New DM Is Turning Out To Be Difficult

[Dsquared]

Hello providers,

I would love if you were able to give me advice on this situation. I'm sure someone has had a parent like this. I had a family start with me on August 29th. Their little boy is 8 months old. I was really excited because mom is a teacher and teachers are always my best clients. They are reasonable and understanding. I prepared myself taking this family on because I know a baby who is just entering daycare at 8 months old for the first time and being nursed may take him a while to adjust. He has been with me 3 weeks and it has been difficult. I have had to spend a lot of the day holding him and getting him to sleep is a chore. This is fine though because i expected it. Before they started with me mom asked if she could come during the day to see the other kids and me in action. She came and stayed about one hour and a half. Then she asked if she could bring him for 2 trial days which I agreed to before he started. Now we are going on week 4. Last week she accidentally sent me a text which was supposed to go to her hubby. It said she would be talking to me about her concerns. When she came to pick me up she said she is having a hard time knowing where he sleeps and where he eats and is having horrible visions in her head and she started crying. She asked if she could come again at pick up and see where he eats and sleeps and would like me to teach her what I do. I told her I would do it. She picks up around 3:45 and I have other kids here that I need to start getting ready around 4 for pick up. I don't want to do this for her again. How do I tell her nicely that I can't be walking on eggshells around a worried parent. That makes my job very difficult. All the parents I have now are easy and they trust me and my care. I have been nice sending her numerous updates during the day since they are new and pictures. Normally I do this once a day for each parent. Any advice would be appreciated!!

[laundrymom]

I would ask what her real worry is.
Just let her know any questions won't offend you but you can't worry about her worrying all the time.
Tell her you will do your best to keep her informed but understand if they need to seek care elsewhere due to her inability to relax.

[Controlled Chaos]

I might text her a pic of baby eating and write "I just realized I won't be able to give you a step by step walk through of LOs day at pick up, I have # other children to care for at that time and I need to keep my focus on them, I'm sure you understand. I will send you a pic of little one napping later and if you have any specific questions or concerns I would be happy to answer them"

Does mom have PPD?

[Poptarts22]

I honestly would look to replace. A parent who can't trust your care is not a good parent to have. How long are you willing to pat moms hand and reassure her-because she may need a lot of it. I babysit children- not parents

[daycare]

I agree with telling dcm, while you understand that you are both building a relationship at this time and it takes time to build trust, dcm needs to trust that you know how to do your job.

I would thank her for being able to communicate all/any of her concerns and that you are here to help when you can. Some things like having a parent hang out for the day while you are trying to do your job, isn't possible and if she asks to do it again I would say no.

I would also tell her that if she can't start trusting you, that you will have no choice but to let her go. When a parent is so stressed out about their child's care, it places a great amount of stress on the provider too.

If after telling this to dcm she is still feeling uneasy or untrusting, I would chalk it up to not being a good fit.

[Unregistered]

I might text her a pic of baby eating and write "I just realized I won't be able to give you a step by step walk through of LOs day at pick up, I have # other children to care for at that time and I need to keep my focus on them, I'm sure you understand. I will send you a pic of little one napping later and if you have any specific questions or concerns I would be happy to answer them"

Does mom have PPD?

PPD is the first thing I thought of.

[nannyde]

Who took care of the baby after moms maternity leave?

[Unregistered]

Dcm needs a nanny. PPD could also be going on. Inwould talk to the dcd and see what his feelings are.

[Ariana]

This is the stay at home mommy wannabe according to Nannyde's book!

This will not stop. Her anxiety might also start to cause major issues for the child as well. You will have nothing but a headache on your hands with this one.

I would simply say "I am very confident in what I do and I can see clearly that you are not confident in my abilities therefore we are not a good fit. You should feel at ease when choosing a care provider. I wish you the best of luck in your search"

[ColorfulSunburst]

I always say to parents, that if they hear nothing from me it means that everything is doing well. Maybe it will help in your situation.

[Dsquared]

Thanks for the input! I do not want to throw in the towel yet as we need the income. I thought one of the ideas was good of me sending her a picture of him sleeping. I sent a couple of him in the highchair eating. The only thing is I don't want her to start to expect a picture of her child napping. Its hard enough to take pictures during the day. I talked to the dad this morning and he said he is totally good with the situation but his wife is just having a tougher time since she was home with him for 8 months. He told me she will be ok though. I will have to wait it out and see how it goes.

[Lovisa]

Man, that just seems like WAY too much. I understand being apprehensive about your kiddo starting daycare for the first time. But at some point, she either trusts you or she doesn't. I wouldn't be able to tolerate being under that kind of scrutiny all the time. It would stress me out!

I actually had a parent (my FIRST one actually) who was this way. After a few months I had to term. I just wasn't ok with having to send several texts per day about what her baby did, what he ate, when he napped, when he smiled, when farted ( ok, maybe not that but you get the idea). She started trying to tell me I don't want him doing this, this or this, and don't let him around this boy, this boy or that boy, and I want him to have his own toys, and don't let him nap during these times, etc etc etc. It was crazy! Terming was definitely the right move.

Good luck!

[Dsquared]

I sent her pictures of him during his morning nap and I just sent pictures of him eating lunch. She said "that's just what I needed" I'm hoping this satisfies her!

[Josiegirl]

I sent her pictures of him during his morning nap and I just sent pictures of him eating lunch. She said "that's just what I needed" I'm hoping this satisfies her!

I know as time-consuming and annoying as it must be to send pics or text to dcms such as this one, some of you must see it from their POV too? Or am I the only one? Their arms must be feeling pretty empty after leaving their precious baby with someone else all day, esp. after having stayed home for 8 months. I know I could not do it which is why I started in dc. It must rip their hearts out.

[Dsquared]

I actually do send parents pictures everyday with an update on how their day has been. I am just not willing to document her sons whole day. My other parents get a couple of pictures one time a day with an update. I'm not sure how any provider could do their job properly if they have to document each child's day all day. That's just asking to much. I'm one person taking care of four kids.