Inconsolable Infant - Only at Daycare

[Unregistered]

If you are holding her and feeding her to sleep, I would imagine that the daycare has policies against both of those things. She may not be getting napped well at daycare where they cannot replicate what you do at home. If the crying is mostly in the afternoons, my guess would be that sleep is the main issue. If it is all the time, I would guess that the group care environment and her personality are not meshing well. 6 infants and two providers in a room is a lot of activity and probably, a lot of crying.....very overstimulating. I would go with a center that has a smaller infant room (harder to find but you can try), a small home daycare, a SAHM that just takes your child, or a nanny situation (which sounds like it could work out as you have two other children in daycare, correct?).

Good luck to you! If the center has had multiple meetings, evaluations, providers trying to address this issue with no progress then yes, get ready to be termed. The crying has got to be pretty bad at this point and for the sake of your child, you need to figure something else out. This clearly is not working for anyone in this situation but on a positive note, it seems that the center has made a good effort at addressing the issue.

Thank you, this makes sense and I believe you are right, I feel like they will be giving us notice soon. The crying is all the time, not just in the afternoon, so I'm sure it's time to look elsewhere anyway.

[Heidi]

Perhaps with 3 children, a Nanny would be cost-effective anyway. Plus, once baby adjusts and cries less (with the Nanny), she could do a couple other little things around the house like start dinner or tidy up a bit (of course, the children should be the priority).

Your baby might just be happier in her own home and her own bed.

[Elko]

Wait, she won't go to sleep or she needs constant attention all the time? Do they try to feed her to sleep and it doesn't work? Or are they just putting her in the crib and hoping she'll learn to fall asleep on her own?

I'm really asking, because sleep at daycare has been something I've been obsessing over lately

[Unregistered]

Wait, she won't go to sleep or she needs constant attention all the time? Do they try to feed her to sleep and it doesn't work? Or are they just putting her in the crib and hoping she'll learn to fall asleep on her own?

I'm really asking, because sleep at daycare has been something I've been obsessing over lately

Both. She will be rocked to sleep but then wakes up 20 min later. She's been gettin hardly any sleep there.they just told us this will be her last week there. It's not getting any better.

[Heidi]

Both. She will be rocked to sleep but then wakes up 20 min later. She's been gettin hardly any sleep there.they just told us this will be her last week there. It's not getting any better.

Well, there it is!

In reading your posts, it sounded like she was sleeping at daycare. What is actually happening is that she isn't, and then she's tired and can't cope. That was what I suspected originally.

I'll post more later...

[Heidi]

So..now that my kiddos are gone, I can give you the answer you probably don't want to hear.

You have two choices:

Provide her with one-on-one care. That means, Mommy, Daddy, or a Nanny. This person can then rock or feed her to sleep, intervene when she wakes, and generally provide the high level of care she expects.

Or-

You can gently sleep-train her to fall asleep separately, without being nursed and/or rocked. You can start by not nursing her to sleep. Nurse her, but make sure she's a little "roused" before you lay her down, so that she is aware of what's going on. No nursing, letting her fall asleep, and then "sneaking" her off to her bed.

How often is she still waking at night? I'm going to guess at least 2 times, if not more; then you nurse her back to sleep.

All this is your choice, but just know that in daycare, these patterns are going to interfere. You have an adult-to-child ratio of 1-3, not 1-1, or even 2-3.

[cheerfuldom]

Both. She will be rocked to sleep but then wakes up 20 min later. She's been gettin hardly any sleep there.they just told us this will be her last week there. It's not getting any better.

She is addicted to the rocking motion. She is waking up every time someone puts her down. For her sake and for the next caregiver, I would begin gently working on new and better sleep habits.....no rocking, no bottle, laying down to fall asleep on her own.

[cheerfuldom]

So..now that my kiddos are gone, I can give you the answer you probably don't want to hear.

You have two choices:

Provide her with one-on-one care. That means, Mommy, Daddy, or a Nanny. This person can then rock or feed her to sleep, intervene when she wakes, and generally provide the high level of care she expects.

Or-

You can gently sleep-train her to fall asleep separately, without being nursed and/or rocked. You can start by not nursing her to sleep. Nurse her, but make sure she's a little "roused" before you lay her down, so that she is aware of what's going on. No nursing, letting her fall asleep, and then "sneaking" her off to her bed.

How often is she still waking at night? I'm going to guess at least 2 times, if not more; then you nurse her back to sleep.

All this is your choice, but just know that in daycare, these patterns are going to interfere. You have an adult-to-child ratio of 1-3, not 1-1, or even 2-3.

and one caregiver is certainly busy at times following regulations like cleaning, preparing bottles, etc. so the ratio realistically higher than 1 to 3 in the day to day reality of the infant room.

[Leigh]

What time does she go to bed at night? What time is she up in the morning? Does she sleep through the night? Does she sleep in her own room at home? Does she sleep flat on her back in a crib?

[Unregistered]

Ok, so I am pretty upset right now. I the last week or so that she was there, she had been eating infrequently. She would eat an ounce or 2 at a time and then not again for 4 hrs it so. We thought this was odd as she doesn't do this at home, but chalked it up to the fussiness/unhappiness there. WELL, we got all of her stuff unpacked from daycare last night and I was washing the bottle they used...turns out they had gotten somebody else's nipple switched with her sad they have been using a slow flow playtex nipple when hers is a dr browns level 2 nipple. It makes complete sense now why she was so fussy there...she would eat an ounce or 2 and then quit because she wasn't use to the nipple/milk was so hard to get out. She was hungry! This didn't happen all the time, the other bottle they used had the correct nipple in it. I called and let them know and they were very apologetic but that's it?!! I'm pretty mad about all of this!

[Heidi]

Ok, so I am pretty upset right now. I the last week or so that she was there, she had been eating infrequently. She would eat an ounce or 2 at a time and then not again for 4 hrs it so. We thought this was odd as she doesn't do this at home, but chalked it up to the fussiness/unhappiness there. WELL, we got all of her stuff unpacked from daycare last night and I was washing the bottle they used...turns out they had gotten somebody else's nipple switched with her sad they have been using a slow flow playtex nipple when hers is a dr browns level 2 nipple. It makes complete sense now why she was so fussy there...she would eat an ounce or 2 and then quit because she wasn't use to the nipple/milk was so hard to get out. She was hungry! This didn't happen all the time, the other bottle they used had the correct nipple in it. I called and let them know and they were very apologetic but that's it?!! I'm pretty mad about all of this!

Oh wow!

No WONDER she was crying all the time..poor kiddo!

[Elko]

Whoa! So they didn't admit that maybe that was the problem? Are you able to find a new place soon? Can you or dad keep her at home for a bit while looking, to sort of reset everything? That sounds so stressful!

[Unregistered]

Whoa! So they didn't admit that maybe that was the problem? Are you able to find a new place soon? Can you or dad keep her at home for a bit while looking, to sort of reset everything? That sounds so stressful!

Oh they agreed with me that it was most likely the problem but never offered to take her back. Not that I would have allowed that anyway. I've been calling around and nobody has any openings. I can keep her at home with me for a little bit because I worked it out with my job, and I can take her to the office with me twice a week until we find somebody, but I only have until the 20th.

[cheerfuldom]

I am confused...... she has been going to that daycare for months right? Was the bottle an issue for that whole time? It sounded like the bottle issues were for the last week or two whereas the other issues have been a problem the whole time. they obviously don't feel that the bottle was the reason for all of the issues and that is why they will not take her back. That part makes sense to me. It definitely was their mistake in switching the bottle nipples (right? you don't use two types, correct?) but what else would you expect them to do but apologize? Now that your daughter is not going back, there is nothing else they can do but say sorry and move on. I hope you find new care soon and one that is a better fit for your daughter. It is a bummer that this whole situation fizzled out and the bottle switch was definitely their fault but I would encourage you not to waste energy on being upset over this. You said you were there at the center for a long time with your other kids and never had any issues and that the center had tried to figure out what the issue was with the baby.....sounds like you were happy with the level of care for a long time so this new situation is just one of those things that happen, not really any one's fault. I would look at the positive and be thankful that they told you of all the issues so you can give your next provider a heads up. Sadly, many places will just keep unhappy babies and let them scream all day every day.....I am sure you wouldnt want that for your baby. It is better that they let you go from the center and that way you can find a better fit. You may try the next place and your little one be totally different. I hope so! Good luck!

[CraftyMom]

I am confused...... she has been going to that daycare for months right? Was the bottle an issue for that whole time? It sounded like the bottle issues were for the last week or two whereas the other issues have been a problem the whole time. they obviously don't feel that the bottle was the reason for all of the issues and that is why they will not take her back. That part makes sense to me. It definitely was their mistake in switching the bottle nipples (right? you don't use two types, correct?) but what else would you expect them to do but apologize? Now that your daughter is not going back, there is nothing else they can do but say sorry and move on. I hope you find new care soon and one that is a better fit for your daughter. It is a bummer that this whole situation fizzled out and the bottle switch was definitely their fault but I would encourage you not to waste energy on being upset over this. You said you were there at the center for a long time with your other kids and never had any issues and that the center had tried to figure out what the issue was with the baby.....sounds like you were happy with the level of care for a long time so this new situation is just one of those things that happen, not really any one's fault. I would look at the positive and be thankful that they told you of all the issues so you can give your next provider a heads up. Sadly, many places will just keep unhappy babies and let them scream all day every day.....I am sure you wouldnt want that for your baby. It is better that they let you go from the center and that way you can find a better fit. You may try the next place and your little one be totally different. I hope so! Good luck!

I agree with this. It stinks that your baby is so miserable there, but it sounds like a good place. I know as parents you're looking for the "aha...so that's why..." but I also understood it to be that she was having trouble for much much longer than the nipple issue, which was only the last week. That does explain her eating infrequently during the last week, but not the overall issue. I'm not sure what else they could have done besides apologize, unless it was the delivery and tone of the apology that you didn't like.

At any rate I hope she is happier at her next (and hopefully last ) daycare