Divorce Mom Almost At an End

[mrsnj]

Well the mom who was picking up late and felt she didn't need to pay me sent me a notice of withdrawal if you remember because I charged her a late pick up fee for both her children for picking up 35 min late.....again.

Dad was fighting the move and is preparing to take her to court. She thinks its just over the school/daycare situation but he is going to go for primary custody. He sent the daycare/schools a cease and desist and notified them they would be going to court. Mom just got her notice today and was not happy. Started texting him and screaming. Then notified him that she hopes he tells me that she is reporting me as an illegal daycare in court. He called to let me know.

Is she freaking for real!? I have taken her kids for 5 years! She gives me a months notice but has an issue with me that she feels she needs to bring up in court?!!!!! I have allowed her children to come to my house on playdates. Taken them for sleep overs. Taken her oldest on vacation this past year with us (our girls are BFF) and she HONESTLY SAID THAT?! She is messing with the wrong person!! I have gathered witnesses who are making notes of her neglect, late picks ups/drop offs, bounced payments, abandonment of the girls in my car and refusing to pick them up!! She MUST be joking! I have a DYFS worker in my DC and know the head of the division for my county whos child came to my DC. I get she is spewing poison cause she is mad but I am not dealing with her poo!

I wanted to term now. I do not keep hostile clients. But she says nothing to me. My husband thinks I should take a daily pic of the girls noting the date and time and send it to dad so that he can use in court as to WHY she would keep her in my care for the past 5 yr and then another month after she claims to have felt I was 'illegal' instead of pulling them! Said if I term her it would look like I was guilty and trying to hide something. Dad is taking everything down and noting it all. Mom even has a DUI and is going to lose her lic. She doesnt' know he knows this yet. Its getting nasty.

I stopped and spoke with dad. Told him that no matter the outcome I will no longer deal with the mom after she leaves. If he cannot get custody and/or work it that he handles pick up/drop offs then I will no longer take the girls. Mom is not welcomed.

I am soooooooooooooooooooooo over this mess. Mom has got to go!

[starz0123]

What an awful situation for the kids, hopefully the courts resolve this quickly. Right now you're probably the closest thing to stability these kids have which is really sad. I'd be reluctant to cut ties if this was one of my dc families and try to help with a sense of normality/belonging for these kids. Does dad not have family to help with pickups?

[mrsnj]

Dad is not my issue. Dad days are awesome days. Mom is the issue. She has few people to pick up. But her issue isn't really that. Her issue is assuming I will just do it. Like the last time she picked up late....she wasn't working that day. She supposed to be done work at 4. And picks up late....like 10, 20, 45 min late to HOURS late. Now in a center her kids would be sitting in a police station. And she has the nerve to expect to treat me that way!? I am so holding my tongue. It takes everything in me to stomach her days.

She doesn't know I know all this stuff. I tried my best to stay in the middle and not get involved but I am done. They are officially divorced as of two weeks ago and I told dad he just lets me know what I can do to help. I don't keep her kids after hours on her days and for FREE and she thinks she is going to throw ME under the bus and cause issues for me!? I will pad dads file for him and put a big old smilie sticker on top! I know this isn't about me. It isn't about the girls even. Mom is pissed and trying to block dads move any way she can. He wants to keep the girls here. So she will try and destroy that option for him so he can't. She is the most selfish and spiteful person I have ever seen in my life and I regret I didn't kick her out last year for bringing her kids sick to me and spreading hand/foot/mouth in my dc and then proudly posting it on facebook! I should have sent her packing then!!!!!!

Now I sit and wait and see what happens. It is so frustrating. I am not sure I can do another two weeks. I honestly don't think I can. I love those kids but not that much!

[NeedaVaca]

I'm confused? Why would she say you are an illegal daycare? Are you licensed or legally unlicensed?

[Blackcat31]

I'm confused? Why would she say you are an illegal daycare? Are you licensed or legally unlicensed?

I am also confused...

Not sure why you (OP) would need to gather witnesses and paperwork documentation for any of this.

None of the stuff going on between dad and mom has anything to do with you.

She is termed and you told dad you would not deal with her, only him if he gets custody so that sounds pretty cut and dried to me.

Their divorce and custody battle shouldn't be something they even involve you in at all.

DCM was late, she is termed so not a problem anymore. Sounds to me like its a good thing since you won't have to deal with her and her lateness anymore.

ANYTHING she reports you for isn't something I'd worry too much about since she is just mad and that's what mad people do.

I wouldn't let any of it get to you.

[Crazy8]

just one question…. are you operating an illegal daycare (either being unlicensed if not allowed to be, over ratio on kids, etc.). If the answer to that is NO than you have nothing else to worry about and do not need any type of documentation on this mom. I would step away from the drama of it all and just know that if you are operating a legal daycare you have no issue in their court case.

[KiddieCahoots]

Terribly frustrating, I'm so sorry you are put in the middle.
You are being used as a tool for battlement.

I have a divorced couple that I work with, see both parents almost everyday, and have to ease my way out of the middle OF THEIR PROBLEMS.

Like your problem, here too, one parent is the cause of most situations.

I believe your dh's advice is good, taking pictures of the children daily with dates and times, just for your own records, in case needed for allegations she tries against you.

I know this is not easy........
Like pp have said, try to remember it's really not about you personally.

[craftymissbeth]

I don't think you have any reason to get in the middle of any of this. It's really not your place. If she had been neglecting or abusing her children (abandoning them in your car, etc.) you should have reported those things as they happened. It almost seems like you're starting all of this documenting and collecting witnesses out of spite... simply because you didn't feel the need to do that until she threatened to report you.

I'm sorry you're going through all of this mess, but if I were in your place I'd just completely cut ties with the whole family, dad included, and move on. Prepare for a visit from licensing and cover all your bases. :hug:

[CraftyMom]

I'm sorry you're going through all of this mess, but if I were in your place I'd just completely cut ties with the whole family, dad included, and move on. Prepare for a visit from licensing and cover all your bases. :hug:

This. I wouldn't want to be involved, since the kids come along with a mom. Even though she isn't allowed at your house. If dad were to get sole custody I might take the kids back, but even still I don't know

[mrsnj]

I know. I am calming now. She just hit my last raw nerves. Breathe.....

I wanted to cut right then and there but (don't say it to him ) I think my husband is right. Terming on the spot only lets them think she is right and I am hiding something so I will keep them till her term date. She doesn't know I know all this stuff. She comes in happy as anything with that fake smile on her face everyday. And no. I am not illegal. Just irks me that she can think she can cause issues. Thats her purpose. And documentation was for having the girls after hours. I have had to take them with me to activities after hours cause their mother won't get them. I have been doing so for a while now. Over the last two month in fact.

Funny part is, she can't take the girls to the new place. She hasn't said anything to me about the last day. And there is two weeks between her notice and the court date. Hope she saved up her vac days cause they ain't stayin here! They have no place to go! Tech she hasn't even confirmed the term date. She never spoke with me or handed me anything. She sent it via email to husband with a cc to me which I never replied too. She doesn't even know if I got it or not. And yet, she says nothing. Comes in smiling like nothing is up. I will bet money she will try pretending that she never sent it since I said nothing and bringing the girls after that date since she is stuck now for two weeks. Nope!

The way this womans mind works amazes me. I have never in my life seen such a spiteful and hateful woman who cares more about her self than her own babies....ever.

Ok...So...breathe.....smile.....go on.........

Just a favor...a prayer for me for the next two week wouldn't hurt either

Count down....day 10.....

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I know. I am calming now. She just hit my last raw nerves. Breathe.....

I wanted to cut right then and there but (don't say it to him ) I think my husband is right. Terming on the spot only lets them think she is right and I am hiding something so I will keep them till her term date. She doesn't know I know all this stuff. She comes in happy as anything with that fake smile on her face everyday. And no. I am not illegal. Just irks me that she can think she can cause issues. Thats her purpose. And documentation was for having the girls after hours. I have had to take them with me to activities after hours cause their mother won't get them. I have been doing so for a while now. Over the last two month in fact.

Funny part is, she can't take the girls to the new place. She hasn't said anything to me about the last day. And there is two weeks between her notice and the court date. Hope she saved up her vac days cause they ain't stayin here! They have no place to go! Tech she hasn't even confirmed the term date. She never spoke with me or handed me anything. She sent it via email to husband with a cc to me which I never replied too. She doesn't even know if I got it or not. And yet, she says nothing. Comes in smiling like nothing is up. I will bet money she will try pretending that she never sent it since I said nothing and bringing the girls after that date since she is stuck now for two weeks. Nope!

The way this womans mind works amazes me. I have never in my life seen such a spiteful and hateful woman who cares more about her self than her own babies....ever.

Ok...So...breathe.....smile.....go on.........

Just a favor...a prayer for me for the next two week wouldn't hurt either

Count down....day 10.....

I can see why it would be a slap to your face after all of the time and energy you have invested in her kids. I am learning that just like there were crazies when we were in high school, college, in the corporate world, etc. there are also crazies that have babies and need to use our services. Their crazy words and actions have very little to do with US and have a whole lot to do with THEM. It proudly displays their character. Your words and your actions proudly display YOUR character.
This sounds a whole lot like a pep talk I just had with my teenager...LOL! There truly are crazy people in all walks of life.

[Play Care]

Eh, I don't think terming them would send the message that you have something to hide, but rather that you're done with drama. Chances are good she's already lined something up for those lag weeks, they always do...

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Eh, I don't think terming them would send the message that you have something to hide, but rather that you're done with drama. Chances are good she's already lined something up for those lag weeks, they always do...

This is also true, I feel. Life is far too short to deal with passive aggressive bullies.

[Blackcat31]

Eh, I don't think terming them would send the message that you have something to hide, but rather that you're done with drama. Chances are good she's already lined something up for those lag weeks, they always do...

This ^^^ I wouldn't be afraid of terming someone who does nothing but add drama to the day.

She can call whomever she wants and as long as you are doing things right, I wouldn't worry at all.

It's a shame she couldn't get her ducks in a row because it sounds as though you've given her every chance to do so.

It's okay to just be done.

If you do stick it out....just take one day at a time and remember we (general we) create the drama in our lives so let her own her own drama and don't let her drag you in.

[Unregistered]

I wouldn't necessarily believe everything DAD is telling you either. People are manipulative. He could be just telling you things that "MOM" said or done that are simply not true to garner your support. Stay out of it.