New Mom Control Issues - Advice Appreciated

[JoseyJo]

Oh she is absolutely fighting with dad to be able to stay home. She absolutely HATES going to work, she told me so. She wants nothing more than to stay home with the baby, but dad says it's not financially possible. I'm wishing she would just wake up to reality and stop with all this bs. Now dad has requested a meeting tomorrow night, just me and him. Lord knows what that's going to be about. *sigh*

DONT give into what she wants. She will just find something else she wants, then something else- because she WANTS you not to be able to care for her baby as well as she could so she can prove she needs to stay home.

IMO you have 2 choices-

Offer to continue care according to the way YOU provide care- they don't get to ask for any special

OR

Term

[nannyde]

Oh she is absolutely fighting with dad to be able to stay home. She absolutely HATES going to work, she told me so. She wants nothing more than to stay home with the baby, but dad says it's not financially possible. I'm wishing she would just wake up to reality and stop with all this bs. Now dad has requested a meeting tomorrow night, just me and him. Lord knows what that's going to be about. *sigh*

You need to talk about THAT with her. I would tell her you get she wants to stay home so no harm no foul. That's your out so take it. Don't spend a second trying to convince her she's wrong about the baby. Just discuss... do you want to stay home or do you want to work. If you work then you need daycare. If you want daycare here you have to follow my rules.

[cheerfuldom]

well now you know what is really going on. mom is setting you up to fail so that she can have the reason to stay home.....because her baby is just to special and a regular daycare provider cannot met all his needs. she does not want to work this out, period.

[daycarediva]

I think you need to have a serious talk with Mama.

First, assure her that you are really enjoying getting to know her baby, and that you are very happy to have him in your group. But, GROUP needs to be made clear here.

You are providing GROUP care (and she is paying for GROUP care). She needs to either trust you to do her job, or she needs to consider finding other care. Put it back on her.

If it really is just a matter of a 30 minute window with feeding that did not put the babys safety or happiness at risk, I would have just entered the app time that I always entered. Baby was fine. I know that probably sounds bad but now you know, being honest down to the minute is going to make mom mad at you. I guess it just depends on how much else you are dealing with here.....if the baby is fitting in well and you are happy with the situation and it is just the app, i would just fill in the app details that she wants to see to keep her happy. you know that baby is feed and changed and content and if you dont want to replace him, I dont know.....I guess I dont see an issue with a little fib on the app. Someone is going to probably call me out on that comment LOL but that is how I feel. This is why I dont do daily sheets or apps for parents....it is always the crazy first time parents that are going to harass you over every diaper change.

All of this and what everyone else said, too.

Group care- other children's IMMEDIATE needs WILL come before the secondary needs of your content child. This is MY schedule to meet the needs of ALL children.

App would be done. I WOULD be willing to write a daily sheet.

Are you licensed? I don't take infants, but I believe the rule is that they have to be fed on demand at that age.

[Leigh]

All of this and what everyone else said, too.

Group care- other children's IMMEDIATE needs WILL come before the secondary needs of your content child. This is MY schedule to meet the needs of ALL children.

App would be done. I WOULD be willing to write a daily sheet.

Are you licensed? I don't take infants, but I believe the rule is that they have to be fed on demand at that age.

I tell parents of infants at interview and in my handbook that infants are fed ON DEMAND. I will not follow some ridiculous schedule because Mom wants a 4 month old to sleep through the night. I am required by my state to feed on demand, and I think it is the right thing to do, as well unless there is a legitimate medical need to do otherwise.

[MarinaVanessa]

That's very nice of you to be accommodating for them and continue to care for their child until school starts but ... why? Why do you feel the need to be accommodating for them when it's clear that she is not going to be accommodating for you?

It's crystal clear that mom doesn't want to work and she wants YOU to be HER and that's just NOT POSSIBLE in group care. She isn't setting herself up to fail ... you are setting yourself up ... and I don't mean that in a mean way. You agreed to follow certain guidelines (like the app, nap and feeding routine) and that's not reasonable when you have to care for other kids. Why does her needs supersede your needs and the needs of the other children?

I would have said "Okay, I understand. Unfortunately I thought I could make your feeding and napping schedule work in my daycare but I'm finding that it does not. The schedule you need me to put your baby on is not working with the rest of the group and it is interfering with my ability to meet the other children's needs. I cannot promise that I won't be in a middle of a diaper change, comforting a child or redirecting behavior during the scheduled feedings and naps. Here is my two week notice."

[hsdcmama]

So dad came over this evening for another talk. Said he and mom called a family member "who has been doing this for over 10 years, blah blah blah...", who said that the state regulations require all daycare providers of infants under 12 months to follow whatever schedule and directions the parents want, and that if they wanted to they could report me and I would be subject to a $250 fine. Said they would be taking baby to grandma's until they can find another place for him to go.

I call bull****, because I JUST went through all the training and stuff to become licensed, and nowhere in the regs did I see this. Maybe I just missed it or something, I don't know. But I'm going to call the MD child care office and see what they say. I don't even see how it's possible to follow every parent's wants and demands in a group care setting. Anyway, I'm glad they are leaving because it's painfully obvious that I will never be able to provide their child with all the specific demands they want, not just now but also in the future. What if a parent says they want you to paint their child's toenails, feed him apple juice instead of formula, and leave them in a dirty diaper all day? Is a daycare provider supposed to just blindly follow the parent's wishes no matter what?

Feeling pretty hurt and attacked right now, dad told me she's acting this way because of her nursing hormones & such. I told him that she better tone down the abrasiveness because I have been extremely accommodating with her, and other providers are not going to take it. I think they are in for a rude awakening.

[Leigh]

So dad came over this evening for another talk. Said he and mom called a family member "who has been doing this for over 10 years, blah blah blah...", who said that the state regulations require all daycare providers of infants under 12 months to follow whatever schedule and directions the parents want, and that if they wanted to they could report me and I would be subject to a $250 fine. Said they would be taking baby to grandma's until they can find another place for him to go.

I call bull****, because I JUST went through all the training and stuff to become licensed, and nowhere in the regs did I see this. Maybe I just missed it or something, I don't know. But I'm going to call the MD child care office and see what they say. I don't even see how it's possible to follow every parent's wants and demands in a group care setting. Anyway, I'm glad they are leaving because it's painfully obvious that I will never be able to provide their child with all the specific demands they want, not just now but also in the future. What if a parent says they want you to paint their child's toenails, feed him apple juice instead of formula, and leave them in a dirty diaper all day? Is a daycare provider supposed to just blindly follow the parent's wishes no matter what?

Feeling pretty hurt and attacked right now, dad told me she's acting this way because of her nursing hormones & such. I told him that she better tone down the abrasiveness because I have been extremely accommodating with her, and other providers are not going to take it. I think they are in for a rude awakening.

Wonder why this wonderful family member is not taking care of the baby? Check your local licensing guidelines-it's more likely than not that yours requires on demand feeding, too. Not following parents orders results in a $250 fine? Highly unlikely.

[MarinaVanessa]

You're in Maryland right?

This is the only things that I found in MD regulations about meals and rest.

COMAR 13A.15.11 Health
01 Child Comfort and Welfare.
The provider or substitute shall:
A. Dress a child appropriately, both indoors and outdoors, for the temperature of the environment and the activity of the child;
B. During an indoor or outdoor activity:
(1) Monitor each child for signs of discomfort due to over-activity, temperature or weather conditions, or other environmental factors; and
(2) If a child is experiencing discomfort, take appropriate steps to alleviate the discomfort; and
C. Ensure that each child has adequate time for meals and snacks.

To me this means that if a child is hungry you should feed them, if they are sleepy they should nap. I see that is says "adequate" time for meals and snacks but doesn't say anything about following a parents orders.

There is also this:

COMAR 13A.15.12 Nutrition
.01 Nutrition and Food Served.
A. The provider or substitute shall prepare, or make arrangements with the child's parents to provide, an adequate amount of nutritious food and beverages for the number of meals and snacks the child will be served, appropriate for the child's age and appetite.
B. Unless supplied by the parent of a child in care, food and beverages furnished by the provider to the child for meals and snacks shall comply with the guidelines of the Child and Adult Care Food Program of the U.S. Department of Agriculture, as indicated on a chart supplied by the office.
C. The provider or substitute shall serve meals and snacks at regular and age-appropriate intervals to each child according to the hours that the child is in care.

"serve meals and snacks at regular and age-appropriate intervals to each child according to the hours that the child is in care" Could this be misinterpreted by the grandma to mean by what the parents want the schedule to be?

I didn't see anything else in there about naps.

[Josiegirl]

Do you realize what just happened to you?? You got out of a situation that was only going to become more and more difficult to bear, with dcm calling every single shot. This would have only been the beginning. You dodged a major bullet. And I don't, for one second, believe what the dcd told you.
You were way more accommodating to that family than I ever would have been. You know why they're threatening you like this? Because she thought you were a friend she could use and take advantage of and request you to do anything and you would do it. I don't even know you but am so glad for you that you stood up for yourself. There will be other families who fit so much better.

[Thriftylady]

I think you are better off without the parents! I wouldn't worry about those "regulation" deals. I think he was just saying that to use as an excuse to term you because you wouldn't do what they want. The next provider might cower to them for awhile, but eventually will get tired of it just like you did.

[Kabob]

So basically they wanted to break up with you when they sensed that you weren't gonna be their employee and threatened you so they would have the last word.

It looks like from MV's post that they interpreted group care to be nanny care and picked the wording that worked for them. I'd call your licensing rep just to be sure and also to give them a heads up that you had a termination that might get ugly.

Considering how they are being now, I wouldn't let them or their child back into your home and conduct all contact in writing from now on. If you need to, send their stuff back certified mail. Hopefully they got their stuff when dcd left anyway. If they claim they forgot something, mail it...don't let them in your house.

I'm mad for you. I'm sorry they completely shut down like that...

[deliberateliterate]

So dad came over this evening for another talk. Said he and mom called a family member "who has been doing this for over 10 years, blah blah blah...", who said that the state regulations require all daycare providers of infants under 12 months to follow whatever schedule and directions the parents want, and that if they wanted to they could report me and I would be subject to a $250 fine. Said they would be taking baby to grandma's until they can find another place for him to go.

I call bull****, because I JUST went through all the training and stuff to become licensed, and nowhere in the regs did I see this. Maybe I just missed it or something, I don't know. But I'm going to call the MD child care office and see what they say. I don't even see how it's possible to follow every parent's wants and demands in a group care setting. Anyway, I'm glad they are leaving because it's painfully obvious that I will never be able to provide their child with all the specific demands they want, not just now but also in the future. What if a parent says they want you to paint their child's toenails, feed him apple juice instead of formula, and leave them in a dirty diaper all day? Is a daycare provider supposed to just blindly follow the parent's wishes no matter what?

Feeling pretty hurt and attacked right now, dad told me she's acting this way because of her nursing hormones & such. I told him that she better tone down the abrasiveness because I have been extremely accommodating with her, and other providers are not going to take it. I think they are in for a rude awakening.

This whole thing is ridiculous. So because you were 20 minutes "late" for a feeding, but otherwise have followed their every request to the letter, they are going to rip this poor baby from a caregiver he has known for half his life? Holy shortsighted! And to threaten you?? I wouldn't let them come back either. Not fir double their rate, not if they suddenly had a change of heart and grovelled at your feet, not fir anything.

[TwinKristi]

Wow what a jerky thing to do, I'm glad they're leaving. That's beyond rude. Hopefully one day they'll realize what asses they're being.

[nannyde]

So what is your day to day life with them?

I would never work for neighbors. If it doesn't work I can't move.

I think mom wanted to move this forward because she knows she is going to need multiple failures before Dad agrees she has to stay home. The longer they are with you, the longer it's going to be before she can blow up another deal.

Do NOT get upset about this. Just call your licensor and let them know a parent has accused you of breaking the law and what they said the penalty was for that. Then let the family know you have turned their complaint into the State and request they also contact the state to confirm their assessment that you have broken the law.

It's best imho to get that cleared up asap because you live next to them. That way you can report that an assessment was done and and a determination was made that their accusations of breaking the law were incorrect.

I don't allow parents to decide feeding schedules. I don't do daily reports or parent conferencing about every feeding.