Lunchtime Crying

[lovemykidstoo]

I know that they're have been threads on here about picky eaters, but I haven't really read anything exactly like what I'm dealing with here. I have twin girls (4 yrs) and they are honestly just ridiculous eaters. I'm honestly wondering if the one girl has a bit of autism, but not really sure. If I'm not serving grilled cheeses, mac and cheese or peanut butter and jelly then she freaks and starts crying and refuses to even take 1 bite. I made last night for dinner a delicious chicken noodle casserole and served it today for lunch. The other kids devoured it. She sat there and cried. Typically what I do is try to get her to try something and if she doesn't like it I give her a jelly sandwich. I took 1 ziti noodle, cut it in 3 pieces and put it on her plate along with a jelly sandwich. She puckered up and cried. When I ask what they have for dinner at home, they eat the 3 things that I listed above or they eat cereal. I've talked to mom and dad about it and they just say that they give them those things and that's it. Quite frankly I am just tired of making special lunch for her if it's just because she's being a stinker. if there is something wrong psychologically then I need to know how to handle that. I don't want to be mean to her, that's why I make her the sandwich. Any advice?

[mema]

I wouldn't give her anything other than what you are serving. Does she cry at other times when she doesn't get what she wants? Does she do it at home when they do try to give her something else and they give in and give her jelly sandwich? I've had a few that know at home if they cry/fit at the table, they can get whatever they want. Here, they get what everyone is having. If they start crying, I remind them that we don't cry at the table. Either eat or don't, but crying gets nothing. If they keep it up, plate goes in the kitchen and down they go. A few stubborn ones have gone on for a few weeks, but usually after a week, they at least stop crying-some eat, some don't.

[lovemykidstoo]

I don't think that they even try to get her to try new things at home at all anymore. She is just so thin too, which worries me. I don't want to force her to do something though if there is an underlying condition, but really think she's just playing the situation. She really doesn't cry to get what she wants any more than anyone else in other situations.

[mema]

I don't think that they even try to get her to try new things at home at all anymore. She is just so thin too, which worries me. I don't want to force her to do something though if there is an underlying condition, but really think she's just playing the situation. She really doesn't cry to get what she wants any more than anyone else in other situations.

So they did give her what they ate at one point and then they got tired of her crying and having a fit for the jelly sandwich and gave in. She knows it worked for them and is hoping it will work on you too. Stick to your guns and serve what everyone else gets. If you think she does have issues, maybe suggest a doctor visit to make sure everything is ok. If dr finds something, then get a statement saying what. If dr finds nothing, she gets what's served-eat or don't.

[lovemykidstoo]

I believe they did. its been going on so long its ridiculous. I thought maybe the noodles were a texture thing, but then she does eat mac and cheese, so that kinda throws that right out the window. The other problem is, when she starts doing this routine, then her twin sister starts getting that look on her face like she's going to go along with the crying. I tell her no way, you're not doing it just because she is. Of course at home they both get special meals while mom and dad eat chicken, meat etc, they eat the same 3 things. gr cheese, mac and cheese, cereal etc.

[Cradle2crayons]

Honestly, by giving in you are doing this child an injustice as well as being unfair to the other kids.

Serve her what others are eating and if she doesn't eat, she doesn't.

Some kids are thinner than others but that doesn't mean you should serve her jelly sandwiches for every meal and actually that could be doing her more nutritional damage than her eating nothing.

She's eating at home obviously but e only ay she's ever going to be exposed to good healthy food is obviously at your house.

Serve her food, either she eats it or doesn't and don't say a word if she doesn't. When the meal is over, get her down from the table and move on with your day.

[lovemykidstoo]

Has anyone ever had this problem where there was an underlying problem though such as autism? She really shows no other signs of it though, so I'm pretty sure it's just a learned behavior. She honestly seems afraid of the food.

[Cat Herder]

A. Typically what I do is try to get her to try something

B. she freaks and starts crying and refuses to even take 1 bite.

C. and if she doesn't like it I give her a jelly sandwich.

D. I don't want to be mean to her, that's why I make her the sandwich.

Any advice?

IMHO, You are in the dreaded stress cycle.

A leads to B.

C enforces B.

D. Is what perpetuates A.....

***Try just putting the food in front of her, walk away.... No discussion, no eye contact, no expectations.

If she is hungry she will eat. If not she will eat at snack. If not at snack she will eat at home. Eventually SHE WILL EAT. Rinse and repeat. ::

Keep in mind you are not responsible for all of her dietary needs... don't feel guilty. You are putting to much pressure on yourself.

If you are truly worried about growth and development then add a couple pedia-sure to her day (have mom supply them ) Also, remember at 3-4yrs her growth is in a slowing state... they often appear to live on air at that age.

[Willow]

Has anyone ever had this problem where there was an underlying problem though such as autism? She really shows no other signs of it though, so I'm pretty sure it's just a learned behavior. She honestly seems afraid of the food.

She doesn't have autism. She has a learned behavior problem.

The danger in adults catering is they can actually inspire kids to become anorexic, which is exactly what sounds like whats going on here.


There is almost zero nutritional value in a jelly sandwich, grilled cheese and cheesy noodles. I'd cut those foods out of the equasion entirely, offer what I offer everyone else, and refuse to encourage her or play into her crying another second longer. Put the food down and completely ignore anything that isn't happy healthy table manners and eating habits. No bribes, no begging, no threats. When meal or snack is done simply take whats left and tell her to go play.

I would require parents be 100% on board with that strategy at home as well or I'd term. I'm not in the business of inflicting eating disorders on children.

[Blackcat31]

Has anyone ever had this problem where there was an underlying problem though such as autism? She really shows no other signs of it though, so I'm pretty sure it's just a learned behavior. She honestly seems afraid of the food.

I'm sure she is afraid of it. If she is never exposed to it, it would be sort of scary...kwim?

I am not saying scary as in Halloween scary...but the unknown for anyone can be a bit uncomfortable.

I would make what you make. Ask her if she would like to eat today and if she says no. Leave her be.

Don't allow her to play or read...have her go straight to nap/rest time. NOT as a punishment but as the next activity after eating. She chose to skip lunch so she moves on to the next activity.

Plus if you allow her to do something else, others will follow.

I would even offer to allow her to simply sit at the table and NOT have to try/taste anything you serve.

Depends on whether she is crying because she is anxious about having to try something new or if she is crying just because she hates meal time.

If she is afraid you are going to pressure her to try something, let her know she doesn't have to and that she is free to simply sit while the others eat.

I would praise the heck the out of all the others for eating.

NO way would I ever make her an alternative meal. Like C2C said, you are doing her a great injustice if you continue to change the world around her....when clearly she needs to adapt to the world.

Meal time here is NO fuss.. If they are verbal and don't want to eat, say so.

If they aren't verbal, I have them sit.
They either eat or they don't.

When lunch time is over, everyone gets down from the table and moves on to the next activity...which is rest time here.

There really isn't much else you can do. If she has no documented reason for not wanting to eat...then you owe it to her to treat her like anyone else.

People will NOT change their behavior until it becomes a problem for them and right now you are the only one worried about this issue. kwim?

[WImom]

I wouldn't give her anything the other kids are not getting. At my house you eat what's there or go hungry. I have a picky eater too that basically eats the same things you listed. I make sure we have one of those once a week but most of the time she will eat her fruit and bread (if we have it) and that's it.

She doesn't complain anymore (did when she first started) because she knows she isn't going to get her way.

I always say "If you don't like it don't eat it"

[lovemykidstoo]

Okay, so seems pretty clear that everyone feels the same. So starting next week, she gets what everyone else does. Drives me nuts though that she wouldn't eat the noodle casserole today since her main fear seems to be the noodles and it's the same damned noodles she eats perfectly fine with mac and cheese. Going to go for it next Tuesday when she comes back.

[cara041083]

Honestly, by giving in you are doing this child an injustice as well as being unfair to the other kids.

Serve her what others are eating and if she doesn't eat, she doesn't.

Some kids are thinner than others but that doesn't mean you should serve her jelly sandwiches for every meal and actually that could be doing her more nutritional damage than her eating nothing.

She's eating at home obviously but e only ay she's ever going to be exposed to good healthy food is obviously at your house.

Serve her food, either she eats it or doesn't and don't say a word if she doesn't. When the meal is over, get her down from the table and move on with your day.

. If shes hungry enough, she will figure out your not gona cave and eat whats given to her. By giving into her fit, she is learning she can get away with it as well as the other kids are seeing this also and might try it next time they don't get their way.

[WImom]

Okay, so seems pretty clear that everyone feels the same. So starting next week, she gets what everyone else does. Drives me nuts though that she wouldn't eat the noodle casserole today since her main fear seems to be the noodles and it's the same damned noodles she eats perfectly fine with mac and cheese. Going to go for it next Tuesday when she comes back.

Good luck!!

[lovemykidstoo]

IMHO, You are in the dreaded stress cycle.

A leads to B.

C enforces B.

D. Is what perpetuates A.....

***Try just putting the food in front of her, walk away.... No discussion, no eye contact, no expectations.

If she is hungry she will eat. If not she will eat at snack. If not at snack she will eat at home. Eventually SHE WILL EAT. Rinse and repeat. ::

Keep in mind you are not responsible for all of her dietary needs... don't feel guilty. You are putting to much pressure on yourself.

If you are truly worried about growth and development then add a couple pedia-sure to her day (have mom supply them ) Also, remember at 3-4yrs her growth is in a slowing state... they often appear to live on air at that age.

I love this. YOu are exactly right. This has been a problem for over a year. Time to give her some tough love and just give her what the others are eating and let her sit and cry if she wants. Just wish the parents would do the same. I know that they won't. We've talked about it before. They just roll their eyes and say that she will only eat 3 or 4 things.