CIO 7-Mos.-Old

[Heidi]

Not too bad of a night! Not nearly as bad as I thought it would be!

Lots of dramatic crying that shushing and time soothed.

I'm sorry, but I'm a little confused.

Are you just trying to get her to sleep on her own during the day, with minimal rocking, etc, but want to keep co-sleeping at night?

If that's the case, I think you would actually be making the whole thing way harder on little muffin. If she learns to go to sleep on her own in the day, she can also resettle at night. It's unlikely that she NEEDS night time nutrition (unless she's 100% breastfed yet, which is cool, but changes the dynamics).

If you really, really, believe she's hungry at night, then keep the nursing as simple as possible. No talking, dim lights, no singing, no rocking, etc. Just a drink, then back to bed. Otherwise, treat it like you do naps. Routine, tuck her in, say good night, and leave. If she wakes at night, give her a few minutes to resettle on her own before going in. If she's sleeping in your room, get her out of there. If she can hear you breathing, she's not going to be cool with you ignoring her.

It's hard enough when we have a dck doing one thing at home (at night) than at daycare. Now, you're adding that she is in the same place both times, and I'm afraid she can't yet tell the difference between night and day sleep. What she can learn, though, is that HER bed is a warm, cozy, special place that mommy puts her in and she gets to go night-night. Yeah! happyface

Did I misunderstand?

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

She is in crib (well, pack n play) naps and bedtime. Otherwise , I think she would be super confused! She gets shushed but not picked up. Back pats after 5 min and then she is fine.

She is breastfed but gets bottles at night. So, she drank it in crib, it got removed, and back to sleep she went.

Loud sound machine so I don't think she hears me breathing? Maybe!

[MarinaVanessa]

CIO- THE BEST invention ever!

I don't mean CIO for hours on end like people assume (wrongfully).

CIO teaches the child independence, and can start around 6-8 months. It teaches the child you CAN be trusted.

How it is SUPPOSED to work:

1. Meet all the child's needs (fed? Held? Boogies wiped? changed?)
2. Put child down on a consistent schedule when possible
3. If the child starts to cry right away, do not pick up the child
4. leave wait 5 minutes
5. if child is still crying, check and reassure but NO picking up the baby
6. leave and wait 5 minutes
7. check and reassure, leave and repeat til child is asleep.

Eventually the checking and reassuring lessens (not every few minutes) but at first you do have to do that.

After a week or so, the baby should have no problem sleeping.

This isn't CIO btw. CIO literally is to leave a child to cry itself to sleep. What the above parent is suggesting sounds more like "Babywise", Ferber etc. I'm really late in the game here but I've been so busy I haven't been able to check in on the forum much lately but since this is something I really feel strongly about I just have to chime in.

CIO is to leave a child to cry in the hope that the child will learn to stop crying ... even if if takes over an hour. I don't agree with this method and I wouldn't do this with my children and would never do it with my daycare children, especially when a child is under a year old. I would however do what the parent is suggesting above.

Put the baby down for nap, reassure the baby with gentle touches and a soothing voice then walk away. Baby cries so I would let baby cry for 5 minutes or so then I'd go in reassure baby with gentle touches and soothing voice again until baby was calm without picking baby up then walk out again. Baby cries again but this time let baby cry for 6 minutes. Rinse and repeat by adding 1 minute to my waiting time before going in again but never going past 15 minutes. After 15 minutes of crying if I wasn't able to sooth baby with patting or gentle tones then I would pick baby up, that's my personal choice. I wouldn't let a child under 1 cry for more than 15 minutes.

When a baby is under 1 they are forming all new brain connections and should be forming positive relationships and learning trust. This is accomplished through responsive care giving. CIO means that If the child's needs aren't being met when the baby cries then the baby will learn that it is useless to cry and alert their caregiver of their needs because it is hopeless to expect to have their needs met so they eventually just give up and won't cry anymore. Infant and young children that are left to cry for long periods if time show that over time and as older children are more needy, withdrawn, introverted, aggressive, have trouble making friends and are overall more likely to be untrusting. CIO can actually make this issue worse.

I'm talking about actual, real to the definition CIO as in "I'm going to leave this child in the crib for all of nap time and overnight and let the child cry without any interference and once nap or morning comes then and only then will I go in and respond to baby". That is CIO.

Babies and young children that don't have the language to tell you their needs cry as a means to tell us that they need something. It's one of the only ways of communication they have. Not just to tell us they are wet, dirty, hurting, or hungry but also that they're bored, tired or just need some interaction.

I have an 8mo that cosleeps with us and also still needs night feedings. My DH and I have recently been talking about transferring him to his own crib and will be using the Ferber method (which is not the same as CIO) just like my previous 2 children. One difference however is that I personally, and this is just MPO and completely think that everyone should do what is best for them and do what they feel is best for their child, think that any child under the age of 1yr-18mo ish (depending on the child) will usually have a different natural sleep pattern than the other older children and so when they are under 1yr I go by their patterns and they will eat/sleep on demand. I think it's a little unrealistic of me to expect infants to nap during my normal nap time when typically when I've followed their normal sleep patterns they will usually take 2 naps instead of 1 which is usually split by one before and one after my scheduled nap time. My own 8mo actually takes 3 naps a day - 1 hr around 9am (he's an early riser and wakes up at 7am), 1 hr around 12:30pm and another 1 hr around 4pm then will tire out for bedtime around 8pm. He wakes up 1-2 times during the night to eat then goes back to sleep. Again though, everyone should do what is best for their child even if that means to use true CIO even if I personally don't agree with it.

[Mom of 4]

This isn't CIO btw. CIO literally is to leave a child to cry itself to sleep. What the above parent is suggesting sounds more like "Babywise", Ferber etc. I'm really late in the game here but I've been so busy I haven't been able to check in on the forum much lately but since this is something I really feel strongly about I just have to chime in.

CIO is to leave a child to cry in the hope that the child will learn to stop crying ... even if if takes over an hour. I don't agree with this method and I wouldn't do this with my children and would never do it with my daycare children, especially when a child is under a year old. I would however do what the parent is suggesting above.

Put the baby down for nap, reassure the baby with gentle touches and a soothing voice then walk away. Baby cries so I would let baby cry for 5 minutes or so then I'd go in reassure baby with gentle touches and soothing voice again until baby was calm without picking baby up then walk out again. Baby cries again but this time let baby cry for 6 minutes. Rinse and repeat by adding 1 minute to my waiting time before going in again but never going past 15 minutes. After 15 minutes of crying if I wasn't able to sooth baby with patting or gentle tones then I would pick baby up, that's my personal choice. I wouldn't let a child under 1 cry for more than 15 minutes.

When a baby is under 1 they are forming all new brain connections and should be forming positive relationships and learning trust. This is accomplished through responsive care giving. CIO means that If the child's needs aren't being met when the baby cries then the baby will learn that it is useless to cry and alert their caregiver of their needs because it is hopeless to expect to have their needs met so they eventually just give up and won't cry anymore. Infant and young children that are left to cry for long periods if time show that over time and as older children are more needy, withdrawn, introverted, aggressive, have trouble making friends and are overall more likely to be untrusting. CIO can actually make this issue worse.

I'm talking about actual, real to the definition CIO as in "I'm going to leave this child in the crib for all of nap time and overnight and let the child cry without any interference and once nap or morning comes then and only then will I go in and respond to baby". That is CIO.

Babies and young children that don't have the language to tell you their needs cry as a means to tell us that they need something. It's one of the only ways of communication they have. Not just to tell us they are wet, dirty, hurting, or hungry but also that they're bored, tired or just need some interaction.

I have an 8mo that cosleeps with us and also still needs night feedings. My DH and I have recently been talking about transferring him to his own crib and will be using the Ferber method (which is not the same as CIO) just like my previous 2 children. One difference however is that I personally, and this is just MPO and completely think that everyone should do what is best for them and do what they feel is best for their child, think that any child under the age of 1yr-18mo ish (depending on the child) will usually have a different natural sleep pattern than the other older children and so when they are under 1yr I go by their patterns and they will eat/sleep on demand. I think it's a little unrealistic of me to expect infants to nap during my normal nap time when typically when I've followed their normal sleep patterns they will usually take 2 naps instead of 1 which is usually split by one before and one after my scheduled nap time. My own 8mo actually takes 3 naps a day - 1 hr around 9am (he's an early riser and wakes up at 7am), 1 hr around 12:30pm and another 1 hr around 4pm then will tire out for bedtime around 8pm. He wakes up 1-2 times during the night to eat then goes back to sleep. Again though, everyone should do what is best for their child even if that means to use true CIO even if I personally don't agree with it.

What you described isn't SUPPOSED to be CIO. That's why I said "this is how it SHOULD work", because people took it to extremes and that's borderline abuse. :/ Unfortunately, that's just how some parents are. Lazy and unresponsive. CIO isn't meant to be completely unresponsive training, even if some people are doing it that way.

I don't think any regular CIO parent would really want to leave their kid to cry for an hour.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Yeah, I let her cry 5 minutes period. She falls asleep now with some shushing and pats. It is glorious!!!!

[TwinKristi]

I was a single mom with my twins and lived with my parents, so my mom basically just said "this is what I did..." and I did I thought was right or normal, even if I HATED it. I hated having the twins CIO but it wasn't hours of crying or anything. We started when they were like 3mos old putting them in their crib at night after changing, feeding, etc. and they cried for maybe 20-30 min the first night and fell asleep and the next 2 nights were less and less until finally they learned to just go to sleep within a few mins. But when they started teething rapidly between 6-8mos it was much harder with night waking and I would get up all night long. Finally their Ped said they don't need night time bottles anymore and let them CIO. At 8+ mos it will be harder than at 3mos but after a week they got it and STTN after for good. With my 3rd baby he STTN the first night home! Kid you not, I had a freak out moment when I woke up at 6am! He started waking at 4am and taking a bottle and sleeping till 7-8 after a bit but that was manageable! My 4th couldn't tolerate CIO even in increments. He was NOT a good sleeper and even to this day at 10 is up before everyone else. My 5th co-slept with us until he was 6... <hide> We tried from the get go to sleep in the bassinet but he wouldn't sleep for more than 45mins. We got to about 3hrs swaddling with a Miracle Blanket but when he outgrew that he was in bed with us. We got him a new bed for his 6th birthday and had baby #6 about 2wks later! Now he's in bed with us, but has his own bed we try to use. He just needs a snuggle to go down and then we can move him. Sometimes I wish I would have just tried CIO more consistently with him but we tried a few times and it was just awful and dh & I just couldn't stomach it. Every child has different needs and some won't tolerate CIO!

[Heidi]

This isn't CIO btw. CIO literally is to leave a child to cry itself to sleep. What the above parent is suggesting sounds more like "Babywise", Ferber etc. I'm really late in the game here but I've been so busy I haven't been able to check in on the forum much lately but since this is something I really feel strongly about I just have to chime in.

CIO is to leave a child to cry in the hope that the child will learn to stop crying ... even if if takes over an hour. I don't agree with this method and I wouldn't do this with my children and would never do it with my daycare children, especially when a child is under a year old. I would however do what the parent is suggesting above.

Put the baby down for nap, reassure the baby with gentle touches and a soothing voice then walk away. Baby cries so I would let baby cry for 5 minutes or so then I'd go in reassure baby with gentle touches and soothing voice again until baby was calm without picking baby up then walk out again. Baby cries again but this time let baby cry for 6 minutes. Rinse and repeat by adding 1 minute to my waiting time before going in again but never going past 15 minutes. After 15 minutes of crying if I wasn't able to sooth baby with patting or gentle tones then I would pick baby up, that's my personal choice. I wouldn't let a child under 1 cry for more than 15 minutes.

When a baby is under 1 they are forming all new brain connections and should be forming positive relationships and learning trust. This is accomplished through responsive care giving. CIO means that If the child's needs aren't being met when the baby cries then the baby will learn that it is useless to cry and alert their caregiver of their needs because it is hopeless to expect to have their needs met so they eventually just give up and won't cry anymore. Infant and young children that are left to cry for long periods if time show that over time and as older children are more needy, withdrawn, introverted, aggressive, have trouble making friends and are overall more likely to be untrusting. CIO can actually make this issue worse.

I'm talking about actual, real to the definition CIO as in "I'm going to leave this child in the crib for all of nap time and overnight and let the child cry without any interference and once nap or morning comes then and only then will I go in and respond to baby". That is CIO.

Babies and young children that don't have the language to tell you their needs cry as a means to tell us that they need something. It's one of the only ways of communication they have. Not just to tell us they are wet, dirty, hurting, or hungry but also that they're bored, tired or just need some interaction.

I have an 8mo that cosleeps with us and also still needs night feedings. My DH and I have recently been talking about transferring him to his own crib and will be using the Ferber method (which is not the same as CIO) just like my previous 2 children. One difference however is that I personally, and this is just MPO and completely think that everyone should do what is best for them and do what they feel is best for their child, think that any child under the age of 1yr-18mo ish (depending on the child) will usually have a different natural sleep pattern than the other older children and so when they are under 1yr I go by their patterns and they will eat/sleep on demand. I think it's a little unrealistic of me to expect infants to nap during my normal nap time when typically when I've followed their normal sleep patterns they will usually take 2 naps instead of 1 which is usually split by one before and one after my scheduled nap time. My own 8mo actually takes 3 naps a day - 1 hr around 9am (he's an early riser and wakes up at 7am), 1 hr around 12:30pm and another 1 hr around 4pm then will tire out for bedtime around 8pm. He wakes up 1-2 times during the night to eat then goes back to sleep. Again though, everyone should do what is best for their child even if that means to use true CIO even if I personally don't agree with it.

Thank you, and yes, exactly!

The only difference with me is that once they are 5-6 months or so, I do a morning nap (up to 1 hour, then I wake if they do not), and then treat afternoon just like night sleep. So, if they wake up after 45 minutes, I go in, resettle, and encourage a longer nap, stretching it to 2 1/2-3 hours. It's worked with all my dck's and my own, but I'm not saying everyone has to do it. Partly, I do that out of necessity, because I have a small house. One kid up usually means several.