Non-Mothers Caring for Toddlers

[Unregistered]

Ok, so I know this isn't exactly "daycare" related, but I wasn't sure where else I could share my frustrations.

Twice a month, I volunteer in my church's nursery- as I have been for over two years. There are a few policies I knew about, and one that just came to my attention today.

I knew that there's a rule that, regardless of the number of children in the nursery, there needs to be at least two workers. There is also a rule in place stating that at least one worker needs to be over the age of 18 (we do have a few teenagers who volunteer).

Apparently, there is a also a rule stating that there needs to be at least one "experienced mom" in the nursery.

So, this means that if I were sick, I can't switch with L, a mom, because that would mean that I would be in the nursery with N, who is 24, but doesn't have children, and A, who is 15.

Now, nobody told me about this rule, so I've been willing to switch with people in the past. I worked with my younger sister once. We were both over the age of 18, but neither of us have kids of our own.

A policy like this REALLY bothers me. I could understand a rule that at least one person needs to be over the age of 18. I could even understand a rule that they want someone who has been in the nursery for a certain period of time.

A rule stating that there needs to be at least one MOM in the room makes me feel like I am not really trusted to care for the kids. I have been babysitting since 2001. I have daycare experience many of the moms in the nursery do NOT have. While I don't have a degree, I have taken Early Childhood Education courses, and up until a few weeks ago, I was CPR and First Aid certified (and I will be recertified as soon as I can afford it). I think my experience and qualifications more than make up for the fact that I haven't given birth or raised a child of my own- especially for a volunteer position for two hours or so on a Sunday morning.

They say that it's to make newcomers more comfortable. They want them to know that there's another mom in the room caring for their kid(s). True, I am not a mom, however,

1. I have worked with children in some capacity for over 15 years (longer than many of the other moms have been moms)

2. I have worked in a few different daycare centers, so I have been CARI checked and fingerprinted. Whenever I get a new job, I have to submit documentation that I am in good health (including the Mantoux test).

3. While I don't have a degree due to some financial issues, I have taken several Early Childhood Education courses both in school and as part of CEU requirements for working in a licensed childcare facility.

4. Until very recently, I had a current CPR and First Aid certification. (My certification expired the same day I lost my job, and I haven't been able to afford to renew it).

I would think that these might make up for the fact that I haven't reached the point in my life where I am able to have children. (And for all I know, there could be complications when I'm READY to have kids. What if I suffer from infertility issues?)

Nobody else seems to think it is a big deal, and it probably isn't, but is it at least semi-understandable that I feel hurt that this policy is in place?

[storybookending]

My advice to you is to volunteer for another church that doesn’t have this rule if it bothers you so much.

Signed, a daycare provider with no children of her own

[HappyEverAfter]

A rule like this bothers me a lot. So, so much.

I am not and will never be a mother. That said, I am someone who loves children, has ample experience caring for children, made the Dean’s List multiple times in nursing school, and could provide references of parents who happily entrust their children to my care. I just don’t have children of my own because of a bum set of ovaries. And that bum set of ovaries doesn’t take a single thing away from my ability to provide top notch care to children.

And I think we all know that simply being a mother doesn’t mean you’re good at taking care of children. I have personally known many women who had children that they didn’t care for in the very best ways all the time. I’ve read endless stories of mothers who abused, neglected or even caused the death of their children.

I wholeheartedly agree with having someone over 18 and always having two caretakers. I would also not be opposed to a rule that called for someone with a set amount of childcare experience. If this were my church, I’d have to talk to someone regarding the rule about moms. If the rule weren’t changed, I’d no longer be willing to volunteer in that nursery and would likely consider changing churches altogether. Churches are supposed to welcome everyone and should relish anyone wanting to volunteer regardless of their level of reproduction. I am infuriated on your behalf.

[Josiegirl]

I agree wholeheartedly with the PPs. Does the church know of your qualifications? I think, if you have your mind and heart set on this, you should sit down and talk with them. People like you have been instrumental in changing rules and regs. quite often! It, to me, is a stupid unfair outdated rule, for many of the reasons already cited by HappyEverAfter. It almost sounds like a discriminatory rule too.

[Mike]

Like the first 2 replies, I have never been a mom either, :: or a dad, but have had more years of experience caring for other's children than the average parent.

If the church isn't going to allow you to help if there is no "real mom" with you, I'd just quit volunteering and probably go elsewhere.

[racemom]

I am a mom and a toddler teacher, and I say that is a stupid rule. We have non-moms as teachers who are awesome with kids. I have also seen moms that I would not trust my child with. I would definitely talk to whoever is on charge, and try to get this rule changed.

[Ariana]

Considering I know a lot of moms who have no clue about how to care for kids this rule is ridiculous! Clearly no one really cares about this rule since no one is asking if people are moms.

Can you bring it up at a church meeting or something? Express how stupid this rule is and tell them about your experience and education?

[Blackcat31]

The wording for the rules (if intended to make other parents feel better) should state "experienced caregiver" instead of mom.

I know a lot of mom's I wouldn't leave my dog with so giving birth to/raising a child doesn't automatically qualify you to be a good caregiver.

I'd petition the church board to change the wording of this rule. It needs to reflect today's caregivers.

So I take it the rule would also exclude a father that has parented and raised several children since he too, is not a mom?

Silly rule.....

[Alwaysgreener]

My church does not have a mom rule or dad like that. I say make a meeting with the Children's director and express to them how you feel, leaving like suggested above with talking about it is childish and not a Christian way to go about it.

I was in the same boat for many years, I was without child for a long time and was treated as if I did not know how to parent by my own sisters. However, I was the only one with any kind of early childhood education and CPR/ first aid training. I was also a foster mom for a few years and I can tell you just because you gave birth to a child does not mean that you make a great mom.

[Unregistered]

What bothers me is that this is a rule that I have no control over, and is something that may NEVER change.

At first, I thought the only restriction was on the teenage volunteers. It is true that they cannot control their age, but that is something that can and will change with time. A is not going to be 15 forever.

If there was a rule that at least one person should have X number of years working in the church nursery specifically (not just general childcare experience), I can accept that. That is something that will change in time.

Regulations requiring at least one volunteer to be CPR certified is something that I have control over (aside from the fact that I cannot afford the recertification at this time).

But having kids? That's not something I have complete control over. Granted, I'm not in a position to even start TRYING to have kids. So, who knows what will happen then? I may find that I am unable to have kids.

I sent an email saying that I want to be removed from the schedule because of this rule. I just don't know how long it will be before that happens.

[Unregistered]

Men (fathers or not) aren't allowed to work in the church nursery.

Because men are predators. *eyeroll*

[Josiegirl]

Men (fathers or not) aren't allowed to work in the church nursery.

Because men are predators. *eyeroll*

ARGH!! I'm sorry but I'd have to look elsewhere to volunteer my services. Their attitude is unacceptable and intolerant, not to mention biased and discriminatory. My brother feels gay men must automatically be pedophiles. He had major issues with the Boy Scouts allowing gay boys/men into their groups so pulled his ds out. His beliefs are only 1 reason why I don't speak with him anymore. We're allowed to believe what we want but we're also allowed to avoid who we want.

[DaveA]

Like BC said- I would see about getting the policy changed from "Mom" to "Experienced caregiver".

Men (fathers or not) aren't allowed to work in the church nursery.

Because men are predators. *eyeroll*

[mamamanda]

Men (fathers or not) aren't allowed to work in the church nursery.

Because men are predators. *eyeroll*

Our church allows men to work in the nursery. They have to pass a background check like everyone else. I'll say based on my own personal experience with abuse as a child the thought of leaving my own children with a man terrified me. But once I got to know the gentlemen who volunteer there I found that they are sometimes even better with the children than some of the women. My children LOVE at least 3 of the men who care for/teach them at church & they even talk about them throughout the week. If you can speak up & make a difference in your churches way of handling this issue it would be a wonderful change for many people. You could be a world changer starting right there in your local church. Just remember they'll be a lot more likely to hear you if you approach it in a loving way.

[Cat Herder]

Because men are predators. *eyeroll*

That is like saying all women are maternal nurturers. ::::::