7 yr old w/ Aspergers Very Violent

[e.j.]

While violence may not be a common trait of Asperger's, this can be co-morbid with a ton of other diagnoses. I have two that were on the spectrum and both could become violent up to about age 8.
However, that being said, you cannot afford to put all the other children AND yourself in danger this way. I would have NEVER left either of my boys with anyone not trained and certified to handle them effectively without hurting them. This training not only includes how to keep them under control without hurting you or them, but also how to recognize what is going on before it happens, so you can correct their behavior without having all hell break loose.

Please let this one go, immediately, for the safety of the other kiddos. This child needs someone who can help him learn to channel his anger correctly and not harm others.

As the mother of an adult son with Asperger's, I would totally agree with the above response. I think you handled the situation as best you could under the circumstances. I'd be very concerned about future episodes of violence and the risk his behavior poses to you and the other kids in your care. :hug:

[Familycare71]

Thanks, I think I will term.....Also, is how I reacted to his outbursts a good way to handle it? I didn't want to make it worse by forcing him upstairs (although I did have to carry him (my arms were under his armpits). I don't use force but I will gently guide or hold their hand.


I will have to talk to them today. I was wondering if it was normal behavior or not. Glad to hear its not. I new about the ODD before, but I thought it was mainly not listening and getting mad and screaming at being corrected or told what to do (this is what he did when I visited their house the year before). I was prepared for the screaming but not the physical aspect of his behavior.

He is great when he's alone and doing a craft project but I can't seclude him from the group all day.

It is not ABNORMAL for a child with either diagnosis to be violent. I have had experience with both.
As far as your reaction- it really depends on the child. I have had children that respond really well to bear holds- they needed that pressure and control so they could calm their mind. Others that would be a trigger. I don't think your reaction made anything worse and was def a great and caring effort!
I agree w others to term. There are some kids that can not be safe in general group care.
I think it is awesome that you tried and you want to help him and his family. I hope his mother didnt try to with hold info from you- did you know about the ODD diagnosis earlier? That would have been the one to scare me...
It's like they say: you have met one special needs child... You have let ONE special needs child! They all vary so much in their needs

[countrymom]

you know what, I bet you that this kid is allowed to do this at home because he knows he can get away with it. He knows he has aspergers and (kids are smart) is playing it good. You need to make it moms problem. if he goes crazy again today, call the mother to come and get him. She needs to get a reality check that violence is not ok. I can just imagine his teachers.

I've had 1 kids with aspergers here. 1 was undiagnosed (but I suspect the school said something because he goes to special appointments, I don't have him anymore but I was watching the sister) this kid got away with alot. But parents just didn't want to deal with it, now that sister is around they have no choice but to deal with it.
second kid, played the adhd to a whole new level. he would be violent, break things, tried to hitch hike home, broke windows, stole, broke moms camera and he kept telling me that he has adhd (mom did too) and it makes him do these things. But we started to see a pattern (his after school latch key teacher and I are good friends) he was angry at his mother and father for always leaving him at daycare for 12 hours a day and then dumping him off at latch key from the time they open to the time they closed. All he wanted was someone to pay attention to him. But once I got on his case, man was he pissed, he didn't like the fact that I wouldn't let him get away. It did get better but my kids hated him so I had to term him. He lied too much and my kids couldn't stand it. He was 8 yrs old when I watched him, so he knew what he was doing.

[Lefse&Kids]

update

Thank you so much for everyone's input. We had no other episodes of violence (although a few times were close) today. I talked with the mom and told her about what happened and let her know that while I care about him its becoming a danger to the other children. dcm said she understood. He's home today and has a appt Wednesday to increase his meds so won't be back until thursday. I guess he's been on meds to control his aggression for the past two years and they think its not working anymore....I've never heard of meds to treat any spectrum of autism....But then again, I'm a fan of behavioral therapy before any meds are given (which I personally know the parents do not do).

Because I do know the mom a little better than most, I'm pretty sure that she lets him get away with things as far as becoming violent even though she doesn't like it (its her personality that gives it away to me and her responses to his actions).

When dcb is told to do or not to do something he trys cards like "I don't know how....I'm stuck here....Mickey doesn't want me to.....etc" Works on his mom, but not here and he gets mad at that.

They have no alternative behaviors they've taught him to do when he gets upset, I've asked.

I haven't termed as of yet, but I will be writing them a letter that if a violent episode begins to happen my husband (who's my back-up person) will restrain dcb's attempts of destruction and will not be allowed back here.(they know this already, but I just want it in writing)

I'm probably jumping the gun, but after talking at length with the mom about the issue, it sounds like i'm more educated about his problem than they are, unless they just don't want to talk to me about what they know. Its frustrating all around, I MUST keep the kids safe, the parents don't communicate with me, but I also love teaching the "difficult" children to thrive socially/educationally.

First, I must ensure the children's safety.

[Willow]

Unless your spouse is trained to restrain I absolutely would caution against him even laying a hand on him.

It is very easy to hurt a child (or a child hurt themself) while being improperly restrained, there is far more to just a bear hug than you think.


I would not include anything like it in the letter either. If you can't handle discipline for a child that age completely hands off then he needs to go, if nothing else than for YOUR liabilities sake. Saying you will restrain him and/or doing so you're so much as asking to get sued and lose your license.

[Lefse&Kids]

Unless your spouse is trained to restrain I absolutely would caution against him even laying a hand on him.

It is very easy to hurt a child (or a child hurt themself) while being improperly restrained, there is far more to just a bear hug than you think.


I would not include anything like it in the letter either. If you can't handle discipline for a child that age completely hands off then he needs to go, if nothing else than for YOUR liabilities sake. Saying you will restrain him and/or doing so you're so much as asking to get sued and lose your license.

just looked back, yes it was worded wrong (my mind was going way to fast :-) )....He wouldn't be restraining him just making sure he doesn't throw furniture or hit other children or himself (basically supervising dcb in a separate room). I won't put part that in a letter, it would just state that if another violent episode occurs dcb will be separated from the group and will have to picked up immediately and not allowed back.

[Lefse&Kids]

It is very easy to hurt a child (or a child hurt themself) while being improperly restrained, there is far more to just a bear hug than you think.

Yesterday, he was flailing and upset soo much he actually gave himself a bloody nose! That made him even more upset (mom knows all this too). he gets to a point that I don't think he has control of himself anymore...I really think some therapy will work for him, but nothing I can supply unfortunately