Venting Thread

[julie]

You know what I find funny/odd?

I find it funny that everyone jumps to help, support and console a provider who forgets a child in a vehicle for 30 minutes but when a provider comes on that uses less than PC language about a child in their care, everyone jumps all over her!

If we are so willing to forgive, validate, console or comfort a provider who could have potentially killed a child, why can't you all find it in your hearts to offer support or help to a provider who may need it the most?

If she is using language or words towards a child that you view as mean or harmful, why not ask why? Why not ask her why she feels that way? Why not try to help?

Do you really think she HATES the child? I am sure the post was heat of the moment.

I have read some words/posts here that I don't always think are appropriate either but we all come from different walks/classes of life and I have read many providers posts using words that I find offensive or words I would never use.

I think it is the word she used that has everyone in an uproar. It IS a strong word but unless your own mouth, mind and posts are free of any judgemental thoughts and words, I think the first thing any of us should have done is tried to help this provider NOT condemn her for venting online!

Thank God she vented on-line instead of keeping those feelings bottled up inside or taking them out on the child!!

I have been a member of this forum for some time now and I am still dumbfounded at some of the things that get posted here and still even more surprised by some of the replies.

In the last week, we have had a provider come VERY close to having a tragic situation happen to her ALL due to HER own behavior and we have had a provider use the word hate about a child in her care in a venting thread and who gets the help, sympathy, kind words and support?!?!

FWIW~ I am NOT condoning either post/member's behavior but I do think there is something wrong with the world when we can comfort and support a provider who almost kills a kid but condemn one who says mean nasty things about one on-line.

We DON'T know what kind of provider Cozyhome is. She may be the most loving caring professional provider out there and because she keeps it all together for the kids and parents in her care, she HAD to come to the venting thread and get it off her chest. She may not have used the best language but at the same time, she HAD to get it off her chest. Who knows for sure. I don't. Do you?

I doubt very much that NONE of you have ever had a mean, hateful or cruel thought about another human.

Yes, yes and yes! This and Trummynme hit the nail on the head. I can't believe the judgements I am reading here and the double standards!

For the one that said it is important to "police" each other so the parents can see that we are doing so, I will tell you that "policing" and "witch hunt" are two different things. Police generally conduct some sort of investigation. From the content of your posts, CozyHome was tried, judged, and found guilty before she even passed go. I would be more inclined to see if she just had a bad day. She picked a "venting thread" and posted a vent. Some people need an outlet on a bad day. Maybe it was the 100th bad day in a row and she had tried her best but it still couldn't save this kid. I bet she won't be back. Thanks to all of you who possibly removed a much needed outlet for her. Now the hatred and resentment can build up inside, which we all know is so much better for everyone (note-that last sentence is sarcastic).

[Angelsj]

I can't believe the judgements I am reading here and the double standards!

And you are now doing what, exactly?

You have no way of knowing what may have happened in the background, or who may have reached out privately. Some of the words were a little harsh, but the one "suggesting we police our own" was also the one who simply suggested that maybe she might want to consider a different career if she has reached that point, something I would hope someone would suggest to me if I ever started feeling that way about the kids. And who did not post at all on the kid in the car thread, BECAUSE I could not be supportive of the poster, and the encouragement to report herself was already there.

Speaking gently to some incredibly harsh and cruel words is not really what I would call either judgement or double standards. YOU may see them as venting, *I* see them as a potential for abuse. If an adult is willing to say this in public, experience has shown me that they will say MUCH worse in private. She should, at the very least, let this little one go now, even if it were to cause some financial strain. The environment is not a healthy one. Even little babies know if you don't like them.

[MyAngels]

First of all, kudos to CozyHome for not logging out to post what she surely must have known would be a controversial post.

I agree with the PPs who have said that we don't have to be in love with every child in our care. I've loved some of the kids that I've cared for, I've liked most of the kids that I've cared for, and yes, there have been a few that I just didn't click with, for whatever reason.

I have never "hated" any child that I've cared for, and that's where I take issue with CozyHome's post. I think it is unethical to continue to accept payment from a family when you "hate" their child. It's my personal opinion that you cannot provide top notch care to a child if you have the type of feelings that she describes toward a child. IMO it's fraud, plain and simple.

[julie]

And you are now doing what, exactly?

You have no way of knowing what may have happened in the background, or who may have reached out privately. Some of the words were a little harsh, but the one "suggesting we police our own" was also the one who simply suggested that maybe she might want to consider a different career if she has reached that point, something I would hope someone would suggest to me if I ever started feeling that way about the kids. And who did not post at all on the kid in the car thread, BECAUSE I could not be supportive of the poster, and the encouragement to report herself was already there.

Speaking gently to some incredibly harsh and cruel words is not really what I would call either judgement or double standards. YOU may see them as venting, *I* see them as a potential for abuse. If an adult is willing to say this in public, experience has shown me that they will say MUCH worse in private. She should, at the very least, let this little one go now, even if it were to cause some financial strain. The environment is not a healthy one. Even little babies know if you don't like them.

I am not condoning her behavior and actually agree that little one may be better off not in her care. However, I did note that she was posting in a VENTING thread, so maybe she just needed to get that off her chest.

The knee-jerk responses I read included some of the following:
*YOU should turn in your license ASAP. No child should be put in your care-ever.
*You are a HUGE B I T C H that should not be allowed around children.
*I also recommend therapy.
*You're a bitter lady in need of vacation ...or maybe a new job!!
*I feel incredibly sorry for this child in your care and not the smallest shred of sympathy for you.
*I know that if any of your parents read this, you would not have a business. I don't wnat this to be mean, but you need some help I think.
*We don't know what kind of provider she is, true, but the things you say, even online reflect the kind of person you are.

That last quote was from you. And the group of them together are not exactly gentle towards this provider. So what is your logic here? Shall I not judge these providers for immediately telling the poster she needs psychological help, a new profession, that she is a huge B I T C H and should never be around children? None of you asked what brought her to that point. I am simply saying I would look into a post like that a bit more before I tried, judged and convicted someone who made the conscious choice to vent on a venting thread.

Also, you're right, I don't know who reached out to her in private. Maybe all of the people that wrote her harsh words in this post actually reached out with a nice message in private. I am doubting this, and will probably go along with your other line of logic that says "People that will say these things will actually SAY MUCH WORSE IN PRIVATE." So maybe she got a boatload more hateful messages in her inbox, who knows?

I think that post was a cry for help. No one IN PUBLIC looked into it for the first little bit, just judgements. Do you really think she will find another line of work? Or do you think she will just stop posting and not have an outlet for her frustrations? How exactly does that help anyone?

And FWIW, I can understand her one post about Michael. I don't know the man and what his intentions were with that post, but commenting on the 100th post on a thread where a child COULD HAVE DIED, on a site that he owns and does make money off of the site traffic is AT THE VERY LEAST, in very poor taste. Maybe just an error in judgement on his part, I hope so.

[lovemykidstoo]

I am not condoning her behavior and actually agree that little one may be better off not in her care. However, I did note that she was posting in a VENTING thread, so maybe she just needed to get that off her chest.

The knee-jerk responses I read included some of the following:
*YOU should turn in your license ASAP. No child should be put in your care-ever.
*You are a HUGE B I T C H that should not be allowed around children.
*I also recommend therapy.
*You're a bitter lady in need of vacation ...or maybe a new job!!
*I feel incredibly sorry for this child in your care and not the smallest shred of sympathy for you.
*I know that if any of your parents read this, you would not have a business. I don't wnat this to be mean, but you need some help I think.
*We don't know what kind of provider she is, true, but the things you say, even online reflect the kind of person you are.

That last quote was from you. And the group of them together are not exactly gentle towards this provider. So what is your logic here? Shall I not judge these providers for immediately telling the poster she needs psychological help, a new profession, that she is a huge B I T C H and should never be around children? None of you asked what brought her to that point. I am simply saying I would look into a post like that a bit more before I tried, judged and convicted someone who made the conscious choice to vent on a venting thread.

Also, you're right, I don't know who reached out to her in private. Maybe all of the people that wrote her harsh words in this post actually reached out with a nice message in private. I am doubting this, and will probably go along with your other line of logic that says "People that will say these things will actually SAY MUCH WORSE IN PRIVATE." So maybe she got a boatload more hateful messages in her inbox, who knows?

I think that post was a cry for help. No one IN PUBLIC looked into it for the first little bit, just judgements. Do you really think she will find another line of work? Or do you think she will just stop posting and not have an outlet for her frustrations? How exactly does that help anyone?

And FWIW, I can understand her one post about Michael. I don't know the man and what his intentions were with that post, but commenting on the 100th post on a thread where a child COULD HAVE DIED, on a site that he owns and does make money off of the site traffic is AT THE VERY LEAST, in very poor taste. Maybe just an error in judgement on his part, I hope so.

I am one of the ones that suggested that she get help. Can you tell me what in the world is wrong with that? You don't think that she could use some counseling? You can FEEL the anger in her post. She is having a problem and needs professional help with that. Coming to a board and venting to people that she doesn't know may help/hurt at first, but this type of intense frustration and anger IMO needs someone that knows exactly what to do to help her. Saying that she hates him, that he is stupid, that everyone hates him. Can you only imagine the feelings and vibes that this child is getting from her? Yup, you're right, there is more to the story, but I truly belive she needs help. I don't see anything at all in suggesting that.

I also dont' get the continued noting of Michael's post. Call me stupid, I'm not seeing what the big deal is about that.

[Country Kids]

It sounds to me that CozyHome is more then likely dealing with a special needs child. Also, it sounds as if the parents aren't either accepting it or just trying to ignore everything she has said.

WE ALL of at one time or another dealt on an issue with a child that falls on deaf ears with parents. I have read many, many posts about this and not everyone uses words as Cozyhome did but in some of those you can feel it or read it between the lines. Everyone knows how frustrating that can be!

It takes a whole, whole lot of patience to work with a special needs child. Whether it is an ADD child or something more severe. I know parents that really don't have the patience but a provider that has mulitiple children to watch is suppose to have the patience of a saint. Its hard to work with a child if A. you don't know exactly what wrong with them B. The parents don't want to acknowlege the fact something maybe wrong.

I'm sure not one of us has never not had a bad day with doing childcare. Do we say we "Hate children?" Probably not, but I'm sure there are days we would like to have some adult conversation, not to have to battle parents/children, not to have to be so strict with everything that we seem like an uncaring person, etc.

It sounds like this child is more then Cozyhomes whole childcare (down to the children) are struggling with this child. Think back to when you all have had a difficult child and how it changed the dynamics of your childcare and how it made everyone feel. You may not have said you "hated" the child but I bet you were frustrated at times and maybe even wrote a post about it. Go back and check and see how you worded it, what others said, and deep down how you were really feeling.

Please remember there is no "perfect" in the world, no matter how hard we all try-

[Play Care]

And back to venting...

I have a 2 yo dc girl whose favorite word is "NO!" She has a hard time coming in - will scream at the others to leave her alone, don't talk to her, etc. My "crying" spot is in the main room, but off to the corner. So when I direct her there until she's ready, the others can still see her. Which leads to more hollering about not looking at her, etc. I don't feel comfortable sending her outside of view and since I'm trying to get breakfast and can't really supervise.

My almost 4 yo boy has become so whiny and defiant it's unreal. His new thing when he doesn't get his way is to tell me he hates it here and wants to go home. I've had him since he was an infant. When I have to speak to him about something he gives me a "HMMMM!" And turns away... He spends a good part of the day at the crying chair because if someone looks at him the wrong way he burts in to huge crocodile tears (and yes, I call crocodile since they go away as soon as he sees something fun he wants to do...) And he is always complaining about his clothing, his shoes, his head hurts, his this or that hurt. And if he's truly ill I want to be senstive to that, but I think some where along the line he got the idea that being hurt or ill was a good way to get attention (I have my sytem for making sure kids are getting positive attention throughout the day, so I know he is) I'm at a loss. Mom was thrilled because he recieved a good preschool report, but he's there two days for a couple hours.

Bottom line - I am tired of the whining, crying, being mean to friends, etc. And I feel like I'm doing everything "right" and there is no changes.

[mamac]

And back to venting...

When I have to speak to him about something he gives me a "HMMMM!" And turns away... .

Sorry no vent here but your post made me laugh! This sounds exactly like my ds! Does he cross his arms and pout, too? ::

[Play Care]

Sorry no vent here but your post made me laugh! This sounds exactly like my ds! Does he cross his arms and pout, too? ::

HAHA YES!!!::

I have heard other providers say that when they have dc children from infancy it's almost like having their "own" kids present. It's one of the reasons I prefer to start kids around 1. Old enough to know I'm not mom, but young enough to have some decent bonding time.

[daycarediva]

And back to venting...

I have a 2 yo dc girl whose favorite word is "NO!" She has a hard time coming in - will scream at the others to leave her alone, don't talk to her, etc. My "crying" spot is in the main room, but off to the corner. So when I direct her there until she's ready, the others can still see her. Which leads to more hollering about not looking at her, etc. I don't feel comfortable sending her outside of view and since I'm trying to get breakfast and can't really supervise.

My almost 4 yo boy has become so whiny and defiant it's unreal. His new thing when he doesn't get his way is to tell me he hates it here and wants to go home. I've had him since he was an infant. When I have to speak to him about something he gives me a "HMMMM!" And turns away... He spends a good part of the day at the crying chair because if someone looks at him the wrong way he burts in to huge crocodile tears (and yes, I call crocodile since they go away as soon as he sees something fun he wants to do...) And he is always complaining about his clothing, his shoes, his head hurts, his this or that hurt. And if he's truly ill I want to be senstive to that, but I think some where along the line he got the idea that being hurt or ill was a good way to get attention (I have my sytem for making sure kids are getting positive attention throughout the day, so I know he is) I'm at a loss. Mom was thrilled because he recieved a good preschool report, but he's there two days for a couple hours.

Bottom line - I am tired of the whining, crying, being mean to friends, etc. And I feel like I'm doing everything "right" and there is no changes.

I have the twin to your 2year old dcg!

She says "I hate you" one by one to the kids in the cry spot. She tells them to shut up, don't look at her, go away, don't touch that, etc. It's over the top. As soon as she calms down & is ready to get out of the corner, I have her apologize to all of her friends for her mean words. I also tell the other kids that we can't hear her in the cry spot. So they all ignore her now. At first it escalated it, but now they say "I can't hear you mean fwien words in the cwy spot!" (LOL) and it usually gets dcg to be quiet. ::

[BumbleBee]

9pm Monday

Dcp: "Hey can dck come tomorrow from 6-4?" -unscheduled day for dck

Me: "I only have a morning spot tomorrow. Dck can come from 6-noon."

Dcp: "Guess I'll have to call into work tomorrow." -in THAT tone

Me: "Okay, see you on *next scheduled day*"

*click*

[Angelsj]

9pm Monday

Dcp: "Hey can dck come tomorrow from 6-4?" -unscheduled day for dck

Me: "I only have a morning spot tomorrow. Dck can come from 6-noon."

Dcp: "Guess I'll have to call into work tomorrow." -in THAT tone

Me: "Okay, see you on *next scheduled day*"

*click*

This morning I got this text from a drop in client. "Kids wont be there today as I changed my appointment. Thanks"

Um, I didn't know your kids were coming in the first place.
2- I have a full house today (no school) and you have three kids, so I guess it is a good thing?? :confused:

Gotta wonder what they are thinking sometimes.

[mamac]

@#$%^&* telemarketers!!!! I'm not even officially open for business yet but my phone is ringing off the hook with business offers that I have absolutely no interest in. And they are so persistent! I tried being polite to the first few saying "Thank you, but I'm not interested. Please remove my number from your calling list." I had one that slammed the phone down on me and called me back two seconds later and hung up again with me mid-sentence telling her still not interested... Now this guy "No wait! Just listen to me! Let me explain the benefits......." No thanks GI Joe. I don't want to accept credit card payments..... Sheesh! I am truly regretting having put in a "business" line. Should have just stuck with a residential only listing!!!!

[NeedaVaca]

Every state has a no call list, you should get on that and then you won't get anymore of these annoying phone calls!!

[MyAngels]

@#$%^&* telemarketers!!!! I'm not even officially open for business yet but my phone is ringing off the hook with business offers that I have absolutely no interest in. And they are so persistent! I tried being polite to the first few saying "Thank you, but I'm not interested. Please remove my number from your calling list." I had one that slammed the phone down on me and called me back two seconds later and hung up again with me mid-sentence telling her still not interested... Now this guy "No wait! Just listen to me! Let me explain the benefits......." No thanks GI Joe. I don't want to accept credit card payments..... Sheesh! I am truly regretting having put in a "business" line. Should have just stuck with a residential only listing!!!!

Two words: Call Block happyface