So Sad And So Wrong, What Should I Do?

[daycare]

Sorry, its a little long....

This weekend I got to spend some time with my husbands family. While I was there, we got on the topic of how my niece is doing in her new home daycare. She started there full time back in August.

A little history, back in July, she was in my daycare for a few days, her parents are divorcing and she has some special needs. I cared for her until my MIL found her a place that sounded like a "great provider" that works with special needs children.

The DC also runs a learning/preschool type program. My SIL and MIL were showing me some of her work she has done at DC. Oh btw she just turned 4 two weeks ago. She can not communicate well and is no where near potty trained.

One of the items was a piece of colored paper sectioned off into four squares with the numbers 1-4 written on it out of order. She was made to glue the proper amount of pumpkin seeds into the corresponding number square.
I was really taken back that someone who claims to know how to teach to think that this would be an age appropriate project for a child of her age.

My SIL goes on to tell me that because she did it wrong, the DCP put her in time out. Conversation goes on and I am told that every time she gets an answer wrong or does not do her work she goes to time out. Free play is not often and that most of the time its all about academics.

My MIL pulls out this huge 2.5inch 3 ring note book and it is full of a million worksheets. All of them are graded. Like you would see in first grade or higher. One example she got 22/30 correct. All of the ones that were wrong the DCP drew sad faces on them and then NO in bright red on a lot of them as well. She also has to do homework nightly.....And it's once again worksheets.

I tried to give them my two cents about it, but just to get ignored. I told them how important play is at this age, how important it is to focus on her verbal skills and learning to cope with her feelings, and so on and so on..

Also going on, the DCP has been texting my SIL daily that her child is getting into trouble, not doing her classwork and is refusing to listen, this is all new behavior from her. She is also getting bitten at least 2x or more a week. The DCP has a large license and I believe 2 other helps. There are 4 to 5 infants in attendance almost daily.

Again I tried to explain all of the negative affects that this brings on my niece, that the DCP is hurting and not helping. I want them to pull her out of there.

I know that If I can find the right things to stay to my SIL and MIL they will listen. I just can't believe how horrible this place sounds. Sounds like to me this DCP has no idea how to teach children and sounds like she has spread herself way too thin..

How can I help? What should I say or do? I am so upset about this. I just want to really get my Niece out of there. I don't know if there is anything that can be done about the provider punishing the kids for not doing classwork, which frustrates me even more. No child should be punished for this.

[youretooloud]

We have a lady in my neighborhood that does that too. She's really into worksheets and "doing it right" and "following directions". No painting or drawing allowed.

[laundrymom]

What state? Licensed?

[daycare]

yes she is LIC for 14 in CA

[Sugar Magnolia]

NOT age appropriate! I have a preschool program, but there is NO "wrong" answers, only "let's look at it again and try again". Drawing sad faces? Grading? That's lame. Time out for "wrong"? TOTALLY LAME! You can't teach a child anything by shaming them! You did your job by telling the MIL and SIL that's not age appropriate, nothing else you can do. That's soooooo sad. (((((Hugs)))))

[daycare]

I should have explained the background a little more about my niece.

Her dad and mom are is a very very nasty divorce, custody battle and my niece has suffered a lot, has been abused by dad and had to watch mom get abused by dad too. She is being tested for autism and has already been diagnosed with echocallia. (sP)
The last thing she needs is another negative environment. This is why i want them to get her out of there...

The only thing that my MIL and SIL are focused on is "oh look at how smart she is, she can do these worksheets"

[Nellie]

I may be completely wrong, but when ever I here about things like this the first thing runs through my mind is that this provider is a "want-a-be teacher". I don't have an early childhood degree, but I would imagine that this is NOT the way to go about teaching young children. She hasn't taken the time to go through school to be an actual teacher and this way she can "teach" and feel important.

[laundrymom]

This is the only thing I can find in your regs that addresses the type thing you described. However,... Can I just say thank you for sticking up for your niece. I feel the way she is being treated, along with the others in this lady's care, is not right. She should be playing learning laughing, growing.....


(a) Each child receiving services from a family child care home shall have certain rights that shall not be
waived or abridged by the licensee regardless of consent or authorization from the child's authorized
representative. These rights include, but are not limited to, the following:
(1) To be treated with dignity in his/her personal relationship with staff and other persons.
(2) To receive safe, healthful, and comfortable accommodations, furnishings, and equipment.
(3) To have parents or guardians informed by the licensee of the provisions of the law regarding
complaints and the procedures for registering complaints confidentially, including, but not
limited to the address and telephone number of the licensing agency's complaint unit.
(4) To be free from corporal or unusual punishment, infliction of pain, humiliation, intimidation,
ridicule, coercion, threat, mental abuse, or other actions of a punitive nature, including, but not
limited to: interference with eating, sleeping or toileting; or withholding shelter, clothing,
medication or aids to physical functioning.

[daycare]

This is the only thing I can find in your regs that addresses the type thing you described. However,... Can I just say thank you for sticking up for your niece. I feel the way she is being treated, along with the others in this lady's care, is not right. She should be playing learning laughing, growing.....


(a) Each child receiving services from a family child care home shall have certain rights that shall not be
waived or abridged by the licensee regardless of consent or authorization from the child's authorized
representative. These rights include, but are not limited to, the following:
(1) To be treated with dignity in his/her personal relationship with staff and other persons.
(2) To receive safe, healthful, and comfortable accommodations, furnishings, and equipment.
(3) To have parents or guardians informed by the licensee of the provisions of the law regarding
complaints and the procedures for registering complaints confidentially, including, but not
limited to the address and telephone number of the licensing agency's complaint unit.
(4) To be free from corporal or unusual punishment, infliction of pain, humiliation, intimidation,
ridicule, coercion, threat, mental abuse, or other actions of a punitive nature, including, but not
limited to: interference with eating, sleeping or toileting; or withholding shelter, clothing,
medication or aids to physical functioning.

Thanks for posting this.... I think what this provider is doing falls under section 4...
e
I am so upset about this...AND very upset with my SIL and MIL that they don't see anything wrong with this..

I know that they are clueless, but they really think that its not big deal.....

[Blackcat31]

Thanks for posting this.... I think what this provider is doing falls under section 4...
eI am so upset about this...AND very upset with my SIL and MIL that they don't see anything wrong with this..

I know that they are clueless, but they really think that its not big deal.....

Ya know in the provider's defense, she may be teaching in the same manner she was taught. Seems a majority of time when things like this occur, it is due to the provider/teacher not knowing the why behind the curriculum and doing what she had done to her.

NOT saying it is right, but in all honesty we only know one side of the story.

I provided child care for several years not really knowing any other way to "teach" the children than the way I did it. I had no idea what DAP even meant or what appropriate practice was.

I belong to a few different child care forums and I have to say that on all of them I read posts where the provider says "This is how I do things ....." and I cringe but I also have to remember that not every one licensed to provide care for children always understands the correct way to do things. They still sell boxed curriculums that are nothing but worksheets and rote learning so why would a provider not think it is ok to teach like that when she is buying it from "professionals"...kwim?

After all, take a look at some of the requirements to be a provider....they are laughable in most areas so the way this provider is running her program is really not that off....

Aside from a few red flags, she really isn't doing anything anyone wouldn't do that completed only the basic requirements.

If I were in your shoes, I would take this opportunity to network with this provider and maybe get to know her. You could help her (carefully) learn new ways to teach and she could help you feel more comfortable about where your niece is attending. I have met many area providers by simply making the initial contact with them and pretty soon we are chatting, and sharing info about how we do things and learning from each other.....kind of like being on this forum.

[daycare]

Ya know in the provider's defense, she may be teaching in the same manner she was taught. Seems a majority of time when things like this occur, it is due to the provider/teacher not knowing the why behind the curriculum and doing what she had done to her.

NOT saying it is right, but in all honesty we only know one side of the story.

I provided child care for several years not really knowing any other way to "teach" the children than the way I did it. I had no idea what DAP even meant or what appropriate practice was.

I belong to a few different child care forums and I have to say that on all of them I read posts where the provider says "This is how I do things ....." and I cringe but I also have to remember that not every one licensed to provide care for children always understands the correct way to do things. They still sell boxed curriculums that are nothing but worksheets and rote learning so why would a provider not think it is ok to teach like that when she is buying it from "professionals"...kwim?

After all, take a look at some of the requirements to be a provider....they are laughable in most areas so the way this provider is running her program is really not that off....

Aside from a few red flags, she really isn't doing anything anyone wouldn't do that completed only the basic requirements.

If I were in your shoes, I would take this opportunity to network with this provider and maybe get to know her. You could help her (carefully) learn new ways to teach and she could help you feel more comfortable about where your niece is attending. I have met many area providers by simply making the initial contact with them and pretty soon we are chatting, and sharing info about how we do things and learning from each other.....kind of like being on this forum.

The thing is, is that this lady is not open to talking with me at all...
I tired when my niece was going to start there a few months back..

I am just appalled that someone would punish a child, especially one withe special needs for such a reason...

This is not ok..

[Kaddidle Care]

Time out for getting the wrong answer? Outrageous!

Every child is different and that activity isn't out of reach for a lot of 4 year olds. We use some worksheets too but a lot of things we teach with are games and activities. But to be PUNISHED for not getting it right? Big NoNo.

This person is setting this child up for failure.

I can't believe any parent would allow this to continue. It's time to give the Teacher the faces. I would be asking about what else is going on in the classroom and I would also be making a surprize visit and peeking in from outside the door to see what goes on.

[SilverSabre25]

I feel so sad for your little niece, and in a way, almost sadder for your MIL and SIL who are so blind, or possibly ignorant, that they think that this is a good environment for any child, let alone your niece.

Time out for getting a wrong answer is terrible. Homework for a flipping four year old is terrible. Grading and sad faces for a four year old is terrible (and not that great for any age).

I do a some worksheets with my 4 yo daughter during "big kid school" time twice a week (homeschool preschool really) but we work them together and I help her get the right answers...because that is teaching. I help her understand. She's interested and she does very well, and we stop when she says she is done.

[CheekyChick]

At this age, learning should be FUN. The DCP could ruin your niece's love of learning for life. To put her in a time-out is abuse, in my opinion. I would BEG your SIL to remove her immediately.

[kendallina]

Yikes! I am so sorry for your niece and the situation that she's in. Obviously, as you already know, this is completely inappropriate for her age (although i don't really think the number/pumpkin seeds activity is necessarily age in-appropriate, but obviously, the punishment is very inappropriate).

As for how to talk to your SIL about this I really have no idea... it really sounds like they are trying to compensate for their daughter's special needs, by allowing this type of 'learning' to go on...as in, "look, she's ok, she can do worksheets,"...as you mentioned.

Are they aware that she has special needs? Are they receiving services for her special needs? Any service provider that was informed of what was going on at her daycare would certainly explain to the parents that this is not appropriate. I wonder if their service provider (if they have one) knows what kind of daycare she's in?? She may also qualify for free preschool services if she has a diagnosis, which would help get her out of her current situation.

What an awful situation to be in, ugh...