Non-Mothers Caring for Toddlers

[momofsix]

What a ridiculous rule. I agree that changing the wording to "experienced caregiver" would be a good option. I know you said you asked to be taken off the schedule, but did you also ask them to change the wording? Sometimes someone comes up with something that sounds good on paper, but implemented in real life is stupiid-maybe they never really thought about it?
Also you said you weren't actually told this is a rule? Maybe they all know it's stupid and it's an on paper rule only that no one follows. Or did they just let you know recently that you weren't eligible to take a "mom's" place.
In our church the rule that would have been broken in your scenario is with you and your sister. We require two unrelated care givers.
Also, men are allowed to volunteer in the nursery, but are not allowed to change diapers. This is actually a rule our insurance made us put in place

[Unregistered]

My church does allow men to work in the kids wing (3 years on up and fully potty trained), but not in the nursery.

I have made it clear that I don't feel comfortable working with the "mom" policy in place. They say that I'm still trusted with the kids and that I'm a "blessing." I know that any regularly attending parent who has kids in the church nursery would have no problem dropping their kids off if the nursery staff consisted of me, one of the teen helpers, and the only other adult non-mom who works in the nursery.

But they get a lot of "feedback" from newcomers that "having a mom in the nursery is comforting."

They say it's different from daycare where people CHOOSE to leave their kids or Catholic church where there isn't childcare available during service.

Actually, a lot of parents don't really have much of a 'choice' when it comes to daycare. Depending on finances, etc, a lot of parents HAVE to find outside care for their children, and daycare is often cheaper than hiring a private nanny.

And it's not like parents HAVE to leave their kids in the nursery. They can always keep their children in the service (we have a family room for that purpose).

And I'm still willing to bet that a new parent would be really comforted if they dropped their child off for two hours at an unlicensed babysitting job (where they are in the next room) and were greeted by someone with professional experience and CPR/First Aid training.

But nobody else in the church staff sees it that way.

[Unregistered]

I spoke to one of the pastors today. He thinks this is a good lesson about accepting policies at work I disagree with.

If this were a paid position, I would consider looking at what legal action, if any, I could take.

The other volunteers don’t seem to take this rule seriously. I was left alone twice today.

[Mad_Pistachio]

I spoke to one of the pastors today. He thinks this is a good lesson about accepting policies at work I disagree with.

If this were a paid position, I would consider looking at what legal action, if any, I could take.

The other volunteers don’t seem to take this rule seriously. I was left alone twice today.

to bolded: run.
to the last sentence: run faster.

you're not getting paid for volunteering in the nursery, you do this out of goodness of your own heart, and no one can force you to follow the policies you disagree with. and, as you pointed out, if it were a work place, you could take legal action, as this policy is discriminative.

what if you were left alone, and one of the parents went off at you for something? what if you are accused of... whatever, and no witnesses are nearby? I had a Grandma yell at me when I was left alone in a classroom of 12 4-year-olds. I left children's ministry shortly after, as this continued to happen (me left alone, not being yelled at), and no one seemed to see the problem.

see if you can give your time somewhere else. many will grab you by the horns and be grateful to have you.

[Unregistered]

“Alone” as in without a mother in the room. I was in the room with a 13 year old volunteer. We had three kids: one is 8 months old; one is 2, and the other is nearly 3.

Policy may state that there should be two volunteers in the room at all times, but LEGALLY, I wasn’t ever out of ratio.

I still think the idea that I need supervision to watch kids is so ludicrous that I’m not sure most people would believe it. If I were a parent and heard a caregiver needed supervision because she wasn’t a mother, I would suspect the caregiver’ssupervisors to be dishonest. I would wonder what was wrong with the caregiver because I wouldn’t “buy” that excuse.

[Cat Herder]

I spoke to one of the pastors today. He thinks this is a good lesson about accepting policies at work I disagree with.

What a condescending a$$. I am not sure I would want to be a part of this church.

[Mad_Pistachio]

What a condescending a$$. I am not sure I would want to be a part of this church.

yeah, this, too.

[Unregistered]

Some work policies I disagreed with in the past:

I worked at a daycare that was VERY strict on scheduling. Naptime ended at 2:30 at which point every child needed to be up and doing some gross motor activity. There was no time allowed to transition between activities (including cleaning up nap mats, changing diapers, and allowing children to wake up).

I had supervisors reprimand me for not expecting to spoon feed 4 year olds.

I had supervisors reprimand me for not putting infants down to sleep on their stomachs with a blanket (even though they weren't able to roll over on their own, and state law states no blankets and they need to be put on their backs to sleep).


Thing is, as STUPID as all of these things were, there is a difference between a policy that is STUPID (like now allowing time to transition between activities/ not allowing children any flexibility with their schedule) and a policy that is discriminatory and/or borderline illegal.

[Unregistered]

I couldn't disagree with you more.

Employers want workers that are willing to comply to policies and standards that are set up for reasons they believe necessary - a team player if you will.
This is NOT about us supervising you, and I'm sorry you're unwilling to see past that.
Your unwillingness to bend, because of perceived personal injury is something that will potentially hurt you in life, and your chances of finding employment in childcare or anywhere.

This is what the pastor sent me in an email this morning.

I'm so done.

[TooManyKitties]

Wow, that’s just terrible. What’s so weird to me is how they keep equating a volunteer position with paid employment. Also, churches are usually in perpetual need of Sunday School/children’s ministry workers, so I’m surprised they’re so willing to lose you over this.

I’m sorry they’ve been so unwilling to listen to you or see your point. As others have said, if that’s their attitude it might be time to leave this church. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this.

[storybookending]

Ask him how he would feel being told that he himself couldn’t be left alone in the nursery of his own church without a babysitter for being male..

Actually don’t. Just professionally inform him that you will be finding another church to volunteer at and leave.

[Unregistered]

If this were a paid position, I would be looking into what legal action (if any) I could take. Unfortunately, it's not as cut and dry as a policy that said that I can't be alone with kids because of my race, but it's still discriminatory.

Church policy also states that men cannot work in the church nursery because children are in diapers. Now, men in general may not feel comfortable changing diapers, but a policy that states that men are not allowed to work in the nursery is gender discrimination.

I understand the church policy that there needs to be at least two servants in the room at all times. It's a little ridiculous when we only have three kids to have 3 or 4 people watching the kids (especially when I'd be able to handle all 3 kids on my own, and the mother of two of the kids would have no problem leaving me with both of them). However, as ridiculous as that policy seems at times, I understand how it is put in place for safety measures. Honestly, I wish more daycares/preschools were like that. I would love to work at a school that required at least two teachers in a classroom even if ratios would allow for one.

However, I just can't get behind a policy that states that there needs to be a MOTHER in the room. That's completely discriminatory in nature, and I cannot imagine how PISSED I would be if I were struggling with infertility issues and unable to have kids.


By the way, I would to have both male and female daycare staff even working with younger kids. Again, however, I would also like to stick to a policy that states that there are two adults in the room at all times (and/or a camera system)- regardless of whether or not the staff members were male or female. All staff members would be held to the same standards: background checks, monitoring to protect the staff members and the children.

[Blackcat31]

If this were a paid position, I would be looking into what legal action (if any) I could take. Unfortunately, it's not as cut and dry as a policy that said that I can't be alone with kids because of my race, but it's still discriminatory.

Church policy also states that men cannot work in the church nursery because children are in diapers. Now, men in general may not feel comfortable changing diapers, but a policy that states that men are not allowed to work in the nursery is gender discrimination.

I understand the church policy that there needs to be at least two servants in the room at all times. It's a little ridiculous when we only have three kids to have 3 or 4 people watching the kids (especially when I'd be able to handle all 3 kids on my own, and the mother of two of the kids would have no problem leaving me with both of them). However, as ridiculous as that policy seems at times, I understand how it is put in place for safety measures. Honestly, I wish more daycares/preschools were like that. I would love to work at a school that required at least two teachers in a classroom even if ratios would allow for one.

However, I just can't get behind a policy that states that there needs to be a MOTHER in the room. That's completely discriminatory in nature, and I cannot imagine how PISSED I would be if I were struggling with infertility issues and unable to have kids.


By the way, I would to have both male and female daycare staff even working with younger kids. Again, however, I would also like to stick to a policy that states that there are two adults in the room at all times (and/or a camera system)- regardless of whether or not the staff members were male or female. All staff members would be held to the same standards: background checks, monitoring to protect the staff members and the children.

Churches are religious entities.

That means they are not bound by any discriminatory laws that many child care situations are obligated to observe.

Many are able to have whatever rules they see fit.

[Cat Herder]

I would go above his head to the board.

[Country Kids]

How long has this been a rule?

How long have you volunteered?

Does anyone else have an issue with this or ever brought it up.

If they have new comers that have asked for this as you stated, then they feel they are needing this rule in place.

Every time you are in the nursery without a "mom", find someone, let them know there is no "mom" in there and tell them that you aren't not comfortable breaking the rules so would they be able to go find a "mom" to be in there with you. This rule will get changed very quickly if they are constantly having to go try and find someone so they aren't breaking there own rules. If they say, no just go ahead, let them know that no you are a rule follower and there needs to also be a "mom" in there. It will change quick.