New Mom Control Issues - Advice Appreciated

[debbiedoeszip]

You aren't overreacting. I don't think that I could handle that level of micromanaging and that tight a schedule in a daycare arrangement.

[NightOwl]

She wants special and thinks she deserves special because you are friends and neighbors. You can try a true heart to heart, point out all of the things you already do that she would not get anywhere else, try to make her understand that she's really got it good with you. Feeding times expanding to longer lengths is a good thing! THAT'S what will facilitate sleeping longer at night.

[Angelsj]

Mom insists that I follow a strict feeding schedule, and she gets very upset if I am not able to stick to it 100%. For example: Baby is supposed to eat every 3 hours. On one particular morning, baby's scheduled feeding fell right when I needed to prepare breakfast for the other kids. Baby was asleep and content; 1-year-old was screaming because he was hungry. So I let baby sleep for an extra 20 mins while I got the other kids their breakfast. Mom has me tracking baby's feedings with an app that is synced to her phone, so she can see exactly when and how much baby is being fed. When she arrived to pick baby up, she was upset and asking why I let him go almost 4 hours in between feedings (it was actually 3-1/2 hours, but I chose not to split hairs). I explained the situation to her, but she was still upset and mentioned it again the next morning, asking me to please make sure he doesn't go past 3 hours. I'm sorry, but I have 6 other kids to care for; I have to constantly prioritize all their needs, and her child is not always going to come out on top.

This is really all you need to address. Ditch the app. Then talk with mom. Either she trusts you to care for her child or she doesn't. If she wants to take some time to learn to trust, that is fine. Offer to do whatever you feel is appropriate to help her. (Send pics for a little while, do an infant sheet on feeding times/changing times, whatever YOU are comfortable with.)
Regardless, she needs to understand that group care is not nanny care and you need to respond to the needs of ALL the kids, not just one. And you do NOT work for her, she is a client who needs to accept the services you provide, or not and go elsewhere.

On a side note, I would have NEVER woken a baby to keep them on mom's schedule. That is just asking for the child to learn to wake up more often.

[nothingwithoutjoy]

I feel like it's an issue of trust more than anything -- do you trust me to care for your child? Do you really trust that I know what I'm doing and that I have your child's best interests in mind?

That is exactly what I would tell mom.

I would also tell her that in your care, infants are fed and napped on their schedule, and that if she wants it all according to schedule, she will need to find someone else (nanny!).

[Unregistered]

Thanks for your advice everyone; I had a sit-down with mom and dad tonight, and explained to them what wasn't working & what I wanted to do to change it. Mom is adamant that the feeding schedule be followed & baby still be woken up to eat even though he's 4 months old. Apparently the pediatrician advised them to put baby on this schedule as a way to solve his getting day & night mixed up, which the parents never told me. He has a Dr. visit at the end of the month, and they are going to ask about whether he needs to stay on the strict schedule or not. Until then, I told them I am willing to accommodate them but when school starts, the baby will have to be fed on demand or they will need to find care elsewhere or get a nanny. I can't call the school system and ask them to adjust the school bus schedule to their demands.

Basically everything I asked for, mom flat said no and dad said okay we understand. Dad is being much more accommodating than mom. I did tell them at the end that I am concerned about other issues developing down the road, because I feel like they don't trust me. I explained to them that everyone has a different way of parenting, no one way is right or wrong, and that I am not always going to do things exactly as they would. I told them I need to have the freedom to do things my own way, and I need to know that they trust me to care for their child, or this isn't going to work. It was an awkward conversation to have with friends/neighbors, but I felt it was one that needed to happen. Unfortunately mom was very closed-off and defensive during the entire conversation, and I have a feeling she was offended and will push to take him somewhere else. I told them I wasn't questioning their parenting, I think they are excellent parents, but that everyone does things a different way.

In the end, it really doesn't matter business-wise for me if they leave, because I have turned away 4 or 5 other parents looking for infant care since they've been here. It just sucks because they are friends. BUT, it's a business, not a friendship, and if I don't stick to my guns I have a feeling mom is going to take advantage of that friendship sooner or later. It seems like she already has.

[hsdcmama]

That was me above, forgot to log in, .

[hsdcmama]

I even took the time to research and print out articles, one of them from LLL, confirming what I was telling them; and mom would not even look at them. She said she's already done a lot of research herself. So yeah, she doesn't think I know what I'm doing.

[Angelsj]

I even took the time to research and print out articles, one of them from LLL, confirming what I was telling them; and mom would not even look at them. She said she's already done a lot of research herself. So yeah, she doesn't think I know what I'm doing.

I think with mom's attitude and the fact that you can replace them, I would have just termed. It is REALLY hard to work with a mother who is not willing to work with you. She just needs to hire a nanny.

[daycare]

I even took the time to research and print out articles, one of them from LLL, confirming what I was telling them; and mom would not even look at them. She said she's already done a lot of research herself. So yeah, she doesn't think I know what I'm doing.

if this were me I would not be able to sit through a meeting where someone was treating me this way. I want to note that maybe you really need to stress to them what group care is about, not that people do things differently.

[KiddieCahoots]

Btdt.
Where she's not budging to work with you, I wouldn't be surprised if she finds other care. If she does, you're off the hook.
Unless you feel that you'd be compromising yourself in anyway trying to work with her, then I'd terminate her now, and save yourself from the next situation to come. Because is she's going to fight you on something as simple as a half hour difference in feeding time, what's next?

[Kabob]

If she feels that you don't know what you're doing, then why did she agree to leave her child with you?

Really, it sounds like she is looking for an employee, not a daycare.

Tell her that your services are not a good fit for what she's looking for and send her on her way...it is so easy to replace infant slots (at least around here).

[hope]

You did a great job talking with them. Unfortunately, they did not put any effort into the discussion. I would follow up the conversation tomorrow by asking mom if she had time to think about the conversation. Tell her that you don't feel she heard you out and ask her if she can trust you. If she can then work on a plan together. If she cant, term.

[nannyde]

She is blaming the doctor. She's using that as a placeholder to get her way till she has time to find daycare. Are you sure she isn't fighting with him to be able to stay home?

Tell her NO. You talked to her and she said NO with no problem. She understands NO. Tell her you will keep the baby till she finds care but in the meantime it's your way or the highway.

[nannyde]

If she is going to use the doc then ask for an immediate doc release so you can talk to the doc. That way you can hear it from the doc yourself.

She thinks you are weak. Show her otherwise.

[Unregistered]

She is blaming the doctor. She's using that as a placeholder to get her way till she has time to find daycare. Are you sure she isn't fighting with him to be able to stay home?

Tell her NO. You talked to her and she said NO with no problem. She understands NO. Tell her you will keep the baby till she finds care but in the meantime it's your way or the highway.

Oh she is absolutely fighting with dad to be able to stay home. She absolutely HATES going to work, she told me so. She wants nothing more than to stay home with the baby, but dad says it's not financially possible. I'm wishing she would just wake up to reality and stop with all this bs. Now dad has requested a meeting tomorrow night, just me and him. Lord knows what that's going to be about. *sigh*