Lunchtime Crying

[Blackcat31]

Interesting thoughts on bad experiences with food from childhood

We were extremely poor. Like imagine poor and then go even farther. Many many times we would have only one meal per day. I still have a horrible habit of ordering way too much food. I eat whatever is there, even until I feel sick just from the bad habit of doing that as a child....eating when you get the chance because you dont know when you will get another chance. I am 31 and just now breaking this habit.

I HATE when my husband and his mother play the "how many bites to I have to eat game" with my kids. There is so much crying and negotiating about it, its ridiculous. I tell my husband to just leave them alone! if they eat it, they eat it. if they don't, they don't. there is no need for crying at the table. i also dont allow the bribing with dessert. The kids do not cry and carry on when i am in charge of meals and they eat everything for me and the drama ramps up 10x with hubby and MIL.

also, my husband never ever was allowed fast food or soda as a child. you already know what happened when he moved out at 17. his eating habits are horrible and we are still working on that!

That is a perfect example of how the adult's attitude about eating and during meal time affects a child.

Meals and snacks here are simple and laid back. No bribing, no rewards, no fuss. Either eat or don't.

Your other story reminds me of a recent situation with my dad.... he had told me how he wasn't feeling too well and when I asked why, he said he thought he ate too much...I said "how so?" and he tells me that he had taken 2 pork chops out to thaw so he could eat them for dinner. They were nearing expiration and needed to be eaten THAT night.

Two friends called and invited him out so he went. They bought him dinner. When he returned home, he cooked the pork chops and ate them.

I asked him why since he had already eaten with his friends and he said that he just couldn't go to waste so he figured he better eat them.

I told him he could have cooked them and then froze them to use later and he said he didn't really think of that and that since he had a childhood like you said...he psychologically HAD to eat them.

NOT funny but I totally understand what you are saying about old habits and/or childhood experiences.

[Sunshine75]

We had the clean plate club in our house and it has been hard to leave that beh.ind in adulthood. I hated having to eat all this food just to have some dessert. Especially when I always was given too much. I try not to do that to my kids and also have to remind myself that I don't have to eat everything when we go out to eat as well.

[delferka]

I never give any kids anything but what I'm serving. They just go home hungry. That's the way I raised my own children and they have an excellent pallet!! Don't do it!!!

[lovemykidstoo]

Well day 1 with this new technique I'm going with. Making the same exact thing for all of them. Ignoring the crying, taking the plate when it's time and not saying a word. So, today I make sloppy joes, cooked carrots, chips, grapes and milk. Immediately upon my putting it in front of her she melts into the chair and starts crying. She loves chips and loves grapes, but she refused to eat any of it. As soon as it looked like the majority was done and it was long enough, I asked everyone if they were done and took the plates away. End of story. Every day at lunch we talk about what we had for dinner the night before and when it was her time she said she had lucky charms, her mom and dad had spaghetti and her twin sister said she had a jelly sandwich. They did not eat breakfast either today so they must be starving. UGH! Day 2 is Thursday.

[JoseyJo]

Well day 1 with this new technique I'm going with. Making the same exact thing for all of them. Ignoring the crying, taking the plate when it's time and not saying a word. So, today I make sloppy joes, cooked carrots, chips, grapes and milk. Immediately upon my putting it in front of her she melts into the chair and starts crying. She loves chips and loves grapes, but she refused to eat any of it. As soon as it looked like the majority was done and it was long enough, I asked everyone if they were done and took the plates away. End of story. Every day at lunch we talk about what we had for dinner the night before and when it was her time she said she had lucky charms, her mom and dad had spaghetti and her twin sister said she had a jelly sandwich. They did not eat breakfast either today so they must be starving. UGH! Day 2 is Thursday.

Keep it up! It WILL work if you give it long enough. Just keep in mind that jelly sandwiches are worse for her than not having anything as they fill up her belly w/o any nutrients. If she has nothing she WILL eventually start to eat at least some good food (and nutrients).

[Familycare71]

I wouldn't give her anything other than what you are serving. Does she cry at other times when she doesn't get what she wants? Does she do it at home when they do try to give her something else and they give in and give her jelly sandwich? I've had a few that know at home if they cry/fit at the table, they can get whatever they want. Here, they get what everyone is having. If they start crying, I remind them that we don't cry at the table. Either eat or don't, but crying gets nothing. If they keep it up, plate goes in the kitchen and down they go. A few stubborn ones have gone on for a few weeks, but usually after a week, they at least stop crying-some eat, some don't.

Don't engage her any more.
We are having beef stroganoff I made extra of last night- I have a 5 yr old that looked at it and said I don't eat that. I said well its on your plate to try but if you don't want to that's fine . You get to decide if your tummy is hungry or not . Remember dcg we don't eat again until afternoon snack. She won't get more applesauce or more milk- but that is the end of the discussion. No battles- she is new so there was more discussion than normal
I agree of you cry and don't choose to stop off to bed!

[lovemykidstoo]

Keep it up! It WILL work if you give it long enough. Just keep in mind that jelly sandwiches are worse for her than not having anything as they fill up her belly w/o any nutrients. If she has nothing she WILL eventually start to eat at least some good food (and nutrients).

I hope it will work eventually I didn't give her jelly sandwich today, her sister had that for dinner last night. I have given her pb & j before if she wouldn't eat, I might have mistyped earlier and said just jelly. Not anymore.

[Familycare71]

Keep it up! It WILL work if you give it long enough. Just keep in mind that jelly sandwiches are worse for her than not having anything as they fill up her belly w/o any nutrients. If she has nothing she WILL eventually start to eat at least some good food (and nutrients).

My grandma always told me I had an extra shelf for dessert when my parents played the dessert game .

[mema]

Well day 1 with this new technique I'm going with. Making the same exact thing for all of them. Ignoring the crying, taking the plate when it's time and not saying a word. So, today I make sloppy joes, cooked carrots, chips, grapes and milk. Immediately upon my putting it in front of her she melts into the chair and starts crying. She loves chips and loves grapes, but she refused to eat any of it. As soon as it looked like the majority was done and it was long enough, I asked everyone if they were done and took the plates away. End of story. Every day at lunch we talk about what we had for dinner the night before and when it was her time she said she had lucky charms, her mom and dad had spaghetti and her twin sister said she had a jelly sandwich. They did not eat breakfast either today so they must be starving. UGH! Day 2 is Thursday.

Keep going! It may not work right away, especially since she isn't with you everyday. If she's starving, she'll eat it.

[sahm1225]

Update? How was day 2?

[lovemykidstoo]

Update? How was day 2?

Well, I think that the only difference is that I'm no longer getting upset about it. She's still being stubborn and eats literally nothing. I still give her at least 1 thing that I know she likes along with whatever else we're having that day. A couple of times it's been her things that she likes like chicken nuggets or grilled cheese. Happened to be on the menu that day, didn't make it special for her. She still refuses to try anything new, so if she only eats grapes for lunch, then that is what she does. UGH! By the time I get her turned around, she'll be going to kindergarten next fall.

[Cradle2crayons]

Well, I think that the only difference is that I'm no longer getting upset about it. She's still being stubborn and eats literally nothing. I still give her at least 1 thing that I know she likes along with whatever else we're having that day. A couple of times it's been her things that she likes like chicken nuggets or grilled cheese. Happened to be on the menu that day, didn't make it special for her. She still refuses to try anything new, so if she only eats grapes for lunch, then that is what she does. UGH! By the time I get her turned around, she'll be going to kindergarten next fall.

Exactly and they sure as heck aren't going to cater to her.

[lovemykidstoo]

Exactly and they sure as heck aren't going to cater to her.

Exactly. You would think that these parents would want to change that behavior. No, it's easier if she doesn't eat dinner to give her lucky charms instead. No wonder she's so tiny for her age.

[guinea]

I ask my kids if they eat with their eyes.

Can your eye balls taste food?
Ouch! That would hurt!
Hmmmm... Can your tongue see that food?
How do you know if your tongue will like the food until you let the tongue tastes the food?

Works for my son every time. Not always for my daughter, though many times it does.

Maybe not the approach needed in this little girl's case, but sometimes just getting mine to laugh will encourage them to try something new. And if not, well, at least they laughed.

[daycarediva]

Have you tried letting her have a choice as to what even goes on her plate? I have a dcb with HORRIBLE eating habits, snacks all day, only simple carbs/junk. I started allowing them to plate their own food. I hand them a plate, they name what they want and everyone starts out with a small portion size.

I no longer waste food, and I no longer have a battle of wills with a 3.5yo. EVERYTHING is offered, so the food program is happy and there are no tears. Dcb also eats more (maybe the control of it?) seconds are not given unless we try everything offered. So today, my dcb CHOSE to try cauliflower and LIKED cauliflower and then had seconds of strawberries. My dcg (4.5) raised her eyebrows at me and pointed!