Is Daycare A Women's World?

[nannyde]

I am talking about a man alone with children all day everyday.
Not an occasional back up for appointments or emergencies.
If the flood gates get opened to this,(all male run family daycares) some Mc Martin type thing will happen, then it will be all over the news and parents will not want their kids in home care if there is even a man living there (such as a hubbie that works outside the home while wife runs the daycare)
We have all seen how the news often makes things worse. They put fear in people and then we will all have a very hard time getting parents to trust us.

Yes, there are male obgyn's and male teachers but when women go to the obgyn and have a male Doctor ... there has to be a nurse present. (to protect him)
When my teen daughters are alone in the room with their male counselors or male teachers, the adults always leave the door open, blinds open and sometimes even has another adult present to protect themselves.

I am all for male teachers,(my daughters have had many) just not at this young tender age.
Kids this age can not usually tell what has happened to them or even defend themselves.
Why would anyone want this liability?

Nobody has answered this question.

For me it wouldn't be an issue of assuming liability. For me it's an issue of whether or not it would sell. When I'm scouting for new clients I am already cherry picking for the perfect customer who wants what I sell and can pay. Adding the layer of having a male staff assistant would really narrow down the group even further. It wouldn't be something that I could financially endure.

I don't think of it past that.

[dave4him]

Its good for us to remember the impression we give children by how we respond and act. If we ask a child how they did in school during the day in a certian tone of voice they will think they did something wrong by telling you about events.... this has happend when my niece was little.. thats my older niece the now 12 year old.

[Blackcat31]

I am talking about a man alone with children all day everyday.
Not an occasional back up for appointments or emergencies.
If the flood gates get opened to this,(all male run family daycares) some Mc Martin type thing will happen, then it will be all over the news and parents will not want their kids in home care if there is even a man living there (such as a hubbie that works outside the home while wife runs the daycare)
We have all seen how the news often makes things worse. They put fear in people and then we will all have a very hard time getting parents to trust us.

Yes, there are male obgyn's and male teachers but when women go to the obgyn and have a male Doctor ... there has to be a nurse present. (to protect him)
When my teen daughters are alone in the room with their male counselors or male teachers, the adults always leave the door open, blinds open and sometimes even has another adult present to protect themselves.

I am all for male teachers,(my daughters have had many) just not at this young tender age.
Kids this age can not usually tell what has happened to them or even defend themselves.
Why would anyone want this liability?

Nobody has answered this question.

The answer to your question is men don't WANT or ASK for those situations to be a liability for them, but sadly they are because some people are unwilling or unable to move past the idea that men are harmful or untrustworthy and will ultimately do something bad.

[dave4him]

SO how do men get themselves from getting into those situtations where they are accused of doing things they did not do. How do they protect themselves from parents who try to use them as scapegoats

[Blackcat31]

I wish I had an answer to that one Dave.

But I do think that things change when people's attitudes do.

We can't stay frightened and close-minded.

If we teach our children this attitude, our world will never evolve.

We need people willing to say it IS ok.

[dave4him]

That is why i want to be friends with the people i serve when watching their kids.

[Michelle]

SO how do men get themselves from getting into those situtations where they are accused of doing things they did not do. How do they protect themselves from parents who try to use them as scapegoats

This is why our church has a nursery rule where only females change diapers and help with bathroom issues, it's to protect children AND the adults.

One time I was applying sunblock on all the kids and a parent told me to make sure to pull her 4 year olds sons shorts down just a little in the back to get his lower back because when shorts become wet, they sag and he was very light skinned and burned easily. Well my female assistant did as requested and he said, "ooh why did you touch my butt?" She told me what happened and I told the mom and she laughed and said, "that's o.k. he always says that"
I can only imagine how different this would have turned out if it were a male provider alone with nobody else there to defend him.
So, my answer to prevent this kind of situation is to have another person in the daycare whenever there is a diaper changed, or clothes changed, especially when diaper rash cream is applied, etc.

[kendallina]

SO how do men get themselves from getting into those situtations where they are accused of doing things they did not do. How do they protect themselves from parents who try to use them as scapegoats

I've been reading through this thread the last couple of days and trying to decide how I wanted to respond. First, I think it's GREAT that you are doing daycare. This field needs more men in it. I have worked with so many little children that do not have a positive male role model and all children (boys and girls) need this!

I think being known in your community could help you a lot. I don't know if you have young children yourself, but if you do, then get them out in the community. Go to library storytime, playgroups, weekend festivals, everywhere! Be seen in your community and develop friendships with other parents and community members. This helped me tremendously in starting up, but I think would be even more important for a man starting up. Parents have to KNOW that they trust you before leaving their children with you and unfortunately it can be more difficult for people to trust a man with children than a woman.

The second thing is to screen your clients well. The parents are not just interviewing you, but you are interviewing them. Unfortunately, as you have probably already read on this forum there are a lot of families that think they're your boss and when things don't go their way, some parents can get very vindictive. I'm sure others will have more info on what kinds of red flags to look for in clients, but you (all of us, really) should try hard to make sure that the clients you work with are mature, reasonable people.

I wish you lots of luck in your business!

[momofsix]

SO how do men get themselves from getting into those situtations where they are accused of doing things they did not do. How do they protect themselves from parents who try to use them as scapegoats

I love the idea of men caring for children I hope we can come to a place where it's more accepted.
There's a man that opened a dc home near me, I don't know him but see his ads on Craig's list, and it seems he's filling up pretty quickly!
Maybe if YOU wanted, you could have cameras in your dc as a reassurance to parents. I know I would never do that-cost, feeling "spied" on, not feeling comfortable in my own home...-but there are providers that do have cameras.
Blessings in your endeavour!

[Crystal]

My husband is my full-time assistant. He began working with me a year after I opened, 14 years ago. My son worked with the children as a teeneger. We have a very successful business. My Dad, now 65, just began taking classes in Child Development and is working at the college Child Dev. Center.

So, yes, there is a need and a role to fulfill for men in child care.

[Crystal]

Well, of the 100+ pedophiles in my area, 99+ of them are men. In every jail in every state, there are many many more men in jails than women. I don't think it's stereotyping. It's a proven fact that you have to be more careful around men than women. I agree with you here, to an extent. Yes, there are many more REGISTERED male pedophiles, and I am sure in general, there ARE more. however, I do believe that there are many sexual offenses perpetrated by women that go unreported or unfounded. The statistics prove only that more men GET CAUGHT.

So,especially as a mother of a young child, I would not hire a daycare that has a man in it, especially if it's only the one man there or only one man and one woman. I might be okay if it's a center with numerous women and maybe one man, but I would rather only women be in the facility that I have my young daughter in. Once she's a bit older, I might feel comfortable with a man around as long as there are also women.I understand where you are coming from. I think it is common that people who encounter a one man team, so to speak, offering child-care, to question his motives. But, just as with any potential provider for my child, I would ASK THOSE QUESTIONS, and make the decision on who would be the best provider for my child based on the answers to those questions, my impression of the provider and the program. I would not rule out a provider soley based on gender.

Imagine our lives in a world where everyone was close-minded.

[Crystal]

Little girls get very shy at around 4 and 5 and some girls this age occasionally have toilet accidents or need baths, you can't imagine how uncomfortable these girls would feel having a man that's not her daddy change them or help them with their clothing. To me it's just not natural and not right to make a girl go through this. I think alot of people feel this way. I don't, but it is important for the provider to take precautions to protect themselves from allegations....like your husband, my husband doesn't assist with toileting or diapering. They also do not sit on his lap. We don't bathe children, so that's a non-issue.
I have heard people bring up the fact that kids have male teachers and pediatricians. Male teachers only teach, they don't change their clothes.
Pediatricians visits are usually only once a year for physicals and the parents can choose a male or female doctor. In recent news, there have been many male teachers accused and found guilty of molesting children in school....most cases with the children in the tween years.
I always let my child decide when they got to a certain age if they want a male or female doctor. certainly. when they are old enough to make that decision, it should be their right too, just as it is for you or me.
My hubby does not change diapers or clothing, he is their friend,preschool teacher,driver,cook, playground referee,and sometimes trampoline ::::

In todays day and age you can't be too careful and I don't know why a man would want the liability of being the only male adult in the house full of kids that we all know love to tell stories and with parents that love to blame every little scratch or rash on the provider.Sad as it may be, I think you are right. I think it puts your liability at risk....that accusations can happen very easily.....and a lone male provider should make sure to document everything. While I don't think we should exclude male providers from working solo, I think it's wise business practices to make every effort to protect yourself. And I think it would be prudent of parents to interview and check records and references closely.....of course, that should be done with any potential provider for our children.

I responded in bold

[Nellie]

I want to congratulate your new adventure in the daycare field. I have a friend that brings her son to a "daddy" daycare and just loves him. They live in a small town and he is the favorite, has a waiting list, and every one hopes HE will pick there family. I think it will be great see a male in this role. I also believe that you will be a priceless asset to children that come from fatherless families. You will make a HUGE difference in there lives.
Like some others have already posted getting out in to the community and getting to know people will really help you out. Once you are established word of mouth will be your best advertisement. I come from a small town and once I got my first few kids most all others have come from word of mouth. I will not only come from people that directly know the parents, but indirectly too. A mom will tell her friend how much she loves your daycare and that friend will pass it on to a friend or family member that has small children. There was a daycare lady that quit doing it 5 or 6 years ago in my town when her children were in school and old enough to not need babysitters or daycare anymore. She decided a few months ago to start back up and she was FULL before she ever had time to advertise. Every one still remembered her. People were even pulling there children out of daycares that they were already very established at(luckily non of my families left) I never had any close friends or family take there children to her, but every one new her name. If you are great will the children the buzz will grow it may take some time, but it will.

I've never seen that research. Could you please tell me more about the study?

According to the SCCADVASA
*Men are the offenders 94% of the time in cases of child sexual abuse. Men sexually abuse both male and female children. 75% of male offenders are married or have consenting sexual relationships.0Only about 4% of same-sex abuse involves homosexual perpetrators; 96% of the perpetrators are heterosexual.
* Family sexual abuse crosses all classes of society. There is no race, social, or economic class that is immune to family sexual abuse. Incest is estimated to occur in 14% of all families. 10 to 20% of American children are incest victims; 90% of the victims are female, and 90% of the abusers are fathers or stepfathers.
*National statistics indicate that in approximately 85% of the cases, the offender is known to the victim. He/she is usually a relative, family member, family friend, baby-sitter, or older friend of the child.
According to Advocates of Youth
*Most children are abused by someone they know and trust, although boys are more likely than girls to be abused outside of the family.2,5 A study in three states found 96 percent of reported rape survivors under age 12 knew the attacker. Four percent of the offenders were strangers, 20 percent were fathers 16 percent were relatives and 50 percent were acquaintances or friends. Among women 18 or older, 12 percent were raped by a family member, 33 percent by a stranger and 55 percent by an acquaintance.24*Children are most vulnerable between ages eight-12.8 The average age for first abuse is 9.9 years for boys and 9.6 years for girls.6 Victimization occurs before age eight in over 20 percent of the cases. Another study found 24 percent of female child sexual abuse survivors were first abused at age five or younger.9The National Resource Council estimates the percent of the U.S. population which has been sexually abused to range from a low of 20-24 percent to a high of 54-62 percent of the population; the higher estimate includes sexualized exposure without touching, such as masturbating in front of the child.1 The largest retrospective study on the prevalence of child sexual abuse found 27 percent of women and 16 percent of men reported abuse.
*In up to 50 percent of reported cases, offenders are adolescents.1,5 In 82 percent of accusations recently studied the accused offender was a heterosexual partner of a close relative of the child's. Researchers estimate that between 96 to 100 percent of accused abusers are recognizably heterosexual.25 Another study found that almost half of offending fathers and stepfathers also abused children outside their family.

I think that parents need to be diligent when it comes to child sexual assault. They need to talk to there children about it and frequently. Most offenders get to know the victim for 4 months before the 1st incident. The first incident my be a inappropriate touch or showing the child something that they shouldn't see. Offenders often victimize the child on average for 2 years. If families talk, talk, and talk about this could you imagine the heart ache and grief that would be prevented if the told SOMEONE the first time something happened.

I had a dear female friend that started getting sexually abused when she was 8years old by her mom's boyfriend. At 10 he started her on pot and cocaine. At 12 she told her Aunt about it. Not that she was "telling" on him, but talking about it as a dinner table conversation. She never knew what he was doing to her was wrong. Her mom didn't believe her, so she went to live with the Aunt. When she was 13 the mom found out that he was having a relationship with a 16 year old girl and she was pregnant, then she decided to believe he daughter. At 14 she was pregnant. By 18 she was doing what ever she could for drugs. Keeping boyfriends she really didn't like, but needed someone to support her. She died at 19. She was very promiscuous but she hated the sex. It was so hard for me to watch her life. Friends tried and tried and tried to get her on the right path. I know that those years of torment wrecked her for life.

[dave4him]

I have been a stay at home dad for a year now as of November 1st anyway. My twins were born on 8-9-10, and we have an adorable 4 year old as well. So for the last year the community has seen plenty of me between walmart and other places with all three of the kids. Quite a handfull. And yes it can be a bit of work getting them all around but you make adjustments and figure it out. I have a lot to learn, and hopefully will be able to fill up the daycare quickly. Course my own already take up a few spots

[Michelle]

Statistics will NEVER change until our attitudes do.

WHAT?
how can changing attitudes change statistics?
If 90 percent of Americans let their hair down and say "Oh, we think men should stay at home and watch our little kids because we don't think our kids will be hurt we are all "open minded now!"
What do you think will happen?
All the pedophiles that don't have a criminal record yet will open up their
"Daddy Daycares" and then what will you say?
Would you honestly put your little boy or girl in their care?