Non-Mothers Caring for Toddlers

[Unregistered]

Churches are religious entities.

That means they are not bound by any discriminatory laws that many child care situations are obligated to observe.

Many are able to have whatever rules they see fit.

Just because it's not illegal doesn't make it right.

I'm not looking at taking any kind of legal action for a volunteer position. I'm just saying that if something similar happened at a paid daycare job, I would be looking at the legality of it.

But even if the church is technically exempt from discriminatory laws, it doesn't change the fact that the church is making a blanket judgement based on whether its volunteers are mothers or not. I cannot take any action against them, but that doesn't mean I need to continue to work under these rules that are not only offensive, but make me doubt my own competence in caring for children.

[Blackcat31]

Just because it's not illegal doesn't make it right.

I'm not looking at taking any kind of legal action for a volunteer position. I'm just saying that if something similar happened at a paid daycare job, I would be looking at the legality of it.

But even if the church is technically exempt from discriminatory laws, it doesn't change the fact that the church is making a blanket judgement based on whether its volunteers are mothers or not. I cannot take any action against them, but that doesn't mean I need to continue to work under these rules that are not only offensive, but make me doubt my own competence in caring for children.

~"it doesn't change the fact that the church is making a blanket judgement based on whether its volunteers are mothers or not..."

^^ this pretty much sums up church and religion in and of itself. Almost ALL religions have blanket beliefs towards or about others. This is also why so many have issues with organized religion now days.

For example, A certain religion does not believe you will be accepted into Heaven as one of God's children if you are not baptized. Therefore all that are not baptized are not children of God. It's a blanket statement that may or may not be true. Depends on what you believe. Doesn't mean either side is right/wrong or in between. It's simply the belief of that particular religious group.

Not illegal but not necessary wrong either.

"~....that doesn't mean I need to continue to work under these rules"

You are right. You don't have to.

[Unregistered]

How long has this been a rule?

How long have you volunteered?

Does anyone else have an issue with this or ever brought it up.

If they have new comers that have asked for this as you stated, then they feel they are needing this rule in place.

Every time you are in the nursery without a "mom", find someone, let them know there is no "mom" in there and tell them that you aren't not comfortable breaking the rules so would they be able to go find a "mom" to be in there with you. This rule will get changed very quickly if they are constantly having to go try and find someone so they aren't breaking there own rules. If they say, no just go ahead, let them know that no you are a rule follower and there needs to also be a "mom" in there. It will change quick.

I have been a volunteer since August 2015. Apparently, this has always been the policy, but it's one that they didn't tell everyone (including me). My mom has had me cover for her in the past even though it meant the room had two non-moms caring for the kids because even she didn't know about this policy.

Most of the time, it's really a non-issue since there are only 2 non-moms who are over the age of 18, but twice this past Sunday, I had to remind the other moms about this rule.

We had three children: S, age 2, I, age 2-1/2, and K, almost 9 months. I and K are sisters, and their mom was one of the volunteers in the nursery. (S is the youngest son of the pastor).

We had four volunteers that morning. A 13 year old, two mothers, and myself. At one point, one of the mom volunteers stepped out of the room to use the restroom. The second mom volunteer (whose own kids were in the nursery) stepped out after the other mom stepped out. I was too late to stop anything (since the second mom tried to sneak out for a minute before her kids noticed).

Then, later, at the end of the service, both moms were stepping out of the room. One was going to get the vacuum; the other was leaving to pick up her kids from the children's wing. I was able to stop anyone from leaving. (At that time, only ONE child was signed in).

Clearly, the other moms in the nursery see no problem with leaving me as the "adult" in charge; it's just the church's policy.

[Country Kids]

When did you find out about the rule? You've been in there three years so did you just find out about it or known for awhile.

What I would do, is just hang a reminder up stating the policy and let the mom's know they can't leave unless there is one in the nursery to take their place. Maybe have them put a reminder in the bulletin or in the announcements so that everyone can hear and see it. Maybe this way others will bring it up and then it will be changed.

[Unregistered]

When did you find out about the rule? You've been in there three years so did you just find out about it or known for awhile.

What I would do, is just hang a reminder up stating the policy and let the mom's know they can't leave unless there is one in the nursery to take their place. Maybe have them put a reminder in the bulletin or in the announcements so that everyone can hear and see it. Maybe this way others will bring it up and then it will be changed.

I just found out about it about a week ago. I asked for clarification (thinking they used "mom" in place of "experienced, adult caregiver"). I confirmed that they did, in fact, mean to say MOM.

I don't have the right to hang any signs up in the nursery, but I admit that's the kind of passive-aggressive thing I would do.

I'm debating my overall involvement with this church; not just because of this issue with the nursery, but because of other, personal, issues I have been having.