To Term or Not to Term, That Is the Question…

[LK5kids]

My first thoughts were exactly the same as Black Cats.

He's only 2.25. I've had many 18 month olds that loved to paint but this kiddo isn't ready and and it is developmentally appropriate. Now if he was 4 and putting the paintbrush in his mouth that wouldn't be dev. appropriate.

Now it wouldn't bother me he wasn't ready to paint or sit in circle time. And the hoarding of toys and thinking all toys are "his" made me think of this poem that has been around a long time time but still holds true!

TODDLER’S RULES
1.1- If I want it, it's mine
2- If it's in my hand, it's mine
3- If I can take it away from
you, it's mine
4- If I had it a little while ago, it's mine
5- If it's mine, it must never appear
to be yours in any way
6- If we are building something together,
all the pieces are mine
7- If it just looks like mine, it's mine
8- If I think it's mine, it's mine
9- If I give it to you and change
my mind later, it's mine
10- Once it's mine it will never belong
to anyone else, no matter what

Author: Unknown

That said it isn't easy when it gets extreme!

You also said he hits and pushes while trying to take toys. That's hard to deal with and you have to decide if you have the fortitude to get him beyond this stage.

Waking up other kids at nap would be my cracking point. So yes, this kiddo is a handful.

One year I had all early 2's and under except one 4 yr old girl. The 2's never played with toys really. All girls except one 14 mo. Boy. While they loved playdoh, painting, puzzles , circle time the only other thing they liked to do was dump out toys, walk around pushing the grocery carts and putting dress up clothes on.

All my lovely toys just SAT! I longed for the day they would play with the doll house, kitchen or little people, etc.

They'd dump everything, which I understood so I cut way back on how much was in a bin. In the kitchen....2 plates, a few pieces of food and a frying pan, 6 little people in a bin not 15, etc.

I got out 5 gallon Easter pails ( like ice cream buckets) and they were in heaven toting around those few items from the few bins I had out. They'd dump and put the things back and carry them around and dump again or put the items in a grocery cart & push them around. Around and around they'd push those carts. They loved it.

I put out mainly self contained toys with only a few pieces or no pieces like a bead maze.

I had this beautiful Melissa and Doug wooden block village. The 14 mo. Boy wanted to just bang the blocks together and they were getting chipped. I wanted builders and got a smasher which was really so appropriate!!!

I had to adapt what I envisioned big time. I'd never had such a young group.

If I had such a young group again I'd have way different expectations.

[Mummy101]

My first thoughts were exactly the same as Black Cats.

He's only 2.25. I've had many 18 month olds that loved to paint but this kiddo isn't ready and and it is developmentally appropriate. Now if he was 4 and putting the paintbrush in his mouth that wouldn't be dev. appropriate.

Now it wouldn't bother me he wasn't ready to paint or sit in circle time. And the hoarding of toys and thinking all toys are "his" made me think of this poem that has been around a long time time but still holds true!

TODDLER’S RULES
1.1- If I want it, it's mine
2- If it's in my hand, it's mine
3- If I can take it away from
you, it's mine
4- If I had it a little while ago, it's mine
5- If it's mine, it must never appear
to be yours in any way
6- If we are building something together,
all the pieces are mine
7- If it just looks like mine, it's mine
8- If I think it's mine, it's mine
9- If I give it to you and change
my mind later, it's mine
10- Once it's mine it will never belong
to anyone else, no matter what

Author: Unknown

That said it isn't easy when it gets extreme!

You also said he hits and pushes while trying to take toys. That's hard to deal with and you have to decide if you have the fortitude to get him beyond this stage.

Waking up other kids at nap would be my cracking point. So yes, this kiddo is a handful.

One year I had all early 2's and under except one 4 yr old girl. The 2's never played with toys really. All girls except one 14 mo. Boy. While they loved playdoh, painting, puzzles , circle time the only other thing they liked to do was dump out toys, walk around pushing the grocery carts and putting dress up clothes on.

All my lovely toys just SAT! I longed for the day they would play with the doll house, kitchen or little people, etc.

They'd dump everything, which I understood so I cut way back on how much was in a bin. In the kitchen....2 plates, a few pieces of food and a frying pan, 6 little people in a bin not 15, etc.

I got out 5 gallon Easter pails ( like ice cream buckets) and they were in heaven toting around those few items from the few bins I had out. They'd dump and put the things back and carry them around and dump again or put the items in a grocery cart & push them around. Around and around they'd push those carts. They loved it.

I put out mainly self contained toys with only a few pieces or no pieces like a bead maze.

I had this beautiful Melissa and Doug wooden block village. The 14 mo. Boy wanted to just bang the blocks together and they were getting chipped. I wanted builders and got a smasher which was really so appropriate!!!

I had to adapt what I envisioned big time. I'd never had such a young group.

If I had such a young group again I'd have way different expectations.

Yes, hand full is a nice euphemism.

They all go through the mine phase but all in different ways. DCK literally chases the other children for their toys. The tantrum style crying when redirected, hoarding and yelling is unpleasant, way too intense. This is hard to explain I guess, it is not just the typical toddler shenanigans. DCKs signature move is running full speed and belly bumping the other children…for fun. It’s also fine with me if the littles don’t want to sit for circle time. What’s not Ok with me however is disrupting it for everyone else. I literally cannot read a story to the other children because of the sound emanating from DCK and distracting behavior.

If hurting the other children, tearing EVERY single book off of the three-tier shelf and then tearing the books pages, deconstructing the other bookshelf, ripping the pipe insulation from the radiator, tossing all the magazines and ripping those as well and coloring on the floor is acceptable, I would hate to think what inappropriate behavior looks like to some of you. (And this was just yesterday!) All of this while my back is turned for two seconds while I am making snack or preparing our projects.

This child must be looked at 100% of the time or destruction will occur. It is not like my program is lacking activities, I have a duplex and the entire downstairs apartment is for the kiddos! It is set up like a center for goodness sake. On top of the constant stomping, sound effects and naptime nonsense, DCP gets free daycare but drops off every week on days off to go shopping or take a nap. Oh yah, and picks up two hours after getting out of work for the day, every day.

All around we are just not a “fit”. Some providers have no issue dealing with these things, but I do! I have recommended a center (with large staff!) to DCP.

[Buttercup]

Honestly, not every child does well in group care. There were multiple children at the center I used to work at who I think just couldn't handle all the stimulation of a large group of kids. Sounds like this child might need a nanny, or maybe a provider who only takes a few kids at a time. If your gut says he's not a good fit, term him! You know him better than we do

[hwichlaz]

I haven't read all of the replies but I have a few things to say.

While all of those are age appropriate behaviors...some kids are just "more intensely 2 than other kids" and if you don't have a bond with that child it makes it harder to tolerate and work with.

I feel VERY strongly that at this age...before school age, children deserve to be taken care of by people that love and adore them. And if you have negative feelings about them they can feel it, and it has a negative effect on their behavior.

So this little one needs to be cared for by someone else, by someone that will love and adore him like they would their own nephew (I never say son/daughter because that's too much)

[Mom2Two]

I haven't read all of the replies but I have a few things to say.

While all of those are age appropriate behaviors...some kids are just "more intensely 2 than other kids" and if you don't have a bond with that child it makes it harder to tolerate and work with.

That's a good way of putting it.

OP I hope you can think of a way to make this work out for you. Hugs!

[NiNi.R.]

How many of you have termed for just plain not liking a child? (Keep in mind, not all adult personalities are compatible either, it’s really the same thing) While I realize this can be a touchy subject, I am seeking tried and true advice, please refrain from negativity, it makes me sad. I am never interested in partaking in catty banter. We are all on the same team here!

I could mention all the annoying qualities the DCK (age 2 ¼) possesses but that would take forever. OK ok If you insist, I will name just a few…
• Rips every toy off the shelf and onto the floor in a matter of 5 minutes
• Cannot play nicely with other children, constantly takes toys, hits, pushes, cries when corrected and yells. Thinks all toys are “mine”. Hoards toys.
• Needless to say, unstructured or “free play” is out of the question for this one. Oh, but structured activities are out too, as DCK will not sit with the group for 5 seconds without disrupting the entire activity… forget circle time.
• Cannot use paint, markers or anything really that doesn’t go in the mouth, because it will.
• Constantly making NOISE... literally nonstop. Humming, repeating, yelling, laughing
• Always having to take a sit and play separate from other children due to behavior issues
• Riles up other children
• Wakes up the other children during nap

The list goes on forever it seems and it is such a pleasant environment when this child is not here for the day. The odd thing is, the DCK is actually a really good listener and can be very sweet. None of the obnoxious behavior is done aggressively, however, I am CONSTANTLY redirecting and I am exhausted mentally.

I cared for a child just like this, so I think I know what you mean. She started coming to me at 6 weeks of age. As she grew her "terrible two" behavior seemed to go beyond the scope of her peers. Even to myself, it is/was hard to describe it, without it sounding like an "age" problem, it just always seemed like more. Her parents were very permissive. However I'd learned throughout the years that eventually, kids learn what is acceptable at home and what is acceptable at daycare. Sometimes it just takes some trial and error. Her disruptive behavior continued though as she grew, and when I discussed with the parents I would learn she was behaving far worse at home. Leaving them with very little sympathy to correct her behavior at daycare. I love that girl to death though and 50 hours a week, every week, until she went off to Kindergarten, I worked to implement positive behaviors. Most days were successful happyface but very exhausting. Once she was no longer apart of our group, I felt a relief I didn't even realize I needed at the time. I hate saying it but with her absence came a positive change overall for my program, and it changed the way I handled things from there on out.

She is in 2nd grade now and while she still struggles, being treated for ADHD has helped her improve. By saying this, I'm not suggesting in anyway that's the fix. My point is, in my case, it did turn out to be quite a mixture of things that contributed to her exhausting behaviors. I think it all boils down to what you feel like you can handle and what is best for your program and all of the children.