Help Me Tell Them Nap Is Not Optional

[Play Care]

My fav is replying to dad- well we have rest time every day here at xxx. If you want him to miss it you could have him picked up at xxx. Let me know!
When dcb says daddy says I don't have to nap- respond- hmmm... He didnt tell me he was picking you up so he must have changed his mind-
Put it back on dad-

Love it!

[Laurel]

Oh it could work, I'm just thinking more about the "my child doesn't like that so he shouldn't have to do it" mentality. I have dcp's who were mortified when their child went to K screening and refused to do the tasks because "he didn't feel like it" when I had tried to let them know all along that this was what he did here. But it wasn't a big deal until it carried over to school.

Oh okay, I understand.

Laurel

[JoseyJo]

Oh it could work, I'm just thinking more about the "my child doesn't like that so he shouldn't have to do it" mentality. I have dcp's who were mortified when their child went to K screening and refused to do the tasks because "he didn't feel like it" when I had tried to let them know all along that this was what he did here. But it wasn't a big deal until it carried over to school.

Yep! I see that here a lot too. Out of our 3 that just left for K one of them is of that mentality (or actually I should say his mom is, and it has affected him!!). He is off to K now and I can't help but wonder what his teacher thinks of him thinking every learning activity is optional (and I wonder if his mom still does!!)

[nothingwithoutjoy]

I am a total wimp. I have learned it is easier to text or email the parents when I have an issue then to say it to their face. I also state that I am texting or emailing then because it is not a subject I want to talk about in front if their child but blah blah blah how I feel about whatever it is. I suck at saying something in the moment.

Me, too. I think that's probably what I ought to do.

[nothingwithoutjoy]

Oh it could work, I'm just thinking more about the "my child doesn't like that so he shouldn't have to do it" mentality.

Yes, that's the piece that bugs me. What happened to parents saying "I'm sorry you don't want to take a nap, but your body needs it and you'll feel so much happier when you wake up"?

[nothingwithoutjoy]

My fav is replying to dad- well we have rest time every day here at xxx. If you want him to miss it you could have him picked up at xxx. Let me know!
When dcb says daddy says I don't have to nap- respond- hmmm... He didnt tell me he was picking you up so he must have changed his mind-
Put it back on dad-

Yeah. I like the put-it-back-on-dad thing. Wish I could be this bold in person. Maybe my handbook should say that about picking up! Cut it off before it happens! :-)

[My3cents]

Please help me figure out what to say to one of the parents in my program.

His 3-year-old comes twice a week, and at home, nap is pretty much optional, so of course, he's not in the habit and won't nap for me. He's clearly tired. Naturally he's bored during the 2-hour nap time. And I'm frustrated, because inevitably, no matter how quiet he tries to be, the other kids wake up earlier when he's here and I get less work done.

To me, nap time is not optional. It is an essential part of our day, both for the kids (who need the rest and the alone time) and for me (who needs the rest and the alone time, and who does a lot of documentation/communicating with parents/planning/etc. during that time). I've been teaching for 20 years, and back then, it was assumed that all 3-year-olds nap. Nowadays, it feels like I'm constantly arguing with parents about nap. No one can bother slowing down enough to set aside nap time in their day. I can be firm about this in writing (and it's in my handbook, and in an absurd number of email discussions with parents).

What I find incredibly difficult is the little comments at pick-up time. "We talk about it every day. He doesn't want to come in the mornings because he doesn't want to have to take a nap." I just don't know what to say to that--again and again and again, because whatever I've said in the past clearly hasn't gotten through.

I need a friendly, not-sarcastic, quick and firm response. Ideas?

Nicely explain to them that all your kids nap/rest and have a quiet time. Rinse and Repeat- I would not address the boy in front of the parent, unless he kept at you to the point of it becoming you ignoring him. Then I would look at him and say nicely all the kids have a rest time. I think I would do a one two three with the parent and then be done with the argument. One- explain it all out just as you did during your interview two- show them the contract that they signed and your handbook/rule/ policy book three- be blunt- all kids here have a rest time. Then it would be nicely said to the parent, if you don't want your child having a rest here at three years old, then maybe I am not the right fit for you and your child. Most daycares and Centers that I know of have this time scheduled into the day. Let me know if this is going to be a problem and you need to give me your two week notice and find other care, but this is one thing that I am non-negotiable about. This time is needed by all the kids and it is my only break to get things done that I can't get done when the kids are awake and I have to have all my eyes on them. Remember this is your business, not the parents, they are not with the child all day or other children or you- Good luck- I stress for all future interviews that you make it clear that nap time is non-negotiable and all children in your care have a quiet time.

[My3cents]

You need to just tell them exactly that - not napping is NOT an option.

When parents start discussing that their child no longer needs a nap I let them know that I don't care for non nappers... NannyD always says "If a child has outgrown nap, they have outgrown my program"... and that is true of me as well.

In my case, the parents never mention it again and the child always stays (and naps) ::

I really need to learn to read on before I respond but I am the type of person that will forget it if I don't get it out in the process.....but yea this is right on- Not many parents are going to pull the kid because of the nap issue. It takes a lot of work to find a good daycare and most parents want to work issues out.

I truly believe their are kids out there that don't need naps, fight it and can manage with out it. Those kids are not right for my program. They need nanny care or relative care that is willing to go that distance with the child. Group care is not in a non nappers best interest.

[My3cents]

To me allowing to stay up to assist is rewarding bad behavior for not following rules. How do you explain to the others little John can stay up but you have to nap? Rules are rules. You break for one you allow for others to follow. It's a rule. Be done with it. I do the " they don't have to nap but they do have to rest". In the end most times they fall asleep. And if not that's ok too. But they must lay down and they must be quiet

I agree and I wouldn't be giving a kid a pencil sharpener to hold. That is not something we play with.

[My3cents]

Oh, I wish!

He used to do all sorts of quietly problematic stuff--pushing an ottoman until it went slid over another sleeping child, for example. But I quickly got him understanding that he is to be quiet on his mat. He lies there and is quiet, but is clearly fighting sleep (you know how they start to fidget or something the minute they start to nod off). Just to be safe (sure the other kids won't be disturbed), once I get the others to sleep, I move him to a pack-n-play in another room. (I do it that way rather than start him there because I really don't want to have to set up a pack-n-play all the time, and I hate putting a 3-year-old in one, and I have guilt about isolating him, and my real goal is to have him napping on a mat.)

Three year old would be on a mat not a pack and play. I don't think they are made for that age. Every time the kid got off the mat I would put him back on and give him a firm NO, rinse and repeat. I would also put the child in a place that the child is going to stay once he does fall asleep. Maybe next to a child that will sleep through anything. If after two weeks its a no go, then I would tell the parent its not working out or give them the option to pick him up at nap time for the rest of the day.

[My3cents]

Yep! I see that here a lot too. Out of our 3 that just left for K one of them is of that mentality (or actually I should say his mom is, and it has affected him!!). He is off to K now and I can't help but wonder what his teacher thinks of him thinking every learning activity is optional (and I wonder if his mom still does!!)

Any Kindergarten teachers out there that could answer this? What do K teachers do when a child has this mentality because of home life and the way the parents are bringing the child up with everything being an option? Are these kids isolated in the school system until they adapt?

[My3cents]

Yeah. I like the put-it-back-on-dad thing. Wish I could be this bold in person. Maybe my handbook should say that about picking up! Cut it off before it happens! :-)

I don't think it is about being bold. I think it is about reinforcing your own policies......otherwise what is the sense of having these rules at all?

If you can't verbally spell it out to the parent, put something in writing, a note home-

Dear Parents,
Naps/rest/quiet time at XY and Z's daycare are non-negotiable please make sure your child understand this is what we do here. Thank you for your cooperation. Ms Joy

if they need to discuss this further with you just explain again and ask if they need to give you a notice. I would then call the parent if it the child would not be quiet during this time. Not fair to your group care-

[nothingwithoutjoy]

Three year old would be on a mat not a pack and play. I don't think they are made for that age. Every time the kid got off the mat I would put him back on and give him a firm NO, rinse and repeat. I would also put the child in a place that the child is going to stay once he does fall asleep. Maybe next to a child that will sleep through anything. If after two weeks its a no go, then I would tell the parent its not working out or give them the option to pick him up at nap time for the rest of the day.

It's not my preference, either. My kids are on mats by 18 mo. But it was a hard-made decision for my own sanity. If he's awake, my daughter wakes. Even if he's trying to be quiet. Even if he's on his mat. I don't want to spend my naptimes furious with him when he doesn't deserve it. I don't want him in the room where I'm working. I don't want him isolated from the kids if he does happen to sleep (he does sometimes). So I decided to move him to a room that really isn't ideal for nap unless he's in a pack-n-play. He's tiny. He's safe there. He reads books happily once he's there, and it doesn't disturb anyone. He's not really my issue; it's the parents. (Honestly, he seems perfectly content at nap time. If he complains about it, it's only at home.)

[Nebula]

We only take ages 18 months and up...
State says all walkers must be on a mat, not a crib or PNP.

My nap policy is simple, you do not have to sleep. However, you do have to lay on your mat, be still, be quiet, and close your eyes. Sleeping is optional

[Maria2013]

You need to just tell them exactly that - not napping is NOT an option.

When parents start discussing that their child no longer needs a nap I let them know that I don't care for non nappers... NannyD always says "If a child has outgrown nap, they have outgrown my program"... and that is true of me as well.

In my case, the parents never mention it again and the child always stays (and naps) ::

same for me