Kisses! Kisses! More Kisses!!!!!

[SignMeUp]

This is the only forum that I've seen where so many providers wouldn't give non-mouth kisses to a little one if they wanted them. I think that, as long as there isn't a shortage in the area...

Before I read the end of the sentence, I thought there was a kiss shortage

[Kabob]

I get that the routine is problematic for this particular provider, but I'm still trying to imagine how it would be okay on any level to tell parents to stop kissing their child good night so that she doesn't want good night kisses at daycare. This is the only forum that I've seen where so many providers wouldn't give non-mouth kisses to a little one if they wanted them. I think that, as long as there isn't a shortage in the area, that mom could easily find someone willing to take the few seconds that this little one needs to be nurtured to sleep.

I don't think the mom needs to stop kissing her child good night. I think this mom needs to help the provider adjust the child to the daycare routine if she wants to stay at daycare for nap time. I'm willing to bet that every child in my care has a completely different bed time routine at home than the one I have at nap time here and yet they all have adjusted and nap or lay quietly just fine. What if this provider had a no outside toys rule and this child screamed for a particular toy at nap time and fell asleep the second she got it? Would you tell the provider she is failing because she refused to break her policy for this one child? I would offer the same advice in that case too: teach the child the new routine without that crutch and make sure mom is on board (ie, mirroring the same nap time routine, offering alternative ideas for the provider, etc). If mom isn't on board, fine, maybe this isn't a good fit. It's not fair to expect the provider to do something that she is not comfortable with or breaks routine/policy no matter how simple that thing seems to be for someone else.

[Cradle2crayons]

I don't think the mom needs to stop kissing her child good night. I think this mom needs to help the provider adjust the child to the daycare routine if she wants to stay at daycare for nap time. I'm willing to bet that every child in my care has a completely different bed time routine at home than the one I have at nap time here and yet they all have adjusted and nap or lay quietly just fine. What if this provider had a no outside toys rule and this child screamed for a particular toy at nap time and fell asleep the second she got it? Would you tell the provider she is failing because she refused to break her policy for this one child? I would offer the same advice in that case too: teach the child the new routine without that crutch and make sure mom is on board (ie, mirroring the same nap time routine, offering alternative ideas for the provider, etc). If mom isn't on board, fine, maybe this isn't a good fit. It's not fair to expect the provider to do something that she is not comfortable with or breaks routine/policy no matter how simple that thing seems to be for someone else.

I agree. If mom wants her six year old to suck on a paci and drink from a bottle at nap time does a provider refusing to comply mean she isn't meeting the need of the child? No. Does it mean the parents can't continue it at home? No.

It just means the provider isn't willing to give the child a paci and a bottle of milk during nap time at HER house.

It's the parents job to at least assist the provider in helping the child adapt to group care.

I have a dck that co sleeps. Does that mean by me refusing to do it I'm not meeting her needs? No.

[Blackcat31]

This child NEEDS this to go to sleep easily. I'd kill for an easy nap fix for some of the kids I've had in the past, . She's not meeting this child's needs, and it's effecting how she meets the needs of the others. No one is getting their needed rest.

Why is this any different than needing to be rocked or held to sleep?

Mom/dad kiss child to help her fall asleep. Provider does NOT want to start a routine she cannot continue...

Mom/dad need to let child know that whenever she stays somewhere else the sleeping routine will be different.

If this child was in 3rd grade and going to a slumber party with my child, I would NOT be kissing her to sleep so...

Take the actual action (the kissing) out of this scenario....it is NO different that parents who perform a 101 part bedtime routine for their child.

THEY do it at HOME.

It is wring to expect your child care provider (especially group care) to replicate anything that happens at home.

I also disagree that this is a need.
It's a familiar and comforting "want". Oxygen is a need.

This child is not an infant. She is old enough o begin the process of understanding that not everyone is mom/dad and not everything is going to be the same in all environments.

[misslori50]

Start your own naptime routine with dcg. "Kisses are for Mommy! (whatever) is for Miss. Tasha."

Rinse and repeat, she will get it.

We sing the goodnight song (same as our good morning song)

"Goodnight __________. Goodnight _________. Goodnight __________, it's time to say goodnight!"

One hug. One tuck in. One story. Lights out.

exactly

[Tasha]

Why is this any different than needing to be rocked or held to sleep?

Mom/dad kiss child to help her fall asleep. Provider does NOT want to start a routine she cannot continue...

Mom/dad need to let child know that whenever she stays somewhere else the sleeping routine will be different.

If this child was in 3rd grade and going to a slumber party with my child, I would NOT be kissing her to sleep so...

Take the actual action (the kissing) out of this scenario....it is NO different that parents who perform a 101 part bedtime routine for their child.

THEY do it at HOME.

It is wring to expect your child care provider (especially group care) to replicate anything that happens at home.

I also disagree that this is a need.
It's a familiar and comforting "want". Oxygen is a need.

This child is not an infant. She is old enough o begin the process of understanding that not everyone is mom/dad and not everything is going to be the same in all environments.

Thank you BC, I believe all this to be true.
I didn't talk to DCM yesterday because she failed to call me last night, which she said she would. To be clear, I have no intention on telling her to scrap her nighttime routine with DCG. That's not my place. I would like, however, for her to take seriously what problems the screaming is causing me here. I don't think I stressed enough in my previous post that it is causing problems with the other kids, specifically with a little boy (18 mos) who now wants kisses too. And it's not just that I refuse to give kisses - if it were a peck and then goodnight, well, I would do that. What she wants is a minor production, with her face dotted with kisses. I feel as though if I capitulate on that, then there goes the ballgame with all the kids because they are all paying attention.

[Tasha]

I agree. If mom wants her six year old to suck on a paci and drink from a bottle at nap time does a provider refusing to comply mean she isn't meeting the need of the child? No. Does it mean the parents can't continue it at home? No.

It just means the provider isn't willing to give the child a paci and a bottle of milk during nap time at HER house.

It's the parents job to at least assist the provider in helping the child adapt to group care.

I have a dck that co sleeps. Does that mean by me refusing to do it I'm not meeting her needs? No.

Exactly.

[KiddieCahoots]

This is the only forum that I've seen where so many providers wouldn't give non-mouth kisses to a little one if they wanted them.

No offense.....but the last CPR class I took, now suggests that whenever we need to make contact with a child's mouth (not just adults) for the prupose of CPR, the Red Cross is strongly suggesting the use of those 2-way air masks, at all times.

And I agree with others....she needs to adjust to different routines in different environments, and develope coping skills.

[craftymissbeth]

No offense.....but the last CPR class I took, now suggests that whenever we need to make contact with a child's mouth (not just adults) for the prupose of CPR, the Red Cross is strongly suggesting the use of those 2-way air masks, at all times.

And I agree with others....she needs to adjust to different routines in different environments, and develope coping skills.

They might be small children, but this is most definitely not a situation worth putting my own health at risk for. A child needing CPR? Of course! (and even then the mouth-to-mouth is unnecessary if you can keep a fast pace of compressions). A kiss to get them to sleep? No freaking way.

[Tasha]

Well, that was awkward. I talked to DCM, and she took the situation very personally, and frankly, I was embarrassed for both of us. I absolutely tried to convey that some routines are not conducive to group care, but I don't think she understood that dynamic at all. To her it's just not a big deal, but I tried to tell her that her screaming caused a ripple effect, and I don't want DCG or the other kids upset.

[craftymissbeth]

Well, that was awkward. I talked to DCM, and she took the situation very personally, and frankly, I was embarrassed for both of us. I absolutely tried to convey that some routines are not conducive to group care, but I don't think she understood that dynamic at all. To her it's just not a big deal, but I tried to tell her that her screaming caused a ripple effect, and I don't want DCG or the other kids upset.

Aw, bummer. What happened that made it awkward? What did you tell her the plan is?

[Tasha]

It was awkward because as I was asking her if she will work with her daughter to help her understand that mommy and daddy give kisses and that their bedtime routines are private and special, all DCM was hearing was that I refuse to kiss her daughter. I tried to impress upon her that group care is so different than having a single caregiver for one-on-one interaction, and that some measure of conformity is absolutely necessary. I asked her if she wanted to bring in a special stuffed animal or doll for DCG at naptime, and leave it here for kisses. DCM didn't say much at all, and the conversation just drifted because she was not understanding me, really. And now I feel as though I bungled this whole thing from the very beginning, although I'm not sure what I would have done differently.

[Play Care]

It was awkward because as I was asking her if she will work with her daughter to help her understand that mommy and daddy give kisses and that their bedtime routines are private and special, all DCM was hearing was that I refuse to kiss her daughter. I tried to impress upon her that group care is so different than having a single caregiver for one-on-one interaction, and that some measure of conformity is absolutely necessary. I asked her if she wanted to bring in a special stuffed animal or doll for DCG at naptime, and leave it here for kisses. DCM didn't say much at all, and the conversation just drifted because she was not understanding me, really. And now I feel as though I bungled this whole thing from the very beginning, although I'm not sure what I would have done differently.

It just sounds as if this is not a good fit. And that's not your fault. I do think, as another poster mentioned, some parents view in home day care as more of a nanny situation. Some eventually get it, but it sounds like this mom isn't one that does.

[Blackcat31]

It was awkward because as I was asking her if she will work with her daughter to help her understand that mommy and daddy give kisses and that their bedtime routines are private and special, all DCM was hearing was that I refuse to kiss her daughter. I tried to impress upon her that group care is so different than having a single caregiver for one-on-one interaction, and that some measure of conformity is absolutely necessary. I asked her if she wanted to bring in a special stuffed animal or doll for DCG at naptime, and leave it here for kisses. DCM didn't say much at all, and the conversation just drifted because she was not understanding me, really. And now I feel as though I bungled this whole thing from the very beginning, although I'm not sure what I would have done differently.

Wonder how this mom would feel if you asked her to shower ALL your daycare kids with kisses every morning at drop off?

Would she be so willing to participate in a routine like that?

In mom's eyes, she thinks her DD NEEDS this routine (and she might...from MOM) but I think it is MOM that needs this routine. I think she thinks it is a need of her DD's when in reality it is nothing more than a habit/want.

Mom DOES have the power to help her DD but only if SHE does the work.

[Second Home]

The dcm bungled this thing from the bebinning by not telling you of this routine , if she had it would have been discussed before the dcg started care.
Do not feel like this is your fault . I would not be kissing her either , I think of all the accusations the parents could make down the road if things do not work out