Plan of Action for Aggression

[Blackcat31]

Update! First thing this morning dcb gets mad because he cannot go in pop up tent (so mad at me because I said he could not be anywhere I cant see him today since he was hitting so much yesterday) and throws his cars in the face of another dcb nearby.

So sit him in TO and when his time is over I tell him he can color or draw at table, but he cannot be in the playrooms since he is hitting again. He throws a fit and refuses to leave TO area (so say that if fine, if you change your mind you can go and color or draw).

I already have a call into licensing and she calls about 10 minutes into him staying in TO area. I explain situation to her and ask what I am allowed to do w/i our regulations (such as can I exclude him from group, etc) and explain everything I have already tried. She says that at this point my responsibility is to keep the other children safe, so if that means excluding him from group I need to do that as much as necessary. (She also said we have one of the best programs in the area and if keeping him from hurting the other children interferes with that I should term as it is best for the other children).

I have taken his shoes and kept him an arms length from the other children all morning. It is exhausting! I have attempted to keep our preschool program the same but there really isn't any way to do that while making absolutely sure he cannot be close enough to a child to hurt them. So hubby and I agreed we are giving a term notice effective today. I'll update and say how it goes!

I think you are doing the right thing. This child is way too much work for you to manage WHILE caring for others. It is neither fair to you, the others, or the child himself. He needs something you are physically, mentally and emotionally unable to give him. One on one care.

Do NOT feel bad. Your job is to make sure the other kids are safe and happy and if that means removing ONE child, then so be it.

Please keep us updated....DCM sounds like she may be one to give you some major flack for this. Maybe have your DH present when the termination happens so that there is more than one adult present...just in care.

[JoseyJo]

She texted at nap time and asked how his day has been. I texted back that I would send an email and just sent an email explaining that services are termed effective today and that I would refund the rest of the week's tuition. Man, I have a huge headache now but hopefully it will be over soon!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

She texted at nap time and asked how his day has been. I texted back that I would send an email and just sent an email explaining that services are termed effective today and that I would refund the rest of the week's tuition. Man, I have a huge headache now but hopefully it will be over soon!

Please do as BlackCat suggested and have your husband present. Terms that come about in this way are never received well and parents tend to tone it down (even if it is only slightly) when it isn't just YOU who is present.
Pack up all of his belongings, write a check and place it in an envelope, and have it all ready to go for when she comes. She might come early to get him because she won't "be comfortable" that you can't handle him. That is always the line used...

You did your best and I commend you for that! Your day will be so much less stressful tomorrow.

[JoseyJo]

She called our land line phone about 5 minutes after I sent the email. In my email I had mentioned that other parents have been seeing the aggression at p/u and d/o and also that I had spoke to licensing today to make sure there was nothing further we should/could try to address the issues.

When she called her first words were "so did you call licensing or did they call you" I told her I called them, and why. She said "so is there a record for him that will follow him from place to place?" I told her I didn't give them any names, just asked questions. Then she asks "so how many parents have seen this and complained?" I told her most of them at one time or another have seen something that they have had concerns about w/ dcb's behaviors at their p/u and d/os. She asked other questions of that ilk then said she couldn't take off work so would be here at the regular time. :confused:

Hopefully it will go smoothly at p/u. It seems like she is just worried that somehow her next provider will be told/find out about his behaviors. Both of us will be up front during her p/u though, just in case!

[cheerfuldom]

PLEASE dont get into any other conversation with this mom. you have told her more than enough and IMO, way more than I would have shared. I would just continue saying that your program is not the right fit for him and you dont feel further discussion is needed. rinse and repeat and get her out of that door! have the other kids ready as well so if another parent shows up, their kid can be handed over quickly and other parents not witness this term. end it and do not respond to any other contact after pickup!

[JoseyJo]

PLEASE dont get into any other conversation with this mom. you have told her more than enough and IMO, way more than I would have shared. I would just continue saying that your program is not the right fit for him and you dont feel further discussion is needed. rinse and repeat and get her out of that door! have the other kids ready as well so if another parent shows up, their kid can be handed over quickly and other parents not witness this term. end it and do not respond to any other contact after pickup!

Very good advice! I will follow it I am HORRIBLE about talking too much (as I am sure everyone can see by how much I write!)

[nannyde]

She called our land line phone about 5 minutes after I sent the email. In my email I had mentioned that other parents have been seeing the aggression at p/u and d/o and also that I had spoke to licensing today to make sure there was nothing further we should/could try to address the issues.

When she called her first words were "so did you call licensing or did they call you" I told her I called them, and why. She said "so is there a record for him that will follow him from place to place?" I told her I didn't give them any names, just asked questions. Then she asks "so how many parents have seen this and complained?" I told her most of them at one time or another have seen something that they have had concerns about w/ dcb's behaviors at their p/u and d/os. She asked other questions of that ilk then said she couldn't take off work so would be here at the regular time. :confused:

Hopefully it will go smoothly at p/u. It seems like she is just worried that somehow her next provider will be told/find out about his behaviors. Both of us will be up front during her p/u though, just in case!

Sounds like she already called on you. Why would they call you out of the blue?

She's worried another provider will find out about his bad behavior? Umm that will happen during the interview.

Absolutely clueless. She will be buying a vowel here in a couple weeks when it happens again.

I wouldn't have brought up the other parents. That gives her something to focus on and discuss with you. It just adds a layer that won't make the term easier. You don't need witnesses to make your point.

Keep it about HIM and what HE does not what others see, think, feel etc. That will shorten up the conferencing you will do to get them out the door.

[JoseyJo]

Sounds like she already called on you. Why would they call you out of the blue?

She's worried another provider will find out about his bad behavior? Umm that will happen during the interview.

Absolutely clueless. She will be buying a vowel here in a couple weeks when it happens again.

I wouldn't have brought up the other parents. That gives her something to focus on and discuss with you. It just adds a layer that won't make the term easier. You don't need witnesses to make your point.

Keep it about HIM and what HE does not what others see, think, feel etc. That will shorten up the conferencing you will do to get them out the door.

I don't think she already called licensing- she specifically wanted to know if someone had called on him (as in a parent who saw her son being aggressive) or if I called "on him".

She is completely unwilling to take any time off work and MUST find a daycare for him right away.

She specifically asked if there is a "file" out there is the "daycare system" that will follow her child around from daycare to daycare. I think she is hoping to pick a daycare that does not check w/ the last provider or convince them not to check. I must admit I didn't check- she told me she was changing because her last provider took off way too many sick days and was unreliable. I believed her, and believed that he was a well adjusted child as he truly seemed to be during the interview. And he is - as long as you don't tell him something he doesn't want to hear. She is VERY careful not to tell him anything that will set him off during p/u and d/o I now notice now that I understand the situation.

I mentioned the other parents because it is true, and because it gives me a way (with my not very strong backbone I must admit!) to say "no way, I cannot give it more time."

I will not get into a conversation w/ her about it during p/u though. If she says anything at all I will tell her it would be better to call after hours so we can discuss it.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I hope pick-up goes well!

[JoseyJo]

Mom came right on time to p/u. She had tears in her eyes, apologized for how dcb has been acting here - signed term notice. Apologized again for any child who was hurt by him, said how much she loved it here and hopes she can call us at a later date when/if she figures out why he is acting this way right now, although she is not sure how since he doesn't act that way when she is around. Asked for our tax id for taxes, took his paperwork and belongings and left.

I felt relieved after the other 2 terms I have had to do. But after this one I just couldn't get it together and had to have hubby watch the dcks and go upstairs and cry! Maybe she really doesn't know what to do and is so scared that there is something wrong w/ him that she really can't see his behavior.

[nannyde]

Mom came right on time to p/u. She had tears in her eyes, apologized for how dcb has been acting here - signed term notice. Apologized again for any child who was hurt by him, said how much she loved it here and hopes she can call us at a later date when/if she figures out why he is acting this way right now, although she is not sure how since he doesn't act that way when she is around. Asked for our tax id for taxes, took his paperwork and belongings and left.

I felt relieved after the other 2 terms I have had to do. But after this one I just couldn't get it together and had to have hubby watch the dcks and go upstairs and cry! Maybe she really doesn't know what to do and is so scared that there is something wrong w/ him that she really can't see his behavior.

Naw she is lying. You know she knows how he behaves because you are with her when she sees it.

She wants a deal where he gets to act like that and she pays money for the person to host it. She's just confused because she thought she had that in place. Now she has to search for someone who will allow it. She has to find someone or somewhere where she can say words about it and then not have to do anything else.

She doesn't have a problem with the way he acts or how other people feel about it. She has a problem with other people saying no to it.

It's way simpler than you think.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Naw she is lying. You know she knows how he behaves because you are with her when she sees it.

She wants a deal where he gets to act like that and she pays money for the person to host it. She's just confused because she thought she had that in place. Now she has to search for someone who will allow it. She has to find someone or somewhere where she can say words about it and then not have to do anything else.

She doesn't have a problem with the way he acts or how other people feel about it. She has a problem with other people saying no to it.

It's way simpler than you think.

Completely agree!

[nannyde]

Mom came right on time to p/u. She had tears in her eyes, apologized for how dcb has been acting here - signed term notice. Apologized again for any child who was hurt by him, said how much she loved it here and hopes she can call us at a later date when/if she figures out why he is acting this way right now, although she is not sure how since he doesn't act that way when she is around. Asked for our tax id for taxes, took his paperwork and belongings and left.

I felt relieved after the other 2 terms I have had to do. But after this one I just couldn't get it together and had to have hubby watch the dcks and go upstairs and cry! Maybe she really doesn't know what to do and is so scared that there is something wrong w/ him that she really can't see his behavior.

Saying words: can you imagine telling the mom of the little kid that got punched in the chest that the kid that did it was just having problems with his allergies?

Think about the reasons she gives and then think about laying them on the victims Mom.

Redoinkulous

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Saying words: can you imagine telling the mom of the little kid that got punched in the chest that the kid that did it was just having problems with his allergies?

Think about the reasons she gives and then think about laying them on the victims Mom.

Redoinkulous

:: Amen.

One of three reasons given to me for my DCB that was suspended immediately and then termed right after was addition/subtraction of other children. It was also called "typical 5-year-old behavior." ::
"I'm sorry, Sue, that John was punched by Jason. We recently added a new child to our group so Jason punched John. It's totally normal for a 5-year-old to do." Months from now you will look back on this and actually laugh. Time gives you a fresh new perspective on people like this.

[cheerfuldom]

from her questions, I think she is lying too. Those tears are just drama from not getting her way and having to finally deal with the problem. please dont waste anymore time thinking about this.