Working Moms...

[jessrlee]

I did open this thread up as a debate.

I was simply defending my "lifestyle" and why I do things the way I do and that is why I responding to the one posters remarks about myself. I used my lifestyle as an example of how being a working mother either inside or outside your home is not easy and does take alot from the family unit. I realized at some point someone was going to pick me apart for it and I do have every right to explain why I do things the way I do.

Yes having a gym membership is a choice and it is the best choice for my husband and I if we are going to stay in shape and healthy. I get no motivation from working out at home and I would quit far before any home work out would show it's benefits. My family is also not an 'winter outdoor' type. We hate the cold, hate the snow and although you may enjoy those outdoor winter activities we do not.

That being said, I do not stock pile items like you do, I buy as I need.

As I mentioned the bulk of my after hour shopping right now is due to the home renovations and that should slow down some what within the next couple of months.

I was not upset with the poster for disagreeing in my theory I was upset that she picked my lifestyle apart and judged me without knowing any of the reasonings behind why I do what I do.

I was NOT picking apart your lifestyle. It sounded to me like you were overwhelmed. I simply made suggestions and offered up some alternative solutions. You sound like you are happy where you are, I'm really glad! I don't judge anyone. I am so very grateful that we live in a free country and everyone has the right to live exactly how they choose. I'm sorry that you feel I entered on the wrond side of your debate. This is why I have been a member for years and rarely post.

In conclusion:
I am happy with my choices, you are happy with yours. I fully support living in any way that makes you and your family happy. Have a blessed day

[laundrymom]

Well I'll be completely honest. I'm not as good a mom as any of you!! Lol
I wake between 4&5. Depending on if I'm sleepy. My first kid right now gets here at 530. I run a full enrollment of 10 every single day with no assistant. I have 4 of my own kids. 3 live at home. I fit laundry and household chores into any breaks I get thru the day. We eat away from home 3/5 weekdays@@ gasp!!!@@ the nights we are home I might not even cook! It might be my kids DH or we may have pbj or cereal. I know I know lazy self centered mom. We watch tv at night, ( I have a strict no tv rule during daycare) my girls rarely but are allowed to go in my room to watch tv. ) I have cable, Internet (wifi home network even) how horrible of me. I know. My kids text facebook and have bad manners. At home. In the privacy of our home. When we are out we text, play games on iPods or whatever else we want to do. My 13 yr old is usually reading because thats what she enjoys. 10 yr old is using my iPod to practice spelling words, state capitols or math facts at any given time. ( there are apps for almost anything) Dh and I are talking about whatever suits our fancy. With the kids jumping in when they want. The other two are usually at work or with friends. Our bedtime routine has never ever been a typical bath book bed one. It's usually, " 13 yr old, go swap laundry!!!!"
10 yr old, " is bubby coming home tonight? " me " I don't know don't lock the deadbolt just the handle and please pee the dog" ok mom!!!

"Mom towels are in the living room, I started jeans for you, " k sweetie love you!!

And that's how we wind down our nights. My girls decide shower at night or in morning. If my son comes home he deadbolts the door. If not it's ok. He's almost 20 and goes to school ful time and works 40 hours so if he wants to stay at a friends it's ok w me. He's older than I was when I had him. Dh heads to bed when girls do. Between 8&10 depending on how tired they are. I'm up doing whatever I need to or want to until I get tired. Usually between 1130&1.
We run errands together whenever we want. Usually Thursday nights. I try to always buy two of something. I have backups stored here and that pretty much eliminates the need to go out shopping every night. I don't know which poster said they make special trips each night after their home cooked meal is finished, but,... Maybe if you didn't waste so much gas driving every day you could either save that money or splurge on something for your family. I admit, I waste money on things that others see as stupid. Yep. Guilty. :-). I work damn hard to be able to. However, I challenge you to find a closer, more " there for each other" family. I don't call it FaceTime, ( that's a cool app though, ) direct bonding time, daily interaction, or active attention. I call it having fun with the people we love. And we do, day in and day out. Our routine is not to have one. We spend less than we have, give as much as we feel we should, laugh every day, truly tell each other how we feel, and accept that while our life works for us, it's not for everyone. I think that's the key to life, happiness, and leading a full enriched life.

[mismatchedsocks]

I will say that in mornings even though I have daycare kids here, I still talk to my children, and spend the hour of (not really facetime as you call it) TIME with them. If the daycare children were not here I dont see how my time or conversations would be any different. We would talk homework, breakfast, and do hair. Then off to school they go.
My kids are 9 and 13 so maybe its different for you, but when they get home they are playing with friends, having snack, doing homework ( which they would do regardless if daycare kids are here or not )then at 530 (all DK are gone)we would eat dinner together and do our nightly routine. M W gymnastics for DD ( DS will either stay home or come with us to do shopping) T,TH,F we cook dinner and do whatever. Sat and Sun we do errands if need be, or I go to school( one whole day Sat a month) we have bowling as a family every other Sunday, the kids have bowling Saturday.

I guess what I am saying or confused on is with a job, doing daycare, or being a stay at home mom, my days would not change that much.

Oh yea and I get up at 230am to do a paperroute (somedays DS comes) and we are all in bed by 8 and asleep by 9.

[Sugar Magnolia]

Reality check

I'm with Sharlan on this. Its not an ideal world. We have to take the lot we are given in life and do the best we can with it. If we as mothers have to work, we need to do it with as little guilt as possible. We live in the greatest country in the world. We could have been born into the Gaza Strip, the Horn of Africa, the slums of Brazil or Mexico, yet we still complain about our hard lives. I read an article about an aid worker in Kenya who recounted how a woman from Somalia was trying to flee to a Kenyan refugee camp. Her husband was macheted to death if front of her kids, she was raped. She was weak with hunger, as were her 3 and 5 year old kids. She was too weak to carry both kids, the 3YO was close to death. She was forced to leave the 3yo on the side of the road and keep walking, or she and the 5yo would have died as well. Now....is our lack of quality face time such a huge issue? I think not. Even if its 2 hours a day, treasure it and make it as quality as possible. I would love nothing more than to be a SAHM, but that's life. Remember, it could be worse. A lot Lot LOT worse. If you have a roof over your head and food to eat and clothes on your back and don't fear death every day, honestly, you're fine.

[laundrymom]

Thank you. I needed this

I read an article about an aid worker in Kenya who recounted how a woman from Somalia was trying to flee to a Kenyan refugee camp. Her husband was macheted to death if front of her kids, she was raped. She was weak with hunger, as were her 3 and 5 year old kids. She was too weak to carry both kids, the 3YO was close to death. She was forced to leave the 3yo on the side of the road and keep walking, or she and the 5yo would have died as well. Now....is our lack of quality face time such a huge issue? I think not. Even if its 2 hours a day, treasure it and make it as quality as possible. I would love nothing more than to be a SAHM, but that's life. Remember, it could be worse. A lot Lot LOT worse. If you have a roof over your head and food to eat and clothes on your back and don't fear death every day, honestly, you're fine.

[Sugar Magnolia]

Sorry Laundrymom, and everyone else, I didn't mean to be such a downer. I just read through all the rather petty complaints and thought the thread could use a dose of reality. We have so much to be thankful for in life. So much of the world is struggling to just keep their children alive. I see a lady at the local gas station with her infant in a car seat next to her as she works. I had to fire a delivery driver once when I worked at Pizza Hut, his wife was dead and the only thing he could do was to bring his toddler on deliveries with him. Hardest thing I ever had to do.

To the OP: you started a good thread, but it got off track as threads often do. If your children are happy, healthy and well adjusted, you are doing a great job. Don't sweat the little things. You have a husband, you have friends and family and your children love you. You may not have as much face time as you want, but work is just that-work. We all have to do it.

[MyAngels]

Well I'll be completely honest. I'm not as good a mom as any of you!! Lol
I wake between 4&5. Depending on if I'm sleepy. My first kid right now gets here at 530. I run a full enrollment of 10 every single day with no assistant. I have 4 of my own kids. 3 live at home. I fit laundry and household chores into any breaks I get thru the day. We eat away from home 3/5 weekdays@@ gasp!!!@@ the nights we are home I might not even cook! It might be my kids DH or we may have pbj or cereal. I know I know lazy self centered mom. We watch tv at night, ( I have a strict no tv rule during daycare) my girls rarely but are allowed to go in my room to watch tv. ) I have cable, Internet (wifi home network even) how horrible of me. I know. My kids text facebook and have bad manners. At home. In the privacy of our home. When we are out we text, play games on iPods or whatever else we want to do. My 13 yr old is usually reading because thats what she enjoys. 10 yr old is using my iPod to practice spelling words, state capitols or math facts at any given time. ( there are apps for almost anything) Dh and I are talking about whatever suits our fancy. With the kids jumping in when they want. The other two are usually at work or with friends. Our bedtime routine has never ever been a typical bath book bed one. It's usually, " 13 yr old, go swap laundry!!!!"
10 yr old, " is bubby coming home tonight? " me " I don't know don't lock the deadbolt just the handle and please pee the dog" ok mom!!!

"Mom towels are in the living room, I started jeans for you, " k sweetie love you!!

And that's how we wind down our nights. My girls decide shower at night or in morning. If my son comes home he deadbolts the door. If not it's ok. He's almost 20 and goes to school ful time and works 40 hours so if he wants to stay at a friends it's ok w me. He's older than I was when I had him. Dh heads to bed when girls do. Between 8&10 depending on how tired they are. I'm up doing whatever I need to or want to until I get tired. Usually between 1130&1.
We run errands together whenever we want. Usually Thursday nights. I try to always buy two of something. I have backups stored here and that pretty much eliminates the need to go out shopping every night. I don't know which poster said they make special trips each night after their home cooked meal is finished, but,... Maybe if you didn't waste so much gas driving every day you could either save that money or splurge on something for your family. I admit, I waste money on things that others see as stupid. Yep. Guilty. :-). I work damn hard to be able to. However, I challenge you to find a closer, more " there for each other" family. I don't call it FaceTime, ( that's a cool app though, ) direct bonding time, daily interaction, or active attention. I call it having fun with the people we love. And we do, day in and day out. Our routine is not to have one. We spend less than we have, give as much as we feel we should, laugh every day, truly tell each other how we feel, and accept that while our life works for us, it's not for everyone. I think that's the key to life, happiness, and leading a full enriched life.

Sounds like a life well lived to me . We should all be such bad moms ::.

[mom2many]

Sorry Laundrymom, and everyone else, I didn't mean to be such a downer. I just read through all the rather petty complaints and thought the thread could use a dose of reality. We have so much to be thankful for in life. So much of the world is struggling to just keep their children alive. I see a lady at the local gas station with her infant in a car seat next to her as she works. I had to fire a delivery driver once when I worked at Pizza Hut, his wife was dead and the only thing he could do was to bring his toddler on deliveries with him. Hardest thing I ever had to do.

To the OP: you started a good thread, but it got off track as threads often do. If your children are happy, healthy and well adjusted, you are doing a great job. Don't sweat the little things. You have a husband, you have friends and family and your children love you. You may not have as much face time as you want, but work is just that-work. We all have to do it.

Loved both this post and your one titled "Reality Check"! I so agree and sometimes it's easy to lose sight of the fact we have so much to be thankful for!

[Michael]

Sorry Laundrymom, and everyone else, I didn't mean to be such a downer. I just read through all the rather petty complaints and thought the thread could use a dose of reality. We have so much to be thankful for in life. So much of the world is struggling to just keep their children alive. I see a lady at the local gas station with her infant in a car seat next to her as she works. I had to fire a delivery driver once when I worked at Pizza Hut, his wife was dead and the only thing he could do was to bring his toddler on deliveries with him. Hardest thing I ever had to do.

To the OP: you started a good thread, but it got off track as threads often do. If your children are happy, healthy and well adjusted, you are doing a great job. Don't sweat the little things. You have a husband, you have friends and family and your children love you. You may not have as much face time as you want, but work is just that-work. We all have to do it.

Very true. You have a balanced outlook on life.

We all have to do it.

We GET to do it.

[JaydensMommy]

This thread is just about how I feel. I really DISLIKE having to share my time with my son. I know, I know, I should feel blessed that I get to take him to school, pick him up and all that other stuff I wouldn't be doing if I was working. I agree, I should feel that way but I don't. I stayed home with my son until he was a year old, then I started a small job at my local Y, working with children and I was able to take my son. I loved it and didn't realize how much I loved it until now. I went for two hours every morning. And it was great to have that time for my son to socialize and then be off and have the rest of the day to ourselves. Some may say I'm selfish but I want to enjoy my son and spend every moment possible with him. I feel like I am missing out because I have to work. I always though when my son went to school I would be the mom volunteering and going to all of the field trips, I don't know that I will be able to do that now. I want to have another baby, my son is 4, but I don't want to have to share my time with my newborn with 6 other kids. So I don't know that it will every happen unless financially we can figure out a way for me to stay home. So yes, this is just me complaining but it feels good to let it out. I'm not asking for anyone to tell me how wrong I am, I know I should look at the BRIGHT side, but I really am having a hard time with it.

[Christian Mother]

Do you ever wonder how our kids feel about what we do? Like if they care over much that we are home but they have to share us. I wonder sometimes if they'd be able to tell the diff. My mom did daycare out of the home but my father was never home. He worked quite a bit and his job took him out of state a lot. It was just mom and us kids plus her daycare kids. I look back and feel blessed to have always had my mom no matter that I had to share her w/other children and my siblings. I asked my son if he liked that I am home and not working out side the home. He did say he liked I was home when he gets home from school. But I will never know about the yrs before bc he's just way to young to comprehend. I think we are hard on our selves. Trying to be perfect parents. I look at it as if I had a huge family. I promised my parents that there children would be treated just as my own...just like my own children. I never looked at it that bc of what I do my own children are missing out. It's like I have a house full of kids and each one gets attention. Sometimes one gets more then the other for that day bc that is just the way it goes. Sometimes my son gets more bc he needs it that day. I don't feel bad in the least that my daycare kids came last at that moment bc that is just the way it is in my big family here. We all have to share my time. Not one child shows neglect or are unhappy about sharing face time here. They all get face time. It isn't always going to be equal. I think the person who gets neglected the most is my self. I struggle with that. I think we all do.

[jojosmommy]

I just have to comment that you asked for this thread to be a debate and now it seems as though you are angry that a poster who responded isn't agreeing with you. :confused:

I disagree with the OP. I would rather have the chance to spend 15 min here and there with my son during the day than work out of the home or dream of being a SAHM. My son gets up earlier than every other daycare kid and I very intentionally use that time to play a game 1-1 or read books with him. If I was at work somewhere else that would not be an option.

I think you make your life and fill your time with things you think are important. I run a daycare but I choose my clients so that they are gone by the time we want to eat a family dinner. I make dinner while my dck are here and we eat later. That would not be an option if I did something else. I do not run errands everynight. I prefer to do that when my kids are asleep or make a big trip on the weekend. Running a daycare takes a lot of work but really so does every other job including being a SAHM. I attend classes with my son, take him to the library and story time, do swimming lessons etc (on Saturdays or very intentionally after work). I also take a break for myself EVERYDAY during nap time. I think you need to balance your day/week with your work life and kid's life.

Also, I think if you didn't eat out wouldn't have to work out so much so by cutting out one thing you might have more time for something else with your kids. I work out during nap time, after my kids are asleep, and I count walks with my dcks as physcial activity. I live in MN and yes you can do physical things with your kids year round. Join a gym where you can play basketball together or snowshoe outside.

Life is what you make it. There are always things to complain about and things to change but its all about choices.

[Country Kids]

I know all my children are glad that I'm home but one in particular really struggles with having all the daycare children here everyday when wanting to come home and just veg. after a day at school. Would love to do that in the livingroom and not have to be cooped up in the bedroom. This particular child has always struggled with me doing childcare. There are times that this child feels like that daycare children are more important because they will ask to do something and I have do say no because the daycare children are here.

We were very close to me not working and then my husbands company went out. So we are basically starting all over again. I'm back to working 50-60 hour weeks and then he is working in a new field. I can tell you though myself and my family were extremely happy when I didn't have children here all day or just part time. It was great just to have time to be a family!

The one thing I have always told my husband is I am a great business woman and a great wife/mom. I'm just not great doing both at the same time. I can only do one or the other wonderfully but struggle greatly to do both at the same time.

[blessedmess8]

The one thing I have always told my husband is I am a great business woman and a great wife/mom. I'm just not great doing both at the same time. I can only do one or the other wonderfully but struggle greatly toT do both at the same time.


This was MY initial point. I'm good at what I do and I enjoy it. But, I feel like I am spread really thin, as I think most women probably do, whether they admit it or not. We've come a LONG way since the days of feminine inequality, but in most parts there are still some basic truths. If someone walks in my house and it is a mess or if my kids don't have clean socks, no one will blame my husband for that! That's MY fault. He is better than a lot of men I know about helping out, but ultimately the house, shopping, homework, organization, scheduling, birthdays, holidays, cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc is MY responsibility. And, I'm putting in a minimum of 10.5 hours every day trying to help make a living. Being a mom and a wife is a whole full time job, in itself. Yet, we are usually expected to hold down another job as well and juggle it all seamlessly! It is a LOT of pressure, especially for those of us who feel our own children's raising is our #1 priority in life. My career contributes to that raising. It helps pay for sports, music lessons, special experiences, etc. It keeps my husband and I from being stressed over $ all the time. It is a fact of life and we all do the best we can with it. Am I aware of how incredibly blessed I am? Sure. Do I still feel overwhelmed, unsure, and stretched thin at times? Yes! And this is a great place to vent b/c surely there are plenty of women feeling the SAME way!