Plan of Action for Aggression

[Blackcat31]

I know, I know, but it is so HARD to do! I have only termed 2 other children the whole time I have been doing daycare- both were clearly miserable here. One 18 mo "catnapper" who was always tired and woke up at puff of wind or a shadow (literally!), and one 3 yo who screamed pretty much non stop anytime we did any learning activity at all. They were much easier as the children were clearly miserable.

How would you guys go about giving the term? Would you just give a term notice today at p/u? What would you say when you gave it?

Dear DCP's

Please accept this as written notice of termination of our agreement for child care services.

The last day I am willing to provide care is Friday, July XX, 2013.

Based on our previous conversations about behavior both here and at home, I feel I am unable to meet Billy's needs and feel that our environment is simply not a good fit.

Thank you

Provider.

Sometimes I give detailed reasons and other times I don't. In this case, I think you would be doing yourself a favor by not getting into the reasons as the mom seems to be the type to argue everything and she herself, stated that he only behaves this way at your home so....since SHE said it, use it.

Personally, I'd be willing to waive any notice period you have simply because the child is a risk while present. I'd take the loss and just be done.

I know terming is hard because you care about each and every kid but don't ever let ONE child's needs be more important than the groups needs as a whole....or more important than yours.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Dear DCP's

Please accept this as written notice of termination of our agreement for child care services.

The last day I am willing to provide care is Friday, July XX, 2013.

Based on our previous conversations about behavior both here and at home, I feel I am unable to meet Billy's needs and feel that our environment is simply not a good fit.

Thank you

Provider.

Sometimes I give detailed reasons and other times I don't. In this case, I think you would be doing yourself a favor by not getting into the reasons as the mom seems to be the type to argue everything and she herself, stated that he only behaves this way at your home so....since SHE said it, use it.

Personally, I'd be willing to waive any notice period you have simply because the child is a risk while present. I'd take the loss and just be done.

I know terming is hard because you care about each and every kid but don't ever let ONE child's needs be more important than the groups needs as a whole....or more important than yours.

I would use this and I would also waive the notice period. I'd make this Friday, or even today, be his last day in care.

[NeedaVaca]

I know, I know, but it is so HARD to do! I have only termed 2 other children the whole time I have been doing daycare- both were clearly miserable here. One 18 mo "catnapper" who was always tired and woke up at puff of wind or a shadow (literally!), and one 3 yo who screamed pretty much non stop anytime we did any learning activity at all. They were much easier as the children were clearly miserable.

How would you guys go about giving the term? Would you just give a term notice today at p/u? What would you say when you gave it?

Trust me I totally get it! I have termed very few kids and with very good reasons but even so...I get really worked up before hand, stomach in knots. Once I did it I had a HUGE rush of relief. It was such a good feeling, the nerves and knots were nothing compared the peaceful atmosphere that comes next

[JoseyJo]

Trust me I totally get it! I have termed very few kids and with very good reasons but even so...I get really worked up before hand, stomach in knots. Once I did it I had a HUGE rush of relief. It was such a good feeling, the nerves and knots were nothing compared the peaceful atmosphere that comes next

If I could just get my hubby (my partner in our group daycare) on board! He hates to term even more than me

[Blackcat31]

If I could just get my hubby (my partner in our group daycare) on board! He hates to term even more than me

Just put it in perspective. Would you rather term or BE termed? kwim?

Sometimes doing the right thing is the hardest thing.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Just put it in perspective. Would you rather term or BE termed? kwim?

Sometimes doing the right thing is the hardest thing.

That's always what I think about. Either you terminate this one child or several families may terminate you.

[daycarediva]

My wildchild with a behavioral intervention plan is NOT violent, but kids are 'unintentionally' being hurt (his impulse control leads to poor choices and sometimes, that results in others being injured) like today he went on the swing with a child RIGHT in front of it and almost knocked the other child over, but I was able to stop him. He was swinging the rake back/forth fast without looking to see who he could hit, that sort of thing. CONSTANT supervision.

If he was aggressive on top of it? Adios!

I immediately termed one kid this year, and it was for aggressive behavior. Any violence toward another child that I cannot control and stop, 100% of the time needs to go. In my case the child was choking, pulling hair HARD, pinching, as soon as my attention was diverted from her.

[JoseyJo]

To make my hubby happy I wrote up a "behavioral notification" detailing the specifics of his behavior and gave it to her today. ( she of course said he never acts like that w/ her even though he threw a car at the wall and his shoes at her during p/u)::

Tomorrow my hubby and I will do our best to keep him from hitting/pushing/kicking the other children. If we are able to keep everyone else from getting hit we will give him more time to work on appropriate behavior (not stomping and fit throwing, throwing himself on ground, throwing things when he doesn't get to do what he wants). If we cannot keep others from being hurt by him we are going to term due to "aggression toward other children and staff" and "inability to meet child’s needs without additional staff" with an effective date of this Friday- as long as no child is injured by him between now and then. If so it will be an immediate term.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

To make my hubby happy I wrote up a "behavioral notification" detailing the specifics of his behavior and gave it to her today. ( she of course said he never acts like that w/ her even though he threw a car at the wall and his shoes at her during p/u)::

Tomorrow my hubby and I will do our best to keep him from hitting/pushing/kicking the other children. If we are able to keep everyone else from getting hit we will give him more time to work on appropriate behavior (not stomping and fit throwing, throwing himself on ground, throwing things when he doesn't get to do what he wants). If we cannot keep others from being hurt by him we are going to term due to "aggression toward other children and staff" and "inability to meet child’s needs without additional staff" with an effective date of this Friday- as long as no child is injured by him between now and then. If so it will be an immediate term.

[daycare]

I am just curious, when the mom says he does not do that when he is with me....what do you say??

[Unregistered]

term

To make my hubby happy I wrote up a "behavioral notification" detailing the specifics of his behavior and gave it to her today. ( she of course said he never acts like that w/ her even though he threw a car at the wall and his shoes at her during p/u)::

Tomorrow my hubby and I will do our best to keep him from hitting/pushing/kicking the other children. If we are able to keep everyone else from getting hit we will give him more time to work on appropriate behavior (not stomping and fit throwing, throwing himself on ground, thing things when he doesn't get to do what he wants). If we cannot keep others from being hurt by him we are going to term due to "aggression toward other children and staff" and "inability to meet child’s needs win csrd ithout additional staff" with an effective date of this Friday- as long as no child is injured by him between now and then. If so it will be an immediate term.

This all sounds like a lot of work for you and your hubby not to mention the stressful environment hat the other children in care are being exposed to . Sad he needs to be termed the mom needs this as a wake up call shes using you by pretending to be unaware of his problem. The game is over.

[Familycare71]

Trust me I totally get it! I have termed very few kids and with very good reasons but even so...I get really worked up before hand, stomach in knots. Once I did it I had a HUGE rush of relief. It was such a good feeling, the nerves and knots were nothing compared the peaceful atmosphere that comes next

This is my experience as well! I love the previous advice!! If she verbally questions you after you term answer: really a light bulb went off for me when I was talking to you. You said he doesn't show this behavior elsewhere which leads me to believe this isn't the best environment for him.
Use her words!!

[Familycare71]

I am just curious, when the mom says he does not do that when he is with me....what do you say??

Say- that is exactly why I don't think this is a good fit for him. I have tried everything I know to do and I am not seeing improvements. It is most important he be where he can thrive. Based on his behavior only occurring here I feel for some reason this isn't it. We both want what's best for your son!

[daycare]

This is my experience as well! I love the previous advice!! If she verbally questions you after you term answer: really a light bulb went off for me when I was talking to you. You said he doesn't show this behavior elsewhere which leads me to believe this isn't the best environment for him.
Use her words!!

YES this is exactly it.....he needs an environment where he can thrive....not saying that you don't have a good environment, but it obviously does not work for him. Perhaps for this child it is too over stimulating or something like this, but really, don't focus on how you can fix the environment, fix on changing the only child in it that it does not fit. You can't change the entire environment of your daycare for one child.....If you do that and it works for him, it could stop working for the others...

I had a child that was way too over stimulated here, he would not play with us at all, cry off and on and I had to let him go. I don't want someone here that is unhappy in anyway. if it's violent or not.....

[JoseyJo]

Update! First thing this morning dcb gets mad because he cannot go in pop up tent (so mad at me because I said he could not be anywhere I cant see him today since he was hitting so much yesterday) and throws his cars in the face of another dcb nearby.

So sit him in TO and when his time is over I tell him he can color or draw at table, but he cannot be in the playrooms since he is hitting again. He throws a fit and refuses to leave TO area (so say that if fine, if you change your mind you can go and color or draw).

I already have a call into licensing and she calls about 10 minutes into him staying in TO area. I explain situation to her and ask what I am allowed to do w/i our regulations (such as can I exclude him from group, etc) and explain everything I have already tried. She says that at this point my responsibility is to keep the other children safe, so if that means excluding him from group I need to do that as much as necessary. (She also said we have one of the best programs in the area and if keeping him from hurting the other children interferes with that I should term as it is best for the other children).

I have taken his shoes and kept him an arms length from the other children all morning. It is exhausting! I have attempted to keep our preschool program the same but there really isn't any way to do that while making absolutely sure he cannot be close enough to a child to hurt them. So hubby and I agreed we are giving a term notice effective today. I'll update and say how it goes!