Divorce Mom Almost At an End

[CraftyMom]

I wouldn't necessarily believe everything DAD is telling you either. People are manipulative. He could be just telling you things that "MOM" said or done that are simply not true to garner your support. Stay out of it.

Yes! I had a situation where dad would say all kinds of things about mom that weren't necessarily true. It was just his overly exaggerated version of the truth, as I found out down the road. But the things he said were painting a picture in my head of mom.

I chose to disregard what he was saying, realizing that people say things when they are upset, and since they were divorcing he clearly did not like her and naturally would not say anything nice about her.

I'm glad I chose to take things with a grain of salt

[Play Care]

I wouldn't necessarily believe everything DAD is telling you either. People are manipulative. He could be just telling you things that "MOM" said or done that are simply not true to garner your support. Stay out of it.

This is my thought as well. I have a single DCD and any time there is an issue with DCG it's the moms fault I have no contact at all with mom so I'm not in the middle and I've made it clear it won't be an excuse...

Plus he forgets that this is a small town and people talk

[mrsnj]

Oh no. She needed no help. She has done it all on her own. I have had issues with Mom since the split. Once they divided, I got a CLEAR view on who the problem was. Dad days, awesome. Girls fed. On time. Everything I asked or needed. Mom days, horrible. She took over payment...I get bounced checks and late payments. Her days she drops off late and picks up late. She brings the girls in jammies and unfed, unwashed (as in the girls hair still braided from two days prior when dad did it.

One time the oldest had to go to school IN THE SAME CLOTHES two days in a row!). Its just one issue over another. I mean its years of stories and lies. I sent them a notice that I actually got from here. She would come in and tell me everything she was trying to do. Like spiteful things against the dad. Stand in my house and TELL me like I was her BFF. I couldn't take it and someone on here gave me a letter to give them both. OMG it was my blessing. After that I got no more "Guess what I did this weekend" poo!! Dad told me nothing. It was completely her. She would do things like set up the dad and tell him to come get the girls and then leave and call the police and say he was trying to break in the house. I mean just MEAN things. And she TOLD me.

Dad and I are JUST now starting to talk cause I had enough and called him in for a meeting. Told him I was no longer allowing late picks ups anymore no matter whos day it was to have the girls. Mom isn't here on time, I call him to pick up and she can deal with him. I don't get him, I am going down the list. Mom can pay the late fees and them I will hand over term notice. Done. That was when I started hearing dads views.

That was about a month ago. That last late pick up that I charged mom is why she is terming. She didn't feel she owed me anything even though her girls were sitting at my house over 30 min late for the second time in a week!

I get what you guys are saying but it isn't dad. Mom has done everything to point at herself but stand up on the roof and yell it. (can you tell I greatly dislike this lady??)

[CraftyMom]

What is with people? Her terming over a late fee...just like another post last week from another provider where a family termed over a late fee, essentially

[mrsnj]

Well she is going to get termed for none payment. Today to Wed afternoon is dad days but she is supposed to drop it off today if she has not paid already by the Friday before.....no call...no text....no show....no payment. I am NOT going to send her a reminder. She has used all her get out of jail cards. She just keeps going and going and going right up to the end!

[LysesKids]

I've been watching and reading… I have this in my policies to avoid the exact scenario that is playing out (it has saved my butt from headache clients a few times over the past 10 years)…

CUSTODY ISSUES: This daycare has no legal authority to refuse either parent the right to pick up their child unless a court has granted temporary or permanent custody to one parent or to a third party and I have been furnished with a copy of the order bearing the court's signature. In the case of separated or divorced parents, I will write ONE CONTRACT per family and take payment from the contracting party only; if parents share payments, it's between them on how one parent gets the fees from the other. The following was put in because of problems years ago that I do not want to repeat...

1. ALL custody issues must be resolved outside of the childcare home; this includes paternity cases. If accusations are aimed at me because I refuse to take sides, I will sue the parents for liable and any damages done (this includes slandering my business and false abuse charges called into CPS).
2. Problems between custodial & non-custodial parents or involving me in disputes in anyway will be cause for immediate termination after ONE warning. Non-notice termination fees will apply.
3. I MUST HAVE custody paperwork showing in writing the terms including visitation rights and they may not interfere with my home life or business.
4. Should I be subpoenaed into court to testify, the parent that had subpoena issued will be required to pay IN ADVANCE for ALL lost wages for the days I have to close; this causes a hardship not only for me, but to the other families in care.

NON CUSTODIAL PARENTS
1. Non custodial parent's must call and make an appointment to visit the daycare. The custodial parent must state in writing the terms of the visit and allowable times and it must match court documents. This also applies to phone calls and texting.
2. Non custodial parents that cause problems when picking up their child at the daycare will be permanently barred from the premises. If you show back up, you will be charged with trespassing.
3. Do not call and ask me for information about your child. You will have to obtain this from the custodial parent.
4. Do not call and ask if your child is in care. I am not at liberty to divulge this information to anyone than those authorized on the child's forms. If you want this changed then go through the custodial parent for authorization. I am a daycare provider, not a mediator for custody issues.

[mrsnj]

Thanks! You know...been doing this for over 20 something years and this is the first time I have ever had this mess. I actually have three divorce families currently. Or in the process. This is the only one with any major issue. I am so snitching some of that!! Love it! lovethis

Now custodial and non means what exactly? If the parent has no custody why would they be picking up? I am just curious if that is comparable to primary/non primary custody. This one family, mom is primary right now and dad is the secondary non primary. Both have custody. I like the one form etc. Right now I have dad pick ups and mom pick ups and never should one pick up on the others day. Not in any court set up. Just the way they have it worked out. Dad is rather flexible but not mom. If I called someone off his list on HER day she would shoot through the roof. She would rather leave her child here than have someone SHE didn't pick, pick up. Rolling it all into one makes it easier.

I have one set that do dividing payments. It works actually for them. The only issue I got in the beginning was if dad was late paying (he had to or out payments and his days into it. Took a few weeks but we got him there ) and I gave notice to both, mom would say "But I paid." No doesn't work that way. Both are liable. Both get notice. One opts not to pay, they both get notice and kids can't return as payment wasn't in full. But they worked it out and there is peace there. Just a matter of getting into the groove there. The other two divorce families have court orders and the moms pay.

I am going to print that off though. I like it. Thanks!!

[playground1]

I've been watching and reading… I have this in my policies to avoid the exact scenario that is playing out (it has saved my butt from headache clients a few times over the past 10 years)…

CUSTODY ISSUES: This daycare has no legal authority to refuse either parent the right to pick up their child unless a court has granted temporary or permanent custody to one parent or to a third party and I have been furnished with a copy of the order bearing the court's signature. In the case of separated or divorced parents, I will write ONE CONTRACT per family and take payment from the contracting party only; if parents share payments, it's between them on how one parent gets the fees from the other. The following was put in because of problems years ago that I do not want to repeat...

1. ALL custody issues must be resolved outside of the childcare home; this includes paternity cases. If accusations are aimed at me because I refuse to take sides, I will sue the parents for liable and any damages done (this includes slandering my business and false abuse charges called into CPS).
2. Problems between custodial & non-custodial parents or involving me in disputes in anyway will be cause for immediate termination after ONE warning. Non-notice termination fees will apply.
3. I MUST HAVE custody paperwork showing in writing the terms including visitation rights and they may not interfere with my home life or business.
4. Should I be subpoenaed into court to testify, the parent that had subpoena issued will be required to pay IN ADVANCE for ALL lost wages for the days I have to close; this causes a hardship not only for me, but to the other families in care.

NON CUSTODIAL PARENTS
1. Non custodial parent's must call and make an appointment to visit the daycare. The custodial parent must state in writing the terms of the visit and allowable times and it must match court documents. This also applies to phone calls and texting.
2. Non custodial parents that cause problems when picking up their child at the daycare will be permanently barred from the premises. If you show back up, you will be charged with trespassing.
3. Do not call and ask me for information about your child. You will have to obtain this from the custodial parent.
4. Do not call and ask if your child is in care. I am not at liberty to divulge this information to anyone than those authorized on the child's forms. If you want this changed then go through the custodial parent for authorization. I am a daycare provider, not a mediator for custody issues.

So smart.

[LysesKids]

mrsnj, and everyone else, feel free to use the policy; it is a lifesaver.

Non custodial usually means they have visitation, but that's all in most states ( they can pick up and take the kid to dinner and then return to custodial home; sometimes it just means they have permission to visit at the childcare). In some states it could be taken as one parent is primary, the other secondary. Either way, I dont want people showing up when they aren't suppose too and cause the same kind of garbage I went thru before (I'm sure it weeds out some families from the get go when they read my website).

I use to work as a skip tracer and private process server ( I served divorce & child support papers on people ). After what happened to me with the one family, I NEVER wanted to go thru it again

[mrsnj]

Well I am done at the end of this week......... happyface If not before.

The mom paid me late two weeks ago. She forgot she had to pay me. She has been arriving late for drop offs which is making her school age child over an hour or more late for school. She never showed up last Monday for pick up. I had to call the father to pick up the girls. She was a no show, no call, no answer. The girls were picked up 15 min late from me by Dad of which the mom still owes late fees. She picked up the girls....ready?......THREE HOURS LATE at the fathers house. And that was after several phone calls from dad & me, texts, etc. She 'fell asleep' and forgot the girls. Dad called several more times before she finally called back and got the girls at 7:30 at night! THIS is the poo I have been dealing with! Do you all know how livid I would have been had I NOT called dad to pick up!?

They go to court this Friday. Mom thinks it is because of daycare (dad wanting to keep the girls here). But Dad and his lawyer are going for custody. I was asked to write a letter stating care, etc and issues. I was hesitant. Still am to be honest. I hate getting in the middle of this mess (not that I haven't already been for a long while). So I simply wrote a letter stating facts.....The girls were enrolled by mom, been here xyz years, I am in agreement with removal/termination of the care of the girls with the mother, that father is welcome to continue with care on his days if desired. All dates of issues enclosed which covered only dates of things I could remember or noted....like this past Monday of 'forgetting' to pick up her kids and what I did. Just simple facts. It was hard. I so wanted to give opinions. Must have rewrote everything like 20 times. Its hard to keep to facts when you just want to burst and say what you think.

But I am done. Mom paid for the week but shorted me $50. I will take the girls on dad days until Wed and then mom is on her own after that as she is not paid in full (unless that check magically appears before tomorrow afternoon) . I offered to take the girls on dad days but have to say I will not be sad if the court says no. NOT that I have issues with the girls or dad. Just that I am kinda done with the drama. I didn't realize how much so until now. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! Its like a weight being lifted. No more mom...no more mom....no more mom! happyface happyface happyface happyface happyface

Mom is going to lose her lic on the DUI too. The daycare hearing was set for July 11th but mom asked it moved up. Turns out her punishment hearing for the DUI is set for July 9th and she is trying to get the daycare part done before she loses the lic. She doesn't know the dad and his lawyer know about the DUI/Car accident. AND she is going in on Friday without a lawyer. Man. I would not want to be her Friday.

Count down for me...........5..........

[craftymissbeth]

You being in agreement of removal of moms custody isn't a fact... that's an opinion. I don't mean to offend you, but do you honestly believe this woman isn't going to cause problems for you if you continue to watch the dck's for DCD? You're going into court to tell them you think she shouldn't have custody of her children... it's likely she'll retaliate. I wouldn't touch this family with a 50 foot pole after the court date.

[NightOwl]

It's a bad situation, but I feel for the dad and the girls. They seem to mesh well with you, but mom is screwing it all up! If she loses custody, it won't be up to her where he places them for care, but God help the person who has them. If it's you, the drama will not be over by Friday. I agree that she will continue to cause problems and you will likely start getting cps visits because she will try to prove you unfit and dad by proxy, since he chose to keep the kids with you against her wishes.

[mrsnj]

I rather think your right. And I haven't decided on if they will be allowed to return. IF they are allowed. I am rather over the momma drama. IF it happens it will never be with mother on my property. Mom cannot pick up. Mom cannot drop off. If that can't happen it won't be here. Nothing I wrote however was anything was isn't already known. I gave no opinion. Didn't state anything other than obvious issues I have had that is not unknown to anyone already.

And the 'agreement' wasn't removal of moms custody. It was agreement in removal of her here in care. Mom gave notice because she was upset I was charging her late fees. I agreed in a termination notice back. I acknowledged and agreed with the decision. Sorry if that was misunderstood. The whole custody thing has nothing to do with me. I am OUT of that one! The court asked how long the girls were here, who enrolled, and why I was in agreement of termination. Thats all that letter was. Other than the noted dates of issues like bounced checks or late picks up I never stated anything else.

The whole DUI....Custody....etc etc etc. They are on their own on that. I just know about it.

[CraftyMom]

I would cut all ties asap. I also would have termed a looong time ago!

Mom will make your life heck for getting involved

[mrsnj]

Yeah. Its sad but true. I feel so bad for the girls. They have no place to go. Nothing I can do though.

Im kinda excited. I am almost done. Its been way too long!