Daughter Says That Day Care Provider HITS Her..

[fairymama]

My daughter goes to this day care provider with her brother
, and they have been there for 2 month now. What happened is that yesterday both were playing and repeating words and sentences their provider said to them ( notice that English is not our first language and kids are speaking mainly our language, but they understand some English which I think is good for now)
Back to my kids who were imitating their day care provider, then I heard my daughter hitting her thighs and butt( acting as if she is the day care provider), and when I asked her why you do that honey, she said that mrs xx spanked me and hit my thighs because I was playing in the soap! I was shocked because I really like the lady and think she is a kind person. I really wish that that is not true and the lady didn't hit her..and when I asked my son did Mrs xx hit yo, he said no, then asked him again who did Mrs xx hit? He said his sister's name.
I don't know what to do? How can I know if that happened or not? I don't want to speak to the lady directly.. Today morning I just asked her how r the kids doing, and she is said they are good, then asked her are yo happy with them, then she laughed and said yes.

[JenNJ]

I think a conversation needs to be had between you and the provider.

I had a child (4.5) tell his dad I hit him once. Obviously I did not hit him (or any child for that matter). He had had a REALLY bad day here and he was really upset and angry with how I dealt with it. I had him shadow me for the afternoon. If I was reading, he was next to me, if I was changing a diaper, he was sitting at my feet, when I was prepping lunch, he was in the kitchen with me. He was SOOOO angry at me, but he was a hitting/pushing/punching machine that day and there was nothing else I could do.

I got a phonecall from the parents that evening and I explained his day, that he was mad at me when he left. I told them I understood 100% if they wanted to go elsewhere but thanked them for their open communication. They are still with me to this day.

I encourage parents to ask me ANYTHING. I want to talk about any issues. Unspoken issues are festering wounds -- hiding them only makes it worse.

This same child also told me a family member was very ill and dying. I asked the mom out of concern and it turns out that no one is ill or dying. Another child told me that her dad makes her sleep in the yard when she is bad. Another said her grandma kicks her.

At this age it is very common to lie, BUT do not sweep your child's words under the rug. Ask the provider and go from there.

I hope that you find the answers you are looking for. Please let us know how it goes.

[Mom&Provider]

My daughter goes to this day care provider with her brother
, and they have been there for 2 month now. What happened is that yesterday both were playing and repeating words and sentences their provider said to them ( notice that English is not our first language and kids are speaking mainly our language, but they understand some English which I think is good for now)
Back to my kids who were imitating their day care provider, then I heard my daughter hitting her thighs and butt( acting as if she is the day care provider), and when I asked her why you do that honey, she said that mrs xx spanked me and hit my thighs because I was playing in the soap! I was shocked because I really like the lady and think she is a kind person. I really wish that that is not true and the lady didn't hit her..and when I asked my son did Mrs xx hit yo, he said no, then asked him again who did Mrs xx hit? He said his sister's name.
I don't know what to do? How can I know if that happened or not? I don't want to speak to the lady directly.. Today morning I just asked her how r the kids doing, and she is said they are good, then asked her are yo happy with them, then she laughed and said yes.

Your kids are there now? You really need to speak with your provider about this now, don't wait. I know it's uncomfortable, but your childrens safety has to come first before all else - you are in no way to blame here and have EVERY right to question your provider. I'm not sure what is happening, but it sure seems like your children are providing you with some warning signals that need to be addressed immediately. How old is your son?

[JenNJ]

Well, you took both kids there today, so I guess that you believe your daughter is lying.

I really think you need to talk to the provider TODAY. And you probably shouldn't have dropped the kids there if you aren't sure of what happened.

[lovemykidstoo]

My daughter goes to this day care provider with her brother
, and they have been there for 2 month now. What happened is that yesterday both were playing and repeating words and sentences their provider said to them ( notice that English is not our first language and kids are speaking mainly our language, but they understand some English which I think is good for now)
Back to my kids who were imitating their day care provider, then I heard my daughter hitting her thighs and butt( acting as if she is the day care provider), and when I asked her why you do that honey, she said that mrs xx spanked me and hit my thighs because I was playing in the soap! I was shocked because I really like the lady and think she is a kind person. I really wish that that is not true and the lady didn't hit her..and when I asked my son did Mrs xx hit yo, he said no, then asked him again who did Mrs xx hit? He said his sister's name.
I don't know what to do? How can I know if that happened or not? I don't want to speak to the lady directly.. Today morning I just asked her how r the kids doing, and she is said they are good, then asked her are yo happy with them, then she laughed and said yes.

This story when you explain it this way would concern me alot. Just because your son didn't see it, doesn't mean it didn't happen. How old is your son?

[fairymama]

Her twin. The idea is we are going for a long vacation and she asked
Me to pay to reserve their spots, and I should pay her for the vacation by the end of this week.. I don't know what to do? I am afraid if I spoke to her know about what my daughter told me, she may think that I don't want to pay for the vacation.

[fairymama]

Well, you took both kids there today, so I guess that you believe your daughter is lying.

I really think you need to talk to the provider TODAY. And you probably shouldn't have dropped the kids there if you aren't sure of what happened.

No, it is complicated for me.. I am not sure if my daughter is laying, and also I am not sure if she saying the truth.

[Blackcat31]

My daughter goes to this day care provider with her brother
, and they have been there for 2 month now. What happened is that yesterday both were playing and repeating words and sentences their provider said to them ( notice that English is not our first language and kids are speaking mainly our language, but they understand some English which I think is good for now)
Back to my kids who were imitating their day care provider, then I heard my daughter hitting her thighs and butt( acting as if she is the day care provider), and when I asked her why you do that honey, she said that mrs xx spanked me and hit my thighs because I was playing in the soap! I was shocked because I really like the lady and think she is a kind person. I really wish that that is not true and the lady didn't hit her..and when I asked my son did Mrs xx hit yo, he said no, then asked him again who did Mrs xx hit? He said his sister's name.
I don't know what to do? How can I know if that happened or not? I don't want to speak to the lady directly.. Today morning I just asked her how r the kids doing, and she is said they are good, then asked her are yo happy with them, then she laughed and said yes.

Is this provider an older one perhaps?

My guess is she probably DID swat her on the tush if she was messing around in the bathroom.

NOT saying it was right, ok or that ALL older providers swat kids....just saying that the older generations view a swat on the tush MUCH differently than the younger generation of parents.

I would talk with the provider and have a heart to heart with her. ONLY you can make the decision of whether or not it did or didn't happen and whether or not you are comfortable allowing her to continue caring for your children.

I am not saying this is or isn't a big deal but I am saying this needs to be a discussion between you and your provider.

[Mom&Provider]

Her twin. The idea is we are going for a long vacation and she asked
Me to pay to reserve their spots, and I should pay her for the vacation by the end of this week.. I don't know what to do? I am afraid if I spoke to her know about what my daughter told me, she may think that I don't want to pay for the vacation.

Who cares if she is worried about getting paid??? You need to speak with her now. I realize you aren't sure if your daughter is making it up or telling the truth, but you need to find out...ask your provider about it!

[fairymama]

Is this provider an older one perhaps?

My guess is she probably DID swat her on the tush if she was messing around in the bathroom.

NOT saying it was right, ok or that ALL older providers swat kids....just saying that the older generations view a swat on the tush MUCH differently than the younger generation of parents.

I would talk with the provider and have a heart to heart with her. ONLY you can make the decision of whether or not it did or didn't happen and whether or not you are comfortable allowing her to continue caring for your children.

I am not saying this is or isn't a big deal but I am saying this needs to be a discussion between you and your provider.

I think she is around 50y.. But I feel she started to be unhappy with us because we are late in picking the kids up, and she said that to me.

[Blackcat31]

I think she is around 50y.. But I feel she started to be unhappy with us because we are late in picking the kids up, and she said that to me.

Picking up late is NOT a reason to take any frustration or anger about it out on your children.

I also think you are probaby right about the vacation pay and what connection she will make about you wanting to discuss the hitting.

Ok, here is what I see

You ARE concerned about the hitting. Bring it up to her. Talk with her. Let her know what your child said and give her an opportunity to give her reaction/side of the story.

You will know by her body language, her demeanor and her attitude if she is lying or not. Even if she isn't lying about it, if she cops an attitude or gets mean about it, I would pull my children out of her care IMMEDIATELY.

If she is open to reassuring you that she does not hit kids, then YOU have to decide if you trust her answer or not and whether it is or isn't turthful.

I would ask to discuss it though NO MATTER what. Despite the other issues about late pick ups and vacation pay.

I think that if you 100% feel that she is being untruthful or gets nasty about you questioning her, I would pull my kids and report her.

If you talk with her and feel you are ok to continue care, I would take the time to discuss with her ways you can fix the late pick up issues as well as addressing whether or not you are going to be paying the fees while you are on vacation. (which I think you are obligated to do iff it is in the contract you signed)

Vacation fees and late pick ups become a moot point if this discussion about hitting goes negatively.

You can't really make any decisions until you talk with her about this.

I wouldn't do it over the phone but would call her and ask about a good time to come talk with her uninterrupted by other parents/kids and in private. Don't tell her why over the phone...just that you need to talk with her about something privately.

Anything that gets said here on this board is nothing but advice, concern and idle chit chat until you talk with the provider.

Please call her and arrange a time to talk so this can be figured out for everyone's sake.

Hang in there and good luck!

[fairymama]

Ladies! Help me in making a good English conversation with her..( English is not my first language, and I want to use good and to the point words)
That's what I would say: hello Mrs xx , how are kids doing ? Was ( daughter's name) messy yesterday in the bathroom and she played with the soap? She said that you was angry with her because she was naughty..

Is it a good conversation? Does it transmit the meaning in a good way?

[Blackcat31]

Ladies! Help me in making a good English conversation with her..( English is not my first language, and I want to use good and to the point words)
That's what I would say: hello Mrs xx , how are kids doing ? Was ( daughter's name) messy yesterday in the bathroom and she played with the soap? She said that you was angry with her because she was naughty..

Is it a good conversation? Does it transmit the meaning in a good way?

I think that sounds good but I would almost consider being a bit more vague and let the child care provider fill in the details.

Maybe say something like "Hello Mrs XX. (Daughter's name) said there was an incident in the bathroom yesterday. Something about playing with the handsoap. Could you tell me what happened?"

I think it is always best to let the person you are questioning fill in the details so that you can hear the facts honestly without any type of leading from you.

Hoping that makes sense.

[fairymama]

I think that sounds good but I would almost consider being a bit more vague and let the child care provider fill in the details.

Maybe say something like "Hello Mrs XX. (Daughter's name) said there was an incident in the bathroom yesterday. Something about playing with the handsoap. Could you tell me what happened?"

I think it is always best to let the person you are questioning fill in the details so that you can hear the facts honestly without any type of leading from you.

Hoping that makes sense.

That's sounds great! Thank you so much! I will definitely do and will post what will happen.

[youretooloud]

I would ask a few more non leading questions before I asked the provider. In my own defense, I have never met anyone who just smack a kid....but, I know there are people who do...so, I tend to think about everybody from my own experience and perspective.

I had a kid tell me "My Mom hit me with Daddy's guitar because I was bad".

But, the story was "I was cleaning the house, the kids were making a mess, I was screaming at them, and She got up to help just as I was carrying the guitar from the couch, and I smashed her in the head with it."

Obviously, I didn't initially believe her story, because how many adults run around swinging guitars at their children? I figured there was more to it.

I also had a four year old tell her mom "Miss C grabs me when I don't take a nap". But, the REAL story was I say "If I want you to get up from nap, stay on your bed, I will GRAB you and set you on the other side" So, the story is true, I want to grab them myself, rather than let them walk across everybody who is sleeping, that way, the rest will nap longer.