Making A Parent Pay For "Damage"

[nannyde]

She did tell me that. She had been trying to make my DD sit on a step and she refused to stay there. They got into a battle of wills about it and the provider lost.

I'm going to look at the contract, but I don't remember anything about having to replace things that break. But this seems fundamentally different from a case of a kid intentionally breaking a toy or something.

What I do know is that I'm totally stressed trying to come up with somewhere for my DD to go on Monday. I have childcare arranged for September, but now I need something for the summer.

Did you enroll her in the home daycare as a special needs child and has the provider been compensated well for the special care she has received?

[nannyde]

She did tell me that. She had been trying to make my DD sit on a step and she refused to stay there. They got into a battle of wills about it and the provider lost.

I'm going to look at the contract, but I don't remember anything about having to replace things that break. But this seems fundamentally different from a case of a kid intentionally breaking a toy or something.

What I do know is that I'm totally stressed trying to come up with somewhere for my DD to go on Monday. I have childcare arranged for September, but now I need something for the summer.

make sure your summer provider has full knowledge of your child's mental health special needs. Behavioral special needs is a mental health special needs. Make sure you offer compensation that allows your child to have the "side by side" supervision you want instead of time out and away. Side by side supervision is EXPENSIVE. Offer to pay for that upfront every week. The school receiving your child in September will be funded for her mental health care. Between now and then YOU need to make sure it's in place.

[blandino]

Did you enroll her in the home daycare as a special needs child and has the provider been compensated well for the special care she has received?

[Unregistered]

Did you enroll her in the home daycare as a special needs child and has the provider been compensated well for the special care she has received?

When she was enrolled (at just before two) she was a normal toddler. At that point we had no concerns. In fact, it wasn't until shortly before she turned 3 that we started to experience behavior that was out of the norm. Before that she had her moments (like many kids) but was pretty easy going most of the time. It's been ramping up over the last 6 months or so.

We are lucky that we went through some of this stuff with our older DD (completely different issues) so we are on top of what needs to be done. We also have a SN preschool program in our neighborhood school so her enrollment there was easy to secure.

The daycare she will be in next year is aware of the issues as they are associated with the school and work well with the program there.

Has the provider been especially compensated? Not explicitly. She is, by no means, the cheapest provider we looked into. We have been paying $800/month for the 3yo (although she normally only goes 4 days/week) and $400/month for our 6yo who is in full time school and walks herself to and from school. (the provider lives just down the street from the school and can see the front door from her home). But, since the troubles have started we have been trying to have her there less wondering if she was getting overwhelmed. DH has been working his schedule so that he goes in early and can pick the girls up at 4pm which is 1.5hours before our contracted time. (And as a benefit she only has our 6yo for about 45 minutes in the afternoons and 45 minutes in the morning.)

[nannyde]

When she was enrolled (at just before two) she was a normal toddler. At that point we had no concerns. In fact, it wasn't until shortly before she turned 3 that we started to experience behavior that was out of the norm. Before that she had her moments (like many kids) but was pretty easy going most of the time. It's been ramping up over the last 6 months or so.

We are lucky that we went through some of this stuff with our older DD (completely different issues) so we are on top of what needs to be done. We also have a SN preschool program in our neighborhood school so her enrollment there was easy to secure.

The daycare she will be in next year is aware of the issues as they are associated with the school and work well with the program there.

Has the provider been especially compensated? Not explicitly. She is, by no means, the cheapest provider we looked into. We have been paying $800/month for the 3yo (although she normally only goes 4 days/week) and $400/month for our 6yo who is in full time school and walks herself to and from school. (the provider lives just down the street from the school and can see the front door from her home). But, since the troubles have started we have been trying to have her there less wondering if she was getting overwhelmed. DH has been working his schedule so that he goes in early and can pick the girls up at 4pm which is 1.5hours before our contracted time. (And as a benefit she only has our 6yo for about 45 minutes in the afternoons and 45 minutes in the morning.)

Once you were aware her behavior warranted special care you should have offered to explicitly pay for the services. When your child needs special care the worker needs to be well compensated. Your description of the providers lack of skills and tolerance tell you the truth. It's too much work for a normal person with normal skills for normal pay. If you would have offered to pay for additional adult time while she was there this most likely wouldn't have happened. She would have the extra adult to do side by side care. Do you see how side by side care is EXPENSIVE? Most providers won't do it for free for too long. I won't. It's exhausting and hard.

[Cradle2crayons]

Once you were aware her behavior warranted special care you should have offered to explicitly pay for the services. When your child needs special care the worker needs to be well compensated. Your description of the providers lack of skills and tolerance tell you the truth. It's too much work for a normal person with normal skills for normal pay. If you would have offered to pay for additional adult time while she was there this most likely wouldn't have happened. She would have the extra adult to do side by side care. Do you see how side by side care is EXPENSIVE? Most providers won't do it for free for too long. I won't. It's exhausting and hard.

I won't either. Although I do have a special physical need baby and yes, I'm compensated very well for her care, even though I don't have to sit attached to her every minute... She does require special care...and hence, special pay.

I can tell you right now if I'd ever had my daughter in care I'd have had to rob a bank to pay a provider what they deserved to watch her

[MyAngels]

From my provider's point of view I would not have expected reimbursement for the mattress, but I wouldn't have placed your dd in a room alone, either .

From my parent point of view, if I had a sometimes "devilish" child I would want to pay her for damages caused by my child - particularly in this instance as the damage was done intentionally.

[racemom]

I think that debating time-outs is a topic for another thread. They haven't been allowed to be used in the two centers we have used, and this provider states in her information that she does not use them. It's in all her official paperwork. She simply reached a point where she had no clue what to do with my kid and had backed herself into a corner.

But, I do not agree with them being used, so I will not place my child into a situation where punishments are used. I agree with teaching children how to behave and using alot of positive discipline. I am probably the strictest parent I know. I have high expectations and work towards them using positive reinforcement.

I am going to respond to her (I was giving it a day for both of us to cool off) and state that I think it would be best for all involved to part ways. I will say that I think that the fees we had paid for next week should help her recoup her losses on the mattress. Hopefully it won't go further than that.

I am wondering what positive discipline is? I hope that isn't a stupid question but I honestly have no idea what it means.

[Cradle2crayons]

I am wondering what positive discipline is? I hope that isn't a stupid question but I honestly have no idea what it means.

Maybe she means positive reinforcement??? I don't view time outs as PUNISHMENT but discipline.

"Teaching a child how to behave" .... Well I kinda thought that was the point of discipline .... I dunno it sounds confusing to me.

It makes perfect sense to me why kids get confused... Right now I'm confused too

[NeedaVaca]

You say you don't want to place her in a daycare that uses punishment. You also mentioned in another post that she will choose a consequence. Can I ask what type of consequences she gets when she misbehaves?

[Cradle2crayons]

You say you don't want to place her in a daycare that uses punishment. You also mentioned in another post that she will choose a consequence. Can I ask what type of consequences she gets when she misbehaves?

I'm wondering the same thing too.... If time outs are so damaging why even give a consequence?? And wouldn't a consequence be considered punishment too?? I can assure you, even my daughter at her worst in the behavior times never chose ANY consequence I gave her ...

[Angelsj]

Maybe she means positive reinforcement??? I don't view time outs as PUNISHMENT but discipline.

"Teaching a child how to behave" .... Well I kinda thought that was the point of discipline .... I dunno it sounds confusing to me.

It makes perfect sense to me why kids get confused... Right now I'm confused too

Discipline is teaching from the root "disciple", and can be positive or negative. You can teach in either a positive (reward for good behavior) or a negative (time out for bad behavior.)

Negative does not mean "bad" it simply means we are taking something away (freedom of movement, kid's bike, the toy in dispute) to discourage a certain behavior, rather than adding something (extra privilege, getting the toy back, more freedom) for a certain behavior.


Actually you can have both "positive" or "negative" punishment as well.

Here is a good example of how this works.

[momofboys]

Whether you are paying a 2 week notice (or paid in advance) IMO has nothing to do with the mattress damage. In essence you are saying she should take the damages out of that (2 week notice). If my child caused damage to someone else's property I would pay to clean or replace it no matter what!

[Cradle2crayons]

Discipline is teaching from the root "disciple", and can be positive or negative. You can teach in either a positive (reward for good behavior) or a negative (time out for bad behavior.)

Negative does not mean "bad" it simply means we are taking something away (freedom of movement, kid's bike, the toy in dispute) to discourage a certain behavior, rather than adding something (extra privilege, getting the toy back, more freedom) for a certain behavior.


Actually you can have both "positive" or "negative" punishment as well.

Here is a good example of how this works.

Thanks... But I actually wasn't really confused..l
I'm well aware that time outs isn't punishment but is discipline but apparently it's thought that anything other than rewarding good behavior is punishment. Don't get me wrong, I believe highly I positive reinforcement and we do a lot of that here. But there is a time and place for negative consequences too...

[Angelsj]

Thanks... But I actually wasn't really confused..l
I'm well aware that time outs isn't punishment but is discipline but apparently it's thought that anything other than rewarding good behavior is punishment. Don't get me wrong, I believe highly I positive reinforcement and we do a lot of that here. But there is a time and place for negative consequences too...

That was more aimed at the one who posted above you, who was asking about positive discipline. Probably should have quoted that one.