Plan of Action for Aggression

[JoseyJo]

I am going to give the mom of my dcb3 a plan of action today for his aggressive behavior. I have the actual plan written up (thanks so much EntropyControlSpecialist!) but I am wondering if I should attach a cover letter?

My main reason for thinking I need to explain myself more than just w/ the plan is because mom totally denies that there is a problem at all, and if there is it is our fault. Every time it is an excuse- he is having "allergies", he is tired, he was with his older cousins, this weekend, he has an ear infection, he just wants to play and the other kids must be leaving him out (they do not do this), he doesn't ever do it anywhere else (I have seen him get physical w/ his mom on NUMEROUS occasions at p/u, but when I point it out she just says I mis-saw it), etc, etc.

Today the big instances where:

Punching w/ fist to the chest of dcb4.75 at circletime when dcb wanted me to listen to him and dbc4.75 was already talking to me.

Hitting dcb4.25 over head w/ crayon container (hard) while coloring- dcb had just showed me his paper and dcb4.25 wanted me to look at his.

Hitting and screaming at new, very timid, dcg4.25 when she saved his cup from falling off the table at lunchtime (acted like he thought she was trying to steal it).

Hit dcb5 over head w/ book when walking past him- no idea why, dcb5 was just sitting nicely reading.

He also threw himself into people, walls, and onto the floor when told he would have to sit by himself away from group (reading or coloring) because he would not keep his hands/feet off whoever was closest. When he got to the other room he threw himself onto the floor narrowly missing a toy barn, looked at the barn, picked himself up and moved closer then threw himself back down hitting the barn w/ his head (totally had to be on purpose).

SO- should i detail out these instances in a cover letter attached to the action plan? Should I just tell her that we cannot have aggression here, no matter what the cause is?

Thanks for any advice!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I would document the instances from today in a very factual manner (I think I sent you my suspension letter as well, and on there is a list like what I am talking about ... if not I will send it on over!) on a separate sheet of paper and staple it to the Plan of Action.

For example:
1. Jason was walking past another child and hit the child in their head with a book. There was no conflict between Jason and the other child when this occurred.

2. When another child was speaking during Circle Time, Jason wanted a turn to speak and punched the child with a fist in their chest. There was no conflict between Jason and the other child when this occurred.

3. Jason hit another child over the head with the hard crayon container while coloring. There was no conflict between Jason and the other child when this occurred.


BE SURE TO KEEP A COPY OF THIS IN HIS FILE! Have Mom/Dad sign the incidents from today prior to leaving. "Susan, this paper documenting the incidents from today must be signed. Your copy is attached to the Plan of Action."

If you decided on a certain amount of instances that "bad behavior" will be tolerated before a suspension kicks in, then brace yourself because you'll likely be documenting and suspending tomorrow since you had 5 today. My breaking point was 3, so I documented the biggest examples the very next day and that child was suspended. Since Mom has many excuses this will likely turn out to be very ugly. It did for me and I was accused of being the one who made the child the way he was in the end by Dad (to which I sent back documentation that this had been occurring for 9 months), although Mom just "didn't know what to do anymore."
Cover your bottom to the BEST of your ability and have all of your ducks in a row before giving this letter to them.

[JoseyJo]

Also- should I put something in the action plan on what I plan to do to prevent this aggression from occurring? I have tried having him be my shadow but he loves that too much and will hit any child who gets close to me when I have him shadow. The only option I have left (unless ya'll think of something better) is to have him sit/play/work away from the group. I don't like that and I am sure mom wont either, but I don't know what else to do. I don't want her to think we are doing something here to cause him to hit, but we have tried everything to try to stop it! Should I outline what we have done to try to help it in the past?

[JoseyJo]

I would document the instances from today in a very factual manner (I think I sent you my suspension letter as well, and on there is a list like what I am talking about ... if not I will send it on over!) on a separate sheet of paper and staple it to the Plan of Action.

For example:
1. Jason was walking past another child and hit the child in their head with a book. There was no conflict between Jason and the other child when this occurred.

2. When another child was speaking during Circle Time, Jason wanted a turn to speak and punched the child with a fist in their chest. There was no conflict between Jason and the other child when this occurred.

3. Jason hit another child over the head with the hard crayon container while coloring. There was no conflict between Jason and the other child when this occurred.


BE SURE TO KEEP A COPY OF THIS IN HIS FILE! Have Mom/Dad sign the incidents from today prior to leaving. "Susan, this paper documenting the incidents from today must be signed. Your copy is attached to the Plan of Action."

If you decided on a certain amount of instances that "bad behavior" will be tolerated before a suspension kicks in, then brace yourself because you'll likely be documenting and suspending tomorrow since you had 5 today. My breaking point was 3, so I documented the biggest examples the very next day and that child was suspended.

I was thinking about making it 3 instances of aggression would mean mom would need to p/u for the day (within 45 minutes) and that if there were 3 days that mom had to pick up for this reason it would be a term. My reasoning for that was so that mom would HAVE to face it and deal w/ it.

Do you think that would work?

[Cat Herder]

I would not give her any excuses for his violent behaviors. IMHE she will run with it if given the chance. We all like to rationalize our faults, she is human and a Mother Bear (as are most of us )

If he did all that in one day, here, he would be suspended for 2-3 days depending on injuries so parents understand I mean business (also for myself and other parents to cool down). One more occurrence, terminated.

IMHO, One violent kid (in a group setting) can cost you your entire income and reputation. It is not worth the risk.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Also- should I put something in the action plan on what I plan to do to prevent this aggression from occurring? I have tried having him be my shadow but he loves that too much and will hit any child who gets close to me when I have him shadow. The only option I have left (unless ya'll think of something better) is to have him sit/play/work away from the group. I don't like that and I am sure mom wont either, but I don't know what else to do. I don't want her to think we are doing something here to cause him to hit, but we have tried everything to try to stop it! Should I outline what we have done to try to help it in the past?

I am not sure if you altered it out, but in the plan of action I have used it discussed discipline and guidance of the child being the responsibility of the parents with the childcare provider supporting THEIR efforts. In my state, we are limited in what we can do. I am required to have parents sign our guidance and discipline policy upon enrolling. If you do the same, or you have your guidance policy in your handbook, make a copy of it and attach that as well.

Make sure you add in the phrasing, "There was no conflict between Jason and the other child when this occurred." after every incident mentioned on today's paper and the next one that you will have to do.

I would not outline what you have done to stop it. The fact of the matter is he is displaying violent behavior and it cannot continue.

Be sure to make a copy of their contract to have within arms reach in the event that they opt to pull him out because you "obviously can't handle him." Hold them to the contract that they signed.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I was thinking about making it 3 instances of aggression would mean mom would need to p/u for the day (within 45 minutes) and that if there were 3 days that mom had to pick up for this reason it would be a term. My reasoning for that was so that mom would HAVE to face it and deal w/ it.

Do you think that would work?

You are jeopardizing your business by allowing someone who is assaulting other children to remain in your care. If I was your client and my child was being assaulted by "Jason" I would not be happy. I would consider pulling. That is exactly why I did it 3 strikes PERIOD and you're suspended for 3 days (not just picked up). It just so happened that my own "Jason" had 3 instances in one day.

It says, "After three behavioral issues, the child will be suspended from ----- for 3 days. If the child continues to have any behavioral issues after the suspension, the child care contract will be immediately terminated and the parent will be called to pick up the child within 45 minutes. No refunds will be given. " for good reason. I VALUE my business and income and it needed to GET REAL for the parent.

[nannyde]

She's given you the out you need. She's gifted you with "he doesn't ever do it anywhere else".

That's what you need when discussing this with her. You don't need a behavior plan and you don't need mom to agree that anything is wrong with him.

What you need to discuss is that it is only in your care that he behaves this way and he deserves to be cared for by parents, family, or other providers where he behaves as mom describes. He deserves to be happy. He deserves to be somewhere where the other children aren't triggering his outbursts.

She's offered this to you... TAKE IT. He has excellent behavior everywhere else. He needs to be where his excellent behavior is his normal behavior.

Providers get way too wrapped up in the parent acknowledging the kids behavior. Her acknowledgement won't make you any money. It doesn't matter whether she agrees with it or not. It's just her opinion and her opinion doesn't make you money. She can walk out the door with her opinion.

There is NOTHING you are going to do to change his behavior. There's nothing the Mom can do WITH you to change it. He needs to be in an environment where there are the adults around who are trained to deal with his violence and are able to legally physically restrain him. That means training and a special place.

Boot him out. He is NOT a special needs child so you have zero obligation to provide any plans or extra services for him. His Mom is saying he's perfectly normal at home and everywhere else so he can't have a behavioral disability. Believe THAT.

[JoseyJo]

Thank you for the backbone shoring up guys! Thankfully there have not been any lasting injuries from this dcb (red marks, but that is it so far) but I think that is luck and his strength level more than a sign of his aggression level.

I do agree that the more words I give her the more excuses she gives me- I just don't want her pulling and badmouthing me I guess. I am afraid it makes it look like I am not capable of controlling the children in my care.
I totally agree though that I will loose other children and my reputation if he continues to be aggressive.

I did not alter the agreement other than adding his name and the reasons for the plan. I really love the plan - thank you so much!

I think I will put in 3 instances then suspension, I am sure she will pull if he is suspended and I really do hate to see him go, but I have to do what is best for the group and honestly if we are doing something "wrong" here that is causing that kind of aggression we must not be the right fit for that particular child!

[JoseyJo]

She's given you the out you need. She's gifted you with "he doesn't ever do it anywhere else".

That's what you need when discussing this with her. You don't need a behavior plan and you don't need mom to agree that anything is wrong with him.

What you need to discuss is that it is only in your care that he behaves this way and he deserves to be cared for by parents, family, or other providers where he behaves as mom describes. He deserves to be happy. He deserves to be somewhere where the other children aren't triggering his outbursts.

She's offered this to you... TAKE IT. He has excellent behavior everywhere else. He needs to be where his excellent behavior is his normal behavior.

Providers get way too wrapped up in the parent acknowledging the kids behavior. Her acknowledgement won't make you any money. It doesn't matter whether she agrees with it or not. It's just her opinion and her opinion doesn't make you money. She can walk out the door with her opinion.

There is NOTHING you are going to do to change his behavior. There's nothing the Mom can do WITH you to change it. He needs to be in an environment where there are the adults around who are trained to deal with his violence and are able to legally physically restrain him. That means training and a special place.

Boot him out. He is NOT a special needs child so you have zero obligation to provide any plans or extra services for him. His Mom is saying he's perfectly normal at home and everywhere else so he can't have a behavioral disability. Believe THAT.

So what should I do? If I can't get the behavior to change then he cannot be here. How would I go about broaching this w/ dcm? Do I just give her a term notice? do I detail the instances of his aggression today and give it w/ a notice? do i give 2 weeks or not? (I don't care about the money, seriously, I care much more about enjoying my job and helping to raise happy, healthy, well adjusted kids)

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Thank you for the backbone shoring up guys! Thankfully there have not been any lasting injuries from this dcb (red marks, but that is it so far) but I think that is luck and his strength level more than a sign of his aggression level.

I do agree that the more words I give her the more excuses she gives me- I just don't want her pulling and badmouthing me I guess. I am afraid it makes it look like I am not capable of controlling the children in my care.
I totally agree though that I will loose other children and my reputation if he continues to be aggressive.

I did not alter the agreement other than adding his name and the reasons for the plan. I really love the plan - thank you so much!

I think I will put in 3 instances then suspension, I am sure she will pull if he is suspended and I really do hate to see him go, but I have to do what is best for the group and honestly if we are doing something "wrong" here that is causing that kind of aggression we must not be the right fit for that particular child!

Mine pulled and were straight up crazy about it. But, the headache was gone for both the other children AND my pregnant self and I was happy. happyface

I haven't been badmouthed by the family. People that KNOW the person will KNOW why you "couldn't control" that child. C'mon, how long did it really take for you to see how out of control WildChild is?

Violence is one quality that you should never have to "control." Either they respond to disciplinary efforts to curb any and all violence or they don't and they have to exit your program. It's for your safety and the safety of the other children in care (whether they were big instances or not doesn't matter ... it's bullying behavior and assaulting others is never okay).

[JoseyJo]

Mine pulled and were straight up crazy about it. But, the headache was gone for both the other children AND my pregnant self and I was happy. happyface

I haven't been badmouthed by the family. People that KNOW the person will KNOW why you "couldn't control" that child. C'mon, how long did it really take for you to see how out of control WildChild is?

Violence is one quality that you should never have to "control." Either they respond to disciplinary efforts to curb any and all violence or they don't and they have to exit your program. It's for your safety and the safety of the other children in care (whether they were big instances or not doesn't matter ... it's bullying behavior and assaulting others is never okay).

Unfortunately for me this specific child is really a very very sweet well mannered child when something isn't "off" (tired, getting sick, change in routine, etc). He was HORRIBLE the first month here, but not hitting, just pitching fits. I gave him that as an adjustment period. Since then he has fits that are progressively more aggressive over time when getting sick (mom WILL NOT admit he is EVER sick, it is always "allergies"), or when tired. Two weeks ago we started a new child and he has been "off" since then and very aggressive. - Maybe jelous, maybe wanting more attention, I don't really know why, but really it doesn't matter if I can't get it to stop!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Unfortunately for me this specific child is really a very very sweet well mannered child when something isn't "off" (tired, getting sick, change in routine, etc). He was HORRIBLE the first month here, but not hitting, just pitching fits. I gave him that as an adjustment period. Since then he has fits that are progressively more aggressive over time when getting sick (mom WILL NOT admit he is EVER sick, it is always "allergies"), or when tired. Two weeks ago we started a new child and he has been "off" since then and very aggressive.

:: I also recently termed a family that had chronically sick children that were supposedly never sick. Too much watermelon, too much granola, allergies, we went to the park and that's why there's a 103/104 fever, etc. I just gave them a termination paper with "Failure to abide by policies" checked off after 15 months or so of being here. They were irate because, again, their child was not sick. They had until the end of the period they paid for to attend, but choose not to because they no longer "felt comfortable" which was fine. They choose not to return, and I didn't forfeit any money (although they did demand it to which I quoted them 6 different places that stated no refunds will be given and they were still welcome to attend).

In your case, I might just give her a term notice for aggressive behavior and say something along the lines of what Nan said. There's too much going against her and you need to get out of that situation ASAP. Things won't change.

[NeedaVaca]

She's given you the out you need. She's gifted you with "he doesn't ever do it anywhere else".

That's what you need when discussing this with her. You don't need a behavior plan and you don't need mom to agree that anything is wrong with him.

What you need to discuss is that it is only in your care that he behaves this way and he deserves to be cared for by parents, family, or other providers where he behaves as mom describes. He deserves to be happy. He deserves to be somewhere where the other children aren't triggering his outbursts.

She's offered this to you... TAKE IT. He has excellent behavior everywhere else. He needs to be where his excellent behavior is his normal behavior.

Providers get way too wrapped up in the parent acknowledging the kids behavior. Her acknowledgement won't make you any money. It doesn't matter whether she agrees with it or not. It's just her opinion and her opinion doesn't make you money. She can walk out the door with her opinion.

There is NOTHING you are going to do to change his behavior. There's nothing the Mom can do WITH you to change it. He needs to be in an environment where there are the adults around who are trained to deal with his violence and are able to legally physically restrain him. That means training and a special place.

Boot him out. He is NOT a special needs child so you have zero obligation to provide any plans or extra services for him. His Mom is saying he's perfectly normal at home and everywhere else so he can't have a behavioral disability. Believe THAT.

So what should I do? If I can't get the behavior to change then he cannot be here. How would I go about broaching this w/ dcm? Do I just give her a term notice? do I detail the instances of his aggression today and give it w/ a notice? do i give 2 weeks or not? (I don't care about the money, seriously, I care much more about enjoying my job and helping to raise happy, healthy, well adjusted kids)

I did exactly this with one of my DCK's! Mom was in denial about some problems, I brought them up often and kept getting brushed off but I was getting to the point where keeping the DCG was no longer something I was willing to do. Mom said she's only like this here, I said well then please consider this your 2 weeks notice. I am not comfortable keeping her in my care if she is not thriving here. Mom stammered, changed her tune and tried to stay, I stood my ground and termed. It was better for all the other DCK's and one of my DCM's even said she was very happy I was able to do that. I am SURE she would have pulled her WONDERFUL child from my care. Termed DCG is now in a developmental preschool getting the help she very much needed.

I know you say how sweet he can but but honestly the number of incidents you say he has in one day...you are risking all of your other kids. I would term.

[JoseyJo]

I know you say how sweet he can but but honestly the number of incidents you say he has in one day...you are risking all of your other kids. I would term.

I know, I know, but it is so HARD to do! I have only termed 2 other children the whole time I have been doing daycare- both were clearly miserable here. One 18 mo "catnapper" who was always tired and woke up at puff of wind or a shadow (literally!), and one 3 yo who screamed pretty much non stop anytime we did any learning activity at all. They were much easier as the children were clearly miserable.

How would you guys go about giving the term? Would you just give a term notice today at p/u? What would you say when you gave it?