DCD Followed Me to My Bedroom

[DaveA]

Do you have another area you can put the pack & plays? I specifically wanted my bedroom excluded from my license (they are gated off from the areas DCKs are allowed) because if it's a spot the kids are at DCPs might want access to it. I would put them in a different location if at all possible. Otherwise yeah I could see following a provider to another room of their house to see the conditions of where my child was sleeping.

[hwichlaz]

Yay, good for you

and bad for you, since it's a very serious violation

[mommyneedsadayoff]

So I feel a little differently. I'm unsure of OP's state or licensing guidelines and I think the parent has a right to see where the child will take their nap, but not at actual nap time when other children are sleeping in the same room. They have access to their child, but they should not get access to other people's children and have the opportunity to disrupt their nap time as well. If they want to see where their child will be sleeping, this is usually done at interview prior to care beginning. I see nothing wrong with him dropping by randomly to check in or even a quick peek at his kid napping, but I do find it to be a violation of the other children's privacy and right to nap in peace, by him entering the room to get his kid as well. Just my opinion, but I would not be ok with that happening either.

[sharlan]

Personally, it wouldn't have bothered me. But that's just me.

He probably didnt even think twice about what he was doing. To him he was just following you to get his child.

[Meeko]

So I feel a little differently. I'm unsure of OP's state or licensing guidelines and I think the parent has a right to see where the child will take their nap, but not at actual nap time when other children are sleeping in the same room. They have access to their child, but they should not get access to other people's children and have the opportunity to disrupt their nap time as well. If they want to see where their child will be sleeping, this is usually done at interview prior to care beginning. I see nothing wrong with him dropping by randomly to check in or even a quick peek at his kid napping, but I do find it to be a violation of the other children's privacy and right to nap in peace, by him entering the room to get his kid as well. Just my opinion, but I would not be ok with that happening either.

This exactly. I let parents know they have a right to see where their child is spending the day (and sleeping). BUT...no right whatsoever to be around someone else's child. So they can see all areas at interview time (only after hours). They can ASK to see areas any time they like. I would remove all other children first and let them see.

But they would never be allowed to just wander through my home at will.

As a parent, I would be furious to think some man I do not know was allowed to be in a bedroom with my sleeping child.

[DaveA]

So I feel a little differently. I'm unsure of OP's state or licensing guidelines and I think the parent has a right to see where the child will take their nap, but not at actual nap time when other children are sleeping in the same room. They have access to their child, but they should not get access to other people's children and have the opportunity to disrupt their nap time as well. If they want to see where their child will be sleeping, this is usually done at interview prior to care beginning. I see nothing wrong with him dropping by randomly to check in or even a quick peek at his kid napping, but I do find it to be a violation of the other children's privacy and right to nap in peace, by him entering the room to get his kid as well. Just my opinion, but I would not be ok with that happening either.

This exactly. I let parents know they have a right to see where their child is spending the day (and sleeping). BUT...no right whatsoever to be around someone else's child. So they can see all areas at interview time (only after hours). They can ASK to see areas any time they like. I would remove all other children first and let them see.

But they would never be allowed to just wander through my home at will.

As a parent, I would be furious to think some man I do not know was allowed to be in a bedroom with my sleeping child.

I see what you're saying, but the point I was trying to make is if her state's rules are like IL's any licensed area with a DCP's child in it during business hours is fair game for a parent to have access to. At that time it is not the provider's bedroom- it is a part of a daycare. If you tell a parent they can't go to where their child is and they call licensing your next visit will be quick and unpleasant. One parent being uncomfortable doesn't supersede another parent's access to their child. That's why I was advising moving the pack & plays.

[Unregistered]

I work in a center and we have all of our 3-12 year old children in the gym on cots while the younger children are on cots in their classrooms in the house

[knoxmomof2]

I've had this happen once... Not in my bedroom, I have a dedicated nap room, but he came during nap time. I told him, "hold on, I'll get her", walked into the other room and when I turned to bring her out, he was standing there. It bothered me because I had 3 other children sleeping in there and I don't need anyone traipsing through and waking them up. It's already irritating that I've done the work to get his kid (and the others) to sleep just to have to head back in and wake her while trying not to disturb the others.

Thankfully, he didn't like to pay me (this was before I went to prepaid care) so I termed him. I find that the ones who are the most nosey are the ones who don't like to pay. Go figure!

[Rockgirl]

I can see both sides.

On one hand, we hear stories on the news of home daycares having 20-30 kids, and we say, “Why are parents leaving their children there? There’s no way they didn’t know there were too many kids!” The obvious solution would be for parents to see their children in the daycare setting, with no notice given when they decide to pop in.

On the other hand, it’s your bedroom, and I can see how you probably felt violated when he went in there. I don’t use bedrooms for daycare for that reason. I know that’s not an option for everyone, though.

During my last licensing inspection, my rep said, “I’m breastfeeding, and I need to pump. Would your bedroom be the best place for me to do that?” Now, my bedroom is not used for daycare, AT ALL. I’ve had one rep in all my years of inspections pop her head in there for a second. Otherwise, they have never opened a bedroom door. No way was I going to have her sit in my bedroom, looking around, for 20 minutes or so. Nope. I told her since I had the kids outside, she could use the daycare room and close the door.

I want to have one place in my home that isn’t under anyone’s scrutiny.

[lovemykidstoo]

I've had this happen. I personally think it's just cluelessness on the part of the parent. Whenever anyone picks up during nap now I say, "since other children are sleeping, wait here and I will get your child." Sometimes you just have to tell them what's expected and it's not a problem after that.

I agree. He probably didn't think the slightest about it. I might say something like the child is sleeping and is in a room with other sleeping children. Since he's early you don't want to wake the others to please wait. I would say unless you have a concern at all and then open that conversation if needed. I ask parents that if they're going to pick up early to let me know and I can move their child into a room by themself as to not wake anyone else.

[Snowmom]

This exactly. I let parents know they have a right to see where their child is spending the day (and sleeping). BUT...no right whatsoever to be around someone else's child. So they can see all areas at interview time (only after hours). They can ASK to see areas any time they like. I would remove all other children first and let them see.

But they would never be allowed to just wander through my home at will.

As a parent, I would be furious to think some man I do not know was allowed to be in a bedroom with my sleeping child.

I agree with this.

I've never had this come up since I don't allow pick ups during nap time- meaning I can't have a written policy on "no pick ups" but I can tell families I expect them to respect nap time and refrain from picking up at that time and I will terminate families who do not respect the group's well being as a whole.
But, I have always been under the impression that we, as providers, can not withhold a child from their parent but that does not mean they have access to the home- only their child.
If it happened here, I would tell the Dad to quietly wait at the entrance while I retrieved his child. No, I don't have anything to hide either but I think it's horribly disrespectful to end the nap time of 10 other children (& their family's needs in the end) and throw off their schedule for one adult's wants. And I say "end" nap time because that's what it would do here... bells and whistles go off with an opened door, stairs squeak like mice on steriods and gate latches are the magic cue to wake all children laying peacefully together in one room!

[hwichlaz]

It really depends on your regs too. Parents absolutely do have a right to come into any room their child is in, in California. No matter who else is in there. Denying them that right would get you shut down almost as fast as hitting a kid.

I'm having a hard time understanding what rights are being violated by having someone else's parents see you sleep, while supervised by your licensed caregiver.

Maybe because I've been licensed in California for nearly 19years..so that thought has never even been on the radar?

[hwichlaz]

I see what you're saying, but the point I was trying to make is if her state's rules are like IL's any licensed area with a DCP's child in it during business hours is fair game for a parent to have access to. At that time it is not the provider's bedroom- it is a part of a daycare. If you tell a parent they can't go to where their child is and they call licensing your next visit will be quick and unpleasant. One parent being uncomfortable doesn't supersede another parent's access to their child. That's why I was advising moving the pack & plays.

Exactly. The parent has the right to see their child right where the child is at any time. But the right to NOT be seen by someone else's parent does NOT exist. You have no right for someone to NOT look at you, . If a parent makes you feel like they are unsafe around the other children, do not enroll them.

[redmaple]

As a parent I might have followed in too. In my head I would think I was being helpful. You could hand my child off to me, and be free to resettle any other children who may awaken.

I would also think he was doing what is often advised. Make an unannounced drop in to pick up your child.

[littlefriends]

All of mine sleep in the living room. I stopped taking littles under 2 partly because of how annoying it can be to have pack n plays up in a little house like mine. I only have 3 bedrooms and all 3 barely fit a bed, dresser, and small table or desk and my own kids are only 10 and 14 so use their rooms a lot and don’t want daycare gear in there taking up even more space. I can see the op’s point in that it can be unnerving to be followed by a man you don’t know well into the back of your house, even your own personal bedroom. I also think tho that that’s exactly why I don’t want them sleeping anywhere other than my living room. Every one is right where I can see/hear at all times. I ask my dcp’s to text me if they need in during nap and I go out and let them in my side door. My dog barks and my door chimes anytime the living room door gets opened and will wake everyone up instantly. I have never told parents they can’t come in or pick up at nap but I definitely can’t just let them bang open the front door either. I would move the beds out of my bedroom if I didn’t want parents back there. Just my two cents, for what it’s worth...