Need Help Before I Cave

[Heidi]

Well now wait a minute, I thought(for the ones that say don't go in until naptime is over) we were supposed to go in, talk quietly to them, reassure them, something like every 5-10 minutes, making that time between, a little longer. Am I not remembering that right?

I've got a 9 yo SA today that is like a lil mama and she's begging me to let her go cuddle with her. So that makes me feel even guiltier.
I can do this. I can do this. Just wish the parents had done it before.

Sure, when they're 7 months old. But, she's not, and every time you go in there, you know she's getting MORE pissed off. I think it's rip-the-bandaide-off-all-at-one now.

Poor baby...and poor you. I KNOW you're not loving this. Hang in there...:hug:

If you're using the sleep-training method, then it's 5 minutes, then 7, then 10, then 12, etc. Each length is longer, and NO talking. Just go in, lay her down, walk out. She's just supposed to know she's not forgotten.

After nap, give her a little extra cuddle time, if you can . Alhtough, it sound like she'll fall asleep THEN....::

[Play Care]

She's an 11 month old, not 2. I have had it take up to 3 or 4 weeks for that age. She's just adjusting. I think that she's not going to get it for a little bit. She's probably just scared. This is a whole new place and whole new people for her. Make sure her needs are met and have minimal contact with her when she's supposed to be sleeping. When you go in, just give her a pat and leave.

Oops! For some reason I read 2 yo off to clean my glasses!::

[lovemykidstoo]

Oops! For some reason I read 2 yo off to clean my glasses!::

hahaha!!!!

[Heidi]

Josie...did she ever end up falling asleep?

If she falls asleep for even 10 minutes, you're on the road there. Remember that. The hard part for her right now is FALLING asleep on her own. The STAYING asleep is secondary.

[Unregistered]

How long would you leave a child to cry though...? Wouldn't leaving them in a crib for over an hour be considered neglect?

[Josiegirl]

Thank you everybody. I guess a huge part of me feels guilty letting a baby cry. For some reason it feels like it goes totally against 'mother's nature'.

I let her cry until most of the other kids were waking up anyways. I went to get her, she gulped down 6 oz. and fell right to sleep sitting up. I knew she would. I laid her back down in the p'n'p and left the door open so she'd hear all the noise. She slept almost 40 minutes, her parents came maybe half an hour later and couldn't understand why she was grumpy. I asked dcm how long she naps at home. I was told sometimes 30 minutes and sometimes she'll take 2 2hr. naps at her grandmas. But evidently she falls asleep drinking the bottle.

Guess we'll keep working on this. I have no other kids that nap in the a.m. and since she fights it so dang much, I'll probably just keep her awake til the others lay down. But 2 hours of baby crying. Eeks.

[Heidi]

ok...now that makes a little sense.

I would taper off, honestly.

Getting her used to you, used to sleeping alone in a bed, AND going to sleep without a bottle all at once seems like a lot to ask.

I'd put everyone else to bed as she sees. Then, take her in the room, lay her down with the bottle. Room dark, sit nearby, let her drink bottle. When she falls asleep, take it away and tuck her in, then leave.

Each day, put a little less in the bottle, and water it down a little, too. Offer full-strength formula only by cup.

You have to stay with her when she drinks that bottle for safety reasons.

I had a girl years ago who went to sleep with a bottle. AT THREE! My daughter was a week older, and it seemed soooo weird to think they were the same age. Said girl also had completely black teeth. Poor girl!

I did the above, although I could talk to her, so after she got to know me and felt safe, I just said "C...no more". By then, she was getting half a bottle with water only.

[Josiegirl]

Heidi, thank you, that sounds really good to me! I'm going to try that starting tomorrow.
I have to admit, with every one of my own babies I was a rocker and a cuddler, they were terrible nappers. BUT the difference being was that I was their caregiver. If I'd expected someone else to care for them, hopefully I would've trained them for the reality of group care.

[Heidi]

Heidi, thank you, that sounds really good to me! I'm going to try that starting tomorrow.
I have to admit, with every one of my own babies I was a rocker and a cuddler, they were terrible nappers. BUT the difference being was that I was their caregiver. If I'd expected someone else to care for them, hopefully I would've trained them for the reality of group care.

I got lucky...in a way.

My oldest had siezures, and in order to combat them, he was on Phenobarbital for the first 6 months of his life.

Don't know if that was why he was so mellow, or if it was just his temperament (he is still pretty mellow at 24), but he set the precident for me. He slept through the night at 6 weeks, napped on his own when I put him in his bassinet (on his tummy per doctor recommendation at the time). He was just SO easy most of the time. So, I just expected all my babies to be that way. Since he was my first baby experience, he taught ME.

So, that's how I've always been with my own kids and dck's. Sure, I held them and cuddled them. But, I never want them dependent on that to sleep. So, although they started out sleeping on my chest, I'd end up moving them to their bed after a while. I'd keep encouraging longer and more wakeful periods on their own. I'd lay them down with a book propped up near them and do housework nearby. If they cried, I'd comfort, but with a belly rub and soft words, not always picking them up. If that didn't do the trick, THEN I'd hold them or feed them or whatever. Basically, my instinct was to interfere the least I could and still support and love them. Not out of laziness, but because I wanted to see what they could do for themselves. Turns out, even a 5 week old has SOME skills.

Anyway...I digress....again...

In all these years, the one thing I've learned is that the older a child is, the harder it is to change their patterns. People think "oh, I will sleep train when he is 6 months...but they don't. Then, baby is sitting up, and they don't because he looks so pathetic sitting there bawling. Soon enough, he's standing on the crib, and gosh, we don't want him to get hurt and fall over. I say, get them comfortable with it early, and the poor little stinkers don't have to pay for it later. It's a gradual process, but we end up making it this harsh CIO thing because we are given no choice. I HATE that! It's IS hard to listen to, and it feels wrong, because it's unfair to baby. Still, it's going to feel just as bad, if not worse, when she's yelling "Josieee......" as well as screaming her head off.

[Josiegirl]

sigh This isn't working. I gave her the bottle to lay down with. She completely refused to lay down. Dcm told me today she gave her oldest dd a bottle of water to lay down with til she was 3 yo. I have a feeling I won't get much support from mom and dad.

[Heidi]

then, I'm afraid it's going to have to be tough love. I suggest you turn on every fan in the house...and the stove vent...and the bathroom hood.

So sorry....:hug:

I was really trying to help you avoid the CIO, but I really think it's the only way. Truth is, at 11 months, I wouldn't even give her ANY bottles at my house anymore. She's supposed to be done with them next month.

Pick a ritual, and stick to it 100% every day. I'd go with one nap only. No way you can put her and you through that 2x every day.

Also, Do NOT let her fall asleep anywhere else in the am. One 5 minute snooze in the corner may power her up long enough to get a second wind.


Oh, and don't apologize to her about having to go to bed. She's a LUCKY little girl to have a nice, warm, cozy bed to rest in. You will see her after she has a nice rest, and then you can PLAY! YAY!

If she isn't whipped into shape by next Friday, give yourself permission to term.

[craftymissbeth]

sigh This isn't working. I gave her the bottle to lay down with. She completely refused to lay down. Dcm told me today she gave her oldest dd a bottle of water to lay down with til she was 3 yo. I have a feeling I won't get much support from mom and dad.

This is your chance to whip her into shape so I would nix the bottle at nap time. I would begin offering bottles at meal times only. In a month she's going to be off bottles altogether so there's no reason to let her get used to a bottle at nap while she's with you, kwim?

I have to say that when it comes to naps I'm pretty "strict", though.

[Josiegirl]

Same scenario as yesterday, wouldn't nap, until naptime was over and I put her in the highchair at snack time, gave her a bottle, she promptly fell asleep. I put her in the pack n play, she slept a whole whopping 15 minutes. She was an angel until about 10 this a.m., then ever since she either cried or needed to be held. At one point I put her in the bedroom just so I could get away from her crying and neediness for a few minutes and give some attention to some of the others.
It's so hard cause I've come to really like the parents and love their other little girl who comes here. They're nice people. Just softies.

[Heidi]

Same scenario as yesterday, wouldn't nap, until naptime was over and I put her in the highchair at snack time, gave her a bottle, she promptly fell asleep. I put her in the pack n play, she slept a whole whopping 15 minutes. She was an angel until about 10 this a.m., then ever since she either cried or needed to be held. At one point I put her in the bedroom just so I could get away from her crying and neediness for a few minutes and give some attention to some of the others.
It's so hard cause I've come to really like the parents and love their other little girl who comes here. They're nice people. Just softies.

You're just going to have to keep at it...sorry... She will eventually get it, I promise.

I would only give her cups of formula, though...no more bottles.

[Jack Sprat]

Thank goodness I found this! I have a newbie (12 months) here as well. Same scenario! This is her 2nd day. At home she is used to being rocked to sleep with a bottle and naps with mom. Yesterday and today she fell asleep in the van on way home from dropping DD at school. Yesterday she napped for 45 min and screamed for 30 minutes. Today she woke up when I laid her down but, went back to sleep. She has slept for 45 min, coughed pretty hard and woke up. She is crying off and on now. A mad as hell kind of cry. Part of me wants to go and rock and give her the bottle but, I know in the long run that will create more issues. She does great all morning, but I know she is exhausted! She is used to sleeping till 8. She arrives here at 7. I have thought about doing two naps but, like a PP said I can't stand the thought of going through this twice a day. Her parents are expecting there 2nd in May, and are hoping that the bottle and naps can be figured out by then. Thing is I don't see them doing Ferber or CIO but, I did explain that just because she does it here doesn't mean it will be like that at home

OP how is your little one doing?