To Term or Not to Term, That Is the Question…

[Mummy101]

Yes, this age-old question has been discussed on previous threads but I did not want to steal focus from the person who posted it. Besides, each circumstance is unique.

I have almost done it, I even have the letter ready to go from a few months ago.

How many of you have termed for just plain not liking a child? (Keep in mind, not all adult personalities are compatible either, it’s really the same thing) While I realize this can be a touchy subject, I am seeking tried and true advice, please refrain from negativity, it makes me sad. I am never interested in partaking in catty banter. We are all on the same team here!

I could mention all the annoying qualities the DCK (age 2 ¼) possesses but that would take forever. OK ok If you insist, I will name just a few…
• Rips every toy off the shelf and onto the floor in a matter of 5 minutes
• Cannot play nicely with other children, constantly takes toys, hits, pushes, cries when corrected and yells. Thinks all toys are “mine”. Hoards toys.
• Needless to say, unstructured or “free play” is out of the question for this one. Oh, but structured activities are out too, as DCK will not sit with the group for 5 seconds without disrupting the entire activity… forget circle time.
• Cannot use paint, markers or anything really that doesn’t go in the mouth, because it will.
• Constantly making NOISE... literally nonstop. Humming, repeating, yelling, laughing
• Always having to take a sit and play separate from other children due to behavior issues
• Riles up other children
• Wakes up the other children during nap

The list goes on forever it seems and it is such a pleasant environment when this child is not here for the day. The odd thing is, the DCK is actually a really good listener and can be very sweet. None of the obnoxious behavior is done aggressively, however, I am CONSTANTLY redirecting and I am exhausted mentally.

I am highly inclined to believe it is not just age, nor do I believe it is a case of ADHD. I think this may be an instance of Nature AND Nurture as DKP and I have very different parenting styles. DCP is permissive so that does not help one bit. I have done my best to address this to no avail.

Despite all, I feel bad for this kiddo. (Alright, I guess I have a soft spot for DCK after all…still drives me nuts though) I literally cannot stand this child but I feel like I would miss the little stinker if I terminated. I need my sanity and I find myself being grumpy. Is the grass really greener on the other side? What would you do? Even an “I am in the same boat” would help!

P.S Not concerned about the money aspect one bit. Just what is best for the little one and my brain!

[KiwiKids]

I had a soft spot for a child of a permissive parent. Loved the child but trying to balance that child in a group was a nightmare. Parents weren't going to change and I felt like I was in a constant uphill battle. Most kids learn there's a different set of expectations here and ( even if it takes time ) meet them and I only have to deal with drop off and pick up time since they know they have control at home. This child seemed to struggle every single day. I did eventually terminate care and it was definitely the right decision. I shouldn't have tried to stick it out. Looking back, I feel like I did a disservice to the child since this was obviously not the right setting to have them in.

[DaycareDays126]

I had this exact child recently. They were with me for about a year and I finally gave up as the behaviors got worse and worse and, to be honest, I was never able to form a connection with the child which makes it a bit more difficult to deal with. I always feel bad letting a child go, but the days go by so so sooo much smoother now...I don't regret it for a second!

[NeedaVaca]

He sounds exhausting. I never feel guilty for terming. When I feel it coming and start questioning myself then it's usually time and once I actually term it's always a huge weight lifted off of me and my days are so much more pleasant. I imagine you will be much happier and engaged with the other kids in your care once he's gone

[Indoorvoice]

Any time you are dreading a child's attendance repeatedly, you should term. It's not fair to you and not fair to the kiddo. The nice thing about this being your business is that you can term for whatever reason you want!

[Mummy101]

Thank you all, it is nice to just hear that some of you have been through it also! I somehow knew terming is the right direction, yet it is is hard not to second guess myself, especially on the "good" days.

[daycare]

regardless of age we are not going to connect with every child in care. Like you said no different that connecting with adults. I have a very best friend who is 72, she is who I inspire to be.

I honestly fell every child deserves a child that can connect with them. I am lucky that I have staff and I don't connect too well with the child, there is a chance they will, if not, we have to let the child go.

It's also taking a look at your environment, it may not be with the child needs.

Don't feel bad, you are only human and you can only do so much. Honestly, i would let this child go, sounds like he needs a difference environment and an adult that can give more one on one attention.

[Blackcat31]

I'm refraining from replying as I wouldn't want to make anyone sad.

[CityGarden]

It's also taking a look at your environment, it may not be with the child needs.

Don't feel bad, you are only human and you can only do so much. Honestly, i would let this child go, sounds like he needs a difference environment and an adult that can give more one on one attention.

I echo Daycare!

My contracts are only one year long so I would likely stick out the contract and not renew stating the dcb needs a different sort of setting and then provide some insight to what I think that setting may be.

Best of luck.

[TheMisplacedMidwestMom]

I feel like this post would be about my son if I had to put him in someone else's program. I've said multiple times that if he was not my child I would have termed months ago. On the crazy days he tests every limit, literally bounces of the walls, and is generally exhausting. (To clarify, the behaviors are never malicious or violent in any form... just... wild.) Redirections, consequences, behavior management of any sort be damned; when he's having an "energy burst" you just hang on and do your best. On the good days/hours he's a model citizen. At this point I can anticipate some episodes coming, like if a new child starts the program or one leaves. We are going on vacation soon to visit family we rarely see, so I'm sure saying good bye to them will stir up a few days or of crazy. If he were not my own child I would not have been able to manage his care. He will turn 3 in October and whether it's age or other factors he is finally mellowing out a bit. Were he in daycare, I would hold no ill feelings to a provider that needed to be done.

[daycare]

I'm refraining from replying as I wouldn't want to make anyone sad.

You can't post that and then not tell us. Lol. I'm dying to know what you think BC.

[knoxmomof2]

I have done this for almost 5 years. I've had 1 like that. I think her parents' style just made things worse as well. She had no fear! She would go barreling down the hill in my backyard and just - plop- land facedown in the grass. (The positive was that it didn't faze her, so no dramatic fits afterward.) I can't explain it all, but I just didn't connect with her. Her parents not paying me made it very easy to finally just term. I held on longer than I should have.

[KayB]

I'm refraining from replying as I wouldn't want to make anyone sad.

Now you HAVE to make us sad!! Tell us!!! Pleeeaaaaasseee.....

[Mummy101]

I'm refraining from replying as I wouldn't want to make anyone sad.

BlackCat you are always helpful. There is a big difference between witty and catty. I was referring to "OMG all children a treasures, you monster!" type comments

[Blackcat31]

There is a big difference between witty and catty.

...and I was being neither.

If you want my honest opinion I think you need to refresh your idea of what appropriate behavior for a 2 year is and isn't.

Many of your comments in regards to his "annoying" behavior demonstrate your lack of knowledge in regards to developmentally appropriate practices. The expectations need to be realigned.

To teach means finding the KEY (adapting, altering or arranging) to meet the needs for all learning styles.


....and that was not said with any negativity or intent to cause you sadness.