Help Touchy Subject - How To Inform Parents

[juliebug]

Ok, i need some help.

My husband has cancer and radiation and Chemo didn't work. He is getting worse and he is no longer accepting treatments. He is going to pass away. How do i let my parents know they need to have back up care in place now. I don't know when this will happen it could be 6month it could be weeks. we just don't know. :confused: Do i say nothing to them and just close when it happens?

Please help

[Country Kids]

First of all I'm very, very sorry about this. If you need anything please pm me and I will see what I can do.

Tell you parents today or by Monday. Let them know that you will need to have back up emergency care for when your husband gets to the point you need to be with him or of his passing.

This is a no and if or buts situation. If they don't have backup care you won't watch their child. Also, let them know you need a number where someone is reachable in the event something happens during the day to him and you need to close.

Is he at home or at a hospice house. Will hospice be there with you or are you trying to do this alone while the kids are there. If so please see if you can get someone to come and sit with him during the day.

[lovemykidstoo]

First of all I'm very, very sorry about this. If you need anything please pm me and I will see what I can do.

Tell you parents today or by Monday. Let them know that you will need to have back up emergency care for when your husband gets to the point you need to be with him or of his passing.

This is a no and if or buts situation. If they don't have backup care you won't watch their child. Also, let them know you need a number where someone is reachable in the event something happens during the day to him and you need to close.

Is he at home or at a hospice house. Will hospice be there with you or are you trying to do this alone while the kids are there. If so please see if you can get someone to come and sit with him during the day.

I ditto this. I am so very sorry. You and your husband will be in my prayers. The only thing I can add is that if it's too hard for you to tell all of your parents in person, type them up a letter and you can even put in the letter if you feel like talking or not. That way you don't have to tell your story over and over again when that might be very difficult for you. AGain, my heart goes out to you.

[NiNi.R.]

I ditto this. I am so very sorry. You and your husband will be in my prayers. The only thing I can add is that if it's too hard for you to tell all of your parents in person, type them up a letter and you can even put in the letter if you feel like talking or not. That way you don't have to tell your story over and over again when that might be very difficult for you. AGain, my heart goes out to you.

I 2nd this!

I'm so very sorry to hear what you are going through. I don't know what your relationship is like with your parents but I know in a situation like this mine would bend over backwards and be completely understanding.

Tell them in person if you can, if not write a letter and in it explain you chose to do it this way so you didn't have to repeat yourself for several meetings as it is too painful.

(((hugs))) lovethis

[daycare]

I am so sorry to hear of your news. My thoughts are with you and I feel for what you must be going through.

I agree, I would write a letter and let them know what is going on and what you expect from them, including that you do or don't wish to talk about it, just like the PP said.

If anyone gives you a hard time about it, give me their address and I wil fly over there and give them the boot to the butt myself.... But all jokes aside, I am sure that your DCF will be more than understanding and compassionate about your situation.

Hugs to you...

[Blackcat31]

Ok, i need some help.

My husband has cancer and radiation and Chemo didn't work. He is getting worse and he is no longer accepting treatments. He is going to pass away. How do i let my parents know they need to have back up care in place now. I don't know when this will happen it could be 6month it could be weeks. we just don't know. :confused: Do i say nothing to them and just close when it happens?

Please help

I am so very sorry that you are going through this. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

I would let your families know as soon as possible and please don't give them a second thought afterwards as I am sure they will FULLY understand given the circumstances.

Again, I am so sorry you are going through this. Life doesn't always deal us a fair hand. I wish I could say/do more.

[Heidi]

Oh Julie! I am so sorry! I don't know what else to say; I don't even know you and my heart just breaks for you and your family.

I would recommend calling each one of your families individually outside of daycare. Maybe Saturday or Sunday afternoon, or after 7 when you know their kiddos are probably in bed. Tell them now, and maybe they can even coordinate with each other for back up when they need it.

[juliebug]

He is still fully aware and capable at the moment. i think it will be a few months for sure.

The big thing is these are all new families with infants. They have all been here less than a year. I do have an assistant that is willing to come be with the kids when i need to help out but i will have to close when he does pass or when he starts to get really bad. They don't think they will have to hospitalize him at all. We are going to see the Doctor on Tues (i am closing early) to see what he think and how long it might or might not be.

My husband is not getting a feeding tube are anything else more medically at this time he is going to continue his meds tho. We are also looking in to hospice too and deciding when we need them.

worse case i can pack all the kids in the van with me if i need to take dh to the ER.

[AfterSchoolMom]

Just wanted to say that I'm sorry - I'll say a prayer for you and your DH.

[busymomof2]

JulieBug I am so sorry for you and your family. It's too bad that you have to work these last months with him. Use your assistant as much as possible. My father passed from cancer over 6 years ago but it hurts like it was yesterday. Spend as much time as you can with him and tell him everything you need to so you don't have any regrets. I would highly recommend hospice because they can help him with his pain and be that support for you. My dad's nurse was the BEST. I could not have done it without her especially at the end. As for your families, they would be cold hearted if they didn't understand. Just about everyone has been affected by cancer in some way or another...they will understand. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. If you just want to talk to someone who has gone through something similar let me know.

[MrsSteinel'sHouse]

You have my prayers too.
I also agree that you need to notify the parents now.
Take Care!!!

[boysx5]

Keeping you in my prayers

[Meeko]

So sorry...please know you are in the prayers of so many of us. Lean on us if you need to vent, cry, question or just talk. We are here for you.

[Sunchimes]

Oh hon, I'm so sorry. There are just no words. I think whether you write a letter or tell them in person is up to you. For some people, talking helps-I'm that way-and I'd tell them in person. Others are more private and a note would be easiest for them. You do what feels right for you.

My prayers are with you.

[sharlan]

My thoughts are prayers for you and your family. I pray for some quality time for your family.

Please remember, that there is no expiration date stamped on your husband's foot. Regardless, at this point, whatever the drs tell you, it's a guesstimate.