Kisses! Kisses! More Kisses!!!!!

[daycare]

If you dont have the space to transition in a nap time screamer without disturbing the other kids, then I would term.

ditto on this. If this were me, I would simply move the DCG to an area that she can cry it out and not disturb anyone else. I would not give it any attention and go on my marry way. If after the trial period the child did not show MAJOR signs of progress with the napping, I would term.

LIke others said, I value my nap time too much. I work 14 hour days and those 2 hours are MINE.

I hope that you are able to find a solution. I know you just had to term that other family.

[Unregistered]

Awww, maybe I'm just a newbie but I'd give her kisses if that's all she needs. No you can't do 12 different routines for all 12 kids but this is just 1. Everyone else goes to sleep well and this is her first week. She's probably never gone to sleep without these kisses. I have a 2yo myself so I guess I just feel that mama pain still. Maybe try giving her kisses and see if it works?

This is so me! I wouldn't have a problem the kisses, but I TOTALLY understand why you don't want to. I loved the kiss you finger and tap her forehead, etc. too bad that didn't work.

Hope things improve.

[Tasha]

ditto on this. If this were me, I would simply move the DCG to an area that she can cry it out and not disturb anyone else. I would not give it any attention and go on my marry way. If after the trial period the child did not show MAJOR signs of progress with the napping, I would term.

LIke others said, I value my nap time too much. I work 14 hour days and those 2 hours are MINE.

I hope that you are able to find a solution. I know you just had to term that other family.

I will move her from the get-go, and see how that goes. I've decided to try another week with her. I'll let DCM know this afternoon; she might want to go ahead and pull her, I'm not sure. And you're right, Daycare, I did have to term the other family (I heard from them - I updated on that ''bitter'' thread yesterday if you haven't seen it) and that's a big reason why I'd like to give this more time and see if I can't find a reasonable solution for this child, so she is happy and peaceful at naptime. I hate failing and yet this month that is all I've done! These families have given me such a knot in my stomach.

[nannyde]

I wouldn't do this period. I would change her kisses word to "kisses night night". I would put her to bed for nap and say "kisses night night". When she screamed "kisses" I would smile and say "kisses night night".

I don't mind kissing the kids. I do that all the time. I won't be forced to add a routine to nap time. I want to decide how to put the kids down for a nap. I don't want a two year old to do that.

It's a term of engagement. She's using the word "kisses" but she wants you to DO her. She's two. She can lay down on a mat and go to sleep. She doesn't need someone to get involved with it.

I would start her nap about an hour earlier than everyone else so she can do a "kisses" routine. By an hour into it she should be worn down. I would just expect she is going to be hoarse for a few weeks.

I wouldn't discuss this anymore with the parents. Just give her a good long time to do her "kisses" crying before nap. If an hour doesn't work bump it up by fifteen minutes until you find the magical time she surrenders. If she is falling asleep before nap starts go in and make some noise so she awakens and restarts the kisses crying. Try to then move toward the time she has for her cry time to be shorter and shorter until it disappears.

It's okay for her to protest. She just needs time when the kids are awake to burn that off before nap.

I had one two year old who mom decided to potty train. She would scream "I poopy" so her mom would get her out of bed and put her on the pot. She did that here for weeks and weeks. I just changed the word to "I poopy night night" and when I put her to bed I said "I poppy night night" every time. When she cried "I poopy" I gave her one of these and said "I poopy night night with a cheery tone and then close the door.

She learned "I poopy" meant nothing here. It moved mountains at home but it was just a word here. The "kisses" means something at home. It means NOTHING at your house.

[Maria2013]

Yes, she is 2 years old, very bright, potty trained, and I do believe she understands the difference between Mommy's kisses at home and mine at daycare. Friday is the last day of the 2-week trial period, and I am under the gun trying to figure out what to do....

what would concern me the most isn't the girl's behavior, you lay down limits and stick to them and eventually she'd get it...but no, what I would be concerned about, is the mother's behavior...she is comparing you to the "other" provider and she is doing so in a negative way, major red flag for me and NO I would NOT even waste my time trying because for sure there would be other issues in the future

This is not worth the stress you are going through:

[cheerfuldom]

I wouldn't do this period. I would change her kisses word to "kisses night night". I would put her to bed for nap and say "kisses night night". When she screamed "kisses" I would smile and say "kisses night night".

I don't mind kissing the kids. I do that all the time. I won't be forced to add a routine to nap time. I want to decide how to put the kids down for a nap. I don't want a two year old to do that.

It's a term of engagement. She's using the word "kisses" but she wants you to DO her. She's two. She can lay down on a mat and go to sleep. She doesn't need someone to get involved with it.

I would start her nap about an hour earlier than everyone else so she can do a "kisses" routine. By an hour into it she should be worn down. I would just expect she is going to be hoarse for a few weeks.

I wouldn't discuss this anymore with the parents. Just give her a good long time to do her "kisses" crying before nap. If an hour doesn't work bump it up by fifteen minutes until you find the magical time she surrenders. If she is falling asleep before nap starts go in and make some noise so she awakens and restarts the kisses crying. Try to then move toward the time she has for her cry time to be shorter and shorter until it disappears.

It's okay for her to protest. She just needs time when the kids are awake to burn that off before nap.

I had one two year old who mom decided to potty train. She would scream "I poopy" so her mom would get her out of bed and put her on the pot. She did that here for weeks and weeks. I just changed the word to "I poopy night night" and when I put her to bed I said "I poppy night night" every time. When she cried "I poopy" I gave her one of these and said "I poopy night night with a cheery tone and then close the door.

She learned "I poopy" meant nothing here. It moved mountains at home but it was just a word here. The "kisses" means something at home. It means NOTHING at your house.

Moving her naptime up to give her the chance to get the full blown screaming out of her system is a great idea! I do that as well and totally forgot to mention it. By the time you put the other kids down, she wont have the energy to be quite so robust and keep the others up. She is 2 and smart enough to give up eventually, probably take a couple weeks.

[LadyPearl]

I wouldn't accommodate the kissing routine either. That would make me uncomfortable and I would never ask a provider to do that with my child. In my opinion, my kisses are reserved for my children. I recently had a sibling set (ages 2 & 4) that I had to be a bit stern with at first because of kissing and awkward in my face stuff. The 2 yr old would try to kiss me on the mouth and I would pull away. The 4 yr old would always want to be inches from my face and kiss me and I would also pull away. I think that should be between the kids and their parents and grandparents not a childcare provider. These were kids that would see somebody for the first and want to be cuddled and hugged by the new person. They didn't have any personal boundaries and that would make me nervous as a parent. (There was no "stranger danger," if you will.) Just my opinion!

[Tasha]

I would start her nap about an hour earlier than everyone else so she can do a "kisses" routine. By an hour into it she should be worn down. I would just expect she is going to be hoarse for a few weeks.

I wouldn't discuss this anymore with the parents. Just give her a good long time to do her "kisses" crying before nap. If an hour doesn't work bump it up by fifteen minutes until you find the magical time she surrenders. If she is falling asleep before nap starts go in and make some noise so she awakens and restarts the kisses crying. Try to then move toward the time she has for her cry time to be shorter and shorter until it disappears.

It's okay for her to protest. She just needs time when the kids are awake to burn that off before nap.

.

NannyDe, I will try this. It never occurred to me. Thanks so much. Now all I have left to do is to tell the mom she has one more week to stop screaming. I think you're right that it is doing no good trying to brainstorm with DCM a solution. She's not interested.

[Starburst]

I guess it depends on how comfortable you are with it. The lady I used to work for would sometimes give the kids a hug and a kiss before they went home, and tell the children that she loved them. Also many of the parents would tell have their kids hug their friends and teachers good bye at pick up. It used to freak me out because I have also never been much of a hugger and was never really big on saying "I love you" and it was all out of my comfort zone. Anyway, eventually I realized that some people (especially children) need physical contact (such as a hug or a kiss on the cheek) to feel validated and some people are just more comfortable with it than others.

If you don't feel comfortable doing this tell mom that you would rather teach DCG to fall asleep without this ritual, at least while at daycare. If you just don't feel comfortable with actually kissing a daycare child (maybe liability issues or not wanting to make other kids feel left out) but don't mind having a nap ritual maybe you can try using a stuffed animal/lovey (or a toy of her choosing) and doing the same ritual using the lovey or even using a picture of her parents instead. Or you can get a spray bottle with water and call it "kiss spray" (you can say that each drop of water is a kiss; 100s of kisses per spray), "sleep spray", "dream spray" or "sweet dream spray" (using the 'monster spray' idea); you put it on a mist setting and only spray it once for her during nap time, or else she will expect more each time.

[Josiegirl]

I attended a workshop last night that talked about letting children handle developmentally appropriate adversities. To me, this would be one for the little girl to figure out how to handle. Too many parents are quick to jump in and save their child or make a big thing out of something small. They are essentially stunting their child's ability to learn how to handle situations.
IF you can see yourself keeping this child and hoping it works out, I'd just keep trying to adjust her to your routine. I wouldn't talk a lot about it with mom anymore and when she asks, I'd just say you're still working on it. Maybe give her a month or so and you'll see how well she's adjusted by then.
If dcm wants someone to care for her dd that does everything exactly like she does, maybe she ought to stay home herself?
JMO

[Tasha]

I just have to laugh.

Well.... All that angst and hand-wringing and desperately searching for a solution was for nothing. DCM termed me this afternoon! Her old provider who closed up shop has agreed to take the little girl back.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Well.... All that angst and hand-wringing and desperately searching for a solution was for nothing. DCM termed me this afternoon! Her old provider who closed up shop has agreed to take the little girl back.

Good. She will get the nanny she needs. happyface

[SignMeUp]

Aw. ::We can all give you big kisses to make it better::
But seriously, I hope you don't feel bad about it. You worked hard to find a solution that works in your child care.
Who was the brilliant member who said we should redefine failure? Go with that

[Shell]

Well.... All that angst and hand-wringing and desperately searching for a solution was for nothing. DCM termed me this afternoon! Her old provider who closed up shop has agreed to take the little girl back.

but in a good way. This situation was just ridiculous! This mom was too much to handle imo. I loved Nannyde's suggestions though- she was spot on with how to deal with it. Glad you are done with this family- mom's in for a rude awakening if she thinks everyone is going to cater to her and her child in life!

[CraftyMom]

It's for the best, at least you didn't have to term her. I never like being the one to term. I'd rather have it be the parent's decision so it isn't me not trying to work it out in the eyes of licensing

Don't be surprised if she comes back down the road after she passes this phase ::

Kidding! I'm still getting a kick out of your other one!