Is Daycare A Women's World?

[Heidi]

You know I was thinking about this as we have had plenty of discussions about men in the field in almost every college course I have taken and although some people have mixed feelings about it, I think that it is wonderful and I wish there was a way to get more men involved.

A majority of the noted Child Development Theorists/Specialist and ECE Pyschologists we study and learn from are men, so..... just sayin'.

Yeah, but I think they just observed the children while the women did all the actual caregiving...::

[permanentvacation]

I see both sides.

On one hand, having a man interacting with the children is very good for kids. Kids need to see that men can be kind, caring, loving, etc. Men usually joke around with kids a bit more then women do, and when reprimanding, are usually more firm, but can show that they aren't mean and scary, but firm and caring. Men usually run around more outside chasing the kids and playing ball with the kids then women do. So, it is good for a man to be involved in taking care of kids.

However, I would never leave my child alone only with a man and I would not be comfortable with a man changing my children's diapers/helping in the bathroom, etc.

I would be more comfortable hiring a man/woman team when my children are 6/7 years old and able to tell me if something happened. I would not hire a man or man/woman team until my child was completely potty trained and had knowledge of what someone can and can't do to/with them, were able to defend themselves some and had the confidence to tell me if something happened.

I know plenty of women have harmed children, however, it is more common from men, so I would be more careful with men.

[Blackcat31]

I see both sides.

On one hand, having a man interacting with the children is very good for kids. Kids need to see that men can be kind, caring, loving, etc. Men usually joke around with kids a bit more then women do, and when reprimanding, are usually more firm, but can show that they aren't mean and scary, but firm and caring. Men usually run around more outside chasing the kids and playing ball with the kids then women do. So, it is good for a man to be involved in taking care of kids.

However, I would never leave my child alone only with a man and I would not be comfortable with a man changing my children's diapers/helping in the bathroom, etc.
I would be more comfortable hiring a man/woman team when my children are 6/7 years old and able to tell me if something happened. I would not hire a man or man/woman team until my child was completely potty trained and had knowledge of what someone can and can't do to/with them, were able to defend themselves some and had the confidence to tell me if something happened.

I know plenty of women have harmed children, however, it is more common from men, so I would be more careful with men.

I know that is your opinion and you are certainly entitled to it. However, I find that statement to be really sad. Sad, that we as a culture feel we can't break free from that kind of stereotyping. Sad that we are still separating men and women into categories when we, as women, are always screaming for equal rights/treatment.

Yes, you said there are plenty of women that harm children but since more men do it then women, we should be more careful. Why are we just simply not more careful? Why does the thought process even involve separation of the sexes?

I honestly don't think men in childcare are more apt to harm a child. No more than a woman is. I really don't think it has anything to do with being a man or a woman. I think it has more to do with having a good, trusting relationship and open communication with the caregiver.

I wouldn't leave my child with anyone (male or female) that I didn't feel comfortable with. We will never get over this stigma if we do not start changing the way we think, feel and speak about this subject.

Why is it okay for men to be stay at home dads, and even single fathers, but it isn't ok for them to watch other people's children? Why is it ok for Timmy to play in the kitchen center and with the high heels and princess crowns, but later when he is older, he can't work in child care? Why is all of that ok, just so it can NOT be ok later? Doesn't make sense to me. :confused:

Permanentvacation~ I am so NOT singling you out. You are free to feel and think any way you want and I RESPECT THAT!! I really do.

I completely understand where you are coming from, I just wish society would change it's way of thinking and tolerance and acceptance were easier to come by. We try to teach our little ones to love people for who they are, but as adults we still have our biased ways of thinking and that just really makes me sad.

I think I should be leaving this thread now because this is a hot button topic for me.

[permanentvacation]

Well, of the 100+ pedophiles in my area, 99+ of them are men. In every jail in every state, there are many many more men in jails than women. I don't think it's stereotyping. It's a proven fact that you have to be more careful around men than women.

So,especially as a mother of a young child, I would not hire a daycare that has a man in it, especially if it's only the one man there or only one man and one woman. I might be okay if it's a center with numerous women and maybe one man, but I would rather only women be in the facility that I have my young daughter in. Once she's a bit older, I might feel comfortable with a man around as long as there are also women.

[daycare]

I have a good male friend who is a daycare provider. He is a single dad and he is the BEST! Allthough he is not as strict as I see most women, I know taht his families love him. And what I mean by strict, is that he lets the kids jump on sofas and stand on chairs.... things that would never happen here at my house....

the funny part is that he is a really tall, dark man that looks like he just got out of jail.... But he is a youth minister and just the most loving person I have ever met. This guy has people lined up to get into his daycare.... I think its fantastic. There are a lot of little boys and girls without a daddy... In fact, there are more children without daddys then without mommies, so I think he has a great thing to offer......

[Blackcat31]

Well, of the 100+ pedophiles in my area, 99+ of them are men. In every jail in every state, there are many many more men in jails than women. I don't think it's stereotyping. It's a proven fact that you have to be more careful around men than women.

So,especially as a mother of a young child, I would not hire a daycare that has a man in it, especially if it's only the one man there or only one man and one woman. I might be okay if it's a center with numerous women and maybe one man, but I would rather only women be in the facility that I have my young daughter in. Once she's a bit older, I might feel comfortable with a man around as long as there are also women.

Statistics will NEVER change until our attitudes do.

[Ariana]

Statistics will NEVER change until our attitudes do.

I'm not sure what this means? Can you clarify?

I for one can completely understand the hesitation some parents feel about having a man in the daycare field, especially when psychologists tell us that most pedophiles choose jobs where they interact with kids. I also know that most parents never see abuse coming. Pedophiles aren't the "boogyman" they're people you know and trust unfortunately. Having said that you can't go around living in a bubble and never have your kids interact with men (whather you have a son or a daughter). I just wish the world wasn't this way because I know so many men who would make excellent care providers.

[laundrymom]

I don't think it's stereotyping. It's a proven fact that you have to be more careful around men then around women.

I've never seen that research. Could you please tell me more about the study?

I guess on the flip side one could say,....

I would never send my kids to a dayhome ran by a woman because you have to be more careful, they may leave the children unattended and go to target. You know how much women love target

Your point about there being over 100 MALE pedifiles in your area has nothing to do with a mans ability to be an awesome childcare provider for infants.

That is stereotyping. Just as it would be for you to say, OMG, he's from mexico, I bet he's here illegally. !!

Or, he's a black man from Detroit ,... I bet he sells drugs.

Or,... He is a white truck driving hunter from Kentucky, I bet he can't read or hold a job.

I've not seen ANY research advising people to be on the watch for all men who enjoy being around children. Could someone please point me to a creditable study?

My question on this to all of you is,...
I love when a child climbs into my lap, looks into my eyes and says, I love you Soooo much. You rock!
It makes me feel awesome to know they feel love, safety, security, trust, etc.

Would it be wrong of me to do these things if I were male? I don't think so but reading some of the responses make me wonder. How a woman's Behaviors would be interpreted if repeated exactly by a man?

I mean,... Would someone look at a male provider accusingly if they were rocking an 18mo old girl to sleep after a nightmare? Simply because he was not a she?

[Blackcat31]

I'm not sure what this means? Can you clarify?

I for one can completely understand the hesitation some parents feel about having a man in the daycare field, especially when psychologists tell us that most pedophiles choose jobs where they interact with kids. I also know that most parents never see abuse coming. Pedophiles aren't the "boogyman" they're people you know and trust unfortunately. Having said that you can't go around living in a bubble and never have your kids interact with men (whather you have a son or a daughter). I just wish the world wasn't this way because I know so many men who would make excellent care providers.

Sorry, I meant stereotypes (not statistics) will never change until our attitudes do.

Until we stop assuming men (because of their sex) are going to be pedophiles or harm our children, men will be shooed away from the early childhood profession in general. As a man, I would not want to go into a field where women are looking and whispering about whether or not I might harm the children. Until we stop assuming that it is unsafe to leave our children in the care of men, things will never change.

[Blackcat31]

I've never seen that research. Could you please tell me more about the study?

I guess on the flip side one could say,....

I would never send my kids to a dayhome ran by a woman because you have to be more careful, they may leave the children unattended and go to target. You know how much women love target

Your point about there being over 100 MALE pedifiles in your area has nothing to do with a mans ability to be an awesome childcare provider for infants.

That is stereotyping. Just as it would be for you to say, OMG, he's from mexico, I bet he's here illegally. !!

Or, he's a black man from Detroit ,... I bet he sells drugs.

Or,... He is a white truck driving hunter from Kentucky, I bet he can't read or hold a job.

I've not seen ANY research advising people to be on the watch for all men who enjoy being around children. Could someone please point me to a creditable study?

My question on this to all of you is,...
I love when a child climbs into my lap, looks into my eyes and says, I love you Soooo much. You rock!
It makes me feel awesome to know they feel love, safety, security, trust, etc.

Would it be wrong of me to do these things if I were male? I don't think so but reading some of the responses make me wonder. How a woman's Behaviors would be interpreted if repeated exactly by a man?

I mean,... Would someone look at a male provider accusingly if they were rocking an 18mo old girl to sleep after a nightmare? Simply because he was not a she?

FANTASTIC post laundrymom!!!!! Nicely said!!!

We definitely need a like/love button!!

[Ariana]

Sorry, I meant stereotypes (not statistics) will never change until our attitudes do.

Ahh ok!! Thats what I thought you meant! I wish we could change the statistics

[Meeko]

My husband was my assistant when we started doing group care and now my son is. The kids LOVE him and so do the parents.

I have a lot of single mothers who are thrilled to know there is a good male role model in their childrens' lives.

However, I have also had women turn up their noses when they find out my helper is male because they are convinced that all men are child molesters

I usually point out that many men are teachers, doctors etc who will have contact with their child.

I recently had a woman come by for interview. She loved our set up and wanted to have her 3 year old son go here......as long as I got rid of MY son as my helper!!!!!!!!!!

She told me the child's father was in prison for sexually abusing her older daughter (not his). I understand her feelings and feel so bad for her. But she told me she has decided to keep her children away from men until they are much older. I wanted to cry.

Her daughter went through a terrible ordeal, but she is teaching both her and her son that ALL men are like that. Her daughter is going to grow up completely paranoid about men. Maybe never able to have a relationship with one.

I tried to gently tell her that she should be letting her kids see that not all men are bad. They need to trust again. She requests no men teachers for her daughter at school etc. and will do the same for her son.

She is fueling the attitude that is infecting others. Men make wonderful teachers, wonderful day care providers, wonderful nurses and doctors.

I say go for it! I used to live in Oklahoma (Altus AFB) The best provider on the base was a man. His wife was active duty and they wanted a stay at home parent so he became a day care provider so he could be home with their kids too. He was fun, involved, and more often than not taught us women a thing or two at meetings! I say the more men the better in childcare!

[graham.shellbell]

My husband and I run our childcare together and my 19 year old son works with us. They change more diapers than I do..the kids all love them(esp since my hubby is a big kid most of the time):: I have only had one person tell me they were a bit worried about my husband being here..I told her then we weren't the daycare for her. I would love to see more guys in a nurturing role like this.

[Country Kids]

At my childs elementary school we only have one male teacher and a male reading teacher. There are more at the middle school/high school. Most of the elementary schools here only have female teachers.

Our town has only one registered offender that is female. I can't tell you how many are men-to many.

I think being a male provider if wonderful if you are ready for it. It a new territory for men. It wasn't that long ago only women were nurses, men were doctors. Women were teachers, males were principles. Men were lawyers, women the secretaries. It could go on and on but it is an evolving cycle. Slowing women enter into the work force where it used to only be men and vice versa.

[laundrymom]

Not just the work force,... I can't begin to tell you how frustrated I get when I go in to the auto parts store!!! Oh hello just because I have breasts does NOT mean you can 1. Try to belittle my knowledge 2. Try to sell ms something I don't need, 3. roll your eyes when I tell you what I want. Like I'm too dumb to install something.

Ugh. Lol sorry. I get grumpy. Lol

At my childs elementary school we only have one male teacher and a male reading teacher. There are more at the middle school/high school. Most of the elementary schools here only have female teachers.

Our town has only one registered offender that is female. I can't tell you how many are men-to many.

I think being a male provider if wonderful if you are ready for it. It a new territory for men. It wasn't that long ago only women were nurses, men were doctors. Women were teachers, males were principles. Men were lawyers, women the secretaries. It could go on and on but it is an evolving cycle. Slowing women enter into the work force where it used to only be men and vice versa.