7 yr old w/ Aspergers Very Violent

[Lefse&Kids]

Just for the summer I have a boy who gets very violent when he is corrected. He was originally diagnosed with opposition defiance disorder and now its aspergers. I am trying to learn as much about this as I can by meanwhile the other dck's are in danger whenever I need to correct him.

For example, no child is allowed to play with the computer keyboard (its wireless so it can be carried around easily). All kids obey this rule very well. However, this boy grabbed it, I walked up to him and said "Remember the rule that only an adult can grab the keyboard, please give it to me" He refused. I put my hand on the keyboard. He then screamed and began hitting me, kicking me, throwing the table bench, anything on the counter, and the garbage can.

I attempted to guide him upstairs where he could be alone and away from the kids. I did NOT grab him to try and do this. I guided his back. He still was punching and kicking me and screaming. After upstairs, he tried to throw the furniture upstairs and went at me again where I almost fell down the stairs.

This whole time I am calmly telling him "I'm bringing you upstairs because you are hurting me and throwing things, you can be mad and calm down up here."

After about 10 minutes, he is absolutely fine. Its just during these times that its a danger and I end up with bruises.

I tell the parents about this and asked what they do to calm him down that may help here because otherwise I call them and have him picked up.

I physically start to shake when he does this because my adrenaline gets going so bad.

Does anyone have experience with this? Am I doing something seriously wrong with him?

Note: I do talk to him about his reaction afterwards and guide him to telling me what was done wrong on his end and what he should do next time he gets mad and wants to hurt someone or throw things. Don't know if it help ANY but I do it.

[MNMommy2]

If he is a danger to me or the other kids in my care, he would be gone. No amount of money is worth that.

Been there, done that. They didn't last long.

[littlemissmuffet]

I would never keep a violent child in my care, regardless of diagnoses. I don't get paid enough to be battered

What if you had ended up falling down the stairs and became unconscious? What are you going to do if he kicks or punches another daycare child and severely injures them?

I'd term, not worth the liability. He needs a caregiver that is trained to deal with him specifically and individually.

[Lefse&Kids]

If he is a danger to me or the other kids in my care, he would be gone. No amount of money is worth that.

Been there, done that. They didn't last long.

I am about to term him if it doesn't improve or the parents don't give me an effective tool to use that will calm him down.

He is an only child and doesn't have to share at home which is also when this happens. I'm friends with the mom, but I feel a little tricked because they didn't tell me about the aspergers diagnosis until his first day here.

I'm going on vacation at the end of this week for 1 week. I don't know what to do.

He had two episodes of this on Friday and, so far, 1 today.

[Blackcat31]

Hun, that is a tough situation for you to be in.

I'd be SUPER concerned about the danger this puts the other kids in, not only physically but mentally as well.

Watching another child have a fit of anger or rage can be detrimental to the their own self awareness and sense of security at your house.

I'd term him immediately. My DS has Asperger's and violence is usually NOT a trait or common characteristic.

My guess is your friend wasn't 100% truthful to you because she KNOWS exactly how bad he is and knows you would never have agreed to caring for him if you knew the whole truth.

He needs one on one care and he needs some serious counseling/therapy

I'd term immediately and use the fact that the parent wasn't truthful. I know you said the parent was a friend of yours but seriously, what kind of friend puts YOU in this kind of situation where you could lose your whole business due to not have ALL the info.....kwim?

I'd be madder than a hornet in a bonnet at your friend, if I were you

((((hugs)))) for even being willing to try and make this work.

[NeedaVaca]

I would term at pick up, one of your DCK's could be seriously hurt or you could be hurt by this DCB. No amount of $ would be worth that to me. I don't think this mom is really your friend, friends don't withhold this kind of information...term asap

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Hun, that is a tough situation for you to be in.

I'd be SUPER concerned about the danger this puts the other kids in, not only physically but mentally as well.

Watching another child have a fit of anger or rage can be detrimental to the their own self awareness and sense of security at your house.

I'd term him immediately. My DS has Asperger's and violence is usually NOT a trait or common characteristic.

My guess is your friend wasn't 100% truthful to you because she KNOWS exactly how bad he is and knows you would never have agreed to caring for him if you knew the whole truth.

He needs one on one care and he needs some serious counseling/therapy

I'd term immediately and use the fact that the parent wasn't truthful. I know you said the parent was a friend of yours but seriously, what kind of friend puts YOU in this kind of situation where you could lose your whole business due to not have ALL the info.....kwim?

I'd be madder than a hornet in a bonnet at your friend, if I were you

((((hugs)))) for even being willing to try and make this work.

I have Asperger's (that was, funnily enough, misdiagnosed as ODD as well when I was younger!) and I am not violent nor have I ever been! That isn't a common trait at all!

I would also term immediately. I currently have 3 children on the spectrum enrolled here (1 part-timer with Autism, 1 full-timer with Asperger's, and 1 full-timer PDD-NOS) and do well. In the past, I accepted 1 child with Autism that was horrendously violent towards both me and the other children and I termed him after 1 day. I will not provide care to a child who is violent.

Knowing about his diagnosis is important. ESPECIALLY considering his outrageous behavior! That should have been brought up as well!!!

[CedarCreek]

I had a child here that had undiagnosed Autism (has since been diagnosed)

He was very violent and hurt me on several occasions and the other children. I had to term. DCD was really upset with me but I couldn't have him here. I was just not equipped or properly trained to care for him. No shame in that.

Goodluck :hug:

[Lefse&Kids]

I have Asperger's (that was, funnily enough, misdiagnosed as ODD as well when I was younger!) and I am not violent nor have I ever been! That isn't a common trait at all!

I would also term immediately. I currently have 3 children on the spectrum enrolled here (1 part-timer with Autism, 1 full-timer with Asperger's, and 1 full-timer PDD-NOS) and do well. In the past, I accepted 1 child with Autism that was horrendously violent towards both me and the other children and I termed him after 1 day. I will not provide care to a child who is violent.

Knowing about his diagnosis is important. ESPECIALLY considering his outrageous behavior! That should have been brought up as well!!!

Thanks, I think I will term.....Also, is how I reacted to his outbursts a good way to handle it? I didn't want to make it worse by forcing him upstairs (although I did have to carry him (my arms were under his armpits). I don't use force but I will gently guide or hold their hand.


I will have to talk to them today. I was wondering if it was normal behavior or not. Glad to hear its not. I new about the ODD before, but I thought it was mainly not listening and getting mad and screaming at being corrected or told what to do (this is what he did when I visited their house the year before). I was prepared for the screaming but not the physical aspect of his behavior.

He is great when he's alone and doing a craft project but I can't seclude him from the group all day.

[CedarCreek]

Thanks, I think I will term.....Also, is how I reacted to his outbursts a good way to handle it? I didn't want to make it worse by forcing him upstairs (although I did have to carry him (my arms were under his armpits). I don't use force but I will gently guide or hold their hand.


I will have to talk to them today. I was wondering if it was normal behavior or not. Glad to hear its not. I new about the ODD before, but I thought it was mainly not listening and getting mad and screaming at being corrected or told what to do (this is what he did when I visited their house the year before). I was prepared for the screaming but not the physical aspect of his behavior.

He is great when he's alone and doing a craft project but I can't seclude him from the group all day.

I think that for the most part you handled it in the best way that you could.

However, did you take him upstairs and leave him up there alone and go back downstairs? That's the only issue I see with how it was handled. If you have no one to help you, there needs to be an area around where you are where he can go and cool off.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Thanks, I think I will term.....Also, is how I reacted to his outbursts a good way to handle it? I didn't want to make it worse by forcing him upstairs (although I did have to carry him (my arms were under his armpits). I don't use force but I will gently guide or hold their hand.


I will have to talk to them today. I was wondering if it was normal behavior or not. Glad to hear its not. I new about the ODD before, but I thought it was mainly not listening and getting mad and screaming at being corrected or told what to do (this is what he did when I visited their house the year before). I was prepared for the screaming but not the physical aspect of his behavior.

He is great when he's alone and doing a craft project but I can't seclude him from the group all day.

The way you handled it was fine with guiding him to a different area. I would tell him, "You are not following the rules/No hitting/No kicking/etc. You need a time out." and place him somewhere YOU can still see him. The rules are the rules whether you are on the spectrum or not. I would keep all statements to him very direct and short. For example, if he was running you wouldn't use one of those positive statements like "Walking feet only, please!" You would directly state, "No running. Walk."

[harperluu]

The laws under the ADA specifically state a program does not have to accept a child that poses a direct threat to others. Prior to termination, be sure to document in objective terms any incidents that have occurred and anything from this point forward that resulted in potential danger and how you intervened. Be careful to be unbiased and state what happened, keeping any emotion out of your narrative.

I would also contact your licensor and let them know your course of action, so they have your point of view on record.

Does this child have an IEP at school? The school district and special ed administration would be an excellent source of programs that would cater to their child while keeping everyone involved safe.

[daycarediva]

I have Asperger's (that was, funnily enough, misdiagnosed as ODD as well when I was younger!) and I am not violent nor have I ever been! That isn't a common trait at all!

I would also term immediately. I currently have 3 children on the spectrum enrolled here (1 part-timer with Autism, 1 full-timer with Asperger's, and 1 full-timer PDD-NOS) and do well. In the past, I accepted 1 child with Autism that was horrendously violent towards both me and the other children and I termed him after 1 day. I will not provide care to a child who is violent.

Knowing about his diagnosis is important. ESPECIALLY considering his outrageous behavior! That should have been brought up as well!!!

I have a son with high functioning autism. He is NEVER violent and in fact, finds violence the most terrible thing.

I would term, effective IMMEDIATELY. Even refund money for unused days, but term.

[Laurel]

I have a son with high functioning autism. He is NEVER violent and in fact, finds violence the most terrible thing.

I would term, effective IMMEDIATELY. Even refund money for unused days, but term.

The child would not be in my house again, ever.....not even tomorrow.

It is not right to subject the other children to possible serious injuries....or worse.

I would call the mom tonight and tell her not to bring him tomorrow.

This is a case for a trained person to handle.

Laurel

[Angelsj]

While violence may not be a common trait of Asperger's, this can be co-morbid with a ton of other diagnoses. I have two that were on the spectrum and both could become violent up to about age 8.
However, that being said, you cannot afford to put all the other children AND yourself in danger this way. I would have NEVER left either of my boys with anyone not trained and certified to handle them effectively without hurting them. This training not only includes how to keep them under control without hurting you or them, but also how to recognize what is going on before it happens, so you can correct their behavior without having all hell break loose.

Please let this one go, immediately, for the safety of the other kiddos. This child needs someone who can help him learn to channel his anger correctly and not harm others.