Thank you for your replies, I am also thinking a call to licensing is the best way go forward here.

This is in California.

There is no law in California that prevents the provider from allowing it. . I just moved from that state and know those laws well. Your friend needs to talk it out with the provider.

[AmyKidsCo]

Why isn't your friend sharing her feelings/thoughts with the provider?

Good question. She should talk with the provider to get the full story.

I feel bad for the Dad and the child. Obviously there are some issues, but at least he wants to spend time with his child. Not all non-custodial Dads are like that.

[Thriftylady]

Good question. She should talk with the provider to get the full story.

I feel bad for the Dad and the child. Obviously there are some issues, but at least he wants to spend time with his child. Not all non-custodial Dads are like that.

Unless he is like my ex was. He was all about his kids, as long as he could use them as a way to control me. Once he could no longer get to me with that, he signed them over for DH to adopt. Which is great, I am just still angry the way he used them. This may be that case or a case where dad was told no for a good reason and is trying to find a loophole. We don't know why he has supervised visitation, but I can promise you there is a reason.

[MunchkinWrangler]

In the op it says the restraining order no longer includes the child but because of the current order with the spouse, visitation outside of day care isn't happening.

Again, I'm not comfortable with the situation but the providers hands may legally be tied. Unless there is a current order of protection in file that includes the child, she probably can't deny access to a parent.

I get what you're saying but then he needs to take the child elsewhere, not hang out at the daycare. Also, I wouldn't allow this type of behavior from either parent. I would never want to be in the middle of this type of situation. If anyone tried to pull this with me, I would replace and term based on the simple fact of not making it my problem.

[Unregistered]

Honestly I would be very surprised if licensing had an issue with this provided the parent was signing in (if required by regulations) and never alone with the other children. Most regulations are very much on the side of parental rights and allowing parents access to their kids. As for notifying parents, again, this is a parent visiting. It's probably protected the same way your friends provider couldn't tell other parents about her or her child.

Not saying it's something I agree with, but from a licensing standpoint it's probably not the issue it is for your friend.

That said, if your friend isn't comfortable with it she should approach the provider and be ready to find other care.

In Texas, he would be required to have a background check. Anyone around the children that much would need the background check.

I would NEVER allow this.

[Unregistered]

Good question. She should talk with the provider to get the full story.

I feel bad for the Dad and the child. Obviously there are some issues, but at least he wants to spend time with his child. Not all non-custodial Dads are like that.

She already knows more than the provider is legally allowed to disclose. I would seriously question this provider's judgement.

[Jenniferdawn]

I'm in California and I would think this would not be allowed according to what my licensor says. She told me any person in the house for more than regular occasional drop in needs to be fingerprinted and background checked. We had this conversation because I have several sisters in town that like to come by and visit me while I am working and I needed to know if they needed to be fingerprinted or not. As a provider, and as a parent, I would not feel comfortable with the situation at all nor would I want to risk the trust of my other parents not feeling comfortable either.

[CityGarden]

In the op it says the restraining order no longer includes the child but because of the current order with the spouse, visitation outside of day care isn't happening.

Again, I'm not comfortable with the situation but the providers hands may legally be tied. Unless there is a current order of protection in file that includes the child, she probably can't deny access to a parent.

I wouldn't like it, either. Does he have clear background checks? Is he fingerprinted? Etc etc.

Fwiw, I don't allow my daycare parents to stay. Period.

I cannot speak for other states but in California many preschools and schools require parents who volunteer or are present on site beyond drop off and pick up to be background checked and finger printed. While you cannot deny access to the child IF the parent has custody AND if they have legal access to the child at that time, you can set boundaries on how much and in what capacity a parent can be on-site regardless of custody status.

If the child were school age, say 2nd grade, what do you think the reaction of a principal would be to a non-custodial parent asking to spend 3 hours a day just in class with their child? At my school age dd's school we don't just get to sit in the class anytime we want.... we don't get to volunteer in class just because we have the day off ---- there are guidelines set by the school in place.

I feel you can set policy that works for your program as a home daycare provider and as long as the policy is the same for everyone (and is not in violation of the law or licensing) it would be fair.

She is essentially supervising his visits for free. If he can't have unsupervised visits with his kid then why can he be around others kids?

If he can have unsupervised visits with his kid then he can pick the kid up and return the child at specific times.

If the provider is expected to supervise she needs to charge a $20 an hr supervised visit fee. Paid up front and not to be included in the tuition fees.

I think the dad is able to now have unsupervised visited based on one of the post BUT if that were not the case.....

California does have guidelines and often in the legally binding custody order most often states who can or cannot provide that supervision and in some cases where those supervised visits can take place.

If there is a restraining order between the non-custodial parent and the custodial parent is allowed access to the child by the court and no arrangements have been made then the non-custodial parent should go to court to have such arrangements made either thru a judge or a mediator. They should pick the child up like Nanny De notes!

Non-custodial parents who cannot be around the custodial parents make arrangements all the time to see their child without the burden being on the daycare provider.

Some examples:

• Child will be picked up Friday from daycare by NCP Friday evening at 5:00pm and returned to daycare Monday morning by 8:00am. Child will be in the custody of CP from Monday at 8:00am - Friday at 5:00pm.
  
• Child will be dropped off at X park by Grandma or Grandpa to NCP at 8:00am on Saturday and returned to Grandma or Grandpa at X park at 5:00pm on Saturday
  
• Child and NCP will have supervised visits at X Courthouse under the monitor of a court appointed supervisor.

Btw - the court appointed supervised visits can be $$$$ so know there is a value in that. Also know your rights that you cannot be forced to supervise the visits as a dcp in California even if the parents have it added to their custody plan. You can say you are unable to supervise visits because you need to supervise X number of children and cannot focus and thus accept liability for the supervision of the NCP and child visit.

That said, your friends best option here is direct communication with the provider. If this situation is making her feel unsafe/uncomfortable with the environment, she needs to communicate that. If she feels that the environment may no longer be suitable for her child, if these visits don't stop, then she may need to give notice.

The providers heart may be in the right place here but she may not realize how it's making her other clients feel. I'd tell your friend to share her concerns in a nice but direct way. If it's a deal breaker for her child continuing to stay, the provider needs to know.

I agree will all that is stated above by spedmommy4, all of info I shared above is more related to IF the friend on the OP is the custodial parent.

[Blackcat31]

She already knows more than the provider is legally allowed to disclose. I would seriously question this provider's judgement.

Exactly! Why does the OP ("a friend") even know this information?

Sounds to me like the parent needs to be questioning the providers integrity, not the issue with a non-custodial parent visits.

Unless OP isnt who they say they are....

[Play Care]

In Texas, he would be required to have a background check. Anyone around the children that much would need the background check.

I would NEVER allow this.

In my State the only people who need background checks are the ones who are alone with kids.

While I personally have a policy saying that parents can't hang out, I truly don't know if the State would back me up. Here anyway, parental rights trump providers.

[AmyKidsCo]

She already knows more than the provider is legally allowed to disclose. I would seriously question this provider's judgement.

Assuming it's the provider who shared all of this info. Maybe the dad told the friend who told the OP. Or maybe it was a friend of a friend, which isn't as weird as it seems. I've had several situations where dc families discovered that they had friends in common that they didn't know about before.

[Thriftylady]

Assuming it's the provider who shared all of this info. Maybe the dad told the friend who told the OP. Or maybe it was a friend of a friend, which isn't as weird as it seems. I've had several situations where dc families discovered that they had friends in common that they didn't know about before.

Well that can happen. Kids from two of my families realized they had a cousin in common (but I think actually by marriage), but this is a ton of details to know without being in the situation IMHO.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Imo, the OP sounds like the parent. They are mad that NC father is seeing the kid at daycare and are looking for a way to force the provider to stop letting it happen.

[Play Care]

Eh, I run a SMALL in home. While parents don't find information out from me, it's absurd to think they don't ever talk or even know each other outside of day care.

When I had a situation with a client who had custody issues, everyone knew and not because of me.

The OP said the provider was "encouraging" the parent to hang out at the dc, which is what I've tried to address. The provider may not have a choice or feel she has a choice.