Spoiler Alert

[TwinMama]

I felt bad at the time, because it wasn't her fault.

But generally I think people should be careful about what they say to their kids. Instead of Santa isn't real, say "our family doesn't have Santa we do x y or z," instead.

Honestly, I don't believe in God, but I'd never announce or allow my children to announce there is no such thing. At the end of the day it's about manners/respect.

Exactly!!!! That's just it. So now she has given a 3 year old the ammo to ruin someone else's magic and she doesn't even think about it.

[Michael]

Here's a question: is the Jehovah's witness that doesn't make Christmas magical for their child being a better parent than the atheist who doesn't make Christmas magical for their child (which you think is just being lazy)? Honestly. Cause that's what it sounds like you're saying.

I can't imagine a parent excluding a child from being imaginative and creative. There are three ways to look at Christmas. As a religious belief, as a secular belief and as both.

Would a parent keep a child from going to Disneyland or watch the film Frozen because they feel it is not real?

Allow a children's mind to be free and creative. As the philosopher Geothe wrote: "See the world through a child's eyes". I wouldn't want to make a child look at the world through an adult's perspective.

Here is a good read: http://wallstreetinsanity.com/9-reas...a-childs-eyes/

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Here's a question: is the Jehovah's witness that doesn't make Christmas magical for their child being a better parent than the atheist who doesn't make Christmas magical for their child (which you think is just being lazy)? Honestly. Cause that's what it sounds like you're saying.

I don't think the poster was saying that at all. We are not religious, but we love following the traditions and Santa is a part of that. It is okay not to believe, but just as I don't tell my children (who are 3 and 6) that there is no God, I don't tell them there is no Santa. They have plenty of life to grow up and come to their own conclusions or discoveries.

[Play Care]

Here's a question: is the Jehovah's witness that doesn't make Christmas magical for their child being a better parent than the atheist who doesn't make Christmas magical for their child (which you think is just being lazy)? Honestly. Cause that's what it sounds like you're saying.

Not sure if you were referring to my post, but I clearly stated:

Honestly with this family I felt it was more about being too lazy to make/sustain traditions than the fact they felt they were "lying" to their kid

Also, they were not Atheist, I am. IIRC, they were of the B'ahai Faith.
On a side note, my current assistant and her family do not do Santa, bunny, etc. because they are very religious (however they do put up a tree at Christmas and do baskets at Easter, the gifts are just from mom and dad). But she has never said anything to the dck's about it. Her son is in class with my dd and they are friends, he has never said that he doesn't believe, it's not real, etc.
My point was that a parent who doesn't teach their child to be respectful of other families traditions/beliefs, regardless of what they believe, is doing their child a grave disservice.

[TwinMama]

I can't imagine a parent excluding a child from being imaginative and creative. There are three ways to look at Christmas. As a religious belief, as a secular belief and as both.

Would a parent keep a child from going to Disneyland or watch the film Frozen because they feel it is not real?

Allow a children's mind to be free and creative. As the philosopher Geothe wrote: "See the world through a child's eyes". I wouldn't want to make a child look at the world through an adult's perspective.

Here is a good read: http://wallstreetinsanity.com/9-reas...a-childs-eyes/

Agreed!!!

[TwinMama]

Mom picked him up and said she was sorry. She didn't think he'd tell other kids. She said it broke her heart because she didn't know that he wanted Santa to come to their house. He still gets presents, but they always say they're from them.

She said she would talk to her husband about it, because it's his family that doesn't have Santa come, not her. She still wants me to do the projects and crafts that I want to and to definitely still have elf on a shelf come.

She dropped him off this morning but her and her husband didn't have time to talk last night. She said they will tonight and she would fill me in. She told 3 year old dcb to just not talk about it in front of the other kids.

I'm sorry....what?!? You just told a 3 year old to not say anything?!?!

[Play Care]

Mom picked him up and said she was sorry. She didn't think he'd tell other kids. She said it broke her heart because she didn't know that he wanted Santa to come to their house. He still gets presents, but they always say they're from them.

She said she would talk to her husband about it, because it's his family that doesn't have Santa come, not her. She still wants me to do the projects and crafts that I want to and to definitely still have elf on a shelf come.

She dropped him off this morning but her and her husband didn't have time to talk last night. She said they will tonight and she would fill me in. She told 3 year old dcb to just not talk about it in front of the other kids.

I'm sorry....what?!? You just told a 3 year old to not say anything?!?!

Maybe I'm just a mean old fuddy duddy, but I wouldn't allow one family to dictate what we do for our holiday curriculum. I usually tell parents that we do talk about all the holidays that are at this time of year, I come from a Christian background (no need to go further with clients, IMO) and we have a tree, stockings, etc in my home. I would not be a good fit for a family that didn't celebrate anything and didn't want their child to participate in holiday celebrations.

[TwinMama]

Maybe I'm just a mean old fuddy duddy, but I wouldn't allow one family to dictate what we do for our holiday curriculum. I usually tell parents that we do talk about all the holidays that are at this time of year, I come from a Christian background (no need to go further with clients, IMO) and we have a tree, stockings, etc in my home. I would not be a good fit for a family that didn't celebrate anything and didn't want their child to participate in holiday celebrations.

That's my thing too. Thank you for not making me feel bad about this. I was like...ok...well I was going to do it anyhow. I almost feel like they're not a good fit anyhow. I know it would be ridiculous in a way, because people can believe what they want....but I don't want to risk the other kids Santa memories being ruined because of this family. It would be different if they said...no...our family celebrates this way this is our religion...but they're not.

[Unregistered]

You see- You said it right there: "It would be different if they said 'Our family celebrates this way. This is our religion'". But, they didn't. They aren't the Jehovah's witnesses in my example, they're the atheists. And they are being judged as if they are inferior.

I wrote a long message but erased it. I have so much to say. But I won't. I see it won't be well received. Dominant culture. I'll leave it at that.

I'm trying to be as unoffensive as possible with all of the offense I have built up in me over this! I hope this plants just a seed of understanding that there are people with different beliefs and that we aren't inferior parents.

[Alwaysgreener]

So my 3 year old dcb just said to me that Mommy and Daddy told him that Santa isn't for real.

I don't need him telling the other kids that. I think it's jacked that they tell him that when he's 3.

How do I approach this? I make a pretty big deal out of Christmas in general and I have a ton of Santa books and arts and crafts. Whatever they believe is their business, but I want my children to believe and the other kids believe too.

I find this to be rude that you would say it that way.
We choose not to do Santa or the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy. Just because this is outside your Norm does not mean that it is Jacked.

Even though we do choose to not to tell her these lies. We also choose to not ruin it for other families. We have not told her either way about the jolly old man. We simply tell her that the man in the picture is a man.

We still get her gifts and basket but they are from us not a fake person.

I would let any care givers for my dd know, quietly that we don't do them and hope that the care giver would respect that.

[TwinMama]

You see- You said it right there: "It would be different if they said 'Our family celebrates this way. This is our religion'". But, they didn't. They aren't the Jehovah's witnesses in my example, they're the atheists. And they are being judged as if they are inferior.

I wrote a long message but erased it. I have so much to say. But I won't. I see it won't be well received. Dominant culture. I'll leave it at that.

I'm trying to be as unoffensive as possible with all of the offense I have built up in me over this! I hope this plants just a seed of understanding that there are people with different beliefs and that we aren't inferior parents.

So you think it's okay that they could possibly ruin another child's Christmas? Just don't do Santa. I don't care, but tell them we believe something different. We don't believe in Santa. Don't tell him it's not real for the simple fact that he could ruin the spirit of Christmas for another child.

You said other people have other beliefs!!! That's right. Tell him you BELIEVE something different. It's about how you word things to a child.

[TwinMama]

I find this to be rude that you would say it that way.
We choose not to do Santa or the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy. Just because this is outside your Norm does not mean that it is Jacked.

Even though we do choose to not to tell her these lies. We also choose to not ruin it for other families. We have not told her either way about the jolly old man. We simply tell her that the man in the picture is a man.

We still get her gifts and basket but they are from us not a fake person.

I would let any care givers for my dd know, quietly that we don't do them and hope that the care giver would respect that.

That's not it at all....like I told previous poster....and you said it yourself. you didn't tell her either way about Santa. Tell the child your family believes something different. Don't tell him that he's not real!!! He's real to another child and another family, but he may not be to yours. It's about how you word things.

[Play Care]

I find this to be rude that you would say it that way.
We choose not to do Santa or the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy. Just because this is outside your Norm does not mean that it is Jacked.

Even though we do choose to not to tell her these lies. We also choose to not ruin it for other families. We have not told her either way about the jolly old man. We simply tell her that the man in the picture is a man.

We still get her gifts and basket but they are from us not a fake person.

I would let any care givers for my dd know, quietly that we don't do them and hope that the care giver would respect that.

I think you are misunderstanding - it's not that they don't do those things, it's that they tell a 3 yo he isn't real, and then that 3 yo goes on to tell other kids that he isn't. And frankly, just as you have the right to not "do" Santa, other families have the right to do him. As a family if you chose not to focus on the secular aspects of a holiday or feel it's "lying" then don't. Do as you have been. But telling a young child Santa/Bunny etc. isn't real *knowing* full well that they will inadvertently ruin it for another child is rude.

And to unregistered, if the family doesn't celebrate at all then say "some families do this, but we do not." Why is it the providers responsibility to do/not do anything holiday wise because of your beliefs? I certainly wouldn't tell the children I don't believe in God and don't think one exists.
And, as an atheist I still celebrate the non-religious aspects of holiday.

[Play Care]

And I never understood the whole "lying" argument anyway.
We never really did Santa or Jesus or Bunny, but my kids caught on. I've always said I'm happy to maintain the illusion but once they get to where they question I wouldn't lie.
Some of our best memories have been leaving out cookies for Santa and making reindeer food to scatter outside on Christmas Eve. My 10 yo asked me last year and I asked her what she thought. She said, "I know it's not possible but I still believe. It's fun."
So there you go. Traumatized she was not. ::

[TwinMama]

i think you are misunderstanding - it's not that they don't do those things, it's that they tell a 3 yo he isn't real, and then that 3 yo goes on to tell other kids that he isn't. And frankly, just as you have the right to not "do" santa, other families have the right to do him. As a family if you chose not to focus on the secular aspects of a holiday or feel it's "lying" then don't. Do as you have been. But telling a young child santa/bunny etc. Isn't real *knowing* full well that they will inadvertently ruin it for another child is rude.

And to unregistered, if the family doesn't celebrate at all then say "some families do this, but we do not." why is it the providers responsibility to do/not do anything holiday wise because of your beliefs? I certainly wouldn't tell the children i don't believe in god and don't think one exists.
And, as an atheist i still celebrate the non-religious aspects of holiday.

thank you!!! Yes!! This!!!