Inconsolable Infant - Only at Daycare

[MOM.OF.3.]

My 6 month old daughter has gone to a center most days of the week now since she was 3 months old. We found out about a month ago that they have been having issues from day 1 with her in regards to not being able to self soothe. She is in an infant room with 2 providers and 5 other babies. When she is not getting personal attention they say she starts crying and from then on...no matter what they do, she won't stop crying. They asked us to sign a permission form for a physical therapist and social worker to evaluate her, which we did. Then we all had a meeting and the consensus was that everything was ok developmentally, and that the older/more independent she got the better it would probably get at daycare. I picked her up last night and they said they wanted to meet with us again because she has been getting worse. They have tried different providers in the room, so it's not certain people. They said she cried for 5 hours today. I honestly think they are getting ready to kick us out! They say she wakes the other babies and they don't know what else to do for her. Has anybody had any experience with this sort of thing? We have no issues at home and my other 2 children had no issues at the same center. They did notice she rubs her feet together a lot and that there are certain toys she gets very frustrated with due to the sounds they make. She will not smile at them no matter what they do. She smiles and laughs with us at home.

[Cat Herder]

How do you put her to bed at home? Is her room quiet and dark for sleeping? Is your home generally a relaxed, quiet environment?

Some kids simply need a smaller, quieter, calmer environment to thrive. Overstimulation can cause everything you have mentioned in a more shy, introverted personality type.

My own kids can only take so much "group time". Imagine being at Chucky-Cheese 8 hours, everyday. :::::: Some people would love it, others would shiver at the thought. :hug:

[nannyde]

If they are thinking of kicking her out as a six month old it must be bad. You may need to switch her to a way smaller setting.

Are you co-sleeping? Is she swing sleeping? Is she sleeping in anything other than a crib or playpen on her back? Are you using a carrier and carrying her around at home? Are you feeding her to sleep? Are you holding her during nap times and rocking her while she sleeps?

[Play Care]

:hug:
Not every care situation is right for every child. And that is OKAY!
It sounds as if they have been very proactive in trying to get your baby to mesh well. It's just not happening. It IS time, IMHO, to find a different type of care - small in home, nanny, etc. Best of luck!!

[Unregistered]

How do you put her to bed at home? Is her room quiet and dark for sleeping? Is your home generally a relaxed, quiet environment?

Some kids simply need a smaller, quieter, calmer environment to thrive. Overstimulation can cause everything you have mentioned in a more shy, introverted personality type.

My own kids can only take so much "group time". Imagine being at Chucky-Cheese 8 hours, everyday. :::::: Some people would love it, others would shiver at the thought. :hug:

She falls asleep after her last feeding. We have a sound machine for her and it's completely
dark, same as at the center. My 2 older girls are very quiet for the most part so, yes, I think that my home is pretty calm and relaxed. This makes a lot of sense.
Thank you...now if only there was a personal nanny I could hire!

[Unregistered]

If they are thinking of kicking her out as a six month old it must be bad. You may need to switch her to a way smaller setting.

Are you co-sleeping? Is she swing sleeping? Is she sleeping in anything other than a crib or playpen on her back? Are you using a carrier and carrying her around at home? Are you feeding her to sleep? Are you holding her during nap times and rocking her while she sleeps?

We use to co-sleep, but not anymore. She sleeps in her own crib, but always rolls on her belly.i carry her around at home but not all the time. I put her down right after she falls asleep.yes, I do feed her to sleep.

[nannyde]

She falls asleep after her last feeding. We have a sound machine for her and it's completely
dark, same as at the center. My 2 older girls are very quiet for the most part so, yes, I think that my home is pretty calm and relaxed. This makes a lot of sense.
Thank you...now if only there was a personal nanny I could hire!

I didn't know there was any state that allowed an infant room to be completely dark. That would present an issue if there was a fire and would be difficult to do breathing checks.

Put her to bed wide awake and when you hold her don't walk around with her. Lots and lots of floor time. Is he in a swing or a jolly jumper at home?

[Unregistered]

I didn't know there was any state that allowed an infant room to be completely dark. That would present an issue if there was a fire and would be difficult to do breathing checks.

Put her to bed wide awake and when you hold her don't walk around with her. Lots and lots of floor time. Is he in a swing or a jolly jumper at home?

To clarify, there's not a light on in either room (the center's or ours). But with the door not shut, light flows in from the adjoining room. We don't use a swing anymore, but she does like to sit in th exersaucer. She loves floor time at home.

[Heidi]

How much is she sleeping at home vs. at the center (during the day)? Are the nap lengths and spacing similar? Most children at 6 months are forming good, consistent sleep patterns. Mine here usually take a shorter morning nap (45 min-1 hour or so) and a longer (2.5-3 hour) afternoon nap.

If she's not sleeping well, she's not going to be very friendly while awake.

I can imagine that she may be a little overstimulated by all he ruckus of so many infants in one room, too.

I also want to say that "trying different teachers" is not something I would ever suggest. She can build trust and security if the adults are constantly changing. Continuity is high on the list when it comes to quality childcare, especially with young infants. She should be getting comfortable with 1 or 2 adults, not having them paraded about like "ok, how about her?" Chances are, though, that they are doing this because she is so intense. No ONE person want's to "get stuck" (and I mean that in the nicest way) with the kiddo that cries all day. So, there may be some cause and affect there.

I say, find a small family provider or a center where the staff turnover is low and the class size small. Be honest with them, but let them know you are willing to work together to make it better for baby and for the staff/provider.

[Unregistered]

How much is she sleeping at home vs. at the center (during the day)? Are the nap lengths and spacing similar? Most children at 6 months are forming good, consistent sleep patterns. Mine here usually take a shorter morning nap (45 min-1 hour or so) and a longer (2.5-3 hour) afternoon nap.

If she's not sleeping well, she's not going to be very friendly while awake.

I can imagine that she may be a little overstimulated by all he ruckus of so many infants in one room, too.

I also want to say that "trying different teachers" is not something I would ever suggest. She can build trust and security if the adults are constantly changing. Continuity is high on the list when it comes to quality childcare, especially with young infants. She should be getting comfortable with 1 or 2 adults, not having them paraded about like "ok, how about her?" Chances are, though, that they are doing this because she is so intense. No ONE person want's to "get stuck" (and I mean that in the nicest way) with the kiddo that cries all day. So, there may be some cause and affect there.

I say, find a small family provider or a center where the staff turnover is low and the class size small. Be honest with them, but let them know you are willing to work together to make it better for baby and for the staff/provider.

I would say the nap time routine is pretty consistent both places. She usually takes one longer nap (2 - 2 1/2 hrs) and one smaller nap (1 hr) both places. The center we take her to seems to have a high turnover rate. There has been one consistent provider (although some days she is not there the entire day) but the second provider in the room has been different many times. I bet there has been a total of 5 different providers, as they switch them from room to room fairly often.

[Heidi]

I would say the nap time routine is pretty consistent both places. She usually takes one longer nap (2 - 2 1/2 hrs) and one smaller nap (1 hr) both places. The center we take her to seems to have a high turnover rate. There has been one consistent provider (although some days she is not there the entire day) but the second provider in the room has been different many times. I bet there has been a total of 5 different providers, as they switch them from room to room fairly often.

Well, it does sound like she's getting enough sleep then. My guess would be overstimulation, in that case.

How is she when you are in loud public places? When you have guests and noise in the house?

[Unregistered]

Well, it does sound like she's getting enough sleep then. My guess would be overstimulation, in that case.

How is she when you are in loud public places? When you have guests and noise in the house?

She doesn't sleep as well, but she is definitely happy. We never have any issues with her being fussy/cranky unless she is tired and ready for a nap. That is why this is all so confusing to me...I have no idea how to help them!

[Heidi]

She doesn't sleep as well, but she is definitely happy. We never have any issues with her being fussy/cranky unless she is tired and ready for a nap. That is why this is all so confusing to me...I have no idea how to help them!

So, when you have the house full of guests, attend a wedding, crank the radio, go to Walmart or otherwise party like rock stars, she's not upset?

Is she eating roughly the same amount and at the same times at daycare as at home? If you're nursing, I know it's hard to measure volume, but how about time? Is she taking any solids yet, and if so, does she take them at daycare?

[cheerfuldom]

If you are holding her and feeding her to sleep, I would imagine that the daycare has policies against both of those things. She may not be getting napped well at daycare where they cannot replicate what you do at home. If the crying is mostly in the afternoons, my guess would be that sleep is the main issue. If it is all the time, I would guess that the group care environment and her personality are not meshing well. 6 infants and two providers in a room is a lot of activity and probably, a lot of crying.....very overstimulating. I would go with a center that has a smaller infant room (harder to find but you can try), a small home daycare, a SAHM that just takes your child, or a nanny situation (which sounds like it could work out as you have two other children in daycare, correct?).

Good luck to you! If the center has had multiple meetings, evaluations, providers trying to address this issue with no progress then yes, get ready to be termed. The crying has got to be pretty bad at this point and for the sake of your child, you need to figure something else out. This clearly is not working for anyone in this situation but on a positive note, it seems that the center has made a good effort at addressing the issue.

[Unregistered]

So, when you have the house full of guests, attend a wedding, crank the radio, go to Walmart or otherwise party like rock stars, she's not upset?

Is she eating roughly the same amount and at the same times at daycare as at home? If you're nursing, I know it's hard to measure volume, but how about time? Is she taking any solids yet, and if so, does she take them at daycare?

She's not upset with a lot of activity, but I do notice she won't easily go to sleep. Once it quiets down, she does. From what everybody is saying, I'm thinking it's a personality/overstimulation issue. When my (very loud and shrill) niece is here, she won't sleep. Of course, at our house, it doesn't go on for 8 hrs at a time with the noise and all. At the center, it can. We are trying to keep on a 3-4 hr schedule with breastmilk both places, and she has started in solids (and loves them) at both places.