Rude To Feed Own Kids Dinner While Other Kids Are Present?

[sharlan]

Whatever child was still here at dinner time got fed, unless they didn't want to eat. In that case, I would offer them a piece of fruit or a carrot.

I would never let a hungry child sit and watch others eat. Just me.

[PitterPatter]

I have 1 daycare kid here until 6:30 every day and so he eats every dinner with us. Years ago when I 1st opened I closed at 5:00. If a child was here I fed him unless the Mom was on the way that minute. If she was on the way I held dinner so as not to have us eating in front of the child. I would never eat ion front of a hungry child.

What that Mom did was rude in my opinion! Who invites themselves to a family's dinner? Just nuts!

[Sunshine44]

Not saying what the mom did was right, because it was RUDE! But maybe she was trying to tell you in her own way that she thinks you eating in front of her kids is rude?

I have had kids that stayed later and if I had dinner I would usually offer them some, or something.

If you cannot afford to feed this kid, I would tell her that you will feed her child if they are here past a certain time and a fee of x amount will be applied towards her bill. If she says don't feed the kid then, tell her you feel it isn't right to eat in front of them and that you cannot hold of dinner time because of your limited time frame.

[Cat Herder]

I set my business hours to my family schedule. Dinner for us is at 6, so that is when I close. On the occassion one is here later they eat with my whole family. I have had a couple to just stay overnight (no charge) with me before due to family emergencies with a sibling/hosptalizations, etc.

I was once the hungry kid watching my afternoon sitters family eating dinner while I sat on the couch glancing out the window for my mom. She was in a minor car accident, was taken to the ER to clear her for work (workers comp. req.) and it was past my bedtime before she arrived (8:15ish). I was STARVING hungry. It sucked and I still remember it clearly.

Now, if you have a special event and your child MUST eat before your business closes for the day maybe you could set up a high chair somewhere the other kids cannot see?? That would solve the issue to me.

[sharlan]

I set my business hours to my family schedule. Dinner for us is at 6, so that is when I close. On the occassion one is here later they eat with my whole family. I have had a couple to just stay overnight (no charge) with me before due to family emergencies with a sibling/hosptalizations, etc.

I was once the hungry kid watching my afternoon sitters family eating dinner while I sat on the couch glancing out the window for my mom. She was in a minor car accident, was taken to the ER to clear her for work (workers comp. req.) and it was past my bedtime before she arrived (8:15ish). I was STARVING hungry. It sucked and I still remember it clearly.

Now, if you have a special event and your child MUST eat before your business closes for the day maybe you could set up a high chair somewhere the other kids cannot see?? That would solve the issue to me.

I'm sorry, but that was totally unreasonable for a provider to do. I cannot imagine letting a child go hungry while others are being fed. Use whatever excuses you want, but I find it unacceptable. I've kept many kids overnight through the years because of a family emergency or a couple of times because I could tell the mom was at the end of her rope and needed a bit of a break. I go to bed at 9, any child here past that time gets put to bed, too. The parents can pick up the next day.

[Cat Herder]

I'm sorry, but that was totally unreasonable for a provider to do. I cannot imagine letting a child go hungry while others are being fed. Use whatever excuses you want, but I find it unacceptable.

No worries...my mom handled it.

It was the early 70's and on a BINGO night. It is hard to explain the craziness that went with that in central Florida during that time.... Bingo, Jai-alai, and Grey Hound racing created an entire population of gambling addicts. I swear they foamed at the mouth around 6pm every Wednesday night. ugh. ::::

But I digress... I agree she was a poor provider. The next one was amazing and a classic book collector.

[jen]

Hmmm...I wouldn't sit down to a family meal, but I feed one of my kids here or there because of an activity pretty often. My dd has gymnastics and has to leave at 4pm, she doesn't get home until 8:30 pm. I feed her a light dinner before she leaves.

When one of the boys has basketball, I always feed them before they leave, or now that they are older tell them to go eat. Now, if a parent is late, late and we are going to have dinner, I will feed them if my family is sitting down to dinner. I just think it's different if one child is eating because they have to leave versus a family dinner. Make sense?

[jojosmommy]

Thanks for the responses.

IMO I find it rude for a family to invite themselves in and expect to eat at my house without even considering my schedule. I also do not believe the kid was actually hungry as they had snack 1.5 hours prior and don't eat at the own house until well after 7 pm. He also did not even eat what the mom put on his plate but rather goofed around, made a mess and eventually left with mom. I believe if I start feeding this family they will intentionally show up at this time everyday just so they don't have to feed their own kids. I am not here to do everything for them 5 days a week so all they have to do it wake their kid up and put them back in bed 12 hours later.

I think I am going to do what works for my family and get tougher on making this family let me know when they will be picking up.

[jen]

Thanks for the responses.

IMO I find it rude for a family to invite themselves in and expect to eat at my house without even considering my schedule. I also do not believe the kid was actually hungry as they had snack 1.5 hours prior and don't eat at the own house until well after 7 pm. He also did not even eat what the mom put on his plate but rather goofed around, made a mess and eventually left with mom. I believe if I start feeding this family they will intentionally show up at this time everyday just so they don't have to feed their own kids. I am not here to do everything for them 5 days a week so all they have to do it wake their kid up and put them back in bed 12 hours later.

I think I am going to do what works for my family and get tougher on making this family let me know when they will be picking up.

Good for you. By the way, it is REALLY rude to take your food and make a plate for her kid. Wouldn't it feel fabulous to send her a bill for extended day meals! You can bet she'd never do that again.

What part of Minneapolis are your from? I'm North of Maple Grove...

[Sunshine44]

No doubt it was rude for her to invite herself and children to eat your food. I think making them have a more strict schedule would definitely help solve your problem. If you need to, tell her she needs to provide extra money for meals they have at your house past the schedule pick up time. I'd tell her flat out that you do not make enough dinner for her children and that you eat and such and such time and if you need to feed them, then she needs to provide money for it.

[Cat Herder]

Thanks for the responses.

IMO I find it rude for a family to invite themselves in and expect to eat at my house without even considering my schedule. I also do not believe the kid was actually hungry as they had snack 1.5 hours prior and don't eat at the own house until well after 7 pm. He also did not even eat what the mom put on his plate but rather goofed around, made a mess and eventually left with mom. I believe if I start feeding this family they will intentionally show up at this time everyday just so they don't have to feed their own kids. I am not here to do everything for them 5 days a week so all they have to do it wake their kid up and put them back in bed 12 hours later.

I think I am going to do what works for my family and get tougher on making this family let me know when they will be picking up.

Oh, hun...that Mom would have been sent home with a box of her kids belongings if she tried that in my house. Don't think I missed that point...:: I think I would be looking for Ashton and his cameras if that ever happened.

I would most definitely give them a "set pick-up by" time and a late fee to be enforced consistently.

If they interfere with my family dinner too many times I just cut them loose. I do this job to be with my family, YKWIM?

[Unregistered]

We do this. We have an upstairs playroom and anyone still here at dinnertime plays in the playroom while the family eats. They are well within ear shot. I can't schedule my whole life around the DC families without losing my sanity. All of the parents know I do not serve their kids dinner nor would I let a DCM come in and try to help themselves. If it is just one younger kid, I just put them at the table in a booster while we eat. Sometimes they don't care and just hang out, sometimes they get a sippy just to feel that they have something too.

Really???? I can't believe you would eat in-front of a child and not offer them food. What if they are hungry? I would never eat in-front of someone and not offer them anything, even if they are only two, it is just plain rude! I think if you are still working then you should be working and not eating. And if your family is eating and you don't want to feed a DCC that is fine but don't set them at the table to watch you eat.

[countrymom]

ha!, I'm going to tell you what happens when you start feeding dinner. So a couple a months ago I asked this same question. the response I got back was that I should feed this girl that was here. Well, now we eat dinner at 5pm or 530pm and my own children are very hungry because they are longer at school and on the bus. The dad didn't want to pay extra for dinner so I'm not feeding her. She now plays in the other room if her dad is late. The kids that are here eat a snack at 4-430pm so I know they are not hungry.
What many of you (esp. unrgistered people) don't understand is that when I buy my groceries I buy it for my family which already consists of 6 people, and then to add extra children for dinner is crazy. I can't guess whether or not children are going to be here, thats why we have scheduals. Its called parents who are to lazy to make their own children dinner so lets pick them up late so they don't have to deal with them. Also, my dh does not want to eat with dck's every night, they are not his children so why should he.
I don't eat dinner till the kids leave, but I should not have to supply dinner for children who's parents can't get their butts in gear and pick them up on time. I can see if there was a problem (and my parents do call) I don't mind, but being lazy is another thing.
And you have to remember, I supply a breakfast, 2 snacks and a lunch, I am not on a food program (there is no such thing in ontario) so everything comes out of my own pocket. Sometimes you need to put your own chidren first, don't worry the dck's will survive

[mac60]

Maybe I missed something, but I don't think the original poster said the child was starving. It has been my experience that I can feed a child a good meal, and 1 hour later the child will say they are hungry. I too would never let a child go hungry...but seriously, why is a provider responsible to feed a child 3 meals a day. Because a parent does not pick up on time does not make me responsible for supper. It is not like most of us work a typical 8/9 hour day, my days are over 11 hours long. I would never let a child starve or be hungry, but then I doubt that many children in our care actually knows what it is to truly be "hungry" or "starving".

[jojosmommy]

Maybe I missed something, but I don't think the original poster said the child was starving. It has been my experience that I can feed a child a good meal, and 1 hour later the child will say they are hungry. I too would never let a child go hungry...but seriously, why is a provider responsible to feed a child 3 meals a day. Because a parent does not pick up on time does not make me responsible for supper. It is not like most of us work a typical 8/9 hour day, my days are over 11 hours long. I would never let a child starve or be hungry, but then I doubt that many children in our care actually knows what it is to truly be "hungry" or "starving".

I agree. I could feed my kids both individual and daycare and 10 min later they would be begging for food if it was appealing enough. My husband and I have personally worked very hard to teach our own son that just because someone else is eating/drinking something doesn't mean you are ENTITLED to some of it. I think its rude when kids act like scavengars b/c nobody bothered to teach them that just b/c you see it doesn't mean you have to eat it.

Either way I am not budging on this. This family KNOWS my evening schedule and knows the days I walk out the door with them to go to ball or swimming etc. They also know its easier for me to feed their kids and clean up after them then having to do it on their own. If a child ever came to me and was complaining of being hungry prior to any food being prepped, served etc then I would feed them but eating simply b/c others are eating is not ok with me.