Help Me Tell Them Nap Is Not Optional

[nothingwithoutjoy]

Please help me figure out what to say to one of the parents in my program.

His 3-year-old comes twice a week, and at home, nap is pretty much optional, so of course, he's not in the habit and won't nap for me. He's clearly tired. Naturally he's bored during the 2-hour nap time. And I'm frustrated, because inevitably, no matter how quiet he tries to be, the other kids wake up earlier when he's here and I get less work done.

To me, nap time is not optional. It is an essential part of our day, both for the kids (who need the rest and the alone time) and for me (who needs the rest and the alone time, and who does a lot of documentation/communicating with parents/planning/etc. during that time). I've been teaching for 20 years, and back then, it was assumed that all 3-year-olds nap. Nowadays, it feels like I'm constantly arguing with parents about nap. No one can bother slowing down enough to set aside nap time in their day. I can be firm about this in writing (and it's in my handbook, and in an absurd number of email discussions with parents).

What I find incredibly difficult is the little comments at pick-up time. "We talk about it every day. He doesn't want to come in the mornings because he doesn't want to have to take a nap." I just don't know what to say to that--again and again and again, because whatever I've said in the past clearly hasn't gotten through.

I need a friendly, not-sarcastic, quick and firm response. Ideas?

[Leigh]

I know lots of parents just can't understand the importance of nap time. I would tell parents that either the child starts napping or they need another daycare situation. I would recommend to them that naps start at home, as well, so that the child is able to nap at your home. I'd back it up with proof that a 3 year old NEEDS a nap. I do not accept children who don't nap-we discuss at the interview whether the child naps, how they put their child down for nap, and how long naps are. We discuss night time sleep habits, as well.

[littlemissmuffet]

You need to just tell them exactly that - not napping is NOT an option.

When parents start discussing that their child no longer needs a nap I let them know that I don't care for non nappers... NannyD always says "If a child has outgrown nap, they have outgrown my program"... and that is true of me as well.

In my case, the parents never mention it again and the child always stays (and naps) ::

[Play Care]

Please help me figure out what to say to one of the parents in my program.

His 3-year-old comes twice a week, and at home, nap is pretty much optional, so of course, he's not in the habit and won't nap for me. He's clearly tired. Naturally he's bored during the 2-hour nap time. And I'm frustrated, because inevitably, no matter how quiet he tries to be, the other kids wake up earlier when he's here and I get less work done.

To me, nap time is not optional. It is an essential part of our day, both for the kids (who need the rest and the alone time) and for me (who needs the rest and the alone time, and who does a lot of documentation/communicating with parents/planning/etc. during that time). I've been teaching for 20 years, and back then, it was assumed that all 3-year-olds nap. Nowadays, it feels like I'm constantly arguing with parents about nap. No one can bother slowing down enough to set aside nap time in their day. I can be firm about this in writing (and it's in my handbook, and in an absurd number of email discussions with parents).

What I find incredibly difficult is the little comments at pick-up time. "We talk about it every day. He doesn't want to come in the mornings because he doesn't want to have to take a nap." I just don't know what to say to that--again and again and again, because whatever I've said in the past clearly hasn't gotten through.

I need a friendly, not-sarcastic, quick and firm response. Ideas?

Honestly this is the point where I say clearly "I'm sorry Timmy doesn't like having quiet time, however per my contract it is non-negotiable. Perhaps it would be best if you looked for care elsewhere where they can accommodate a child who doesn't nap." I termed a family last year over the issue - kids were exhausted and crying nonstop because of it but the parents didn't think it was a big deal.

[Blackcat31]

The next time he says "he doesn't want to come because he doesn't want to have to nap"

just say "Well, today you don't have to nap. You do need to rest quietly though so the other kids can nap."

I use the word rest instead of nap or sleep.

Simply because you can't MAKE a kid actually nap but you can make them rest.....kwim?

I make sure I let ALL my parents know that rest time is NOT optional but sleeping is.

I play audiobooks during rest time so the ones who don't actually sleep have to lie still and listen quietly.

Win-win for everyone.

[christine19720]

Hello!
Lurker here coming out from Lurkdom.

I have been a provider for many, many years and when the nap issue roars it's ugly head I just blame it on licensing. I have a blurb in my agreement that states that licensing requires children must have a rest period between 1 and 3 everyday.

So far, so good!!

[MsLaura529]

The next time he says "he doesn't want to come because he doesn't want to have to nap"

just say "Well, today you don't have to nap. You do need to rest quietly though so the other kids can nap."

I use the word rest instead of nap or sleep.

Simply because you can't MAKE a kid actually nap but you can make them rest.....kwim?

I make sure I let ALL my parents know that rest time is NOT optional but sleeping is.

[christine19720]

I too, use the word "rest". Seems to sit a little better with the child and parent. I mean, we can't make them sleep. And, on the other hand we can't deprive them of sleep for the parents well being either.

[Leigh]

One of the last kids I took insisted he didn't want to nap, but when he went to "rest", he was always the last kid to wake up (I had to drag him from bed).

[Unregistered]

That's one of the reasons why I don't like to cater to part timers
I only discuss my policies at registration and they are non negotiable.
I child is not willing to "rest " he needs to be picked up by noon or stay home.

I refuse to have the same conversation over and and over. This is my business and I will set up my own policies.

[Play Care]

The next time he says "he doesn't want to come because he doesn't want to have to nap"

just say "Well, today you don't have to nap. You do need to rest quietly though so the other kids can nap."

I use the word rest instead of nap or sleep.

Simply because you can't MAKE a kid actually nap but you can make them rest.....kwim?

I make sure I let ALL my parents know that rest time is NOT optional but sleeping is.

I play audiobooks during rest time so the ones who don't actually sleep have to lie still and listen quietly.

Win-win for everyone.

Eh, in my contract and on my schedule I put "quiet time" the kids that I had to term wouldn't have cared if I called it "ice cream" time, they were not staying on their mats quietly for anything::

[nothingwithoutjoy]

Thank you so much for your suggestions. I know I just have to learn how to be firm in person, and it helps to have your advice!

Not meaning to be incredibly difficult, but here are my additional problems:

When I have school-aged kids return (snow days, summer), they are up at nap time. This is NOT a choice for preschoolers, but it does make it very hard to say "if you've outgrown nap, you've outgrown me."

I discussed nap with them before enrollment, and since. They said he didn't nap consistently, but they'd try. They did, but I think they have quit. They have him 5 days; I have him 2.

I've tried the "rest time" phrasing, and they are really emphasizing that at home. But I think it's sending the message that it's optional. Their son tells me "my dad has a different idea. He says I don't have to have nap; I can stay awake." And then he makes himself stay awake, while he yawns and yawns and rubs his eyes. I think if we all said "nap time" and life stopped at home every day and they expected him to sleep, he would. And I think when dad keeps saying it to me in front of him, it sends a message to his son that that time of day is somehow negotiable.

This is really an issue for me lately. I feel like an old fuddy duddy saying "back in my day..." But it's crazy to me how much it comes up now! I am currently down two children because a mom wanted me to keep her 3-year-old awake and up at nap time and I said no, so she pulled her two kids.

[nothingwithoutjoy]

That's one of the reasons why I don't like to cater to part timers.

I agree. I wish I could have only full-time kids. I've found it impossible to find enough families who want full-time. (I think it has to do with my philosophy/style. The parents I attract are parents who refuse to work full time, or work for themselves, so they can spend time with their kids. I respect that. But boy, are 2-day kids hard!)

I only discuss my policies at registration and they are non negotiable.

I refuse to have the same conversation over and and over. This is my business and I will set up my own policies.

That's the backbone I wish I had!!!

I child is not willing to "rest " he needs to be picked up by noon or stay home.

I wish I could say that! "You're welcome to pick him up at noon." Practicing in my head...

[se7en]

Could you maybe have the child who won't nap help you with some very boring activity ? It is your time to catch up on administrative things, etc. So tell him he is your assistant, have him sit in the kitchen, or wherever you can watch him, and maybe give him a pencil sharpener to hold for you while you work. No talking to him. Just have him sit and hold it until you ask him for it. In a few days he will want to rest on his mat instead of " assisting " you during naptime. I can`t think of any other strategies right now.

[nothingwithoutjoy]

Could you maybe have the child who won't nap help you with some very boring activity ? It is your time to catch up on administrative things, etc. So tell him he is your assistant, have him sit in the kitchen, or wherever you can watch him, and maybe give him a pencil sharpener to hold for you while you work. No talking to him. Just have him sit and hold it until you ask him for it. In a few days he will want to rest on his mat instead of " assisting " you during naptime. I can`t think of any other strategies right now.

I like the bore-them-to-tears strategy. But I think my issue is with the parent; I want to get them to back me up. I feel like I'm handling things with the boy well; it's the dad I'm not dealing with right.