3 Year Old Can't Put Own Shoes On

[MarinaVanessa]

pick him up (shoes in hand) set him on a chair/bench and tell him if he wants to play with the kids, he needs to put on his shoes.

I'd try this approach first for a while and see what happens. If he at least attempts to put his shoes on then, and only then, would I "help" him put his shoes on. Do this everyday and day by day hand him more and more of the responsibility.

Day one you get his shoes and hold his hand to sit down and set his shoes down, stay near him to give him verbal cues and physical help etc. By day three or four (depending on his progress) have him get his own shoes, have him sit at the same spot himself, stand near him for verbal cues and offer less physical help etc. Rinse and repeat.

Make sure that he understands that he can't play until he gets his shoes on. My 1 1/2 year old attempts to put his own shoes on already so I see no reason why a 3yo wouldn't be able to at least try unless
a. Mom and dad do everything for him at home
b. there's some sort of disability

If you want to bring it up to DCM I would say someting like "Hey Sue, We've been working on attempting to put our shoes on by ourselves for a few weeks now. Johny is really a wonderful kid and is really involved with trying to do what the other kids are doing and so far I've seen almost no progress in his ability to get his shoes on by himself and so I thought I'd bring it to your attention. How is he with this at home? (wait for answer). I'll keep working with him here of course and give you another progress update in a few weeks but I just wanted to bring it to your attention." Smile.

If mom or dad are doing things for him maybe they'll start letting him try it at home more on his own if you bring it up. Asking the how he does at home will give you a window to see whether they even let him try to put his own shoes on or not.

[Lilbutterflie]

Exactly what OP posted- if an 18 month old can, a 3 year old should be able to wear Crocs by himself. My 3 year old puts on her own tennis shoes and ties them herself too. I think it goes back to lazy parenting and not wanting to take the time to teach. They expect it all to be done at daycare.

I agree that it most likely is the result of his parents always doing it for him and not taking the time to teach him. And, since they do it for him at home; he wants you to do it for him at your house. Try to be patient and keep teaching him how to do it himself. One day is will "click" and when he finally does it all by himself- PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE!

I had a part time dcb start here at 3 1/2 yrs old. When he came, he did absolutely NOTHING on his own. He didn't know how to put on his jacket, his socks, shoes, he had no scissor skills, he didn't know how to hold a crayon, nothing. It took a few months and he is now 4; but he can do all of those things all by himself now. And when he started to do things on his own, I made a HUGE deal out of it. When his parents picked him up that day, I would say "Little Johny; show your daddy how you can put your shoes and socks on ALL BY YOURSELF!!!!" And he would beam with joy and show them. That was also my way of showing the parent that their child could now do it for themselves and hope they take the hint to have him do it himself at home!

[daycare]

Be patient! Just because he is three doesn't mean he is developmentally ready for this skill. It is unfair to compare him to othe children, as all children develop at their own pace. I recommend encouraging him to try, and then, rather than get upset, put them n for him and go about your day. It will save a lot of time and frustration!

ditto this..... age does not qualify a child to do something....

YOu have to think about his home life too, where he was before you? Does mommy and daddy do everything for him? Maybe they dont make him get his own shoes.

I have a 3 year old that is just like this...he has zero self help skills... I play games with him when we DONT need to put our shoes on or off. set up a time when you can play a game with him with no where to go and teach him how to put shoes on and off. This is how I taught most of the kids self help skills,.... just about all of my kids can put on shoes, but I don't have any that are under 20 months.....

[Unregistered]

Involve the Parents

Occasionally I will have a child who resists putting on their own shoes. Sometimes it's the actual shoe and not really the child. I see this a lot when the child has been doing fine putting their shoes on, then gets new shoes and suddenly can't manage getting them on. Maybe they are tighter or less broken-in so they don't slide on as easily and the extra work frustrates the child. For this I let the parents know their child's new shoes are harder for them to get on and off, and ask them to practice with them at home, letting their child do the work, so they can see how long it really takes for their child to get ready. With practice, usually things get better and the child has an easier time within a few days. If it doesn't improve in a week, I suggest to the parents a different type of shoes, or a different size, to help their child be successful.


Sometimes they are moody or tired. There is not much for this. I usually opt for extra TLC and help them when they are having a rare off day.


And sometimes, it's a parent issue. The child is so used to mom or dad or older siblings doing their shoes for them they quickly give up when asked to do it themselves. I will send a friendly note home and speak with the parents at pick-up and let them know their child is struggling with their shoes, and needs to practice putting them on and taking them off (because we know THAT part can also be problematic) on their own. I don't expect older toddlers and preschoolers to tie laces, just put their shoe on. If things don't improve within a week or so, I ask the parents to provide a different pair of shoes that their child CAN put on and take off with less difficulty. I let them know it interferes with their child's outside play time, as they can not go outside with the other children until their shoes are on. We don't do lines here, when children are ready (shoes, coat, gloves, etc.) they can go outside. This gives them an incentive to get ready quickly and it works really well. I've seen it motivate the slowest of kids! :-)

I have found parents to be eager to replace shoes. Not as much with helping their child practice at home, unfortunately. But either way, I don't let the problem go on for more than a week or two without a demand for a change in shoes. It isn't fair to the child if it's the shoes, or if the parents refuse to help at home. Either way looser fitting shoes or a different brand often solves the problem if there is no progress within a reasonable time frame.

[rmc20021]

I have a 5 yo who can't put his own shoes on. We will be standing FOREVER waiting for him to focus on what he's doing to get them on and he even struggles taking them off. I'm seriously starting to think he has ADHD. I don't easily believe most kids have it...more of behavioral issues than true ADHD. But he comes in and is working hard at many different positions trying to get them off, where if he just focused on one way, they would be off in seconds.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I have a 5 yo who can't put his own shoes on. We will be standing FOREVER waiting for him to focus on what he's doing to get them on and he even struggles taking them off. I'm seriously starting to think he has ADHD. I don't easily believe most kids have it...more of behavioral issues than true ADHD. But he comes in and is working hard at many different positions trying to get them off, where if he just focused on one way, they would be off in seconds.

I have a child just like this. I raised a child later diagnosed with ADHD and have a son that has ADHD ... the child in my care will definitely be diagnosed later in life.

[irishdancer]

My son who was 3 at the time would not put his own shoes on, I always did it for him. Then when the other kids in my daycare all a year younger started doing it I told him he had to do it himself. He would just smile at the girls in daycare and they would put them on for him.

[MsLaura529]

My own DD is 3.5 and just recently started putting her own shoes on. It's not that I would sit there and automatically do it for her everytime, though. She would try and try and I would guide her. What frustrated her most was not being able to figure out which shoe went on the correct foot. I had to keep reminding her that as long as she got them on her feet, then I would help her switch them. It took a lot of work (and a lot of patience while we were trying to get out the door to preschool). Sometimes things like this are just harder for some kids than others, I would think.

[Unregistered]

Angry mom

I would never allow any of you to care for my children. You sound like uncaring, lazy caregivers. Do you even have any children of you own? My guess is no. And going on and on about parents and how they parent their own children, like putting on their kids shoes for them. I cringed as I read this. I am all for teaching kids self help, but to penalize a three year old for not putting their own shoes on, by not letting them go outside until they do so is unreasonable. If this went on in my daycare I would first have a serious talk with the teacher and then the director! I feel horrible for any children in your care! Oh and really, now pre-school teachers are equipped in diagnosing ADHD. Seriously judging by the replies her I highly doubt any of the teachers posting here have graduated from any formal early childhood development program, let alone medical school. Come on, this is pathetic!!

[Play Care]

My own DD is 3.5 and just recently started putting her own shoes on. It's not that I would sit there and automatically do it for her everytime, though. She would try and try and I would guide her. What frustrated her most was not being able to figure out which shoe went on the correct foot. I had to keep reminding her that as long as she got them on her feet, then I would help her switch them. It took a lot of work (and a lot of patience while we were trying to get out the door to preschool). Sometimes things like this are just harder for some kids than others, I would think.

Absolutely! I would think that most providers can tell if a child is struggling because they are not developmentally *there*, the shoes are ill fitting or just not easy to put on, or they are refusing because they are used to others doing for them. I've had combinations of those in my years.

My approach is usually as another poster mentioned - turn it into a game at a time when we are not in a hurry or trying to go somewhere. I want to see if they are capable of doing it and it's great practice. But I have with older kids (4+) handed them their shoes and said they could join us when they were on. But I already knew these kids could do - I've watched them practice

[daycarediva]

I would never allow any of you to care for my children. You sound like uncaring, lazy caregivers. Do you even have any children of you own? My guess is no. And going on and on about parents and how they parent their own children, like putting on their kids shoes for them. I cringed as I read this. I am all for teaching kids self help, but to penalize a three year old for not putting their own shoes on, by not letting them go outside until they do so is unreasonable. If this went on in my daycare I would first have a serious talk with the teacher and then the director! I feel horrible for any children in your care! Oh and really, now pre-school teachers are equipped in diagnosing ADHD. Seriously judging by the replies her I highly doubt any of the teachers posting here have graduated from any formal early childhood development program, let alone medical school. Come on, this is pathetic!!

I have a degree in early childhood education, just working on my bachelors now. Some of these ladies have masters degrees and decades of experience.

I KNOW when a child is or is not developmentally ready.

Yes, some parents hold their children back by not allowing them to struggle to gain those necessary skills OR they don't see the readiness signs that we do OR it's just easier (and faster) for them to do it themselves. As soon as their child says "I don't want to." "I can't." they immediately step in and do it for them. It really teaches them nothing, in the long run. I have seen all kinds of reasons for it, and yes, the majority of those reasons are because of the (well meaning) parents.

I would never punish a child for shoes. Here you only sit when you hit. TO's are definitely abused in early childhood programs, in my experience.

Back to those decades of experience-we do see signs of ADHD, aspergers, developmental and learning delays in our programs. You're right, we aren't doctors, but we do get to know these children very well. I spend 50 hours a week, 50 weeks a year over the course of a few years with some children. It doesn't make us qualified to diagnose, but TRUST ME when I say we aren't surprised when it happens.

this thread is also old.

When a child doesn't put shoes on here (or coat, or wipe own bottom, whatever) we sing the keep trying song and praise any progress. The other children are also wonderful at positive peer pressure and praise. Sometimes a high-5 from Johnny means more to Joey than all the praise in the world, kwim?

[thetoddlerwhisper]

I will 100 percent tell you that his parents put his shoes on for him and he's waiting for you to do it. I had a kid just like this, I would bring the shoes outside and let him put it on outside, sorry at that age, I do expect him to do things for himself. Don't give in, I never did, children should take pride in some things that they do.

i do the same UNLESS i know for a fact they cant. But thats only happened a few times and there were developmental issues

[Unregistered]

Wow

Let me just say that as a parent and an educator I think the majority of the people who responded to this thread should be let go from their positions. Uncaring and really just not wanting to do their job.
When my child was going on three his daycare decided that he "should" be able to put on his shoes by himself. My child was regularly reprimanded for not doing so. He was moved to tears about it at home. I intervened and frankly, they were rude to me as well.

Now, three years later - yes, of course he can do it.
No, he wasn't slow - he has tested very strongly in numerous areas and just wasn't as quick with some skills as with others because real kids vary in their development. They are not cardboard cut outs or statistics and they deserve better than to be treated as such.

Encourage them. Incentivize them. But threatening to punish a child for not being able to perform a skill at three years old??? People like that should be ashamed of themselves and should not be allowed to "care" for children.

[Josiegirl]

I know this is a very old thread but I had to comment on the last post. That was pretty darn harsh.
I see this from both sides. My oldest ds(now 34 yo), couldn't do a lot of the self-help skills he should have been able to(learned a lot as I parented 3 more times and became a provider). I remember going to pick him up from K the first day it had snowed. He was struggling to put on his snowsuit with tears in his eyes. Teachers do not have time to deal with dressing everybody. And now that kids start institutionalized learning at age 3(that's a whole other can o' worms I won't go into)the same applies. Teachers do not have the time. Kids need to be independent as much as possible as soon as possible. So much of these things they are able to do on their own, if allowed.
The original post talked about a 3 yo not being able to slide on crocs. I whole heartedly think that child was completely capable, if allowed. I now have a 2 yo who can put her own shoes on, knows how to fix the tongue, and usually gets the left and right correct. Kids can do these things, if allowed and encouraged.
Granted, punishing them would be harsh. But letting the kids bring their shoes outside and doing there, keeps the rest of the group together and focused. Do you know what it's like to have 5 dcks all ready and be waiting for that last child to slip on crocs.???? Pretty soon you've got 5 dcks who are restless and then get in trouble. Yes, it should be done with patience, love, encouragement. Thankfully, most of my dcparents are good about letting their children do things for themselves.
We do lots of practicing playing dress-up. I try to encourage kids to help clean up, set the table, dress and undress themselves, carry their own backpacks, etc. I've seen the end results of dcms doing everything for their child. It's not pretty. Mom comes in looking like a pack mule because 7 and 8 yo sibs refuse to carry their own backpacks. They'll sit on the couch and expect me to get them things. Um. NO>
I have a dcf that is excellent. They have a 2 yo and 3 yo. They let their 3 yo dd walk out barefoot because she refused to put on her own sandals. They knew she could do it but refused. The dcm works with special ed. and the dcd is superintendent of a school district. Nothing mean about them. They simply know what their children are capable of.

[Rockgirl]

Having a child slip on a pair of crocs before going to play isn't punishment. I use this method often. "When your toys are put away, you may come to the table."......."When you have put your mat and blanket on the shelf, you may join us for story time." etc. I wouldn't expect a child to put on lace-ups and tie them, but slipping their feet into a pair of crocs? They can do this. When I see a child genuinely trying a task and struggling, I will step in and assist, but if they just don't want to try, nope.